"I like taking pointless Facebook surveys as much as the next person. But, since they’re mostly about kissing, I started to wonder how someone completely incapable of feeling love might handle such things. So I just had to tag my good pal Lord Voldemort in my most recent survey. Here's what he had to say:
Was your last kiss standing up, sitting down, or lying down?
The only kiss I believe in is the Dementor's kiss, and as I have very little soul remaining in my withered husk of a body, one would have little effect on me.
Whose bed were you on last?
Nagini's, playing "Dangle the Severed Hand Over The Snake And Jerk It Away Just As She Strikes." It helps her go to sleep. I also sang her favourite Parseltongue lullaby, "SSSSSssSSSSSSSSSssSSS."
When's the last time someone of the opposite sex told you they missed you?
When I returned to the chamber of secrets in the form of a blurry memory, my beloved basilisk converged on me with her usual deadly stare and demanded to know why I'd missed fifty of our anniversaries in a row. I gently explained that we were not in a "relationship," just a mutual killing partnership with benefits.
Are you excited for anything?
FOR THE IMMINENT DEATH OF HARRY POTTER AND MY EVENTUAL DOMINATION OF THE ENTIRE PLANET.
I'm also looking forward to the release of the new Josh Groban holiday album. Just five more months till Christmas!
Do you hate the last person you kissed?
I hate everyone, but I've never kissed anyone. So, no. Paradox city!
Have you ever been cheated on?
I'm not entirely sure about Severus Snape. He claims to be a faithful servant, yet I have stalked his Facebook profile for quite some time, and several of his song lyric status updates don't seem to refer to me. Very curious...
If you married the last person you texted, what would your last name be?
Pettigrew... excuse me while I vomit up several feet of my intestines...
Do you like to have long hair or short hair?
Hair is such a nuisance. I really don't see the point. Do snakes have hair? Cockroaches? Bacteria? NO! (Flagella and cilia DO NOT COUNT.) Why, then, should Lord Voldemort? It's simply strands of dead nutrients hanging limply off one's head! Though I admit I sort of like the sound of that.
What is your favorite Christmas carol?
It goes something like, "Joy to the world, Harry Potter's dead! Dark Lord cut off his head! What happened to the body? We flushed it down the potty! And round and round it goes! And round and round it goes! And it got flushed into the chamber of secrets and the basilisk ate it, the end!" It's sung by Josh Groban.
Do you hate anyone?
Everyone except myself, Nagini, and the Grobester.
Have you ever told someone you loved them and meant it?
Of course not! What, do you live under a rock or something?
Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
I don't even believe in a first chance. Kill them and then ask questions, and if they don't answer, dismember the corpse, that's what I always say. I also have it needlepointed onto a pillow.
Do you like being kissed spontaneously, or asked first?
It doesn't matter, I would murder the perpetrator before the mucus membranes of our mouths made even the slightest contact.
Has anything made you mad lately?
I was filled with UNEARTHLY FURY to discover that Potter slipped through my unnervingly long and spindly fingers once again! I crushed a house elf's head to a pulp with my bare hands. Then I impaled an underperforming Death Eater on a spit and served him to Nagini in a gyro... but since I was so mad, I didn't give her any tzatziki sauce with it.
Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months or more?
I could, but whoever I was in the relationship with wouldn't last more than three seconds. They'd be too dead.
The last person you kissed, how many times have you cried in front of them?
...Do you even know me at all?
What's the first thing you do when you're mad?
Rip the spines out of people's backs.
Three hours ago, were you touching a person of the opposite sex?
Yes, I pressed my finger deeply into Bellatrix's Dark Mark to summon my servants to a meeting. I understand she blushed.
Did you hug anyone today?
No, but Nagini squeezed the life out of several people with her constricting powers. Good girl."
I was asked to do this by lorythefangirl after I responded to her earlier one.
Pros
1. Most of them did believe they were choosing the winning side at the time
2. They would likely be killed if they refused, or otherwise punished.
3. If they come from old pureblood families which share the Death Eaters' beliefs, joining up would help maintain family harmony
4. If they're naturally malicious it gives them an opportunity to kill and torture
Cons
1. Most people wouldn't want to be forced to murder. They might be pushed beyond their own limits, e.g. Draco Malfoy.
2. They'd get imprisoned in Azkaban if caught, or could be killed in self-defence
3. Leaving isn't an option once you're in
4. After they lost, those who'd survived would lose favour even if they avoided punishment
5. Voldemort doesn't seem to be a nice boss
6. It's a story really, and in most stories, the bad guys do end up losing and being punished.
Pros
1. Most of them did believe they were choosing the winning side at the time
2. They would likely be killed if they refused, or otherwise punished.
3. If they come from old pureblood families which share the Death Eaters' beliefs, joining up would help maintain family harmony
4. If they're naturally malicious it gives them an opportunity to kill and torture
Cons
1. Most people wouldn't want to be forced to murder. They might be pushed beyond their own limits, e.g. Draco Malfoy.
2. They'd get imprisoned in Azkaban if caught, or could be killed in self-defence
3. Leaving isn't an option once you're in
4. After they lost, those who'd survived would lose favour even if they avoided punishment
5. Voldemort doesn't seem to be a nice boss
6. It's a story really, and in most stories, the bad guys do end up losing and being punished.
Yep.You HP fans know the moment Im talking about.You know,that moment when Hedwig's Theme played for the last time,when you wanted to cry and cheer,scream and weep at the same time...that time you knew it was ending yet refused to accept it.That moment,when all the boundaries vanished,when we all rose together from different places,from different countries,we all came together,clapping,smiling and crying at the same time.That was the moment when we found that,nothing has really changed,despite everything that has.Amidst the thunderous applause and the shouts and cries in the theater all,we knew that there has never been anything like Harry Potter.And there never will be..and that the oak doors of Hogwarts will always swing open to us in welcome...
WE WILL NEVER FORGET YOU,HARRY...
WE WILL NEVER FORGET YOU,HARRY...
harry potter is now logged in
harry anyone here i bored and can't do Magie
ginny w has now logged in
ginny yea am here this is why better then are old owl lol
harry huh? lol wants that tell ron isay hi d hi
ron w has nowlodgedd in
ron hi harry wazs up and ginny get out of this chat room
ginny u can't make me
harry ron ginny be nice and can any one till me what lol and waz means
ginny lol meanslaughh out loud and wazwantt is up
ron lol meanslaughh out loud and wazwantt is up
ginny you took the words right out of my mouth
luke has now logged in
luke hi any one in here
harry has now logged out
ginny has nowlodgedd out
ron now has logged out
luke nope iGuesss not
luke has now logged out
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am not a nerd and it only took 3 mins to make am just a big harry potter fan tell me want u think by the why its is post to be funny happy brith day 45th j.k and happy 30th harry
harry anyone here i bored and can't do Magie
ginny w has now logged in
ginny yea am here this is why better then are old owl lol
harry huh? lol wants that tell ron isay hi d hi
ron w has nowlodgedd in
ron hi harry wazs up and ginny get out of this chat room
ginny u can't make me
harry ron ginny be nice and can any one till me what lol and waz means
ginny lol meanslaughh out loud and wazwantt is up
ron lol meanslaughh out loud and wazwantt is up
ginny you took the words right out of my mouth
luke has now logged in
luke hi any one in here
harry has now logged out
ginny has nowlodgedd out
ron now has logged out
luke nope iGuesss not
luke has now logged out
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am not a nerd and it only took 3 mins to make am just a big harry potter fan tell me want u think by the why its is post to be funny happy brith day 45th j.k and happy 30th harry
Lavender
