A lot of people think Moonraker is the worst Bond film, but what about Nightmare Moonraker?

We begin in western europe, as an airplane with ponies that are learning to skydive is flying 30,000 feet above the air

Russian pony: I have never done this before. Have you?
Con: No.
Russian pony: Oh you from United States of Equestria?
Con: Yeah. So is this pony
Luna: Hi.
Russian pony: Hello *casts a spell*
Con: What are you doing?
Russian pony: *turns luna evil*
Nightmare moon: *grabs parachutes*
Con: What did you do?
Russian pony: I turned Luna evil!
Con: You sick asshole *hits russian*
Russian pony: *pushes Con toward door*
Con: *opens door*
Russian pony: Whoa *nearly falls out*
Con: *hits russian*
Nightmare moon: *gives russian parachute*
Russian: *falls out*
Con: Where did he get that?
Nightmare moon: *pushes Con out of plane*
Con: *falls*
Nightmare moon: *puts on parachute*
Con: *spots russian*
Russian pony: *falling 100 miles an hour*
Con: *falls faster*
Russian pony: Wat?!
Con: *hits russian*
Russian pony: *kicks Con*
Con: *grabs parachute*
Nightmare moon: *jumps out of plane*
Russian pony: You can't have it!
Con: Why not?
Russian pony: Because then I'll die!
Con: good *takes parachute*
Russian pony: NOOOOO!!!
Con: *puts on parachute*
Nightmare moon: *falling toward Con*
Con: 0_o
Nightmare moon: *grabs Con*
Con: *deploys parachute*
Nightmare moon: Damn! Almost had him! *pulls string* Well at least I have wings. *flies away*
Con: Thank god she's gone

Fillies & Gentlecolts, I present to you the 9th Con Mane story, Nightmare Moonraker

Starring

Doughnut Joe................................Con Mane
Russians.......................................Bad guys
Germans........................................Good guys
Princess Luna.................................Nightmare Moon
Twilight Sparkle...............................Twilight Goodhead
Pinkie Pie.........................................P
Spike................................................S
Fenix Lighter....................................Theirselves
Drake Hugo
Iron Will

Cars provided by

Coltillac
Dodge
Chevronet
Foallari
Hoofington

After the horrible events of Nightmare Moon arriving, Con made his way to Canterlot.

S: Con, come in!
Con: I'm here S. What is it?
S: I was testing something out, and P wants to tell you something.
P: *pushes S* Hallo?
Con: P, how are you?
P: Very scared! Nightmare Moon is joined forces with an evil pony in Russia. They plan to leave our planet, and destroy it. Your mission is to stop them from destroying the world.
Con: Who is Nightmare Moon working with?
P: Drake Hugo, a german scientist that is also an expert with spaceships.
Con: And he's in russia?
P: In stalliongrad to be exact.
Con: Alright. I'm heading there right now.
P: M.I.3 will be sending an agent to help you. She's a purple unicorn with a black man's voice.
Con: Twilight Goodhead. Fenix told me about her.
P: Ach. Well you two should get along then. Over und out!

Con went into Stalliongrad where he met Agent Goodhead.

Twilight: Man I still have this black man's accent! Even in a James Bond parody!
Con: Hello Miss. Goodhead.
Twilight: Who R U?
Con: I come from the C.I.E. My name is Mane. Con Mane, and Fenix Lighter has told me about you.
Twilight: Man, he told me about you. What are we up to?
Con: Didn't your boss tell you?
Twilight: No man, I don't get told anything!
Con: We have to stop the russians, from destroying the world. They have very powerful missiles, and only need to aim at three cities.
Twilight: Alright then let's go. I know a secret way into their base.

So the two spies went to the secret place. All they had to do was take the cable car down into a lower part of Stalliongrad.

Con: So we just take the cablecar & we're there?
Twilight: No man, we go by car the rest of the way.
Con: Do you have your own?
Twilight: No, but I can steal one. Don't tell anypony though.
Con: *laughs* I won't

Suddenly the cable car stopped.

