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posted by t_direction
Why is an alarm clock going "off" when it actually turns on?

If you mated a bull dog and a shitsu, would it be called a bullshit?

If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?

Why is Grape Nuts cereal called that, when it contains neither grapes, nor nuts?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Why is it called a "drive through" if you have to stop?

Why does mineral water that has "trickled through mountains for centuries" go out of date next year?

Why are Softballs hard?

Do the minutes on the movie boxes include the previews, credits, and special features, or just the movie itself?

If the professor on Giligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why is an electrical outlet called an outlet when you plug things into it? Shouldn't it be called an inlet.

Why do we scrub Down and wash Up?

Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road?

Where in the nursery rhyme does it say humpty dumpty is an egg?

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

Why do banks leave the door wide open but the pens chained to the counter?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?

How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?

If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?

If a cat always lands on its feet, and buttered bread always lands butter side down, what would happen if you tied buttered bread on top of a cat?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why's it still #2?

What color would a smurf turn if you choked it?

Where's the egg in an egg roll?

Why aren't blue berries blue?

Where is the lead in a lead pencil?

Why is Greenland called green when it is covered in ice?
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posted by BlackSunshine
Something I got in an e-mail. Still pretty funny. Especially since I've done a few...

1. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, and then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

2. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

3. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

4. Do Tai Chi exercises.

5. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

6. Meow occasionally....
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"We need" means "I want"

"It's your decision" means "The correct decision should be obvious by now"

"Do what you want "means" You'll pay for this later

"We need to talk" means "I need to complain


"Sure...go ahead" means"I don't want you to.

"I'm not upset"means "Of course I'm upset, you moron."

"You're...so manly "means" You need a shave and you sweat a lot."

"You're certainly attentive tonight." means     "Is sex all you ever think about?"

"I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting!" means     "I'm on my period."

"Be romantic, turn out the lights" means     "I...
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