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posted by Windwakerguy430
Platinum is a company that really does prefer quality over quantity. At least when they aren’t making Ninja Turtle games, but they always make the most amazing games out there. From the stylistic Madworld to the fast-paced Metal Gear Rising to their magnum opus, Bayonetta. They really try their best when making games. And let’s face it, they’re really the only good third party games produced by Sega. So, today, on the May Xbox Gold, I was able to get two games. Streets of Rage Vintage Collection and, of course, a glorious Platinum game, by the title of Vanquish, and of all the games that Platinum has made, Vanquish is one that I think is their most underrated. Maybe more so than Madworld. But let’s see if that is true.



~Story~

The Story of Vanquish is…….. Bad. It’s so bad. Russia attacks America and there is space marines and something about “No, this is the real villain” and Steven Blum is there and something about a professor and an ending that makes absolutely no sense and just kinda stops with no real ending in sight and jus- It’s a terribly written story. It’s really bad. So the story is that, in the future, a rebel group has overthrown the Russian government and has taken over the country. They want to gain power and, with the help of the United States president, they are able to use a sort of microwave cannon… thing to destroy all of San Francisco, killing thousands and wiping the city out. However, the president ends up throwing the group under the bus and as a result, the group decide to go to war, and threaten that they will do the same to New York City if the president does not step down. So, you play as Sam Gideon, a member of the team, DARPA, and is brought in to help the space marines, lead by Col. Robert Burns, who is voiced by the legendary man himself, Steve Blum, to fight off the Russian army of robots in space. And then something about a hostage and “No, it was me” and an ending that just screams sequel and- Oh, it sucks so bad. Platinum, just stick to really simple stories like you did with Bayonetta. Making a plot is not your strong suit unless Kojima is tagging along. Thankfully, the gameplay is what matters here, not the story.



~Gameplay~

For a shooter in a day and age where modern war shooters were starting to become a thing that soon no one would want, Vanquish manages to look impressive. Hey, if I’m going to look at ugly grey environments, I at least want it to look beautiful. If I’m gonna stare at a turd, I want it to be a sparkling piece of shit. But I digress, this game is nowhere near shit. This game is amazing, and not just visually. The game is less of a shooter and more of a 3D bullet-hell game. You know those kinds of games, right? Games like Ikaruga and Touhou, where a million bullets are flying at you and you have to dodge them while continuously firing at your enemy. That’s what Vanquish is. A fast paced game where you cannot just hide behind cover and expect to win. This isn’t Kane and Lynch 2. In Vanquish, it’s fly or die. And you will in fact die… Again… and again. And many many times. This is a pretty hard game. Even on normal difficulty, I still had some trouble trying to stay alive. But never was the fault of cheap enemy placement or bad design. Most of the time, I just got careless and rushed out to fight, only to get killed because I didn’t prepare myself. You have to know what the enemies can do and what you can do to dodge the attacks coming your way. And thankfully, you have an amazing sense of movement in this game.



If Vanquish was a basic shooter, like say just Gears of War, very simplistic in gameplay, I would still love it if the same sense of speed was there. Vanquish is a very fast-paced game. You will be moving nonstop in this game. And thanks to the suit that Sam wears, you can expect to stay moving… as long as you don’t run out of energy. The suit that Sam wears is covered in several rocket things or something that Platinum says to make things look cooler. No matter what position you are in, no matter what direction you are going in, you can always expect to be moving fast. And I mean really fast. Aside from doing just a basic roll to dodge bullets, Sam can move much faster with the rockets and act as a means to both dodge enemy fire, avoid huge attacks from larger enemies, and get behind them to get easier attacks in. You can also do something that is way cooler than anything else. If you dodge and immediately aim, or jump from cover and immediately aim, you will be thrown into a slow-down time thingy which allows you to unload onto enemies for a short period of time. You can stop whenever, but it helps to get the most out of it. Be careful though, because this energy for slowdown is also your boost energy, and your boost energy is also your shield that keeps you from dying. In Vanquish, you really gotta decide what you wanna use your energy on. Do you wanna get to the back of enemies, do you wanna use the slowdown to hit a bosses weak point, or do you just want to use the shield to get out there and get some hits in. It really makes you rely on planning out fights more. And trust me, it is not as complicated as it seems. It actually helps a ton.



