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The wolf clan was kinda awesome, except for the crappy animation and the fact that they're allergic to shirts.
The wolf clan was kinda awesome, except for the crappy animation and the fact that they're allergic to shirts.
Okay, I'll admit that I haven't laughed this hard at a film since I saw The Hangover last summer. Seriously, what was the plot here? I actually found the first film to be much better than this travesty. You can find my review of the first movie link. I'll go through it like I do with all movies. Pros and cons, then an overall.

Pros

The Volturi

Finally! Some ACTUAL vampires!! The Volturi I found were pretty awesome because, you know, they actually were cruel, soulless, mean, and did some actual VAMPIRING. The part towards the end where a tour group of humans is led directly to them and you hear their screams was pretty awesome. Come on people, that's what vampires do. They drink the blood of huuumans. Sheesh. Also, they were pretty cruel too, what with the whole smack down of Edward and nearly killing Bella (so bummed that didn't happen). Getting a small glimpse of the actor who will be playing Grindelwald in Deathly Hallows was a nice bonus too. So for all you Twilight fans, the Volturi are GOOD examples of vampires. Much like the soulless vampires on Buffy.

The Wolf Clan

Now why I didn't particularly enjoy the crappy computer animation of the wolves (more on that later) I did enjoy the characters of the wolf clan. The one scene that I really liked is where we see Sam's fiance, with half her face clawed up. My friend and I definitely agree that even with the claw marks she was amazingly beautiful. I would see a movie about her and Sam in a heartbeat. It would be much much better than this terrible film. Pity they were stuck in it.

Jacob

Lautner got hot. No denying that. Other than the hotness factor though, he was probably the only real character with any dimensions and depth besides Bella's father. The way their relationship built to where Jacob fell for Bella, and she pretty much for him, was very realistic and healthy. So you can imagine my dissappointment when she chose Edward, who abandoned, controlled, and basically led to much of her depression, over Jacob. You Team Jacob fans, I now consider you semi-sane because you recognized a HEALTHY relationship. Props to you guys.


Cons

Bella...you there?

I hate the character of Bella, I truly do. She doesn't think for herself, is defined solely by her relationships, and for some reason Stewart could NEVER SHUT HER MOUTH. Even when she wasn't talking!! What was up with that?! Gaah. The fact too that she dissed her friends at school and put her dad through so much crap with the screaming at night (seriously, wtf, she doesn't have PTSD) made me just loathe her character even more with a passion. Furthermore, her whole obsession over age was just ridiculous. Ohhh nooo you're a whole year older than your 107 year old vampire boyfriend!! Now he's not going to love you anymore!!! Yea, stupid. Those fans out there that idolize her, please find a healthier role model such as Eowyn, Hermione, heck even Lily on How I Met Your Mother. Bella is a very unhealthy and psychologically unstable character and is an insult to females everywhere. She didn't even drive her own car most of the time! Disgusting.

How is she special too btw?

If someone can explain how Bella is unaffected by any of the vampire's powers, it'd be much appreciated. That just seems like something that's just thrown out there. My theory? It's because Bella has no thoughts!

Edward...dude wtf?!

Sooo this guy that supposedly is totally in love with you throws you into a glass table for protection, lies to you, breaks up with you, and abandons you in the forest. A car ride home would have been nice plskthnx. Also, the throwing into the glass table for her protection? That was totally safe. You know, because she was bleeding even more profusely after the table than she was after the papercut. Also, who has ever bled that much after a papercut anyways, if at all? Furthermore, the fact that he kept "appearing" everytime Bella had an adrenaline rush was just weird. I think if my ex-boyfriend started showing up everytime I had a rush, I'd go and get a CT of my brain to make sure I didn't have a brain tumor a la Izzie seeing Denny b/c of her tumor. Also, the fact that Bella takes him right back after all the crap he put her through was just great. Really shows girls that hey, after a guy lies to you like that you can totally trust him again with no really good explanation other than "I love you". Nice.

OMG a Plot Point!!!

Annd what was the plot?? Everytime a possible plot point appeared it seemed to get derailed, such as the shots of Victoria, Laurent, or whenever anyone said Bella was acting crazy. If anyone spoke reason or a plot point appeared, it did not show again.

Lupin's Wolf Looked Better...

The film must have had the world's worst computer animation department because those wolves were a travesty. How about those transf...I mean FURSPLOSIONS eh? Really bad animation coupled with a laughable transformation sequence (FURSPLODE!) led to even more laughs. Too bad there weren't enough fursplosions.

