Lolz :P

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs...

i wanna tell you something and you better listen good here.If there's something you really enjoy and you have a huge dream that your really passionate about then go after it.Don't be afraid to follow your heart because your heart will lead you to the right direction.Don't let anyone discourage you and idc who the heck they are.You are always going to meet 2 people in your life.One person will discourage you and tell you that you are never gonna make it and the other person will encourage you to follow you dreams and will believe in you.They will want you to follow your dreams.So listen to that...

I'm not trying to be abusive in any way, I just found this. I didn't write this.


Approximately 1-2% of humans, or about two in 100 people in the world, have red hair.j
The ancient Greeks believed that redheads would turn into vampires after they died.i
Otherwise dark hair may turn red or blond in cases of severe protein deficiency due to starvation.c
Red is the rarest hair color in humans
The most rare hair color in humans is red.b
During the Middle Ages, a child with red hair was thought to be conceived during “unclean sex” or during menstruation.b
Red hair doesn’t gray as much as other hair...

This duck walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk says no, and the duck leaves.

The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk again says no, and the duck leaves.

The day after that, the duck walks in the store again and asks "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk screams at the duck, "You've come in here the past two days and asked if we had any grapes. I told you no every time that we don't have any grapes! I swear if you come back in here again, and ask for grapes, I'll nail your webbed feet to the floor!!"

The duck...

1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
5. Run into...

Tell the widow that the deceased's last wish was that she make love with you
Tell the undertaker that he can't close the coffin until you find your contact lens.
Punch the body and tell people that he hit you first.
Tell the widow that you're the deceased's gay lover.
Ask someone to take a snapshot of you shaking hands with the deceased.
At the cemetery, play taps on a kazoo.
Walk around tellin people that you've seen the will and they're not in it.
Ask the widow to give you a kiss.
Drive behind the widow's limo and keep honking your horn.
Tell the undertaker that your dog just died and ask...