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posted by Windwakerguy430
Platinum is a company that really does prefer quality over quantity. At least when they aren’t making Ninja Turtle games, but they always make the most amazing games out there. From the stylistic Madworld to the fast-paced Metal Gear Rising to their magnum opus, Bayonetta. They really try their best when making games. And let’s face it, they’re really the only good third party games produced by Sega. So, today, on the May Xbox Gold, I was able to get two games. Streets of Rage Vintage Collection and, of course, a glorious Platinum game, by the title of Vanquish, and of all the games that Platinum has made, Vanquish is one that I think is their most underrated. Maybe more so than Madworld. But let’s see if that is true.



~Story~

The Story of Vanquish is…….. Bad. It’s so bad. Russia attacks America and there is space marines and something about “No, this is the real villain” and Steven Blum is there and something about a professor and an ending that makes absolutely no sense and just kinda stops with no real ending in sight and jus- It’s a terribly written story. It’s really bad. So the story is that, in the future, a rebel group has overthrown the Russian government and has taken over the country. They want to gain power and, with the help of the United States president, they are able to use a sort of microwave cannon… thing to destroy all of San Francisco, killing thousands and wiping the city out. However, the president ends up throwing the group under the bus and as a result, the group decide to go to war, and threaten that they will do the same to New York City if the president does not step down. So, you play as Sam Gideon, a member of the team, DARPA, and is brought in to help the space marines, lead by Col. Robert Burns, who is voiced by the legendary man himself, Steve Blum, to fight off the Russian army of robots in space. And then something about a hostage and “No, it was me” and an ending that just screams sequel and- Oh, it sucks so bad. Platinum, just stick to really simple stories like you did with Bayonetta. Making a plot is not your strong suit unless Kojima is tagging along. Thankfully, the gameplay is what matters here, not the story.



~Gameplay~

For a shooter in a day and age where modern war shooters were starting to become a thing that soon no one would want, Vanquish manages to look impressive. Hey, if I’m going to look at ugly grey environments, I at least want it to look beautiful. If I’m gonna stare at a turd, I want it to be a sparkling piece of shit. But I digress, this game is nowhere near shit. This game is amazing, and not just visually. The game is less of a shooter and more of a 3D bullet-hell game. You know those kinds of games, right? Games like Ikaruga and Touhou, where a million bullets are flying at you and you have to dodge them while continuously firing at your enemy. That’s what Vanquish is. A fast paced game where you cannot just hide behind cover and expect to win. This isn’t Kane and Lynch 2. In Vanquish, it’s fly or die. And you will in fact die… Again… and again. And many many times. This is a pretty hard game. Even on normal difficulty, I still had some trouble trying to stay alive. But never was the fault of cheap enemy placement or bad design. Most of the time, I just got careless and rushed out to fight, only to get killed because I didn’t prepare myself. You have to know what the enemies can do and what you can do to dodge the attacks coming your way. And thankfully, you have an amazing sense of movement in this game.



If Vanquish was a basic shooter, like say just Gears of War, very simplistic in gameplay, I would still love it if the same sense of speed was there. Vanquish is a very fast-paced game. You will be moving nonstop in this game. And thanks to the suit that Sam wears, you can expect to stay moving… as long as you don’t run out of energy. The suit that Sam wears is covered in several rocket things or something that Platinum says to make things look cooler. No matter what position you are in, no matter what direction you are going in, you can always expect to be moving fast. And I mean really fast. Aside from doing just a basic roll to dodge bullets, Sam can move much faster with the rockets and act as a means to both dodge enemy fire, avoid huge attacks from larger enemies, and get behind them to get easier attacks in. You can also do something that is way cooler than anything else. If you dodge and immediately aim, or jump from cover and immediately aim, you will be thrown into a slow-down time thingy which allows you to unload onto enemies for a short period of time. You can stop whenever, but it helps to get the most out of it. Be careful though, because this energy for slowdown is also your boost energy, and your boost energy is also your shield that keeps you from dying. In Vanquish, you really gotta decide what you wanna use your energy on. Do you wanna get to the back of enemies, do you wanna use the slowdown to hit a bosses weak point, or do you just want to use the shield to get out there and get some hits in. It really makes you rely on planning out fights more. And trust me, it is not as complicated as it seems. It actually helps a ton.



