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posted by Windwakerguy430
Platinum is a company that really does prefer quality over quantity. At least when they aren’t making Ninja Turtle games, but they always make the most amazing games out there. From the stylistic Madworld to the fast-paced Metal Gear Rising to their magnum opus, Bayonetta. They really try their best when making games. And let’s face it, they’re really the only good third party games produced by Sega. So, today, on the May Xbox Gold, I was able to get two games. Streets of Rage Vintage Collection and, of course, a glorious Platinum game, by the title of Vanquish, and of all the games that Platinum has made, Vanquish is one that I think is their most underrated. Maybe more so than Madworld. But let’s see if that is true.



~Story~

The Story of Vanquish is…….. Bad. It’s so bad. Russia attacks America and there is space marines and something about “No, this is the real villain” and Steven Blum is there and something about a professor and an ending that makes absolutely no sense and just kinda stops with no real ending in sight and jus- It’s a terribly written story. It’s really bad. So the story is that, in the future, a rebel group has overthrown the Russian government and has taken over the country. They want to gain power and, with the help of the United States president, they are able to use a sort of microwave cannon… thing to destroy all of San Francisco, killing thousands and wiping the city out. However, the president ends up throwing the group under the bus and as a result, the group decide to go to war, and threaten that they will do the same to New York City if the president does not step down. So, you play as Sam Gideon, a member of the team, DARPA, and is brought in to help the space marines, lead by Col. Robert Burns, who is voiced by the legendary man himself, Steve Blum, to fight off the Russian army of robots in space. And then something about a hostage and “No, it was me” and an ending that just screams sequel and- Oh, it sucks so bad. Platinum, just stick to really simple stories like you did with Bayonetta. Making a plot is not your strong suit unless Kojima is tagging along. Thankfully, the gameplay is what matters here, not the story.



~Gameplay~

For a shooter in a day and age where modern war shooters were starting to become a thing that soon no one would want, Vanquish manages to look impressive. Hey, if I’m going to look at ugly grey environments, I at least want it to look beautiful. If I’m gonna stare at a turd, I want it to be a sparkling piece of shit. But I digress, this game is nowhere near shit. This game is amazing, and not just visually. The game is less of a shooter and more of a 3D bullet-hell game. You know those kinds of games, right? Games like Ikaruga and Touhou, where a million bullets are flying at you and you have to dodge them while continuously firing at your enemy. That’s what Vanquish is. A fast paced game where you cannot just hide behind cover and expect to win. This isn’t Kane and Lynch 2. In Vanquish, it’s fly or die. And you will in fact die… Again… and again. And many many times. This is a pretty hard game. Even on normal difficulty, I still had some trouble trying to stay alive. But never was the fault of cheap enemy placement or bad design. Most of the time, I just got careless and rushed out to fight, only to get killed because I didn’t prepare myself. You have to know what the enemies can do and what you can do to dodge the attacks coming your way. And thankfully, you have an amazing sense of movement in this game.



If Vanquish was a basic shooter, like say just Gears of War, very simplistic in gameplay, I would still love it if the same sense of speed was there. Vanquish is a very fast-paced game. You will be moving nonstop in this game. And thanks to the suit that Sam wears, you can expect to stay moving… as long as you don’t run out of energy. The suit that Sam wears is covered in several rocket things or something that Platinum says to make things look cooler. No matter what position you are in, no matter what direction you are going in, you can always expect to be moving fast. And I mean really fast. Aside from doing just a basic roll to dodge bullets, Sam can move much faster with the rockets and act as a means to both dodge enemy fire, avoid huge attacks from larger enemies, and get behind them to get easier attacks in. You can also do something that is way cooler than anything else. If you dodge and immediately aim, or jump from cover and immediately aim, you will be thrown into a slow-down time thingy which allows you to unload onto enemies for a short period of time. You can stop whenever, but it helps to get the most out of it. Be careful though, because this energy for slowdown is also your boost energy, and your boost energy is also your shield that keeps you from dying. In Vanquish, you really gotta decide what you wanna use your energy on. Do you wanna get to the back of enemies, do you wanna use the slowdown to hit a bosses weak point, or do you just want to use the shield to get out there and get some hits in. It really makes you rely on planning out fights more. And trust me, it is not as complicated as it seems. It actually helps a ton.



