Hug me, I said.
He did.
Hug me harder, I say.
He does.
A little more, I urge.
The grip tightens.
Perfect.
Thank you, I said, humbly.
He just rocks me.
I bury my face in his grey scarf, breath in, breath in, breath in. It smells like him, I think. The fresh smell of rain and the rarest drop of sunshine. His love, his warmth. Lord, it smells like him.
The sky was grey. Ever so gloomy. Like me. Gloomy. Defeated Unwanted. Hurt. The wind howled in pain. I wondered if it’s the same pain as mine. The aching gnawing pain that tightens each passing second.
Is it?
His arms are so strong. Different, but still the same. It still held on to me like iron. A promise of never letting go. He never did, did he, I thought bitterly. He was always there. Always around the corner, ready to be my knight in a white horse. Where was I? Was I there for him? Can a 10 second call once in every3 months be “there?”
My breath hitches.
I bury further into his scarf and met his midnight blue shirt. Breathe in, breathe in. It smells of his aftershave. It smells of me. It smells of us. Laughing, shoving at each other. Ridding piggy back.
It smelled like us.
Did he fall in love?
Did he break his heart?
Was I there?
The wind is weeping. I feel the same. I want to cry. Cry for the moments we’ve lost. Cry for myself. Cry for this hurt. Cry for the past. Cry for the present. Cry for now.
Why doesn’t he say anything?
He’s standing here, hugging me, giving me that protection wall, without a word, without a hum.
How does he know me so well?
I’ve changed, yet he knows me like he’s been me.
He’s changed, I don’t know him but I know who he is.
My right hand on his back clutched him shirt tighter.
It’s starting to hurt again.
More than the aching gnawing pain. Its trailing its claws, slowly so slowly but so painfully.
It’s hardly the night, but the monsters have come.
He understood.
He clutches me tighter as he rocks us both.
How can I start?
Forget the start of this pain, but how can I explain the new one?
How do I begin to say I’m sorry? Sorry that I was selfish? Sorry that I was never there?
I’m sorry.
I hope it’s a good place to start. What we had, at the beginning, was so beautiful, so rare. You changed me and I didn’t even know. Between guy talk, girl talk, food talk, between screaming and debating, between forcing and threatening, you worked it. The ice melted. I didn’t even know.
I was there for you, I won’t deny.
At the time.
You went away.
But you were always there.
Was I?
It hurts, real bad, to know that I’ve failed.
I was never there.
So selfishly thought you have forgotten and wrapped myself in self pity.
Didn’t you have enough?
Why couldn’t you have ignored me and told me to go to hell that day?
Why did you come?
How could I?
How could I ever?
You don’t deserve this.
I don’t deserve this.
But I’m weak and I need the stand.
But it’s always been that way, hasn’t it?
I don’t even know if it’s ever been the other way around.
It’s blurry now. My eyes have welled up and I need just one word to break my defense and let it out.
You understood.
You always did.
So you say,
“Missed me, cara?”
I cry and nod.
I missed you, yes.
And I’m sorry.
It’s always like this we get together and I know you deserve better, but just for now,
I Need You Here
To a very special guy,
I’m sorry. I was never there. You were,
Thank you.
He did.
Hug me harder, I say.
He does.
A little more, I urge.
The grip tightens.
Perfect.
Thank you, I said, humbly.
He just rocks me.
I bury my face in his grey scarf, breath in, breath in, breath in. It smells like him, I think. The fresh smell of rain and the rarest drop of sunshine. His love, his warmth. Lord, it smells like him.
The sky was grey. Ever so gloomy. Like me. Gloomy. Defeated Unwanted. Hurt. The wind howled in pain. I wondered if it’s the same pain as mine. The aching gnawing pain that tightens each passing second.
Is it?
His arms are so strong. Different, but still the same. It still held on to me like iron. A promise of never letting go. He never did, did he, I thought bitterly. He was always there. Always around the corner, ready to be my knight in a white horse. Where was I? Was I there for him? Can a 10 second call once in every3 months be “there?”
My breath hitches.
I bury further into his scarf and met his midnight blue shirt. Breathe in, breathe in. It smells of his aftershave. It smells of me. It smells of us. Laughing, shoving at each other. Ridding piggy back.
