Harry Potter Vs. Twilight Article: How To End Breaking Dawn in 18 easy steps! (Blog Post by Vladimir of Romania)

5

How To End Breaking Dawn in 18 easy steps! (Blog Post by Vladimir of Romania)

posted by anydaynow

If I were to write “Breaking Dawn” (minus the part of the Volturi getting arrested by the police), here’s how it would go:

1. Bella beats up Jake for imprinting on her daughter

2. Volturi get word about Renesmee’s birth and rush off to Forks, bringing an entire army with them

3. Cullens get allies and several people who just flat-out hate the Volturi.

4. Wolves get in on it

5. Big battle ensues and several allies (like Tanya and Rosalie) die

6. Renesmee runs away and hides and Jacob follows her

7. Alice and Jasper show up with SEVERAL half-breeds

8. Volturi freaks out; one fathered a half breed

9. Cullens and allies beat them and kill them

10. Cullens are now the new Volturi; and they rule long and everyone is happy. Plus they change the laws and sign peace treaties with werewolves. vampires everywhere are happy.

11. Renesmee falls in love with a half-breed and breaks Jacob’s heart. He is forced to hook up with Leah, but she later abandons him and their children.

12. Stephan and myself return to Forks and infiltrate the Cullens from the inside.

13. We convince Jacob to go to Egypt and reveal himself to the humans.

14. Amun thinks he's the head honcho of the Middle East, so he'll take care of the mutt.

15. Bella becomes depressed and runs away to Egypt to be killed also.

16. Edward's not far behind.

17. The Cullens crumble and we seize power.

18. Well, they all lived happily ever after.
So now you know!

comments:
barbierose[/b[: well, that’s interesting! but where do I come in?
[b]dracula1: Tell me, blond one. Do you know how to drown a blond?
barbierose: SHUT UP!
alphawannabe: ouch! you made Jacob turn into a wuss!
she-wolf: only because he was an idiot.
vampdoctor: well, too bad for Aro; I wished he and I remained friends.
she-wolf: like you’d ever be friends with that viper!
gay4Carlisle: but we are friends! aren’t we, Carlisle?
(everyone else has logged off)
gay4Carlisle: but why does everyone have to leave me hanging whenever I show up?
redeyed: because we’re seen as the bad guys.
stillmourningforDidyme: and nobody even likes us!
gay4Carlisle: but that’s not fair! we get beaten and THEY get to take over! I don’t think that’s cool!
redeyed: Marcus, did you father any children?
stillmourningforDidyme: ok, ok! so I did! what’s the big deal?
redeyed: just checking.

CREDITS
brbierose - Rosalie Hale
dracula1 - Vladimir
alphawannabe - Paul Lahote
she-wolf - Leah clearwater
vampdoctor - Carlisle Cullen
gay4Carlisle - Aro
redeyed - Caius
stillmourningforDidyme - Marcus

Allies57, VampiresRevenge and 3 others like this

alexisn10 I actually like this waaaay better than the original ending. I'm loving the Cullens becoming the new Volturi and I LOVE Jacob and Leah! :D

cassie-1-2-3 That's so sad. Poor Jacob.

SuperNerd123 I would have liked it better if the volturi kills all the cullens in the battle, and bella sue, edward, renesmee and everyone else die slow painful deaths, and the volturi then takes over the world (with no one left to stop them), but your ending is still better than SMeyer's

tsmith120 I prefer the ending when, years from now when time travel is invented, the Terminator reads this book series and goes back in time to kill the author. Or the publisher. Or just finds some way of STOPPING THIS CRAP SERIES BEING SHOWN TO HUMANS IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!

RyanDawnset-40 How about this? There's secretly an ancient clan of vampires who lose their power in the sun. These guys hear about these upstart Cullens and wage a cold war on them, murdering as many as they can before the Cullens find out! Then, when they do find out, they meet the ancients in a battle(At night, to add suspense because they can only fight for so long before dawn) and fight from dusk until nearly dawn, with both sides suffering massive casualties... You know what, I should just write a fanfic with this ending.

3

Harry Potter cupcakes

added by lilcherrywine

Bellatrix

added by BellaLovett

4

HP Facebook convos

added by lilcherrywine

2

:) x

added by Italktosnakes

Source: fuckyeahharrypotter.tumblr

7

Adoption

added by KateKicksAss

1

Harry Potter?

added by Gred_and_Forge

Source: Tumblr

1

Breaking Dawn Part 1 Stills

added by KateKicksAss

5

Dumbledore pwns Bella

added by theblondegirl

1

Bella and Edward's Date Receipt

added by theblondegirl

Source: funnyreceipts.com

7

Metamorphosis

added by Gred_and_Forge

Source: Tumblr

7

At Least He Didn't......

added by KateKicksAss

Source: the Internet

2

First Deathly Hallows Epilogue Photos

added by narniafreak12

2

Why HP is better than Twilight

posted by ariba_c

I DID NOT WRITE THIS. IT IS JUST BEING COPIED AND PASTED.

