Today, I simply took the liberty of turning my cell phone off.
I did not call Emmett, which I sort of feel bad about, but I couldn't take another phone call. I couldn't risk one having the same amount of pain that Alice's did. I'm very selfish.
Here I sit, in the same attic I was in before, in the same position. I've been thinking about going back, which might be the reason why my image of Bella behind my eyes, is happier. I was causing my family so much pain, and causing myself so much pain by being here. But how would I explain myself to Bella? What would I tell her? That we changed our mind? No. I would have to be thorough, as usual, and tell her the truth. But after how much I'd hurt her, would she even think about taking me back? I would beg if I had to. For her, I would do anything. But... but if she didn't want me, I would leave in peace. I wouldn't try to push her to do something she didn't want to do. Giving her a choice, which I had such a hard time doing when we were just friends. But rejection, could I handle that? What would I do after she refused me? Would I leave like I did this time, or stay home and mope? I'd probably leave again. There's no good in making everyone else miserable along with me. But Esme'd be all too happy that I was home. But now, since I'm talking about going back, I should probably call Emmett or Alice. Most likely I'll call Alice because she's MUCH better with sensitive topics.
I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and hit the power button. Alice must have seen me turning my phone on, because not even five seconds after I turned my phone on, it started ringing. The number was restricted. She probably thought I'd actually answer if I didn't see the number. Technically, if this were any other day, and I wasn't feeling a little spark of hope, I would ignore the call altogether. If it's no one I know, then why answer? I hit the send button.
"What?"
"Oh wow. Edward answered the phone. I feel so honored." It was Rosalie. What the hell did SHE want with ME? Her voice was the last one I'd wanted to hear right now. I shut the phone. Of course once I closed it, it rang again.
"What do you want, Rose?" I said through my teeth.
"I just thought that you might want to know that Alice is in Forks."
I snapped my eyes open."What?"
"You know how Alice is- thinks she knows everything. Like you."
I paid no attention to Rosalie's fake humor. Alice was in Forks. Why would she do that? Yes, I was almost at a decision to go back, but I hadn't actually left yet. So why is she there?
I was too enraged to talk.
"Are you still there, Edward?" she asked.
I didn't answer. I just pinched the bridge of my nose with my fingertips.
"Edward? Don't you even care why Alice is there?"
"Not particularly."
"Well she's not exactly breaking the rules. You said to stay away from Bella. The rest of Forks is okay, right?"
Bella left already?
Bella left already. I was doing all this thinking about going back, and she was gone. Good for her. Bad for me.
"So don't get mad at Alice."
"Why did you call me then if not to get Alice in trouble? Why did you even bother?! Ugh!"
"Wait! That's not why I called." Her
voice sounded nervous. Hesitant. Like she wasn't sure if she should tell me.
"Then why? Tell me then LEAVE ME ALONE." I growled.
"Well..."
"You have ten seconds."
"Okay. Well I want you to come home. Esme looks like she's going to cough up a bucket, and Carlisle just doesn't laugh at all. Come home. The whole Forks thing is over." she explained quickly.
"Forks was never the problem. Just because...because Bella... moved to Florida it doesn't mean I can just-look, It wouldn't make anyone happier if I were there."
"Um..."
"What NOW?!" that nervous hesitation was REALLY starting to annoy me.
"I uh... didn't say Bella moved."
"Then what are you saying Rosalie? I don't understand." She said that Bella wasn't in Forks. She DID say she moved. There was long pause until she spoke again.
"She's dead, Edward."
A longer pause.
"I'm sorry. I thought you had a right to know, though. She threw herself off of a cliff two days ago. Alice saw it-"
The phone went dead. I didn't realize for a while that I was pressing so hard on the power button that I might break the phone. There was one more number I needed to call. The number I promised myself I would never call again.
If Charlie answered, I would get the information I needed. If it was her, I would hang up, go home and kill Rosalie.
"Swan residence," a husky male voice answered. It was unfamiliar. Maybe one of Charlie's friends. I imitated Carlisle's voice to perfection.
"This is Dr. Carlisle Cullen," I said. "May I please speak to Charlie?"
"He's not here," the voice responded. I was a little surprised by the anger in his voice.
"Well where is he then?" I asked. Impatient now.
"He's at the funeral." they replied.
I shut the phone so hard it broke. It literally crumbled to pieces on the floor. I started to feel like I was choking again. I hadn't hunted in a while and I didn't care. The entire universe just stopped moving. Everything that I thought mattered, even a little, was gone. As soon as it hit me, like a trillion tons of bricks, I realized what I must do. Alice would know too, but that didn't matter. NOTHING, mattered. Everything was meaningless. Including my existance.
I jumped from the window and into the backyard. I didn't check to see if someone inside the house saw me. I didn't care.
*****
I was in Europe now, and almost in Italy. I knew exactly where Volterra was. Even though I did take a flight to get here, I could easily steal a car and drive to Volterra. I would ask Aro, Marcus, and Caius to rip me to shreads and burn me. Of course Aro would consider it a waste, but Caius would only be too joyed to do it.
The love of my existance was dead. Bella was dead. There was no more reason for anything. I left, only to keep her safe, and then she jumps off of a cliff. Didn't I tell her to not do anything reckless or stupid?
I was still choking. I couldn't swallow.
Now I was in a hotel parking lot in Italy, looking for a fast car to steal. I finally found a good Ferrari 612. Black with tinted windows. Perfect. So no one could see the burning expression on my face. I almost drove with my eyes closed, but that didn't help, because Bella's face, behind my eyelids was smiling angelically. She blinked slowly and blushed. I loved when she blushed. I wanted to touch her cheek, hear her heart beat frantically, hold her in my arms, touch her lips...
But I couldn't. She was gone. And so would I be in a few days.
please help me...
