Lucifer recap: 'Chloe Does Lucifer' 

Do you live like a top hat, or like a shoe? It’s the question Lucifer grapples with in an episode that opens with some suggestive Chloe/Lucifer sexy talk. But surprise! They’re actually playing Monopoly with Trixie.

Lucifer’s offended at being offered the shoe token when he’s clearly a top hat. (Also, he thinks the thimble is a shot glass.) When he arrives home post game with a Trixie-supplied unicorn painted on his cheek, he finds Amenadiel there to check on him.

Lucifer talks up his wild and crazy sex life, which gives hope to the masses. But Amenadiel applauds Lucifer for spending a night in and says that boring suits him. Naturally, Lucifer rejects this in the absolute.

Now to the victim of the week: Computer engineer Kim Jones is found dead in her apartment from blunt force trauma to the head courtesy of something small, compact, and heavy, per Ella.

Kim’s vapid roommate Esther asks for a selfie with the “handsome cop,” then beelines to Dan, who gets further under Lucifer’s skin by agreeing that Lucifer’s becoming downright normal. Esther didn’t know her sad-sack roommate well but reports that Kim got into a yelling match on the phone the night before.

Kim’s final call was to Top Meet, an exclusive dating app that requires a recommendation and preliminary interview for all users. The CEO is Mack Slater, voted L.A.’s most interesting bachelor. He smarms all over Chloe, who’s just his type, but she’s more interested in why Kim was screaming at him the night of her death.

Mack says he didn’t know her, but after she didn’t pass the admission requirements, she hacked the app, prompting user complaints about a “nobody” joining their ranks. She was kicked off the app, hence the furious phone call. And without a warrant, Mack refuses to turn over the names of the users who complained.

The police are still able to investigate from Kim’s end, and they discover that she had a sushi date with a user named Forever29 the night of her death. Unfortunately, Forever29’s profile shot is a close-up of his eyes, so facial recognition won’t work. But he did register for an upcoming Top Meet mixer.

As the only interesting single person, Lucifer volunteers to go. Sure, Forever29’s a guy, but “I’m so good at flipping men, they call me the skillet,” he brags. Chloe ignores him and reluctantly agrees to make herself into a female version of Lucifer for the night. “Chloe does Lucifer?” Ella asks, delighted. Sorry, viewers who were hoping for a different interpretation of that phrase!

Lucifer’s on board and starts his training wth Barbie dolls, but the Chloe doll’s talk of Costco kills the Lucifer doll of boredom. (Come sit next to me, Chloe; I can discuss Costco for hoooours.) Then they move on to role reversal, with Chloe as Lucifer and Lucifer tossing his hair in a way that Chloe never, ever has.

In the end, Chloe arrives at the mixer in her best Lucifer-esque outfit: a sleek black suit with no shirt underneath. She removes the bullet necklace — “not Lucifer’s style” — but swipes his pocket square for her breast pocket. She really does look smashing.

Lucifer gives her an earpiece so he can coach her, and his suggestion that she laugh as she introduces herself makes her sound like “a demented witch on crack,” he declares. It gets worse when she sticks her finger into another guy’s martini and rubs the olive all over her face.

She finally ditches her earpiece and goes it alone, causing Lucifer to storm inside and demand she put it back in. Hearing this, the man she’s talking to bolts.

It’s Forever29, and he’s celebrity deejay Benji, who ran assuming they were paparazzi. He and Kim’s roommate Esther went on two exhausting dates, but only because he met Kim at the apartment on the first date and hoped to see her again on the second one. Eventually, he and Kim connected on the app, and yes, they went out the night of her death.

Lucifer’s boggled that Benji used a top hat like Esther to get to a shoe like Kim, then makes a thoughtful face when Benji says he could just be himself with Kim. You know, the Kim/Benji story would make a super cute rom-com…were it not for the murder, of course.

Chloe suggests a jealous Esther may have killed Kim, and this becomes more likely when they spot a dumbbell in the background of one of Esther’s apartment Insta selfies.

When asked, Esther claims ignorance of the dumbbell’s current whereabouts, claiming she doesn’t even work out. But her façade crumbles under Lucifer’s “what do you desire” whammy: She’s exhausted from faking all of her glamorous international selfies, and

she works out. Also, she says Kim planned to get surgery as soon as “the money” came in, although she doesn’t know from where.

Lucifer’s rocked that his top hat radar was so wrong with Esther and tells Chloe he needs to go hang out with interesting people before she turns him into a shoe. 

(Next page: Dr. Linda airs some celestial grievances)