Another thing that this game has going for it are the variety of weapons. From the short ranged but devastating shotgun, the brutal heavy machine gun, the low capacity but powerful sniper rifle, that really, really shitty missile gun that is just a huge waste of inventory space, and the rocket launcher which, who can say no to that, and of course, the classic assault rifle also helps. All of these weapons are really useful and help you a ton in the game (Except the missile gun). While you may choose some over others, there is always a time and a place where you may end up using all weapons. You may use the shotgun to attack enemies that are behind cover, or use the sniper rifle to hit enemies from afar and help your team, use the heavy machine gun to mow threw enemies, toss the missile gun off the railing because it sucks so bad, or use the rocket launcher to get some real good damage in on larger, more powerful enemies. Whatever it is, these weapons always have a use to them. But what the game has in gun variety and gameplay variety, it sadly lacks in boss variety. There are some cool bosses here, sure. There is one point where the entire level is just a boss and that is cool, but most of the time, the boss is the same giant robot that once you kill it turns into another giant robot. It’s cool the first time, but by the third time, it just gets old. And fighting two at once doesn’t help, no matter how many cool sequences there are. The final boss is cool, but I shouldn’t expect anything less from a Platinum final boss. In fact, if it wasn’t cool, I’d be talking about it way more. And it’s made better by a boost in Sam’s power. Don’t worry, you’ll find out what I mean real soon if you play the game, because Vanquish is a very short game. I mean four hours short. Maybe less. However, unlike Kane and Lynch 2, I had fun. I found variety in my weapons, the enemy AI was good, the visuals were great, the camera didn’t make me sick, and cover actually worked. Yeah, in a game where hiding behind cover isn’t the only solution to your problems. What I’m saying is Vanquish did better with a smaller budget and you should buy this instead.



~Legacy~

Despite falling behind in sales as of recently, Vanquish was able to do pretty well, if for just a few weeks before falling into obscurity. Despite the fact, the game was able to earn a few awards in 2011, even getting a few Game of the Year awards, so that’s something Vanquish and Platinum can gloat about. There is also a few figures of Sam Gideon and the main villain of the game, Bogey. They are really expensive and despite costing over $60, they fall apart easy. You’re basically paying a ton for bad material. That’s capitalism for you.

~Verdict~

Vanquish is what you’d expect from a Platinum game. It is a game that puts quality over quantity. While there is not a ton here that may keep you around, and while this game is lacking in bosses and a writing team, the gameplay will keep you invested. I can’t tell you how often I beat the game, telling myself, “That story was awful”, and was immediately followed by pressing New Game. If you want one of the most fast paced action experiences of recent years, then I recommend giving Vanquish a look. With that said, I give Vanquish the ranking of an Excavation Worthy. See you all next time.
Song: link

Kevin: This is it! The moment we've all been waiting for! Who's faster?! Johnny Lightning, or Sean, the Amtrak F40PH?!
Johnny: *Revving his car's engine*
S.B: *Holding a flashlight. He shines it*
Sean: *Takes off with seven Amfleets in tow*
Johnny: *Quickly accelerates to 35 miles an hour*
Sean: Give me more power!! *Uncouples an Amfleet and goes up to 75 miles an hour*
Johnny: WHAT?!?!
Sean: *Crosses the finish line first*
Crowd: *Cheering*
Kevin: There you have it. A talking train can beat a car just by shouting while uncoupling one of his cars. Now let's watch The Legend Of Zelda: I Can't...
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September 9th

Hello. I’m David. My friends call me Dave or Davey. But, since I do not have friends, you may call me David. And I regret to inform that, by next year, I will die. Perhaps it is best if I start back from the beginning, from this morning. I had woken up in a daze, my head feeling funny. I gave it a scratch. It felt very satisfying. I had made my usual cup of coffee, black, no sugar or cream, along with my usual breakfast: Prescribed medication to make my brain all better. I had been taking this medication for a while now. I believe it was to help with my extreme seizures and violent...
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Hey, look, the disturbing stuff is back…… Goodey. Now, the list is the same as the first two. These have to be things that disturb me, and they have to be something that wasn’t on my original list. Now, with that said, lets start the list

