In the months after Jim's untimely death, I remained very sad. Jim and I used to enjoy jogging together. I still enjoyed jogging, but it got lonely doing it alone. None of my other friends were interested in that. The bullying really picked up. My remaining friends would stand up for me, but that didn't stop the bullies from bullying me. Sometimes they would beat me. Many times, I would pretend I needed to use the restroom so that I could be alone to cry. One day, when I was sitting at home, I saw a pocket knife. I honestly don't know what I was thinking, if I was thinking at all, but I began making small cuts on my legs. Strangely enough, it made me forget about all my troubles for a brief period. I kept on doing it. One day, I went to school, and my friend, Chelsea, noticed that I was wearing pants. She said, "It's a pleasant day outside. Why are you wearing pants?" I said, "I just put something on. I didn't think about the weather at all." I then let out a sad sigh. She asked, "Are you okay?" I said, "I'm just fine." She said, "No, you're not." I rolled up my pants legs. She said, "Oh, my God! Aubrey, what happened?!" I said, "I fell while I was jogging." She said, "You're telling the truth, aren't you?" I said, "Chelsea, I don't lie to you." I felt so dirty, because I had lied to a friend for the first time in my life. If Jim had still been living, I could have told him about it. He would have understood. He was my best friend. However, I had only known Chelsea for a year, so I didn't trust her as much as I trusted Jim. That day, when I came home from school, my father asked, "Did you have a good day?" I said, "I guess so." He said, "You guess so?" He then noticed that I was wearing pants. He said, "You're wearing pants. Why is that?" I reluctantly showed him. He asked, "Did you fall?" I said, "Yeah, I fell." He asked, "Are you all right?" I said, "I'm fine. I'm okay." I lied again. I wasn't okay. I had not been okay since January, and it was early May. One day, when I was making another cut, my mother walked in on me. "Aubrey!" she cried. "What are you doing?!" I burst into tears. She asked, "What's going on?" I said, "Cutting myself is what's keeping me alive right now." She asked, "Why didn't you tell me about how you were feeling?" I said, "I thought you'd think I'm crazy." She hugged me and said, "I love you. You're not crazy." She began doing research on how to help me, and ways I could distract myself if I thought about cutting. I took an interest in music, and my father bought me a guitar. I started playing it, despite the fact that I never had lessons. It turned out that I had natural talent. I began writing a few songs, but there were days I still had to fight myself not to cut.
I haven't written any articles on my fan club in a while. I felt like writing a eulogy about my dog, Fluffy. Fluffy was my second female dog. I remember when I got her. My aunt and uncle and I were visiting with my grandmother's sister in Florida. One of her neighbors happened to be breeding Smooth Collie puppies. I took one of them home with me, and I named her Fluffy for the sake of being ironic. She was the most vocal of all the dogs I've had. She was also very motherly. When we adopted Roxy, my Pit Bull, Fluffy accepted the pup as her own. She did the same with my Rottweiler, Stone, and with my newest dog, River. When my first dog, Diesel, passed away, Fluffy grieved more than the other dogs, save for Sadie, my Labrador. Fluffy grieved really hard when we lost Sadie a year ago. Fluffy was really smart, too. She knew hundreds of words and phrases, and I cannot possibly name all of them. I miss her very much, and so does everyone else. I'll never forget her. May she rest in peace.
It was close to Christmas. The members of New Religion decided to go spend time was their families. Sadly, Erin's grandmother passed away. It was devastating for Erin. When New Religion picked up their tour, many people wanted to interview Erin. Lola said, "She lost a loved one. How do you think she's doing?!" Carl said, "Erin needs time to mourn her grandmother. She doesn't need a microphone in her face." Paul said, "She's been through so much. Leave her alone!" Erin thanked her friends for standing up for her. She later said, "I now know how Paul McCartney felt after John Lennon got shot." Lola hugged her. Things did get better for Erin with time. She lost so many she loved, but she kept going and never gave up.