Harry Potter Article: Hogwarts "Yo Momma" Jokes

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posted by SwarlsBarkley

Compiled from the Twitter contest held by @nerdist.

JanetVarney: Yo momma so fat the Sorting Hat put her in all four houses

chris8675309: Yo mamma so stupid, she thinks Sirius Black is the soul station on satellite radio

sarazafar: Yo mama so fat she tried to eat Cornelius Fudge

dino_rider: Yo mama’s so ugly the Dementor’s Kiss was swapped out for a hearty handshake and a promise to give her a call sometime.

bradheintz: Yo mama so nasty, Dobby wouldn’t take her sock

Burnaway: Yo momma so skanky, even her patronus got knocked up

chompychomp: Yo mama so stupid, she drowned in a pensieve

Dick_M: yo momma so dumb she thought that she could talk to snakes if she put parsley on her tongue

dtejano: Yo mama’s so masculine, she makes Dumbledore go, “DAAAYYYUMM!”

habcous: yo mamma so nasty, every pair of her panties has the Dark Mark

HakSolo: your mom is so fat if she confronted a boggart it would morph into a treadmill

dantelfer: Yo mamma so fat, she has to enchant her panties into a portkey to get out of a chair

dirk_funk: Yo mama so fat it takes two boggarts to shape-shift into her

MarioEGarcia: yo mama so poor she went to Honeydukes and put a chocolate frog on layaway

melgotserved: Yo momma’s so fat she got stuck in the Floo Network

melgotserved: Yo momma’s so fat her wand is a Slim Jim

MikeDrucker: Yo’ Momma so fat she joined the Death Eaters ’cause she was hungry

MsJG: Yo Momma’s so fugly that even Voldemort won’t speak her name

paulscheer: Yo Mamma is so fat that even the Dementors can’t suck out her soul in one sitting

phirm: Yo Mama so nasty, everybody call her “She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Naked”

Taborifica: Yo momma so fat even her Quidditch robes have stretch marks

MarioEGarcia Yo momma's so fat the sorting hat assigned her to the House of Pancakes

cvgurau: Your momma so dumb, they put the Sorting Hat on her head and all it heard was an echo.

chris8675309: Your momma so fat, she looked in the mirror of Erised and saw a ham

DavidAkers: Yo momma so old, there ain't an Age Line that can stop her.

elchupahueso: your family's so poor that you make the weaseleys look like the Malfoy's!

girl_noir: Yo mamma so fat, she splinched herself an' nobody noticed.

HakSolo: Your mom is so ugly when she walked into Gringotts Wizarding Bank, they gave her a job application.

hollibo83: yo mama so ugly when she was born the doctor screamed "riddikulus"

MarioEGarcia: Yo mama so old, she used to babysit Dumbledore

DavidAkers: Yo momma so ugly, no one can tell when she's an Animagus.

R-Silent: Yo momma so fat her patronus is a cake

Princess_Eliza_, ImagingSociety and 212 others like this

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izzah25 XD I think I just died and went to Harry Potter heaven.

minneymoo lol it is so funny all of them mostly the snape one lol it is awsome i almost died laughing

awsomnessppg whao what the fuck

maryberry819 epic

waterfall2000 Hi.

hermionewaston bloody hilarious

LadyEmzy16 LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL!!!!!! SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUNNY!

summers6 erm. I don't get it

7bella3 Your momma so ugly that when she looked at a moveing picture it would freeze and show up words saying ''DON'T LOOK AT ME'' Your momma so stupid when snape said if you fail a potion it will turn in to crap and pee and dirt and your momma thought it was cool to have an little 'acient' Lol my cousin (shes like 5) made up the 2nd one,she said more 'dirty' things but i didnt include them in here

harryandkelc yo moma so old she left hogwarts 7 years early!

7bella3 ^oh i get it :L lol its suposted to be 7 years but shes sooo old that she had to leave in 7 days

123Fun34 i died laughing at all those LOL

harryandkelc lol sooo funny

cinnominbubble Omg awsome!!!

delena-elemon RATED!!!!

bethanyblair LOL!!!!!!!!

waterfall2000 :):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):) Im not wearing socks:-) look at the monkey! LOOK AT IT!

7bella3 You mama so fat,when snape tried to duell with her,he got knocked over by her fart You mama so stupid when she said wingardenaluso (i cant rember the proper spell) she had killed every 1st years and every 7 years at hogwarts (Oops! Said Mama) lol

tammy1a LOL

Ebony_and_Ivory lmafo! yo mamma just got burned!!!!!!

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IrisxDean7 yo mama so ugly when she was born the doctor screamed "riddikulus" Classic indeed!! XD

ThatOneVulcan1 Pretty funny.

