just a short thing I typed up
enjoy!
I had decided that I would never truly be happy. It was an impossibility not only because I was a vampire, after all Peter and Charlotte seemed happy. In her own way, even Maria was happy. My situation was something else. My past? My abilities? Peter and I had slimier pasts but it had been worse for me. I’d been sucked in further. I had believed Maria’s lies. And I had felt the pain of my victims. Peter could ignore that. I couldn’t.
I was preparing to feed when I realized my victim was no longer alone. He was joined by a girl his age and they smiled at each other. I could feel their love and it was stronger than average. The girl walked away (she had to buy some last minute ingredients for dinner tonight) and the man sighed quietly. I could have attacked but I didn’t. Attacking this man, feeding, wouldn’t make me any happier whereas this man, if he lived, had a decent chance at real happiness. Part of me felt bitter: if I can’t be happy why should he? But I still decided not to. Me being uncomfortable was a sacrifice for the greater good. The one for the many. I was thirsty though. My eyes were black. Yet I decided to try not to destroy anyone’s world in an effort to make mine more bearable. My world would never be worth living in and maybe I could achieve some degree of pleasure, or rather escape from my pain, just by watching others happiness. Not a lot of escape just a small distraction. But it didn't last long. Two days. I had to feed. It was my very nature. So I tried to feed only on the depressed. Those who would rather not be alive anyway. I fed only when I had to, but I found my willpower was not as strong as I'd thought. Not as strong as it should be. That only added to my misery.
I had gone awhile now: almost three months of trying to deny myself only to fail. My eyes were black again. My plan to borrow happiness had failed. I would gravitate toward a happy human, but human emotions change all to soon. People were staring at me now. I’d been so lost in my thoughts that I hadn’t realized that it was now pouring rain. I walked hesitantly into a diner, wondering if I would cave.
As soon as I stepped inside I had bigger problems. Another vampire. She walked right to me. An attack? I could win. She was tiny. I didn't want to fight the little thing though. Then I caught her emotions. It felt like walking out of a storm and into a sunny place. This was more than the highs humans sometimes felt. Her lower lip pouted out slightly "You've kept me waiting a long time" she scolded. Well, it had been more. Now I'd ruined it and though I didn't know how I felt deeply ashamed. I must have done something terribly wrong. My head fell and I felt sick "I'm sorry ma'am" I managed. Wait! Her emotions hadn't changed. She wasn't truly angry, she was even amused by my response. She wasn't angry, she wasn't angry, she wasn't angry! I hadn't destroyed this lovely girl even for a moment. She held out her hand to me and I took it. I wondered too late if that was overly bold on my part. Yet I knew she would not scold me again and for that I was grateful. Her happiness climbed slightly when I touched her. Was it possible that I could in any way make her happy? Make this beauty happy? Life had meaning. I had hope.
enjoy!
I had decided that I would never truly be happy. It was an impossibility not only because I was a vampire, after all Peter and Charlotte seemed happy. In her own way, even Maria was happy. My situation was something else. My past? My abilities? Peter and I had slimier pasts but it had been worse for me. I’d been sucked in further. I had believed Maria’s lies. And I had felt the pain of my victims. Peter could ignore that. I couldn’t.
I was preparing to feed when I realized my victim was no longer alone. He was joined by a girl his age and they smiled at each other. I could feel their love and it was stronger than average. The girl walked away (she had to buy some last minute ingredients for dinner tonight) and the man sighed quietly. I could have attacked but I didn’t. Attacking this man, feeding, wouldn’t make me any happier whereas this man, if he lived, had a decent chance at real happiness. Part of me felt bitter: if I can’t be happy why should he? But I still decided not to. Me being uncomfortable was a sacrifice for the greater good. The one for the many. I was thirsty though. My eyes were black. Yet I decided to try not to destroy anyone’s world in an effort to make mine more bearable. My world would never be worth living in and maybe I could achieve some degree of pleasure, or rather escape from my pain, just by watching others happiness. Not a lot of escape just a small distraction. But it didn't last long. Two days. I had to feed. It was my very nature. So I tried to feed only on the depressed. Those who would rather not be alive anyway. I fed only when I had to, but I found my willpower was not as strong as I'd thought. Not as strong as it should be. That only added to my misery.
