Look around you, I told myself, over and over and over again. Look around you, and cry. Cry freely, girl.

But I didn't. I couldn't find the strength to cry... to make the tears fall from my eyes. I didn't think I was ready to let the tears hit the ground with a soft patter; to wince at the sad and depressing sound that came from my mouth; to let Duncan see that I couldn't handle anything.

I looked up at him. His eyes were glazed and pained as he gazed into mine. I immediately felt a pang of guilt, and I sighed.
"Mina?" He brushed my cheek.
I didn't answer. I wanted to cry -- yet I didn't... I had no idea why. I wanted to let it all go, yet the other half of me, the more determined half.. warned me not to let it go until it was the right time.

Whatever that was.

"Duncan..." I would do it. I would break up with Duncan. "I'm... sorry." Well, that's great, my sarcasm inside me sneered. You're sorry. How delightful. Want me to tell you I'm sorry, too?
No. That won't help, I pleaded with myself.
That's wonderful. So... go ahead and tell him you're sorry..
SHUT UP!! I screamed to myself.
I paused. Duncan didn't say anything, he regarded me, nervous, sad, and he knew what was happening. But could I do it? Maybe I was being dumb. Who was I to break up with him? Why did I do it? If I had no reason... then why?

"I understand you, Mina," he said quietly, his eyes becoming shinier by the moment.
"That's good," I whispered, looking down.
"I know what you want." He paused, looking at me one time over. "But before... please, Mina... tell me why."
"What?" I was startled by his question.
"What did I do?" He was still as upset as he ever was.
I closed my eyes, hoping they'd stay that way forever, so that I'd never have to see anything ever again. Blackness was better. I could see clearly. Everything else as blurred with tears.

"Nothing." My voice was almost inaudible.
"Then why--" Duncan broke off, then tried to pull back. "Let me guess. You've moved on."
I could have said yes then, to make everything so mcuh easier... but I didn't. Something in me was protesting... and I couldn't help but notice. My longing for Duncan burned in me, and I hated myself for doing this as much as I hated myself for everything else in the world that I did wrong. But that something burned strong in the depth of my heart... and whatever it was, that something made me disagree.
"No," I murmured, my voice muffled. "It's not that."
"You don't like me anymore..." he guessed, clearly not realizing the double-meaning in his sentence.

That hit me with so much regret that I suddenly sprang back to life again. "No!" I protested. "I like you too much, Duncan. That's the problem."
He didn't get it. To be honest, I didn't, either.

Duncan was confused. "Then what.." he didn't finish.
"I'll go," I said softly. "You don't want me to be here."
I stood up, and I ran, as fast as I could in my coffee-brown and white flats, ignoring with all my will when Duncan called back to me.
I refused to turn my head back even once, because I knew my desire for him would take over. So I ran.

I threw open my penthouse door, and I ran, sobbing, into my bedroom. It wasn't fair. Duncan loved... me? He was too perfect. He could find someone like him; every inch as perfect as he is.
I flung myself face-first onto my pillow.

And I cried, letting my cry muffle against the pillow.

I loved, with the strong longing for Duncan somewhere in my heart.

I saw the world as it was... dark and horrible and loveless.

Speak, Mina, speak.
Love, Mina, love.
Cry, Mina, cry... <3