#10: Birdo from Super Mario Bros - Now, there have been a few disturbing things in the Mario universe. Mostly in Super Paper Mario. But, lets go back to the first disturbing thing ever in a Mario game. Back in 1988, there was an enemy called Birdo, who would shoot eggs at you. Doesn’t sound too bad, until, you read the games instruction booklet, where...
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So I talked about this game back in my Corner of Horror review (A series I need to get back to since I haven’t review anything since Halloween), and I think I was a little too harsh on this game. So I want to give it another review, another shot, if you will, and let you know that I really do love this horror classic. So let’s stop talking about it and start talking about Condemned: Criminal Origins.
You play as one Ethan Thomas, a not to bright young investigator for the SCU who is tracking down a serial killer when he has a run in with Serial Killer X, a man who goes around murdering...
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posted by Windwakerguy430
So yeah, I guess this is going to be a yearly thing. Boy, 2017 was a great year, wasn’t it. The great Weinstein scandal where many Hollywood celebrities were found out to be big pieces of shit, huge race riots in Charlottesville that resulted in the death of an innocent bystander, nuclear war between America and North Korea more closer than ever before, everyone on Youtube that wasn’t a celebrity or Jake Paul getting utterly fucked by the company, large mass shootings resulting in the highest shootings in U.S. history took place in just one year, and the complete and utter nuterization...
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Song: link

Ian: *Listening to the music* What are we in a Western now?
Kevin: *Dressed as a cowboy, while riding a horse* This is my Halloween Costume.
Ian: Ah. Well at least I'm the host tonight. Here's tonight's lineup.

Con Mane: The Mare With The Golden Gun
Overwatch Parody: Nightmare Before Christmas

Liam: *Dressed as an Indian, running after Kevin* Wait for me Kevin!
Ian: Let's start the show before more cowboys, or Indians arrive.

Let's begin on a tropical island 8 miles from Hong Kong.

Hattan: *sunbathing* Sneak Peak, can you check the main entrance?
S.P: Right away Ms. Scaramanga.
business pony:...
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About a year ago, when I was still new to living in Oxford, I had this bus driver. She was basically the female equivalent to the drill sergeant from Full Metal Jacket… or basically, my mother, except, instead of some of the time, she was all the time. However, other than the fact that she really liked to yell at kids, she was always absent a lot. Every time she wouldn’t come to work, she would send her substitute, who was this very friendly elderly man. Shame the kids on the bus didn’t respect him though. So, one day, while I was waiting at the bus stop, and this time, I was with my...
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Song: link

Johnny: *Yawning as he stretches his arms* We're starting already? It's not 8 PM.
S.B: I'm going on vacation! *Walking away with two suitcases*
Ian: *Stops next to Johnny*
Johnny: He's not the creator of the show, is he?
Ian: He does have the initials, S.B.
Johnny: Yes, and he also looks exactly like me.
Ian: ...right. Hello everyone, I'm Ian from Trainz, and I'm hosting Sean's Spectacular Saturday of Stories. Good morning, and let's get started. Here's our lineup.

8 AM

Goldhoof

8:30 AM

Gran Turismo - Bak2Bak

This is another story with Con Mane in it. Right now he is planting explosives in a...
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posted by Windwakerguy430


So it is no surprise to anyone that my favorite horror game of all time Silent Hill 2. It’s been that way and it’ll continue to be that way for a long time. But with it’s awkward gameplay and acting, can I really put such a game in my top ten favorite games ever? The answer is yes, and I just did.
Silent Hill 2 follows James Sunderland, an awkward man who arrives to the town of Silent Hill after he receives a letter from his dead wife, Mary. He meets all sorts of other characters there, like Angela, Eddie, and Laura, and a mysterious woman named Maria, and has to get through the...
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Song: link

Two officers were standing next to a fire by the Tie Interceptor.

John: That could give us extra trouble. We'll have to take care of the pilot.
Morris: I'll take care of him. *Walks downstairs, and passes them, heading towards a radio room*

Skip the song to 1:08

When Morris walked in, the room looked empty, but he wasn't so sure.

Morris: *Pulls out his silenced blaster, and looks in front of him*

Out of Morris' view to his right behind a wall, the radio operator was making himself a cup of coffee.

Morris: Hello.
Radio Operator: *Walks in front of Morris*
Morris: *Fires his blaster*...
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Song (Start at 2:38): link

Johnny: *Fighting a guy in a green hoodie* And who are you supposed to be?!
Guy: I am WindWakerGuy430, and I'm jealous! Your success will be mine!
Johnny: Not if I have anything to say about it! *Grabs a remote, and hits the play button* Enjoy Six Shooters 5 everyone!
Guy: No! Now the screen will turn black and I'll fade away!

The screen turns black as the fan fiction begins.

Song: link

Johnny: Whoa. It actually worked. See you next Saturday.

