Credit: link. I didn't write it myself.
"I like taking pointless Facebook surveys as much as the next person. But, since they’re mostly about kissing, I started to wonder how someone completely incapable of feeling love might handle such things. So I just had to tag my good pal Lord Voldemort in my most recent survey. Here's what he had to say:
Was your last kiss standing up, sitting down, or lying down?
The only kiss I believe in is the Dementor's kiss, and as I have very little soul remaining in my withered husk of a body, one would have little effect on me.
Whose bed were you on last?
Nagini's, playing "Dangle the Severed Hand Over The Snake And Jerk It Away Just As She Strikes." It helps her go to sleep. I also sang her favourite Parseltongue lullaby, "SSSSSssSSSSSSSSSssSSS."
When's the last time someone of the opposite sex told you they missed you?
When I returned to the chamber of secrets in the form of a blurry memory, my beloved basilisk converged on me with her usual deadly stare and demanded to know why I'd missed fifty of our anniversaries in a row. I gently explained that we were not in a "relationship," just a mutual killing partnership with benefits.
Are you excited for anything?
FOR THE IMMINENT DEATH OF HARRY POTTER AND MY EVENTUAL DOMINATION OF THE ENTIRE PLANET.
I'm also looking forward to the release of the new Josh Groban holiday album. Just five more months till Christmas!
Do you hate the last person you kissed?
I hate everyone, but I've never kissed anyone. So, no. Paradox city!
Have you ever been cheated on?
I'm not entirely sure about Severus Snape. He claims to be a faithful servant, yet I have stalked his Facebook profile for quite some time, and several of his song lyric status updates don't seem to refer to me. Very curious...
If you married the last person you texted, what would your last name be?
Pettigrew... excuse me while I vomit up several feet of my intestines...
Do you like to have long hair or short hair?
Hair is such a nuisance. I really don't see the point. Do snakes have hair? Cockroaches? Bacteria? NO! (Flagella and cilia DO NOT COUNT.) Why, then, should Lord Voldemort? It's simply strands of dead nutrients hanging limply off one's head! Though I admit I sort of like the sound of that.
What is your favorite Christmas carol?
It goes something like, "Joy to the world, Harry Potter's dead! Dark Lord cut off his head! What happened to the body? We flushed it down the potty! And round and round it goes! And round and round it goes! And it got flushed into the chamber of secrets and the basilisk ate it, the end!" It's sung by Josh Groban.
Do you hate anyone?
Everyone except myself, Nagini, and the Grobester.
Have you ever told someone you loved them and meant it?
Of course not! What, do you live under a rock or something?
Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
I don't even believe in a first chance. Kill them and then ask questions, and if they don't answer, dismember the corpse, that's what I always say. I also have it needlepointed onto a pillow.
Do you like being kissed spontaneously, or asked first?
It doesn't matter, I would murder the perpetrator before the mucus membranes of our mouths made even the slightest contact.
Has anything made you mad lately?
I was filled with UNEARTHLY FURY to discover that Potter slipped through my unnervingly long and spindly fingers once again! I crushed a house elf's head to a pulp with my bare hands. Then I impaled an underperforming Death Eater on a spit and served him to Nagini in a gyro... but since I was so mad, I didn't give her any tzatziki sauce with it.
Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months or more?
I could, but whoever I was in the relationship with wouldn't last more than three seconds. They'd be too dead.
The last person you kissed, how many times have you cried in front of them?
...Do you even know me at all?
What's the first thing you do when you're mad?
Rip the spines out of people's backs.
Three hours ago, were you touching a person of the opposite sex?
Yes, I pressed my finger deeply into Bellatrix's Dark Mark to summon my servants to a meeting. I understand she blushed.
Did you hug anyone today?
No, but Nagini squeezed the life out of several people with her constricting powers. Good girl."
"I like taking pointless Facebook surveys as much as the next person. But, since they’re mostly about kissing, I started to wonder how someone completely incapable of feeling love might handle such things. So I just had to tag my good pal Lord Voldemort in my most recent survey. Here's what he had to say:
Was your last kiss standing up, sitting down, or lying down?
The only kiss I believe in is the Dementor's kiss, and as I have very little soul remaining in my withered husk of a body, one would have little effect on me.
Whose bed were you on last?
Nagini's, playing "Dangle the Severed Hand Over The Snake And Jerk It Away Just As She Strikes." It helps her go to sleep. I also sang her favourite Parseltongue lullaby, "SSSSSssSSSSSSSSSssSSS."
When's the last time someone of the opposite sex told you they missed you?
When I returned to the chamber of secrets in the form of a blurry memory, my beloved basilisk converged on me with her usual deadly stare and demanded to know why I'd missed fifty of our anniversaries in a row. I gently explained that we were not in a "relationship," just a mutual killing partnership with benefits.
Are you excited for anything?
FOR THE IMMINENT DEATH OF HARRY POTTER AND MY EVENTUAL DOMINATION OF THE ENTIRE PLANET.
I'm also looking forward to the release of the new Josh Groban holiday album. Just five more months till Christmas!
Do you hate the last person you kissed?
I hate everyone, but I've never kissed anyone. So, no. Paradox city!
Have you ever been cheated on?
I'm not entirely sure about Severus Snape. He claims to be a faithful servant, yet I have stalked his Facebook profile for quite some time, and several of his song lyric status updates don't seem to refer to me. Very curious...
If you married the last person you texted, what would your last name be?
Pettigrew... excuse me while I vomit up several feet of my intestines...
Do you like to have long hair or short hair?