Another thing that this game has going for it are the variety of weapons. From the short ranged but devastating shotgun, the brutal heavy machine gun, the low capacity but powerful sniper rifle, that really, really shitty missile gun that is just a huge waste of inventory space, and the rocket launcher which, who can say no to that, and of course, the classic assault rifle also helps. All of these weapons are really useful and help you a ton in the game (Except the missile gun). While you may choose some over others, there is always a time and a place where you may end up using all weapons. You may use the shotgun to attack enemies that are behind cover, or use the sniper rifle to hit enemies from afar and help your team, use the heavy machine gun to mow threw enemies, toss the missile gun off the railing because it sucks so bad, or use the rocket launcher to get some real good damage in on larger, more powerful enemies. Whatever it is, these weapons always have a use to them. But what the game has in gun variety and gameplay variety, it sadly lacks in boss variety. There are some cool bosses here, sure. There is one point where the entire level is just a boss and that is cool, but most of the time, the boss is the same giant robot that once you kill it turns into another giant robot. It’s cool the first time, but by the third time, it just gets old. And fighting two at once doesn’t help, no matter how many cool sequences there are. The final boss is cool, but I shouldn’t expect anything less from a Platinum final boss. In fact, if it wasn’t cool, I’d be talking about it way more. And it’s made better by a boost in Sam’s power. Don’t worry, you’ll find out what I mean real soon if you play the game, because Vanquish is a very short game. I mean four hours short. Maybe less. However, unlike Kane and Lynch 2, I had fun. I found variety in my weapons, the enemy AI was good, the visuals were great, the camera didn’t make me sick, and cover actually worked. Yeah, in a game where hiding behind cover isn’t the only solution to your problems. What I’m saying is Vanquish did better with a smaller budget and you should buy this instead.



~Legacy~

Despite falling behind in sales as of recently, Vanquish was able to do pretty well, if for just a few weeks before falling into obscurity. Despite the fact, the game was able to earn a few awards in 2011, even getting a few Game of the Year awards, so that’s something Vanquish and Platinum can gloat about. There is also a few figures of Sam Gideon and the main villain of the game, Bogey. They are really expensive and despite costing over $60, they fall apart easy. You’re basically paying a ton for bad material. That’s capitalism for you.

~Verdict~

Vanquish is what you’d expect from a Platinum game. It is a game that puts quality over quantity. While there is not a ton here that may keep you around, and while this game is lacking in bosses and a writing team, the gameplay will keep you invested. I can’t tell you how often I beat the game, telling myself, “That story was awful”, and was immediately followed by pressing New Game. If you want one of the most fast paced action experiences of recent years, then I recommend giving Vanquish a look. With that said, I give Vanquish the ranking of an Excavation Worthy. See you all next time.
Art by Alinah_09
Art by Alinah_09
Hello, and welcome to the Third Day of Christmassacre. And today, we got something extra special for you all. We all know that Black Christmas was a great and subtle slasher film. And we all known nothing about Elves other than it’s bad and it’s hilarious because it’s awful. But, if we were to merge the two together, getting a slasher movie that has so bad, it’s good concepts and is a hilarious mess…. Silent Night, Deadly Night. Let’s get into this wonderful, wonderful mess.



So, this movie was released to the world in the good old year of 1984. Ronald Reagan was in office,...
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There are a lot of endings in video games. They all usually end happily, with the main character beating the bad guy, and saving the world. And, as a fictional world where things end well for everyone, we all like to see good triumph over evil. But, in the world of video games, there are just some moments that don’t care about the good ending. Sure, the good ending is right there, but what if you can’t get it. What if, no matter how hard you try, you can’t get that good ending, resulting in a bad ending or even the worst ending possible. And that’s what this list is for. So, let us...
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Art by Alinah_09
Art by Alinah_09
Halloween was a pretty good movie… And then it made a bunch of crappy sequels. I could talk about how I hate all of them equally, but I want to focus on the one that was an immediate sequel to the first one, the second movie in the franchise. So, how could what was said to be one of the greatest slasher movies of all time manage to get worse and worse with time… Well, why don’t we look into it and find out?



First off, I would like to point out one thing. The director of the first movie was John Carpenter. However, he was then changed to producer, and Halloween 2 was directed by Rick...
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Be me. Age 9. My brother’s birthday comes up and for it, he gets a copy of Tony Hawk Underground. I watch him play it for a bit and am amazed by the character creator, insane tricks, and how much I hate Eric Sparrow. Sneak into his room while he’s at work. Try to play Tony Hawk Underground. Fail miserably. Finally manage to get the tricks down. Brother walks in from work. Mfw.jpeg. Immediately gets punched in the stomach and thrown out…. Tony hawk everyone.



Legendary skater and now a family man who is going through an existential crisis, he was the man who revolutionized skateboarding...
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added by Windwakerguy430
video
Song: link

Johnny: *Running on a rooftop*
Parker: *Running with Gordon* Get him!!
Sean: Why is that guy being chased?
Jeff: I don't know.
Johnny: *Hiding, watching Parker and Gordon run in the other direction* Finally, they're gone. They want me dead because I'm tonight's host for Sean's Spectacular Saturday of Stories. There are two films we have for you.

8:00 PM - Con Mane: Golden Iris

8:30 PM - Six Shooters 5

Welcome to another story about a spy named Con Mane. We begin at a Mexican nuclear base.

