just a short thing I typed up
enjoy!
I had decided that I would never truly be happy. It was an impossibility not only because I was a vampire, after all Peter and Charlotte seemed happy. In her own way, even Maria was happy. My situation was something else. My past? My abilities? Peter and I had slimier pasts but it had been worse for me. I’d been sucked in further. I had believed Maria’s lies. And I had felt the pain of my victims. Peter could ignore that. I couldn’t.
I was preparing to feed when I realized my victim was no longer alone. He was joined by a girl his age and they smiled at each other. I could feel their love and it was stronger than average. The girl walked away (she had to buy some last minute ingredients for dinner tonight) and the man sighed quietly. I could have attacked but I didn’t. Attacking this man, feeding, wouldn’t make me any happier whereas this man, if he lived, had a decent chance at real happiness. Part of me felt bitter: if I can’t be happy why should he? But I still decided not to. Me being uncomfortable was a sacrifice for the greater good. The one for the many. I was thirsty though. My eyes were black. Yet I decided to try not to destroy anyone’s world in an effort to make mine more bearable. My world would never be worth living in and maybe I could achieve some degree of pleasure, or rather escape from my pain, just by watching others happiness. Not a lot of escape just a small distraction. But it didn't last long. Two days. I had to feed. It was my very nature. So I tried to feed only on the depressed. Those who would rather not be alive anyway. I fed only when I had to, but I found my willpower was not as strong as I'd thought. Not as strong as it should be. That only added to my misery.
I had gone awhile now: almost three months of trying to deny myself only to fail. My eyes were black again. My plan to borrow happiness had failed. I would gravitate toward a happy human, but human emotions change all to soon. People were staring at me now. I’d been so lost in my thoughts that I hadn’t realized that it was now pouring rain. I walked hesitantly into a diner, wondering if I would cave.
As soon as I stepped inside I had bigger problems. Another vampire. She walked right to me. An attack? I could win. She was tiny. I didn't want to fight the little thing though. Then I caught her emotions. It felt like walking out of a storm and into a sunny place. This was more than the highs humans sometimes felt. Her lower lip pouted out slightly "You've kept me waiting a long time" she scolded. Well, it had been more. Now I'd ruined it and though I didn't know how I felt deeply ashamed. I must have done something terribly wrong. My head fell and I felt sick "I'm sorry ma'am" I managed. Wait! Her emotions hadn't changed. She wasn't truly angry, she was even amused by my response. She wasn't angry, she wasn't angry, she wasn't angry! I hadn't destroyed this lovely girl even for a moment. She held out her hand to me and I took it. I wondered too late if that was overly bold on my part. Yet I knew she would not scold me again and for that I was grateful. Her happiness climbed slightly when I touched her. Was it possible that I could in any way make her happy? Make this beauty happy? Life had meaning. I had hope.
enjoy!
I had decided that I would never truly be happy. It was an impossibility not only because I was a vampire, after all Peter and Charlotte seemed happy. In her own way, even Maria was happy. My situation was something else. My past? My abilities? Peter and I had slimier pasts but it had been worse for me. I’d been sucked in further. I had believed Maria’s lies. And I had felt the pain of my victims. Peter could ignore that. I couldn’t.
I was preparing to feed when I realized my victim was no longer alone. He was joined by a girl his age and they smiled at each other. I could feel their love and it was stronger than average. The girl walked away (she had to buy some last minute ingredients for dinner tonight) and the man sighed quietly. I could have attacked but I didn’t. Attacking this man, feeding, wouldn’t make me any happier whereas this man, if he lived, had a decent chance at real happiness. Part of me felt bitter: if I can’t be happy why should he? But I still decided not to. Me being uncomfortable was a sacrifice for the greater good. The one for the many. I was thirsty though. My eyes were black. Yet I decided to try not to destroy anyone’s world in an effort to make mine more bearable. My world would never be worth living in and maybe I could achieve some degree of pleasure, or rather escape from my pain, just by watching others happiness. Not a lot of escape just a small distraction. But it didn't last long. Two days. I had to feed. It was my very nature. So I tried to feed only on the depressed. Those who would rather not be alive anyway. I fed only when I had to, but I found my willpower was not as strong as I'd thought. Not as strong as it should be. That only added to my misery.