First of all- Harry Potter isn’t just a childish bedtime story. Nor is it shallow. A story based off a single dream has no depth. Twilight fans will never what kind of man James was before he turned vampire. Rowling, however, spent 15 years planning every little detail. She created a world within our own for her witches and wizards. She has based their heritage off of real mythology and history. Their spells are in a dead language and they have organized governments with strict laws. She has followed her characters’ stories from...

1

Synopsis of Twilight fan violence: then and now.

posted by traceyhp

Before the twilight fans began a riot at a hot topics.

Twilight is a best-selling, supernatural teen romance series containing the events of a human (Bella), a vampire (Edward), and a werewolf (Jacob)situations in Forks, WA as the books progress. It has attracted a significantly high fan-base and it's movies grossed to over $700 million box-office. Much of the saga's acclaims range from young fans of the books and movies, all the way to the current President of the United States. Such acclaim is also met with the negativity of the public that are against the over-all plots and messages from the saga itself. The conflicts of interests towards the...

5

Some ways in which Twilight doesn't make sense

posted by hpotterforever7

Ok, some of this is opinion, some is fact, so don't critisize it because it is my opinion. And don't be rude in the comments section!

1. If the Cullens are "vampire's" that don't burn in the sun, don't drink blood, young, rich, immortal and beautiful, then why are they in Forks, Washington!? In HIGH SCHOOL!?

2. You say this story is about a Vampire, Werewolf and Human. I won't disagree with the human part, but the Cullens are NOT vampires. They don't drink blood, they don't die from a stake to the heart, they don't burn in the sun, and they don't have fangs. Jacob isn't a werewolf. He doesn't...

I Would Like To Be... Hermione Granger

posted by DivyaHarry

Intelligence, I was not born with. Talent, minimal. Endurance, plenty. I wish I could be a Hermione Granger. The world is a cruel place for a woman and a brainy one at that. The close I come to is a Ron Weasley.

Hermione, from her introduction, comes off as a snooty know-it-all. An outcast who never gets along with anybody because she knows too much. But as we move on in the series she becomes the strongest pillar of the trio. She thrives on competition and always comes on top. Being a muggle-born and to be accepted into the wizard-world she faces discrimination and isolation from many but...

2

The Name Origins of Harry Potter Villains

posted by KateKicksAss

Credit: f***yeahslytherin.tumblr.com
I found these fascinating, thought you guys might too, :)

Bellatrix - “Bella” is a construct of the word “bellum” meaning “war” and “trix” refers to “a woman in power.” Bellatrix is therefore known as the “Female Warrior” and is also the pale yellow star indicating the left shoulder of the constellation Orion, the Great Hunter.

Blaise - Blaise was the teacher of Merlin. From the Roman name Blasius, which means “lisping.” From the Latin “blaesus.” A famous bearer was Blaise Pascal, a French mathematician and philosopher.

Draco...

2

Why Harry Potter is waaaaaaaay better than Twilight.

posted by RavenclawRocks

OK, there are millions of people who write thest kind of articles, but please try and control your patience, and read this.

The Love
Harry Potter has love. Not lust.
Hermione didn't stare and Ron and say "OMG he is soooo hot, I am in love" no, Hermione and Ron started of as hating each other. Halfway through their first year they became friends. In HBP and DH they both started getting feelings for each other. They love each other for who they are. That is real love. Twilight on the other hand has no real love. Bella and Edward fall in love with each other, they kiss, Bella gets pregnant. ALL THIS...

8

Yes, they sparkle. Deal with it.

posted by KateKicksAss

One thing I've noticed in general is that anti's tend to make a pretty big deal out of the Twilight vampires sparkling. I've seen people saying things like real vampires don't sparkle, vampires not sparkling was a fact, and that it was gay of them to sparkle. Okay, of ALL the things to criticize in Twilight, people are going after the SPARKLING? Seriously?

First off, at least where I'm from, calling something “gay” as an insult is considered really rude and distasteful. Besides being rude and homophobic, it's also generalizing and stereotyping. Just because something sparkles doesn't make...

Regarding this spot and the recent decrease of fun - a disorganised rant

posted by Quaila

I was typing up an response to iluvtwilight_ for my personal enjoyment when someone reported the question and had it removed. I felt much frustration as what was once a very entertaining activity was reduced to pointlessness. This makes an already depressed person like me more depressed. Siriusly, I want to committ suicide now...

No, I don't... not yet. But I considered leaving for a brief moment.
But to address this problematic issue. I present: link. O.o What's this? Wikipedia has a specific project devoted to adding humour to the site? OMG, on such a serious site?

Yes, even on such a serious...