That's What She Said!

There were way too many lines in the film where one could easily say that. For example- Bella: I'm coming! Me: That's what she said! Edward: I don't want you to come! Me: That's what HE said!! If you don't get the meaning behind that, then please go watch The Office where it is regularly utilized. Furthermore, the scene where Edward kisses Bella in front of her truck after the party was too funny. Edward acted like...well like link SNL skit. Please be forewarned that that link is meant for those 16 and older. That scene probably got one of the biggest laughs out of me.

Blocked

Finally, all the kiss-blocking that poor Jacob suffered through. Face Punch high school guy who threw up at an action movie (he's so gay then), Bella denies, and Edward calls just as he macks on the upper lip! Seriously, Jacob should have just pulled an Owen (Grey's Anatomy character), grabbed Bella, and just rocked her world. Doubt she woulda left if he did that.


Overall

Overall, this movie was a travesty to the film community. It was plotless, very poorly acted, and featured a very unhealthy set of characters that girls and women alike should not look up to as role models. Bella should have been thrown in a psych center for the stuff she was experiencing. I'm not going to apologize either if I've offended anyone. This is my honest opinion, and I know I wasn't as kind as I was in my first review. Now you've heard an opinion of an anti-Twilighter. You Team Jacobers, you got some respect from me now. Please save your brain cells and your money and do not see this movie. Unless you want a really good laugh then by all means do. Oh and one more thing to note. The ending with the whole Marry me? Ending on the *gasp* garnered a huge laugh from our audience. And just for my own satisfaction, FURSPLODE TIME!!
No plot and many opportunities for "That's what she said!" abound in this film. Also, Edward during this kiss is very reminiscent of a certain SNL skit.
No plot and many opportunities for "That's what she said!" abound in this film. Also, Edward during this kiss is very reminiscent of a certain SNL skit.
Poor Jacob kept getting blocked and denied. In the end, Bella chooses the unhealthy relationship with Edward based on looks rather than the healthy one with Jacob based on the initial strong friendship.
Poor Jacob kept getting blocked and denied. In the end, Bella chooses the unhealthy relationship with Edward based on looks rather than the healthy one with Jacob based on the initial strong friendship.
EXCLUSIVE: Add this name to the list of high-end auteurs who are being considered for the director's chair on "Breaking Dawn:" Stephen Daldry. Yep, that Stephen Daldry, the man who directed such Oscar fare as "Billy Elliot," "The Reader" and "The Hours."

Daldry joins a list that includes Sofia Coppola, Bill Condon and Gus Van Sant, all of whom have been approached about taking on the fourth film in the "Twilight" franchise. Like those three, there are not yet indications Daldry would actually take the gig, but the fact that Summit Entertainment, the studio behind the films, has reached out to...
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posted by kiwi12
part 22

Leah called that afternoon. She said she was babysitting Claire and wanted me to come hang out with them. She was watching Claire until ten and Claire would be in bed at eight. It sounded nice. In a weird way. I figured I was as safe there as I was with the vampires. As I was wondering how to go about obtaining the Cullens' permission, Alice skipped in. She looked curious "Your future just disappeared" She said matter-of-factly. Edward was passing by the hall and paused. Bella wasn't near, so he had full access to my mind. "You don't have to ask permission. You are our guest. Just let...
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posted by emmett
*I did not write this*
Dear Diary,

So today was like any other day. Almost killing every human who starts to smell too good, toying with people’s emotions and kicking Emmett’s butt at chess. You know same old, same old.

Though, today was exceptionally hilarious. I was playing a game of chess with Emmett, with 9 boards, and I was winning, naturally. So because I was winning Emmett got all upset and broke my all time fav chess piece, the little night on his little horse. God I was mad about that, he knew it was my fav and he had to go and kill it! So I went and did something a LOT worse! Haha...
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what to noble were they? he thought he thought we wouldn`t do it because bella wouldn`t let us. he was wrong.
"no not noble her bodygard wont let us" he should be able to understand this he saw rose inside. i let him catch up ontil i caught a little of what he was thinking
did the beauty qureen wont bella to die so bad? that hurt but he was right
"maybe rosalie doesnt look at it quite like that" she thought she was following what bella wonted.
"so take blondie down first your kind can be put back together right? turn her into a jigsaw and take care of bella" like i hadnt thought of that well...
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Missing you could turn from pain to pleasure, if I knew you were missing me too..

