Me, Myself, and I
By Rita Skeeter
Exclusive interview with notorious Death Eater Bellatrix Lestrange
Here I am, sitting in the private dungeon of the notorious Bellatrix Lestrange, most feared follower of the Dark Lord, and having a completely normal interview. Read on to see if there’s more to Bellatrix than just madness and a nasty reputation!
RS: Hello!
BL: *growls*
RS: Do you mind if I use a quick-quotes quill?
BL: What’s that?
*fingers wand handle threateningly*
RS: Oh, nothing, erm, moving on…Can I call you Bella?
BL: No.
RS: How would you describe your relationship with the man known as Lord Voldemort
*Bellatrix turns pink, then regains composture*
BL: I am his most loyal follower! I, who spent years in Azkaban for him!
RS: Riiiiight, I’m sure that was a real big help, now-
*Bellatrix reaches for wand again*
BL: Do you doubt me, you FILTHY HALF-BLOOD!
RS: uh, no, of course not, now, what would you say is your favorite spell?
BL: CRUCIO!! Would you like a demonstration?
*Bellatrix laughs evilly and reaches for wand again*
RS: No need for that, now, er, why do you like it so much?
BL: It’s so much fun to cause innocent people pain! HAHAHA! And I give filthy mudbloods and half-bloods what they deserve. *cackles evilly* I also like Avada Kedavra, but not as much since it doesn’t actually cause people insufferable pain, *Cackles again*.
RS: *uncomfortably* Right, er, moving on, how do you feel before going out on missions for the Dark Lord? Uncomfortable? Excited? Guilty?
*Bellatrix leans forward and looks at my writing pad*
BL: I CAN be nice! Like if someone begs me to kill them it’s not like I ignore that altogether reasonable request!
RS: Okay, moving on again, what are your main goals in life?
BL: To torture as many innocent people as possible, especially filthy mudbloods, kill muggles, do the Dark Lords bidding, make out with the Dark Lor-er, nothing
*Bellatrix turns pink*
RS: Mmmhmm, very interesting, now, how do you feel about the way J.K. Rowling has written about you in the Harry Potter Books? Do you feel she has done you justice?
BL: I HATE THE STUPID TITLE! The series should be called something more like “The Dark Lords quest for blood purification and the filthy half-blood idiot who stood in his way and eventually died a painful death”
RS: Hmmm, and how do you feel about your death at the hands of Molly Weasley?
BL: DO NOT SPEAK OF IT! THAT STUPID HALF-BLOOD-FILTHY-BLOOD-TRAITOR-FAT-UNTALENTED-SEVEN-KIDS-UGLY-HOUSEWITCH DID NOT DESERVE TO KILL ME! THE DARK LORD MOST LOYAL FOLLOWER! I COULD DEFEAT HER WITH MY WAND TIED BEHIND MY BACK! I WILL HAVE JUSTICE!! CRUCIO! CRUCIO! CRUCIO! AVADA KEDAVRA!
*As I was running for my life, I was forced to conclude my highly informative interview with Bellatrix Lestrange*
By Rita Skeeter
Exclusive interview with notorious Death Eater Bellatrix Lestrange
Here I am, sitting in the private dungeon of the notorious Bellatrix Lestrange, most feared follower of the Dark Lord, and having a completely normal interview. Read on to see if there’s more to Bellatrix than just madness and a nasty reputation!
RS: Hello!
BL: *growls*
RS: Do you mind if I use a quick-quotes quill?
BL: What’s that?
*fingers wand handle threateningly*
RS: Oh, nothing, erm, moving on…Can I call you Bella?
BL: No.
RS: How would you describe your relationship with the man known as Lord Voldemort
*Bellatrix turns pink, then regains composture*
BL: I am his most loyal follower! I, who spent years in Azkaban for him!
RS: Riiiiight, I’m sure that was a real big help, now-
*Bellatrix reaches for wand again*
BL: Do you doubt me, you FILTHY HALF-BLOOD!
RS: uh, no, of course not, now, what would you say is your favorite spell?
BL: CRUCIO!! Would you like a demonstration?
*Bellatrix laughs evilly and reaches for wand again*
RS: No need for that, now, er, why do you like it so much?
BL: It’s so much fun to cause innocent people pain! HAHAHA! And I give filthy mudbloods and half-bloods what they deserve. *cackles evilly* I also like Avada Kedavra, but not as much since it doesn’t actually cause people insufferable pain, *Cackles again*.
RS: *uncomfortably* Right, er, moving on, how do you feel before going out on missions for the Dark Lord? Uncomfortable? Excited? Guilty?
*Bellatrix leans forward and looks at my writing pad*
BL: I CAN be nice! Like if someone begs me to kill them it’s not like I ignore that altogether reasonable request!
RS: Okay, moving on again, what are your main goals in life?