Hair is such a nuisance. I really don't see the point. Do snakes have hair? Cockroaches? Bacteria? NO! (Flagella and cilia DO NOT COUNT.) Why, then, should Lord Voldemort? It's simply strands of dead nutrients hanging limply off one's head! Though I admit I sort of like the sound of that.
What is your favorite Christmas carol?
It goes something like, "Joy to the world, Harry Potter's dead! Dark Lord cut off his head! What happened to the body? We flushed it down the potty! And round and round it goes! And round and round it goes! And it got flushed into the chamber of secrets and the basilisk ate it, the end!" It's sung by Josh Groban.
Do you hate anyone?
Everyone except myself, Nagini, and the Grobester.
Have you ever told someone you loved them and meant it?
Of course not! What, do you live under a rock or something?
Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
I don't even believe in a first chance. Kill them and then ask questions, and if they don't answer, dismember the corpse, that's what I always say. I also have it needlepointed onto a pillow.
Do you like being kissed spontaneously, or asked first?
It doesn't matter, I would murder the perpetrator before the mucus membranes of our mouths made even the slightest contact.
Has anything made you mad lately?
I was filled with UNEARTHLY FURY to discover that Potter slipped through my unnervingly long and spindly fingers once again! I crushed a house elf's head to a pulp with my bare hands. Then I impaled an underperforming Death Eater on a spit and served him to Nagini in a gyro... but since I was so mad, I didn't give her any tzatziki sauce with it.
Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months or more?
I could, but whoever I was in the relationship with wouldn't last more than three seconds. They'd be too dead.
The last person you kissed, how many times have you cried in front of them?
...Do you even know me at all?
What's the first thing you do when you're mad?
Rip the spines out of people's backs.
Three hours ago, were you touching a person of the opposite sex?
Yes, I pressed my finger deeply into Bellatrix's Dark Mark to summon my servants to a meeting. I understand she blushed.
Did you hug anyone today?
No, but Nagini squeezed the life out of several people with her constricting powers. Good girl."
2.You can also tell him:"You are so sweet!See you later!"and you will see.
3.You can flirt with him in class like that:look at him dreamy all te time and when he look at you you just smile.
4.You can just talk with him like that:Hi,Draco!How are you!How's in the school?
5.Never call him Malfoy he will think you're insulting him.
6.If you are "mudblood"that he will say tell him that:"Thanks sweetheart but i think brown hair is better for me!
7.Be really pretty,look at him secretly full of charm and love.Just walk over him with smile.
Thats it!I do love him very much!I will chose first suggestion.
Sorry if I got some of the names wrong :(
Harry +
Draco= Drarry (<3<3<3)
Hermione= Harmione
Snape= Snarry
Dobby= Hobby? Harby? Dorry?
Ron= Hon? Rarry?
Dumbledore= Hambledore? Dumry?
Ginny= Hinny
Hermione +
Draco= Dramione
Bellatrix= Hellatrix (that actually sounds really cool!)
Ron= Romione
Lupin= Remione
Ginny= Henny? Hinny? Ginmione?
Ron +
Romilda= Ronmilda?
Lavender= Rovender? Won Won and Lav Lav?
Draco +
Snape= Drape? Snaco?
Ginny= Dinny? Gico? Fire and Ice?
An Apple= Drapple
Pansy= Dransy
Snape +
Lily= Snily
An apple= Snapple
Hermione= Snamione?
Lupin +
Sirius= Lurius? Sirmus?
Tonks= Lunks?
Ginny +
Dean= Giany
That's all the main ones I think. If you can think of any others then please say so in a comment
Thanks :)
Harry +
Draco= Drarry (<3<3<3)
Hermione= Harmione
Snape= Snarry
Dobby= Hobby? Harby? Dorry?
Ron= Hon? Rarry?
Dumbledore= Hambledore? Dumry?
Ginny= Hinny
Hermione +
Draco= Dramione
Bellatrix= Hellatrix (that actually sounds really cool!)
Ron= Romione
Lupin= Remione
Ginny= Henny? Hinny? Ginmione?
Ron +
Romilda= Ronmilda?
Lavender= Rovender? Won Won and Lav Lav?
Draco +
Snape= Drape? Snaco?
Ginny= Dinny? Gico? Fire and Ice?
An Apple= Drapple
Pansy= Dransy
Snape +
Lily= Snily
An apple= Snapple
Hermione= Snamione?
Lupin +
Sirius= Lurius? Sirmus?
Tonks= Lunks?
Ginny +
Dean= Giany
That's all the main ones I think. If you can think of any others then please say so in a comment
Thanks :)
What is it with all of the comparison typed content all over the internet between Twilight and Harry Potter?
Well I suppose they can be compared by their levels of success--but not really--harry potter is on another level.
And as a story, it's like comparing a coloring book to a good novel. Apples and oranges people.
In Harry Potter JK Rowling creates a whole other universe for readers to lose themselves in. Stephanie Meyer on the other hand has just slapped together a barely readable teenage fantasy.
RL. Stines Goosebumps books are more engagnig that Twilight for Pete's sake.
I have watched one of the Twilight movies and didn't find it enjoyable at all. What is so enjoyable about watching an ungrateful teenage protagonist that does little more than moan and complain? Nothing.
Well I suppose they can be compared by their levels of success--but not really--harry potter is on another level.
And as a story, it's like comparing a coloring book to a good novel. Apples and oranges people.
In Harry Potter JK Rowling creates a whole other universe for readers to lose themselves in. Stephanie Meyer on the other hand has just slapped together a barely readable teenage fantasy.
RL. Stines Goosebumps books are more engagnig that Twilight for Pete's sake.
I have watched one of the Twilight movies and didn't find it enjoyable at all. What is so enjoyable about watching an ungrateful teenage protagonist that does little more than moan and complain? Nothing.