"I feel the Half of Me Missing when You're Not Around.. I Miss you with every Breathe.. You mean the World to Me.. or May be even More..." Jake whispered in My Ears on the Phone & a shiver ran down through My Spine

I've been floating these days in the Air. I feel hideous 'cause I can't Help Smiling and So I feel an Urge to Hide My After-All-She-is-Insane Expressions. My Heartbeats weren't Normal these Days and so was My Body Temperature. My Nights were Sleepless..

"I Miss you too" I sighed

"I hope to see...
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posted by MadisonAmpt
This is the new one sorry it took ages to get into the story and i sorta mixed it with Twilight, Vampire Academy and house of night my Favourite books:) Comment and rate me plase tell me if it alright so i can change the next chapter around for you. XX love Always

Ch 1.

I reckon this would have to be the best part of being a Vampire, the drinking blood part.
Ever since i have become freinds with James and Victoria life has really turned.
Nearly every Vampire night (which is human morning) we sneak out of school just before suns up. Its not like the suns going to kill us or anything we just catch...
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"We may consider that It's almost Impossible to get what we are asking from God Since Long.. But Its NOT always Impossible.. You got to Believe it, you Never know that You can Actually get what You desire.."

It was a Typical Sunday Morning for Me.. though It was the Valentine's Day for all Others. I was still in my Bed as always as I was working late last night.. My Alarm rang so Loud & I stretched in My Bed. I knew I got to Endure this Day because we may say all the Time that We're Happy for our Friends & everyone that they are so Truly in Love, But somewhere Deep inside ourself, We'll...
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posted by melikhan
Despite Twilight's popularity, the books have received criticism. Stephen King stated, "the real difference [between J.K. Rowling and Meyer] is that Jo Rowling is a terrific writer, and Stephenie Meyer can't write worth a darn. She's not very good."However, King understood the appeal of the series, adding, "People are attracted by the stories, by the pace and in the case of Stephenie Meyer, it's very clear that she's writing to a whole generation of girls and opening up kind of a safe joining of love and sex in those books. It's exciting and it's thrilling and it's not particularly threatening...
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posted by melikhan
Today, The Twilight Saga: New Moon and The Twilight Saga: Eclipse star Tinsel Korey will be speaking to the youth before the Aboriginal Youth Night hockey game. The event is sponsored by True North Sports and Entertainment and the Manitobe Moose Hockey Club, and tonight's events will be called "Follow Your Dreams." According to a recent press release, "the concept is fairly simple in nature, the goals are to encourage First Nations Youth from around Manitoba to pursue their dreams through healthy living and a very specific focus on suicide prevention, due to the high suicide rate amongst First Nations youth." 2,500 are expected to attend from the 63 First Nations communities around Manitoba, and "Ti
posted by melikhan
The Twilight Saga: Eclipse is an upcoming romantic-fantasy film scheduled for release on June 30, 2010.It is based on Stephenie Meyer's Eclipse and will be the third installment of The Twilight Saga film series, following 2008's Twilight and 2009's New Moon. Summit Entertainment greenlit the film in February 2009.Directed by David Slade, the film will star Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, and Taylor Lautner, reprising their roles as Bella Swan, Edward Cullen, and Jacob Black, respectively.Melissa Rosenberg will be returning as screenwriter.Rachelle Lefevre, who played Victoria in the previous two installments, will not be returning due to scheduling conflicts; instead, Bryce Dallas Howard will play Victoria.It will be the first Twilight film to be released in IMAX.
posted by kiwi12
part 12

The phone conversation took a long time. At one point I heard Bella say "Yes I know she hasn't even met Sam yet" in a slightly exasperated voice. Edward must have heard something I didn't form the other end because he took the phone and said "Do not ever talk to my wife in that tone of voice Jacob Black... She's a human in a house full of vampires with werewolves visiting frequently. Be reasonable... Thank you Jacob... If you would like I will give her contact information and she can keep in touch if she wants to." He started writing something on a notepad near the phone then said goodbye...
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It was a car.A fast sports car.And unfortanately,it was mine.A gift from my fiance (and vampire) Edward Cullen.It was something he insisted on getting me.I turned my head and saw Mrs.Weber with her face pushed up against the glass of her shop.How embarrasing.I shook my head and the light turned green.I hit the gas pedal with so much force I lurched forward and got a few fingers and dissaproving looks.If there were any doubt about who'd been driving this car before,it was gone along with my truck.I checked the gas meter and it was almost at zero.I wouldnt've come into town if my gas tank wasn't...
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Hey...x
Okay so this chapter is my favourite and I think you are going to enjoy (crossed fingers) it! Okay so just remeber to leave your feedback-it's always great to see it.
Amber/Twilightsauce