BL: To torture as many innocent people as possible, especially filthy mudbloods, kill muggles, do the Dark Lords bidding, make out with the Dark Lor-er, nothing
*Bellatrix turns pink*
RS: Mmmhmm, very interesting, now, how do you feel about the way J.K. Rowling has written about you in the Harry Potter Books? Do you feel she has done you justice?
BL: I HATE THE STUPID TITLE! The series should be called something more like “The Dark Lords quest for blood purification and the filthy half-blood idiot who stood in his way and eventually died a painful death”
RS: Hmmm, and how do you feel about your death at the hands of Molly Weasley?
BL: DO NOT SPEAK OF IT! THAT STUPID HALF-BLOOD-FILTHY-BLOOD-TRAITOR-FAT-UNTALENTED-SEVEN-KIDS-UGLY-HOUSEWITCH DID NOT DESERVE TO KILL ME! THE DARK LORD MOST LOYAL FOLLOWER! I COULD DEFEAT HER WITH MY WAND TIED BEHIND MY BACK! I WILL HAVE JUSTICE!! CRUCIO! CRUCIO! CRUCIO! AVADA KEDAVRA!
*As I was running for my life, I was forced to conclude my highly informative interview with Bellatrix Lestrange*
Oh do you not see, the language so cruciated,
By your most unfortunate attempt in grammars?
Do you believe, for that moment that we're mirthed?
Well, then you are as mistaken as the Balaclava Brits.
Don't you see, your own insults to your common decency?
Do you not hear, our desperate attempts to save your sanity?
I hope you hear, I must hope you see.
But I think, you only see your vanity.
Vanity, vanity, everything vanity...
But then where are your humanity? The World wonder'd...
Dedicated to iluvtwilight, ellietwilight12 and every other rabid fan in the whole wide world. I plead to you: Stop this madness...
Inspiration: Alfred, Lord Tennyson; the Charge of the Light Brigade
By your most unfortunate attempt in grammars?
Do you believe, for that moment that we're mirthed?
Well, then you are as mistaken as the Balaclava Brits.
Don't you see, your own insults to your common decency?
Do you not hear, our desperate attempts to save your sanity?
I hope you hear, I must hope you see.
But I think, you only see your vanity.
Vanity, vanity, everything vanity...
But then where are your humanity? The World wonder'd...
Dedicated to iluvtwilight, ellietwilight12 and every other rabid fan in the whole wide world. I plead to you: Stop this madness...
Inspiration: Alfred, Lord Tennyson; the Charge of the Light Brigade
Okay so first of i am going to say again i am a fan of both.But if you would ask me what i like better i think it would probably be Harry Potter.But i want to hear out why do YOU dislike/hate(tho hate it's to of a strong word for a book/movie)Twilight.I want solid arguments not such as : cause the vampires there sparkle , like this Twilight fans could just say 'because Harry has a scar' or 'because they go to a school of magic' or 'because all death eaters are black(mostly)' i mean these are arguments just so you can say something.I tend to believe these days people hate/dislike Twilight just because others do.And i will ask you nicely and be thankful if you could tell me why you don't like it at all/hate it.
i persenally dont like ether series and heres why!!!
books
twilight
1) i am a reel vampire and i do not sparkl!!! stephanie shud have dun her reasearch before she wrote a book about vampires!!!
2) bella is a bad roll model!!!
4) edwerd is abusiv!!!
5) its unrealistic!!!
6) its badly writen!!!
7) edwerd is describd to much!!! it gets boring!!!
8) its boring overall!!!
harry potter
1) its not relatble!!!
2) its made for kids!!!
3)harry always beets te bad guy!!! he never looses!!!
4) harry gets away wit everything in skool!!!
5) they hav bad frends!!! ron leaves nd dosnt stay wit harry when peeps make fun of him!!!
6) its boring!!!
7) snape keeps his job even tho he bullys students nd is a deth eater!!!
8) dumbledoor doesnt reely care about harry!!! he leaves him at da durslys even tho they are abusiv!!!
movies
both movies hav bad actors nd the filmers didnt follows the boks the way they were suposed to!!!
books
twilight
1) i am a reel vampire and i do not sparkl!!! stephanie shud have dun her reasearch before she wrote a book about vampires!!!
2) bella is a bad roll model!!!
4) edwerd is abusiv!!!
5) its unrealistic!!!
6) its badly writen!!!
7) edwerd is describd to much!!! it gets boring!!!
8) its boring overall!!!
harry potter
1) its not relatble!!!
2) its made for kids!!!
3)harry always beets te bad guy!!! he never looses!!!
4) harry gets away wit everything in skool!!!
5) they hav bad frends!!! ron leaves nd dosnt stay wit harry when peeps make fun of him!!!
6) its boring!!!
7) snape keeps his job even tho he bullys students nd is a deth eater!!!
8) dumbledoor doesnt reely care about harry!!! he leaves him at da durslys even tho they are abusiv!!!
movies
both movies hav bad actors nd the filmers didnt follows the boks the way they were suposed to!!!