Con: *runs onto dam*
pilot: *flies past Con*
Con: *ties himself to guardrail*

Con jumped, as the rope...
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Art by SeantheHedgehog
Art by SeantheHedgehog
Monsters and creatures in a horror game, movie, show, or book are the very thing that makes the game, movie, show, or book scary. It shows us something that is a threat, possibly completely inhuman and unimaginable, that we wouldn’t expect it to be real, but horror makes us believe that it is real, and that is what scares. So, whenever a monster is done and used creativity, I tend to respect the creator and the use of the monster. And there are so many of them, I may have to make another list another time. But, for now, I wanna talk about monsters and creatures from… anything that I find...
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I don’t think I need to give a lesson on who Batman is. Everyone and their grandparents know who he is. Batman, the Dark Knight, the Caped Crusader. Having tons of comics, movies and video games. Some being some of the greatest games of all time and others being… the complete opposite. And that’s what we are looking at, the complete opposite. Developed by the Japanese studio, Kemco Software, best known for their work on the Top Gear franchise and their mobile games, they are still around today. Nothing was hurt by this game, DC Comics is still making bank and Batman is still a cherished...
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posted by Windwakerguy430
Okay, so after the last game, I needed to cool down and play a much better game. That last one got a little heated, but thankfully, I can try out something that may calm me down and be a joy to play. So, with that all said and done, let us play through a Grasshopper Manufacture game. Grasshopper made a lot of underrated titles, such as Killer 7, Shadows of the Damned, and the great Wii franchise, No More Heroes. So, naturally, I really enjoy seeing their name on anything. With that being said, I can’t wait to talk about today’s game, Killer is Dead



~Story~

Killer is Dead was made some...
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added by Seanthehedgehog
Source: ww90sr8hierosdknlnholsnhoieryjoerijlkdfshmskdfhdghdsgserhd
When it comes to video games, many people expect a satisfying final boss to help bring the game to a close. Many bosses can be huge and epic, like in Bayonetta. They could be incredibly emotional, like Gwyn from Dark Souls. Or they can equal your strength and test your skills like Henry from No More Heroes… Or sadly, they can suck so hard, that they make you question why you went through the game for this in the first place. That is what I want to talk about today. Final bosses that are built up to be epic, and in the end, suck so hard, that it literally leaves a bad taste in your mouth....
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added by Seanthehedgehog
video
the
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comedy
movie


Well, here it is. It’s time for the moment you’ve all been waiting for. While I have been busy with a ton of other things like work and the underlying threat of every phone call being a scam artist or something to leave me bankrupt, this article has always been in the back of my mind. And I’m finally gonna talk about it. Today. That’s right. It’s time we finally get to talking about the classic comedy film. Clerks… 2!. Nah, I’m kidding. Fuck that movie. It’s Clerks, the original, 1994 film



I: From Humble Beginnings

Clerks is the best comedy film I have ever seen. Of...
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posted by Windwakerguy430
(Walter and Phillip walk into a building carrying the suitcase)
Doorman: Hold it, who are you two
Walter: I’m Walter, and this is Phillip. We have a meeting with Ricardo
Doorman: The boss? Alright, go on in
Walter: Thanks (Walks in)
Phillip: (Stops) So, what kind of stuff does Ricardo sell, because my friend’s got this good pot and may be able to do business-
Walter: Phillip! Stop screwing around!

(Walter and Phillip wait in an elevator)
Walter: Now, Phillip, let me do the talking
Phillip: Why?
Walter: Because you can’t talk your way out of a problem to save your life. That’s why
Phillip: Please,...
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posted by Windwakerguy430
~Story~

The story follows a Ethan, young boy with a hatred for criminals and how he uses his new demonic powers to kill criminals to make a better world for himself and his sister

~Characters~

Ethan

A young university student practicing to be a prosecutor. At the age of sixteen, his parents were killed by robbers while they were in a store. It was around this time where he grew to have a strong hatred for criminals. However, a few years later, at the age of twenty two, his twenty year old sister, Rebecca, was almost sexually harassed on her way from school. Ethan was able to save her, but was beaten...
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added by Windwakerguy430
So, there are a lot of fanfics on the internet. I mean A LOT. Even I need a break sometime. So, lets read a internet comic strip. The one known infamously throughout the internet as the Bong Chong Dong Ghost…. Oooooh….. fuck.
So, this is a comic strip that comes from Korea. And, if you’re uncultured, then the only thing you can think of from Korea is Kim Jong Un, and Gundam Style. In other words, GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE FUCKING GUTTER! Anyway, this is probably one of the most well known and most terrifying thing from Korea…. minus their IPhone games, but, I mean actual terror. The Bong...
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posted by Windwakerguy430


(Apologies for the ugly card at the top, I was rushed for time when making this one)
So after I dipped my toes into the vast lake of a franchise with SoulCalibur V, I decided to try out other games. II was good, but never got to play much of it, IV was eh, and we never talk about Legends. Pretend that doesn’t exist. And then, announcement of SoulCalibur VI comes out, and everybody gets hyped. We see Mitsurugi and Ivy in beautiful 4k resolution, and motherfucking Geralt from Witcher, but that ain’t what interested me. When I saw character creator Kirby, and the chance for making the...
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