Cape May, 1971

SeanTheHedgehog Presents

A WindWakerGuy430 Fan Fiction

Six Shooters 5

Starring SeanTheHedgehog as Alan Martinez
WindWakerGuy430...
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posted by Windwakerguy430


Hey, did you guys know I like No More Heroes!? Crazy fact, huh?! Anyway, let’s talk about it for the twentieth fucking time why I love No More Heroes!
No More Heroes follows the tale of a young man named Travis Touchdown, a huge nerd with an figure collection, masterbates to porn all day, and spent all his rent money on a Beam Katana in an online auction. So, in need of money and some sex, Travis takes part in the United Assassin’s Association’s ranked fights in the hopes of becoming number one and getting laid. So, off he goes on a killing spree to take out the ten highest ranked...
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Song: link

Sonic: *Enjoying the music*
Dave: Isn't this from one of your games?
Sonic: Yeah.
Dave: It's very catchy.
Mily: I'm just glad no one's fighting for once. Normally that happens when I'm the hostess.
Dave: You must be very popular. This is your 4th time now.
Mily: Yep. *Giggles* We got a Trainz trio on our way for you right now.

Theme Song: link

Welcome to a place called The Island Of Errol. A place that is run by five railroads. It has hundreds of engines, and lots of trains in the four towns, Mossberg, Hunterdon, Zorrin, and Eastwood.

This is the story of trainz.

Episode 31: Highball

Narrator:...
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Song: link

Johnny: Now that the race has been cancelled, we have to wait two weeks.
Mabel: Why so long?
Johnny: The first two Saturdays we're taking off, because of Labor Day.
Mabel: Oh, well in that case, let's wrap up our show so we can go on vacation sooner.

Girls: *Playing Rock & Roll music* Anata No Tenkei-Tekina Anime!! Anata No Tenkei-Tekina Anime!! Which is Japanese for, which is Japanese for... *Drum solo* Your Typical Anime. *Guitar solo* Your Typical Anime. *Guitar solo* Your Typical Anime!

Episode 6: You Smell Like Shit

Alinah was walking through town, eating a burrito.

Alinah: *Farts*...
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Set of hands, who here remembers Road Rash? It was a fun little arcade game where the goal was to race as a motorbike racer against other motorcycle racers to win races and get prize money. You also beat the shit out of your opponents with chains and bats while running over pedestrians and taking out cops. It was insane. Some games have tried to bring that style back, and one of those games was Road Rage. Developed by Team 6 Studios, this little indie game from 2017 was regarded as one of the worst games out there, as recently as 2017. We’re still getting broken trash games that can contend...
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posted by Windwakerguy430


Finally! After ten years, I was finally able to beat this game. It took ten years to get through the entire game, but I did it. So yeah, my personal problems aside, Final Fantasy VII is still a good game.
Final Fantasy VII follows Cloud Strife pre-Advent Children emo phase as he joins the rebellious group known as AVALANCHE to stop Shinra from draining the earth of Mako energy that keeps it alive. But this soon turns into something more as they get involved with mama’s boy Sephiroth who wants to gain the earth’s energy to gain the power of a god and destroy the earth for… raisins....
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added by Seanthehedgehog
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You all thought Sonic 06 was the worst Sonic related thing. People, that is pretty much Ocarina of Time compared to this butchering of video game characters. It's known as What's the Story Morning Glory.
First off, the dumbest name for a fanfic ever. Secondly, this is another sex fanfic. Not just sex, but rape. Fan-fucking-tastic
This... Thing starts with Tails saying how the whole town thinks he's gay. It causes people to mock him, causes him to lose his job, and causes his friends to hate him. What is all of Mobius homophobic or some shit. Anyway, Tails finds out that the one who started the...
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Song: link

Sean: *Lined up with Johnny Lightning's Plymouth* We'll finally see who's the fastest.
Johnny: As long as nobody interrupts us like last week.
Mabel: *Arrives* Johnny, Commander Kane needs to speak with you.
Sean: We're about to race!
Mabel: I'm sorry, but this is important.
Johnny: Oh come on!!
Mabel: Also, I'm hosting. This is tonight's lineup.

8 PM - Now

Trainz - Bak2Bak

8:30 PM - Later

Anata No Tenkei-Tekina Anime - Bak2Bak

Theme Song: link

Welcome to a place called The Island Of Errol. A place that is run by five railroads. It has hundreds of engines, and lots of trains in the four towns,...
continue reading...