I had gone awhile now: almost three months of trying to deny myself only to fail. My eyes were black again. My plan to borrow happiness had failed. I would gravitate toward a happy human, but human emotions change all to soon. People were staring at me now. I’d been so lost in my thoughts that I hadn’t realized that it was now pouring rain. I walked hesitantly into a diner, wondering if I would cave.
As soon as I stepped inside I had bigger problems. Another vampire. She walked right to me. An attack? I could win. She was tiny. I didn't want to fight the little thing though. Then I caught her emotions. It felt like walking out of a storm and into a sunny place. This was more than the highs humans sometimes felt. Her lower lip pouted out slightly "You've kept me waiting a long time" she scolded. Well, it had been more. Now I'd ruined it and though I didn't know how I felt deeply ashamed. I must have done something terribly wrong. My head fell and I felt sick "I'm sorry ma'am" I managed. Wait! Her emotions hadn't changed. She wasn't truly angry, she was even amused by my response. She wasn't angry, she wasn't angry, she wasn't angry! I hadn't destroyed this lovely girl even for a moment. She held out her hand to me and I took it. I wondered too late if that was overly bold on my part. Yet I knew she would not scold me again and for that I was grateful. Her happiness climbed slightly when I touched her. Was it possible that I could in any way make her happy? Make this beauty happy? Life had meaning. I had hope.
Now they don't say where they went they don't really exclain why they went AND people say reading can't hurt you! I got a huge head ach and i am a little dizzy. LIVING PROOF! I now know how brittanie spears felt when she didn't know what to do.I can't really think about anything more for this- see ya tomoorow! You think i ended it bad ? well least it isn't like sapranos where they stop in the midlle of a sent- .....
HOPE YOU ENJOY MY NEW ARTICLE SERIES!
(ps. don't worry i am nothing like the sapranos! and my next article will be longer!)
When we reached my home mason was crying and reenesme was trying to comfort her little brother.Alice and esme were talking very fast so I only caught little bits and pieces of the conversation .But it seemed that we were going to have to wait till edward and jacob and the other boys came back.while esme and alice were disscussing the subject reenesme and i were trying to comfort mason.At the same time i was worriying about edward I noticed reenesme looked very deep in thought.Then alll of the sudden esme is calling me ,my daughter,and my son to come quickly.Whehn we got there alice looked like she would be crying if she could cry.When I asked her what was wrong all she managed to choke out was Edward.Imediatly I knew something very bad had happened.
edwards pov
' rachell u look beautifull i said ' then she blushed ' i love u' i said scared a little for her reaction she looked at me and said 'i love you two ' ' do u mind missing school today ' sure no prob ' what do u want to do edward ' well i wanna take u to this medow remeber how i said i needed to tell u somthing ' yes ' well it is time ' ok ' dont be scared ' ok ' do u trust me ' yes ' ok well lets go 5 minutes later we r here so i want u to close ur eyes and hop on my bac ok ' ok y ' ull see w.e and she climed on ur eyes closed yes y r u so cold ull figure it out ' ok ' then we were there and i took her off my back and said stand over there ok she said.
' rachell u look beautifull i said ' then she blushed ' i love u' i said scared a little for her reaction she looked at me and said 'i love you two ' ' do u mind missing school today ' sure no prob ' what do u want to do edward ' well i wanna take u to this medow remeber how i said i needed to tell u somthing ' yes ' well it is time ' ok ' dont be scared ' ok ' do u trust me ' yes ' ok well lets go 5 minutes later we r here so i want u to close ur eyes and hop on my bac ok ' ok y ' ull see w.e and she climed on ur eyes closed yes y r u so cold ull figure it out ' ok ' then we were there and i took her off my back and said stand over there ok she said.