Another thing that this game has going for it are the variety of weapons. From the short ranged but devastating shotgun, the brutal heavy machine gun, the low capacity but powerful sniper rifle, that really, really shitty missile gun that is just a huge waste of inventory space, and the rocket launcher which, who can say no to that, and of course, the classic assault rifle also helps. All of these weapons are really useful and help you a ton in the game (Except the missile gun). While you may choose some over others, there is always a time and a place where you may end up using all weapons. You may use the shotgun to attack enemies that are behind cover, or use the sniper rifle to hit enemies from afar and help your team, use the heavy machine gun to mow threw enemies, toss the missile gun off the railing because it sucks so bad, or use the rocket launcher to get some real good damage in on larger, more powerful enemies. Whatever it is, these weapons always have a use to them. But what the game has in gun variety and gameplay variety, it sadly lacks in boss variety. There are some cool bosses here, sure. There is one point where the entire level is just a boss and that is cool, but most of the time, the boss is the same giant robot that once you kill it turns into another giant robot. It’s cool the first time, but by the third time, it just gets old. And fighting two at once doesn’t help, no matter how many cool sequences there are. The final boss is cool, but I shouldn’t expect anything less from a Platinum final boss. In fact, if it wasn’t cool, I’d be talking about it way more. And it’s made better by a boost in Sam’s power. Don’t worry, you’ll find out what I mean real soon if you play the game, because Vanquish is a very short game. I mean four hours short. Maybe less. However, unlike Kane and Lynch 2, I had fun. I found variety in my weapons, the enemy AI was good, the visuals were great, the camera didn’t make me sick, and cover actually worked. Yeah, in a game where hiding behind cover isn’t the only solution to your problems. What I’m saying is Vanquish did better with a smaller budget and you should buy this instead.



~Legacy~

Despite falling behind in sales as of recently, Vanquish was able to do pretty well, if for just a few weeks before falling into obscurity. Despite the fact, the game was able to earn a few awards in 2011, even getting a few Game of the Year awards, so that’s something Vanquish and Platinum can gloat about. There is also a few figures of Sam Gideon and the main villain of the game, Bogey. They are really expensive and despite costing over $60, they fall apart easy. You’re basically paying a ton for bad material. That’s capitalism for you.

~Verdict~

Vanquish is what you’d expect from a Platinum game. It is a game that puts quality over quantity. While there is not a ton here that may keep you around, and while this game is lacking in bosses and a writing team, the gameplay will keep you invested. I can’t tell you how often I beat the game, telling myself, “That story was awful”, and was immediately followed by pressing New Game. If you want one of the most fast paced action experiences of recent years, then I recommend giving Vanquish a look. With that said, I give Vanquish the ranking of an Excavation Worthy. See you all next time.
posted by Seanthehedgehog
Theme song: link

SeanTheHedgehog Presents

Ponies On The Rails

Starring

Peirce Hawkins "Hawkeye" From Seanthehedgehog

Red Rose From Chibiemmy

Coffee Creme From KarinaBrony

Snowflake & Orion From Alinah09

Metal Gloss From DragonAura15

Stylo From Jimmythedragon

Gordon, Percy, Jeff, Bartholomew, and Pete from Seanthehedgehog

Episode 23

All For None, and None For All

May 10, 1953

It was a beautiful day in Cheyenne. Orion was waiting to drive a train, when Pete arrived.

Orion: Good morning sir.
Pete: Orion, I decided to change your job.
Orion: Oh no. What have you done?
Pete: You're still going to drive trains,...
continue reading...
posted by Windwakerguy430


Remember when I talked about Dead Rising 2 and said that I liked it just a little less than Dead Rising 1? Well now it is time for me to finally talk about why I like Dead Rising 1 more. And I am aware of the technical flaws of Dead Rising compared to the sequel, but everything else, the feel, the stuff around it, it just captivates me more.
You play as Frank West, a cocky news reporter who has covered wars, ya know. He travels to Willamette, Colorado during a mysterious outbreak. There, Frank comes across agents from the Department of Homeland Security, Brad and Jessie, who are searching...
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posted by Windwakerguy430
Wind: (Sitting at a park bench)
James: Hey, Wind
Wind: What do you want, James?
James: I just came for a walk, and you were here
Wind: Bullshit. You were looking for me
James: Okay, I was. Did you see that protest in town
Wind: Protest?
James: Yeah, this one with this one crazy woman
Wind: Crazy? Oh boy, what is it this time?

