9: Tell her Aro is coming back for Bella. When she asks you why she didn’t see this coming, laugh at her. Run away before she can react.
8: Lock Jasper in a closet for two months. Throw mutt boy in with him so Alice can’t figure out what happened to him. When she asks you where he is tell her he is on his honeymoon with Jane. Refuse to tell her where they went.
7: Give all her clothes to charity.
6: Encourage Jacob Black to follow her around. Constantly.
5: Ask her to go shopping with you. Don’t buy anything.
4: Ask her “what’s Jacob doing right now?”.
3: Trip her up and ask if she saw it coming
2: Ask her what you will be doing in five minutes every ten minutes.
1: Take her credit cards and shopping vouchers, hold them above your head and tell her to “jump for it”.