I had gone awhile now: almost three months of trying to deny myself only to fail. My eyes were black again. My plan to borrow happiness had failed. I would gravitate toward a happy human, but human emotions change all to soon. People were staring at me now. I’d been so lost in my thoughts that I hadn’t realized that it was now pouring rain. I walked hesitantly into a diner, wondering if I would cave.
As soon as I stepped inside I had bigger problems. Another vampire. She walked right to me. An attack? I could win. She was tiny. I didn't want to fight the little thing though. Then I caught her emotions. It felt like walking out of a storm and into a sunny place. This was more than the highs humans sometimes felt. Her lower lip pouted out slightly "You've kept me waiting a long time" she scolded. Well, it had been more. Now I'd ruined it and though I didn't know how I felt deeply ashamed. I must have done something terribly wrong. My head fell and I felt sick "I'm sorry ma'am" I managed. Wait! Her emotions hadn't changed. She wasn't truly angry, she was even amused by my response. She wasn't angry, she wasn't angry, she wasn't angry! I hadn't destroyed this lovely girl even for a moment. She held out her hand to me and I took it. I wondered too late if that was overly bold on my part. Yet I knew she would not scold me again and for that I was grateful. Her happiness climbed slightly when I touched her. Was it possible that I could in any way make her happy? Make this beauty happy? Life had meaning. I had hope.
Bells crest
i couldn't let myself even think for a second that i could ease Rosalies Pain.
i never thought that anyone could, not even Emmett at his full best, and here i sit with everything she ever wanted, and i dont even want it. how could i be so selfish to tie the knot and give up the chance that i might regret for a long time adn might risk a wonderful friendship.
What about Alice, and esme? They may not have asked but i know they would pass up the oppurtunitie.
And what about myself. I've already had a baby, ive got a daughter, but i will regret this later too.
I have the most precious gift for a vampire in my grasp and idont want it, if only i could give it away.
What would Happen to me, if i did use this. would i die, really truely die,
and jacob, his pack wouldnt not agree. i cant please anyone.
"Bella" i tunefull voice whispered outside.
i never thought that anyone could, not even Emmett at his full best, and here i sit with everything she ever wanted, and i dont even want it. how could i be so selfish to tie the knot and give up the chance that i might regret for a long time adn might risk a wonderful friendship.
What about Alice, and esme? They may not have asked but i know they would pass up the oppurtunitie.
And what about myself. I've already had a baby, ive got a daughter, but i will regret this later too.
I have the most precious gift for a vampire in my grasp and idont want it, if only i could give it away.
What would Happen to me, if i did use this. would i die, really truely die,
and jacob, his pack wouldnt not agree. i cant please anyone.
"Bella" i tunefull voice whispered outside.
Rose
10 Ways to Annoy Bella Swan
10. Ask about Mike.
9. Ask about Eric.
8. Ask about Jacob.
7. Ask about Edward.
6. After asking about all these boys, inquire as to how much she is paying them, and where in the White Pages she looked for fake fan-boys.
5. When she complains about not being a vampire, throw glitter on her and claim she sparkles just like a vampire in the sun.
4. Ask if the thought of Edward biting her makes her… happy.
3. Say that since Edward is technically dead, she is into necrophilia. Tell her that is sick and wrong, and she should stop with her weird fetishes.
2. Tell her we all know about the real reason she married Edward – the honeymoon.
And the Number One way to annoy Bella Swan?
1. Tell her that you and Jacob imprinted on each other, and are getting married. Tell her you are pregnant, and will be with him forever. Videotape the reaction.
10. Ask about Mike.
9. Ask about Eric.
8. Ask about Jacob.
7. Ask about Edward.
6. After asking about all these boys, inquire as to how much she is paying them, and where in the White Pages she looked for fake fan-boys.
5. When she complains about not being a vampire, throw glitter on her and claim she sparkles just like a vampire in the sun.
4. Ask if the thought of Edward biting her makes her… happy.
3. Say that since Edward is technically dead, she is into necrophilia. Tell her that is sick and wrong, and she should stop with her weird fetishes.
2. Tell her we all know about the real reason she married Edward – the honeymoon.
And the Number One way to annoy Bella Swan?
1. Tell her that you and Jacob imprinted on each other, and are getting married. Tell her you are pregnant, and will be with him forever. Videotape the reaction.