Alana: It is time we stop letting men step all over us
Wind: Who the fuck is that
James: I think she said her name was Alana Sedgwickson. She’s pretty messed up
Wind: How so?
Alana: We need to stop shaming anyone and everyone who is against homosexuality, blacks, women, and anyone...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog
Theme song >>>> link

Seanthehedgehog presents

Ponies On The Rails

Starring

Peirce Hawkins "Hawkeye" from Seanthehedgehog

Coffee Creme from KarinaBrony

Snowflake & Orion from Alinah09

Metal Gloss from DragonAura15

Gordon, Percy, Jeff, Bartholomew, and Pete from Seanthehedgehog

And Featuring Stylo from Jimmythedragon

Episode 20

Another Way To Lie

January 7, 1953

It was a snowy day in Cheyenne. Everypony was working their hardest. Except Gordon. He was being very lazy, and refused to get a train out of the station.

Pete: Why won't you work this time?
Gordon: Because, I need help...
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You know, I already made a list of those horrible people who will gladly take the lives of others… So I thought why not talk about more of them. I don’t know why, but it seems that video games and murderers seem to go together in a very insane puzzle. So today, we will talk about ten more video game murderers. First, the rules. Only from games that I have played and only one game per franchise. Also, I am not going to include the same killers from the last list, in order to avoid being redundant. And lastly, neither Trevor from GTA V or Vaas from Far Cry 3 will be on this list. Vaas has...
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Song (Start at 4:28): link

Kevin: *Leading a dancing line with Liam, Mr. Nut, Wayne, Miss. Heart, Tom Foolery, Master Sword, and Saten Twist*
Ian: I wish I could join, but being a train, I'd probably go too fast, and run them over. Now, time for those back to back episodes of Gran Turismo.

What to expect in this episode.

Twilight Sparkle: *In a black convertible with two Royal Guards. A bullet hits the door of the convertible they're in*
Royal Guard: Princess, get down!

---

Captain Jefferson: Someone tried to assassinate the princess as she entered our town.

---

Twilight: Why would somepony want...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog

Robotnik: Snooping as usual I see. Pingas
Robotnik: Snooping as usual I see. Pingas

Mordecai & Rigby were watching TV, when a commercial came on.

Rigby: Aw, really?
Mordecai: Screw this.
Rigby: Hold up! There's a commercial for a videogame!!
Man: Now available in stores is an all new Sonic The Hedgehog game, that has all the sonic games in one disc!
Mordecai: Awesome.
Man: You can play up to 45 characters in any game.
Rigby: I want this!!!
Man: Only available in Canada!
Mordecai: WHAT?!!?
Man: Sonic Forever! Rated Everyone 10, and up.
Rigby: How could it be only available in Canada? That's 200 miles from here!
Mordecai:...
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So about a while back, like two years ago, I reviewed The Hills Have Eyes 2009 remake. I thought it was alright. Disgusting as hell and stupid at times, but an enjoyable movie. And that’s when I remembered it’s a remake. I knew there was a film remade, but what I didn’t know is that the original film was created by Wes Craven, who made Nightmare on Elm Street. Despite that, this movie was made a few years before Nightmare on Elm Street. Is it as good as Wes Craven’s other classics or is it best forgotten? Let’s found out.



The film follows a small American suburban town called...
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Song: link

Percy: *Building a snowman with Kevin*
S.B: *Throws a snowball at Gordon*
Gordon: Hey!
S.B: Come on, it's a snowball fight.
Orion: *Crashes a model train into a hotel*
Liam: Hey, if you want to have fun crashing stuff, play Train Simulator.
Orion: Alright.
Liam: Liam here from The Nut House. Welcome to Sean's Spectacular Saturday of Stories. I have created tonight's schedule for you.

8 PM - Now

Ponies On The Rails
Trainz

8:30 PM - Later

Bartholomew - Back to back

Liam: Bartholomew Perfect the 55th from Ponies On The Rails got his own spin off. This should be fun to watch, but first, Ponies On...
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posted by Windwakerguy430
Standing, in the darkness.
Alone, with only your dreams.
Or rather.
Your nightmares.
Could they be fiction?
Or your own reality?

Chestnut Pines, Washington. A small town out from the lively cities and locations of the country. A town of dying business and abandoned homes. It gets by, but barely thriving. It’s a simple town, but that will change. A nightmare is coming into the town. Nobody will suspect it, and when they do, it may be too late. This is a year of something dark. What will happen? What choices will be made? Will they be for the best, or will they go wrong. The choice is up to you,...
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Song (Start at 2:25): link

Oliver: This is it. We ain't gonna be around no more.
Rosie: I'll miss all of you.
Shayne: You still have time to be here. You're last episode will be playing after Ponies On The Rails.
Oliver: Oh.
Rosie: Okay.
Shayne: Welcome back, or welcome for those of you just joining us. I'm Shayne from Trainz, and I'm hosting Sean's Spectacular Saturday of Stories tonight. Let's get those stories rolling on our second half of the show with Ponies On The Rails.