Twilight: Why did we stop?
Con: I don't know. Let's go on the roof *climbs up*
Twilight: *follows Con*
NMM: *riding other cable car*
Con: Oh no.
Twilight: What's wrong?
Con: See that black alicorn heading toward us?
Twilight: Man, that's RACIST!! what about her?
Con: That's Nightmare Moon, and all she cares about is making others miserable.
Nightmare Moon: Stop the car!
Bald pony: *stops cable car*
Con: Well now that we're both on top of cars on cable 500 feet above ground, what are we gonna do?
NMM: *jumps onto other cable car*
Con: Wha-
NMM: *hits Con*
Twilight: *losing balance*
Con: *hits NMM*
Twilight: *gains balance*
NMM: *pushes Twilight*
Twilight: Man, I just got my balance!
Con: *grabs Twilight* You ok?
Twilight: Yeah man, thanks *hits NMM*
Con: *opens part of roof*
NMM: *kicks Con*
Twilight: *pushes NMM into cablecar*
Con: *locks door* Hand me that hook
Twilight: *gives Con hook*
NMM: *hits roof*
Con: *puts hook on cable* Hold on to me
Twilight: Alright let's go
Con: *goes down line*
NMM: Make the right car go
bald pony: *makes cable car go*
Twilight: Man, she's getting closer to us!
Con: Just hang on.
NMM: FASTER!
Bald pony: *makes car go faster*
Twilight: *sweats nervously*
NMM: *laughs villianously*
Con: JUMP *falls on ground*
Twilight: *falls on ground*
NMM: NO!
Bald pony: *runs away*
NMM: OH SHIIIIIIIIIIT!!! *runs into station*
Con: Even cable cars can crash.
NMM: *stuck in debris*
Iron will: May I help you?
NMM: yes
Iron will: *gets debris off NMM*
NMM: *falls in love with Iron Will*
Iron Will: *does the same with NMM*

Con & Twilight continued to the secret base.

Twilight: Alright were here. We need to sneak in *turns invisible*
Con: *turns invisible*
Russian pony35: *enters base*
Con & Twilight: *follow russian*
Russian pony35: hm?
Twilight: *snaps russian's neck*
Russian pony45: Hold on. *walks toward Twilight*
Con: *puts silencer on gun*
Russian pony45: huh? Там есть плавающая пушка! *there's a floating gun*
Con: *shoots russian pony*
Russian pony36: Там есть плавающая пушка!
Con: *kills that russian* How many are we dealing with here?
Twilight: Man I don't know! Find cover!
Russian pony57: Liars. А ты дремал на работу тоже! *Liars. And you're napping on the job too!*
Con: Являются ли они? *Are they?*
Russian pony57: *grabs gun* Who's there? Show yourself!
Con: *turns visible* I was infront of you the whole time. *kills russian pony*
Twilight: Nice man *takes gun* We gotta go now *runs into hallway*
Con: They're all working out.
Twilight: How long are these guys going into space?
Con: No clue. If it's past an hour maybe for a month.
Russian pony64: Эй. Вы двое! А здесь *Hey. You two! Over here*
Con: Da?
Russian pony64: Получить в том, что машина! *Get in that machine!*
Con: Ok. *gets in*
Twilight: Человек как насчет меня? *Man what about me?!*
Russian pony64: Оставайся здесь со мной *stay here with me* *activates machine*
Con: *spins in circle*
Russian pony: *makes it faster*
Con: I... think I'm.. gonna barho *tries to use magic*
Russian pony64: 200 miles an hour. He'll die if it's any faster *makes machine faster*
Con: *disables machine*
Russian pony64: *looks at speedometer*
Twilight: *kills russian pony*
Con: *gets out*
Twilight: You alright?
Con: I'm alright. Let's just not make another spin on things.
Twilight: Right *walks down hallway*

The two spies went on until they reached the space ships.

Twilight: Man we found the spaceships.
Con: Hey, look over there.
Twilight: They have a map of the cities they're attacking.
Con: San Fran, Tokyo, and Hong Kong.
Twilight: Man if we're to stop those rockets from hitting them cities we have to get on the ship. I have a plan. *teleports them onto ship*
Con: Perfect. We just need to get in disguise now.
Twilight: Right *gets disguise*
Con: *stares at Twilight's ass*
Twilight: May I help you?
Con: You already are *gets in disguise*
Twilight: *gets in disguise* We need to kill everypony in this room. There's a machine we gotta disable if we're to prevent the missiles from taking off.
Con: I see it. *grabs gun*
Twilight: *sneaks toward machine*
Con: *kills enemies*
Twilight: *disables machine* Got it. LOOK OUT!
Con: Why?
NMM: *hits Con*
Con: You! *wrestles NMM*
Twilight: Man leave him alone! *kicks NMM*
NMM: *hits Twilight*
Con: *grabs pipe*
NMM: *kicks con*
Con: *hits NMM with pipe*
NMM: *grabs pipe, and bends it in half*
Drake: That's enough! Seize them!
Russians: *arrest Twilight & Con*
Drake: What were you thinking Mr. Mane?
Con: That I would stop a mad scientist, but I guess not.
Drake: You have guessed correctly. Put these two in the prison cells.
Russians: *take Con & twilight to prison cells*
Drake: You did an excellent job fighting them.
NMM: Thank you. Now I must go. I brought Iron Will on here with me, and I do not want to keep him waiting.