It smelled like us.
Did he fall in love?
Did he break his heart?
Was I there?
The wind is weeping. I feel the same. I want to cry. Cry for the moments we’ve lost. Cry for myself. Cry for this hurt. Cry for the past. Cry for the present. Cry for now.
Why doesn’t he say anything?
He’s standing here, hugging me, giving me that protection wall, without a word, without a hum.
How does he know me so well?
I’ve changed, yet he knows me like he’s been me.
He’s changed, I don’t know him but I know who he is.
My right hand on his back clutched him shirt tighter.
It’s starting to hurt again.
More than the aching gnawing pain. Its trailing its claws, slowly so slowly but so painfully.
It’s hardly the night, but the monsters have come.
He understood.
He clutches me tighter as he rocks us both.
How can I start?
Forget the start of this pain, but how can I explain the new one?
How do I begin to say I’m sorry? Sorry that I was selfish? Sorry that I was never there?
I’m sorry.
I hope it’s a good place to start. What we had, at the beginning, was so beautiful, so rare. You changed me and I didn’t even know. Between guy talk, girl talk, food talk, between screaming and debating, between forcing and threatening, you worked it. The ice melted. I didn’t even know.
I was there for you, I won’t deny.
At the time.
You went away.
But you were always there.
Was I?
It hurts, real bad, to know that I’ve failed.
I was never there.
So selfishly thought you have forgotten and wrapped myself in self pity.
Didn’t you have enough?
Why couldn’t you have ignored me and told me to go to hell that day?
Why did you come?
How could I?
How could I ever?
You don’t deserve this.
I don’t deserve this.
But I’m weak and I need the stand.
But it’s always been that way, hasn’t it?
I don’t even know if it’s ever been the other way around.
It’s blurry now. My eyes have welled up and I need just one word to break my defense and let it out.
You understood.
You always did.
So you say,
“Missed me, cara?”
I cry and nod.
I missed you, yes.
And I’m sorry.
It’s always like this we get together and I know you deserve better, but just for now,
I Need You Here
To a very special guy,
I’m sorry. I was never there. You were,
Thank you.
Bullets fly through the air at a man behind a car. He rolls from the car to an alley avoiding the gun fire and makes a run for a motorcycle on the other side. Once getting there he pulls a .44 out of a saddle bag on the side and takes off as fast as it can go. No sooner than he hit the throttle the force was on him once again with heavy fire whizzing past his head. With them picking up speed he starts avoiding the incoming traffic hoping they continue to miss. He pulls the .44 from the holster and fires a few shots back. He turns back and holsters the gun and tries to stay ahead. After a few more blocks a cruiser gets beside him and shoots his back tire. The bike loses control and as he tries to turn it flings him off into the side of a parked car. With some broken ribs and a banged up leg and tries to run but hits the ground as an officer tackles him.
Well,he walked up to me and he asked me if I wanted to dance.
He looked kind of nice so I said I might take a chance.
When he danced he held me tight
And when he walked me home that night
All the stars were shining bright
And then he kissed me.
Each time I saw him I couldn't wait to see him again
I wanted to let him know that he was more than a friend
I didn't know just what to do
So I whispered " I love you"
And he said that he loved me too
And then he kissed me.
He kissed me in a way that I've never been kissed before,
he kissed me in a way that I wanna be kissed forever more.
I knew that he was mine so I gave him all the love that I had
And one day he took me home to meet his mum and his dad
Then he asked me to be his bride
And always be right by his side
I felt so happy I almost cried
And then he kissed me.
He looked kind of nice so I said I might take a chance.
When he danced he held me tight
And when he walked me home that night
All the stars were shining bright
And then he kissed me.
Each time I saw him I couldn't wait to see him again
I wanted to let him know that he was more than a friend
I didn't know just what to do
So I whispered " I love you"
And he said that he loved me too
And then he kissed me.
He kissed me in a way that I've never been kissed before,
he kissed me in a way that I wanna be kissed forever more.
I knew that he was mine so I gave him all the love that I had
And one day he took me home to meet his mum and his dad
Then he asked me to be his bride
And always be right by his side
I felt so happy I almost cried
And then he kissed me.