Theme song >>>> link

Seanthehedgehog presents

Ponies On The Rails

Starring

Peirce Hawkins "Hawkeye" From Seanthehedgehog...
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posted by Windwakerguy430
Teacher: And that kids is how Hitler lost the war
Wind: Can we learn about something in history that isn’t Hitler for once
Teacher: No, now sit down
(The bell rings)
Teacher: Okay class, we’ll continue tomorrow
Wind: Hopefully I can get hit by a truck before then
(The class leaves)
Teacher: (Waits for them to leave before taking a flask out of his desk and drinking from it)

Teacher: (Drives home) I swear, those kids don’t have any appreciation for history or even their fellow man (Hits the breaks as a person drives out in front of him) Watch where you’re driving you fucking asshole! (Continues...
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posted by Windwakerguy430
Therapist: You honestly believe that everyone around you is a waste of space
Wind: Exactly
Therapist: Have you ever thought that maybe it is you who is the problem
Wind: Let me check (Looks outside and sees a group of guys writing a penis on the whiteboard)
Wind: Nope. It is definitely the rest of the world
(A clock rings)
Therapist: (Under breath) Oh thank god (To Wind) Looks like we’re out of time today. Same time next week?
Wind: Bite me (Walks out)
Hannah: So, how is the therapy working
Wind: Fuck off, Hannah. You’re the reason I had to talk to the school therapist in the first place
Hannah:...
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posted by Windwakerguy430
The Richardsons
(Applause)
Starring Howard
Howard: (Hearing clapping, as he looks up from his newspaper)
Wendy
Wendy: (Startled from the clapping)
Oscar
Oscar: (Looks around his bedroom as he hears clapping)
Megan
Megan: (Takes off her headphones to hear the clapping)
And Bob
Bob: (Smiles)

The Richardsons is filmed in front of a live studio audience
(70’s sitcom music plays)
(Camera zooms in on a decrepit house with boarded doors and windows)
(Everyone sitting at the breakfast table, looking as if they are crazy)
Wendy: Howard, what are we gonna-
Howard: Quiet. If we don’t talk, they won’t...
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posted by Windwakerguy430
Master Sword was born in Manehatten. He was always cared for by his mother, but his father, being a drunkard, a cheater, and a poor parent, had never liked him. His father would always insult him, hit him, and call him gay, because he never had a girlfriend in school. However, he always cared about Sword's brother, Chimney Sweep, who always wanted to be better than Sword, and he always did one up Master Sword in everything he did. Cookie Crumb, Master Sword's young sister, always cared about him, just like his mother, but was always scared of him when he got angry. Due to how Master Sword was...
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Craig Armstrong: For those who don't know. He's the voice of the famish Dan..

Max Gilmardi: It's one of the many reasons I love Spike in pony,mov. I tried watching more of his videos,, but his only one I laughed at is, "Little Jerry and the closet".. (I also love his name for some reason).

Daniel Baxter: (How it should of ended)

Seth Macfarlene:

Greg: (Voice of the mentally advanced series)

Shia LaBeouf:

Ned Luke: (Micheal De Santa)

Rob Weithoff: (John Marston)

Jane Lynch: Not kidding when I say. I hope she ends up appearing in my little pony. Though I don't see it ever happening..

Mrawkwardreviewer:


There's obviously more.. But it'll go on and on forever..
added by Seanthehedgehog
I'm so fresh you can suck my nuts.
video
music
the
comedy
games
nintendo
video
the
music
comedy
added by Seanthehedgehog
I hope there's a reference to American Graffiti
video
the
music
comedy
games
posted by Windwakerguy430
Wind: (Sitting in class with the other students) So what’s all this about?
Cody: Well, it’s Veteran’s Day. I think the school had something planned
Administrator: Alright, students, listen up. In honor of Veteran’s Day, we have a two very special guests with us. First, let me introduce you to Thomas Reynolds
(A man walks into the classroom, carrying an oxygen tank with him)
Administrator: He’s a World War II veteran who fought in Germany. It’s amazing he was able to survive. Anything you want to discuss, Mr. Reynolds
Thomas Reynolds: (Takes a breathe from his oxygen mask) I just want...
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