Con & Twilight were in the prison cells on the ship, but they still had a radio.

Twilight: Man, can anypony hear me?
S: Is that you Twilight? Where's Mane?
Con: Right here S. Listen, we need you to call in reinforcements from M.I.3.
S: Is that neccesary? Where are you two?
Russian pony87: *hears radio*
Twilight: Man just do it!
Russian pony87: Who are you talking to?
Twilight: Con man. Nopony else I can talk to.
Russian pony87: Well uh, keep it quiet.
Con: Sure *breaks jail door*
Russian pony74: HEY!
Twilight: *shoots enemy*
Con: *takes pistol*
NMM: Sir? Con & Twilight have escaped.
Drake: Then what are you sitting there for? Go get them!
NMM: Yes sir
Drake: *drives into space station* Colonel, how many missiles do we have?
Russian colonel: 95 sir.
Drake: Perfect. More then enough for our attack!

Meanwhile

Twilight: They're about to launch some missiles. Try to get their serial number. We can type them in this computer, and they won't launch.
Con: Alright. You type, I'll tell you what numbers to hit. 4-3-2
Twilight: *hits numbers*
Con: Good. Next one is 6-5-9
Twilight: *hits numbers*
Con: Perfect. Only two more, next one is 4-6-2
Twilight: *hits numbers*
Con: And for the grand finale, a four digit number. 2-6-6-6
Twilight: Man that's too easy *hits numbers*
Con: We got them all. Now we have to destroy the weaponry.
Drake: Or you can surrender? Hooves up
Con: 20 soldiers, really?
NMM: I'm one of them.
Con: He's just using you. Nopony would hire you for anything.
NMM: Seriously?
Drake: Shut up, now!
Con: Luna, you've seen the way he treated you when you informed him about our escape. How did it make you feel?
NMM: *turns back into Luna*
Drake: NOO! Kill all three of them!
Germans: *shoot space station*
Drake: *falls on floor*
Russian pony42: It's the germans!
Fenix: Watch your fire. We have two friendlies in there.
German captain: Ten 4 Commander.
German pony55: *shoots weaponry*
Drake: Stop them!
Russians: *get toward artillery guns*
Con: *shoots three russians*
German pony38: We have enemy turrets aiming at us!
Russian pony95: *aims turret*
German pony24: *shoots turret*
Con: *runs after Drake*
Luna: Where is he going?
Twilight: After Drake. Don't worry about it. *kills russian*

Con chased Drake toward a loading bay in the space station.

Con kept chasing Drake until he got to a room where more missiles were being launched.

Drake: You seemed to have lost me. Where do you think these are heading?
Con: *disables machine*
Drake: You were lucky that time Mane. It won't happen again!
Russian pony83: *runs in*
Con: *kills russian*
Drake: Why are you doing this, when you can join me? The world sucks!
Con: *destroys other machine*
Drake: How about if I operate two of them at once?
Con: *destroys first*
Drake: Stop that! I ORDER YOU!
Con: *destroys other machine*
Drake: NO NO NO!! *runs in room*
Con: Ah, so nice to see you Drake.
Drake: *hits Con*
Con: Hey take it easy. *opens door* Why don't you take a giant step for ponykind?
Drake: *goes through door*
Con: *gets Drake into space* Forgot your space suit? Oh well.

Con & Twilight now had to escape, but there was something blocking the way.

Luna: I'll get that out of your way. Go without me.
Con: Are you sure? Who's going to raise the moon?
Luna: My sister can, Now go!
Con: *leaves space station*
Iron Will: *brings champagne bottle*
Luna: Here's to us. *opens bottle*

Luna got out with magic, and would try not to become Nightmare Moon ever again.

The End

Con Mane will return in For Your I's Only.