I loved her.
As much as I hated her now I had loved her then.
But I had a problem now. The hate was getting in the way of my whole life. It was like this shadow that was always two steps behind me waiting to lash out. I did what I thought would help. Ignored it. And guess what? It just got worse. It got to the point where I was cold to everyone. My friends tiptoed around me or avoided me altogether. My hatred and anger were controling my life. I should have asked for help but I was way to stubborn for that. Why would I need to talk to a shrink? They were for crazy people. So, after a few weeks of my friends avoiding me I realized what I needed to do. I needed to think about it. It would be like rubbing salt in a wound but I had to grin and bear it if I wanted to be happy again.
I started with the toughest thing, figuring that was the way to go. Get the worst over with.
Why hadn't I talked to Lyn?
I could have. Harper did. But why hadn't I?
I had made that decision and stuck to it. Why? Why? Why? Then it hit me like an atom bomb, and I hated the reason. Hated it more than anything. I knew I was so angry that I would say things I would regret later. I still respected her. After she had ripped my life apart why I still had any shred of civility, let alone RESPECT, for this women was beyond me. But at least I had an answer.
That night I kept thinking. Laying in bed, my mind replaying the last few months.Smiles had been few and far between but I ignored it, because that's what you do for people you love. You just pretend that everythings alright, that you didn't just see that look on Dad's face. I had opened a floodgate that I couldn't close. Water just rushed out. That was the first night I let myself breakdown. I cried myself to sleep, but it was okay. I was crying healing tears. As the little drops of emotion hit my pillow, I knew I had begun to heal.
As much as I hated her now I had loved her then.
But I had a problem now. The hate was getting in the way of my whole life. It was like this shadow that was always two steps behind me waiting to lash out. I did what I thought would help. Ignored it. And guess what? It just got worse. It got to the point where I was cold to everyone. My friends tiptoed around me or avoided me altogether. My hatred and anger were controling my life. I should have asked for help but I was way to stubborn for that. Why would I need to talk to a shrink? They were for crazy people. So, after a few weeks of my friends avoiding me I realized what I needed to do. I needed to think about it. It would be like rubbing salt in a wound but I had to grin and bear it if I wanted to be happy again.
I started with the toughest thing, figuring that was the way to go. Get the worst over with.
Why hadn't I talked to Lyn?
I could have. Harper did. But why hadn't I?
I had made that decision and stuck to it. Why? Why? Why? Then it hit me like an atom bomb, and I hated the reason. Hated it more than anything. I knew I was so angry that I would say things I would regret later. I still respected her. After she had ripped my life apart why I still had any shred of civility, let alone RESPECT, for this women was beyond me. But at least I had an answer.
That night I kept thinking. Laying in bed, my mind replaying the last few months.Smiles had been few and far between but I ignored it, because that's what you do for people you love. You just pretend that everythings alright, that you didn't just see that look on Dad's face. I had opened a floodgate that I couldn't close. Water just rushed out. That was the first night I let myself breakdown. I cried myself to sleep, but it was okay. I was crying healing tears. As the little drops of emotion hit my pillow, I knew I had begun to heal.
It’s the color of you
You always wore it
It’s the color we shared
As we hid from them
With it we showed our true selves,
Though no one cared
Our orange book bags
Were our shields from some of the pain
We protected each other
But it wasn’t enough
We were like two orange crayons
When everyone else was green
Then you left me alone,
All I had was our color orange
As they hit me
I took peace in knowing
You were in the orange field in the sky
You always said was there.
The orange of the sun set
Is your smile
Even though you left too soon
Orange…
Now it’s my color
My way of remembering you
Now I am the lone orange in the rainbow
Without you here
I protect my own
Though I wish you were here
Now orange is my color
A color for your bravery
A color for my survival
Orange will forever be our color
Even though death took you away
Forever orange for you,
Sweet Cassidy.
You always wore it
It’s the color we shared
As we hid from them
With it we showed our true selves,
Though no one cared
Our orange book bags
Were our shields from some of the pain
We protected each other
But it wasn’t enough
We were like two orange crayons
When everyone else was green
Then you left me alone,
All I had was our color orange
As they hit me
I took peace in knowing
You were in the orange field in the sky
You always said was there.
The orange of the sun set
Is your smile
Even though you left too soon
Orange…
Now it’s my color
My way of remembering you
Now I am the lone orange in the rainbow
Without you here
I protect my own
Though I wish you were here
Now orange is my color
A color for your bravery
A color for my survival
Orange will forever be our color
Even though death took you away
Forever orange for you,
Sweet Cassidy.
Violently, the ground shook,
As the mountain exhaled black smoke.
Overwhelmed, they ran for cover,
Those left began to choke.
Cherished, were the possessions left behind,
Melted and scattered as ash.
Beloved, the children lost,
They couldn’t make a swift dash.
Darkened, the cloudy heavens above,
Black clouds fell from the sky.
Covered, the people escaping,
With no way out they began to die.
Lost, the souls of the trapped,
A snatched half-chance at life.
Fallen is Pompeii;
Civilisation, love and it’s people’s cries.
As the mountain exhaled black smoke.
Overwhelmed, they ran for cover,
Those left began to choke.
Cherished, were the possessions left behind,
Melted and scattered as ash.
Beloved, the children lost,
They couldn’t make a swift dash.
Darkened, the cloudy heavens above,
Black clouds fell from the sky.
Covered, the people escaping,
With no way out they began to die.
Lost, the souls of the trapped,
A snatched half-chance at life.
Fallen is Pompeii;
Civilisation, love and it’s people’s cries.