Alice wouldn’t let me go until she and Rosalie had given me a complete makeover; I didn’t complain though, it was nice to have girl time. Jacob gave me a dazzling smile as I walked back into the living room a full hour later, he and Emmet and jasper had probably been chatting about some new turbo engine.
“Wow you look... amazing,” Jacob breathed as I walked into his open arms while Emmet wolf...
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By Twilight_News | 8 February 2010

Rob talks to the Daily Record about everything from his Bel Ami shoot ( when you read the article you just know that the Uma Thurman quote is destined to be requoted and rehashed out-of-context for the next year), to his loss of privacy, to Breaking Dawn.

“He is also set to star in the final Twlight film based on the books Breaking Dawn, which may be broken into two films, due to the number of books.

He admits to mixed emotions about the end of the saga.

He said: “”It will be strange but it will be great just to be able to know what I’m doing. Not knowing when Breaking Dawn is going to shoot – because it changes all the time – is a kind of burden, to have this thing where you don’t know when it’s going to happen.

“So you’ve got to organise everything in your life around that and that can be difficult.”
posted by kiwi12
part 10

"Ok sorry about that" Jacob said to me "Can you phase back?" I found I could. I heard Jasper mutter "I wonder..." then he spoke louder with purpose "You phase when you're angry right?" Jacob nodded "She doesn't. I think she phases when one of you are upset. She does have to be relaxed to phase back but so do all the werewolves in the room." They all found this interesting.

"Did phasing hurt this time?" Embry asked me "Not as much" I lied "Is Quil alright?" I asked hesitantly. I didn't want to sound heartless nor did I want to be nosy. They hesitated too "Yeah... a friend of his fell...
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posted by kiwi12
I know they've been pretty short if that bugs you leave a comment letting me know and I'll combine a few parts to make them longer. Also if you don't think I'm being true to the characters let me know and I'll try harder. Pretty much anything that isn't right I'd love to know so I can make it better. Thanks.

part 8

"Absolutely not!" the mind reader said harshly "Why not?" the huge one countered. His mate asked what was going on. He whispered his thought in her ear. She looked mad "We can't do that!" He turned sulky "She's durable we won't hurt her." The mind reader growled under his breath "She's...
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posted by kiwi12
part 7

The huge vampire spoke for the first time. Utterly terrifying. "Are you human?" he demanded, eyes wide. "Yes" I answered, too defensively. The huge one's mate, the one who had kidnapped me, started making a list out loud:

1. Her eyes change to gold when she's around us and they turn red when Bella is the closest to her (I hadn't known that.)

2. She picks up a small bit of the gifts around her.

3. Her skin becomes a few shades paler when she's near us.

4. She's a bit too strong and fast for a human (I added that these were also only around vampires.)

At this point Emmett came near me and sat...
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Told you so. Alice thought in an incrediblly immature tone. My visions are not wrong... her thought faded out in the middle. Well, sometimes I misinterpret, but that was only because of those stupid DOGS. she rushed to defend her visions, though I had not spoken. She was sitting next to me on the front porch step. I turned to glare at her.
"And what if I had been right?" I shot back at her. "What if Bella had lost her soul? You think I would be okay with that? Of course I would have stayed with her, but it would not have been right to trade her soul for my happiness." I scolded her. She seemed...
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i love twilight
i love twilight
"MOMMY, MOMMY" i yelled over to her "take a picture of me and daddy!"it was a warm summer day when it all happen
"okay honey smile" she took the picture "you look so beautfull honey" she pinched my cheak "and dont you look handsome" she said to daddy "come one lets all get in the picture.. even you danny." she yelled over to my older brother he sat on the porch swing, he could not move as fast because he has keymoe, he got over and mom gave the camra to papaw,
"smile every one!" papaw took the picure. that when it all went down we heard a car scerching around the conner and some gun shote danny...
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posted by New_Moon_Master
Her heartbeat fast by the second. I watched her from the chair that I sat in next to the bed. It had been three days. She had not moved a muscle. My family stood at the wall behind me, saying nothing, not even breathing. I had not spoken to them. I hated them. They had gone behind my back, and turned Bella into...what? I did not know. A monster without a soul? I could not picture Bella as that, but the thought was excrusiating. It was almost over, almost all her human scent gone. She smelled amazing, the same yet differant. Sweeter, and I did not want to kill her, which was very odd for me....
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