Malfoy_4_life Hahahahahhahaha.. These are hilarious. thanks for posting them everyone. cant stop laughing..

autumn777 i'm dying🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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HP

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Bonnie<3

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Harry Potter

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New DH PICS

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Helena

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Harry Potter cast

added by sahour95

Dramione fan fic (Shouldnt have turned around) part 1

posted by lorythefangirl

(From the view of Draco)
Have you ever seen something so beautiful as light? What ever it is that you saw it would never be as beautiful as the light I have just witnessed as it stands this light which holds my heart together in one piece ceases to know I existed. Even though we walked down the same corridors to such things as laborious lessons that I cannot wish to attend, she floats on cloud nine as she embraces her muggle-born ways that I Draco Malfoy mock her with my own undying love to her... the more she floats the more I fall and the only way that I can hold onto her and actually speak...

2

I'll Stand By You [Draco Malfoy] o4

posted by Matsuo_Yumi

The two of us; Kaitlyn and I, walked through the large doors and into the Entrance Hall. The entrance Hall was crowded as it always was on the first day. Students of all years were entering in groups, leaving the First Years a little startled. They probably didn’t know where to go, what to do, whom to look for. I smiled to myself, we were just like that! Some five years ago, I realised that we had grown only when I saw the little ones.
“Cal? Caldera?” I turned towards Kaitlyn, who looked irritated.
I raised an eyebrow, “What did I do?”
“We were talking, remember?” she said, furrowing...

3

Diagon Alley? How About Whimsical?!

posted by CatiePotter

I have always wondered if there were other magic markets besides Diagon Ally in England. My Family and I were doing a HP party at Barnes and Noble and my mother was talking to another mom who was actually doing a HP week with her children. She mentioned to my mom about a HP magic shop in Los Angelous. We finally jumped in the car and did a loooong drive to Los Angelous.

The store is called Whinsic Alley. To have a look at them at www.WhinsicAlley.com . If you are interested after you read this reveiw you may have visit them at 2717 1/2 Wilshire Blvd.
What an amazing store!!!! This store wasn't...

6

5th Year, Not-So-Perfect Chapter 8

posted by peppergirl30

The world finally felt in balance. And for some reason, I knew that my mother would eventually find out about Hugo becoming back to ''normal'' again. My father would probably tell her.
But Hugo is far from being his normal self. Whenever we're at meals, he always glances awkwardly at Abby and Blake, his two ''friends'' that practically changed him completely. But now, all is well.

''So,'' I ask Hugo, ''Have you caught up with all your homework?''

Today, we're sitting with our usual crew: Lily, James, Albus, Aimee, and Lizzie, but with the exception of Roxy and Fred.

He takes a swallow of...

6

5th Year, Not-So-Perfect Chapter 7

posted by peppergirl30

When I woke up, I made some decisions. First: I was going to put off writing to my mother. She can't solve all our problems, especially when she isn't here. Second: I was going to talk to Hugo. I knew that it wouldn't be easy, but I was still going to try. Third: I should talk to my cousins more often.
I got up, and ''made'' my cot, and walked into Hagrid's ''main'' part of his hut. Most of my cousins were awake, the only ones who were still asleep were Louis and Teddy.

''While the men are asleep..'' Dominique whispered, ''Is anyone in the bathroom?''

Victoire said no, and Dominique disappeared...

4

Barty Crouch and the Triwizard Tournament

posted by dragonsmemory

The following is in answer to the question about Barty Crouch's role in the events of 1994-1995. Please keep in mind that this follows both Crouches, is as chronological as possible, and contains some speculation.

In the early 1980s, Barty Crouch Jr. (who will becreferred to as Junior) joined the Death Eaters. He was among those branded with the Dark Mark. This means that Junior was among Voldemort's inner circle, as only they were permitted to bear the Mark.
Some time after Voldemort's first fall, hhe fell in with the Lestrange family. The four Death Eaters wer looking for Voldemort, wanting...

3

"HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS – Part I" (2010) Review

posted by DR76

"HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS – Part I" (2010) Review

I have been a major fan of J.K. Rowling’s "HARRY POTTER" novels as much as the next person. But I would have never become a fan if it had not been for the movie adaptations of the novels. Mind you, I have not harbored a high opinion of all the movie adaptations. It has been a mixed bag for me over the past nine years. Of the seven movies that were made, I have a high opinion of at least four of them. And last year's movie - "HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS – Part I" - happened to be one of them.

I never thought I would...

2

Sorely Missed and Sadly Remembered

posted by LadyNottingham

Chapter 2

Once Hermione was finished with cleaning Snape’s face, they decided to bring him back to the castle for a proper burial. They could not let him there, abandoning him like this after all he had done for them. He still had his black school robe on. They wrapped him in carefully, feeling respect for him like they had never felt before. Hermione took the Potions Master’s wand with her, putting it in her sleeve.

With a Levitation Charm, they brought him back to the castle, but not through the secret passageway this time. It would take more time but it would be easier and more dignified...

1

how to make TOOTHFLOSSING STRINGMINTS&acid pops

posted by dannylynn92

1 Egg White (buy ready pasteurised egg white from the shop, rather than just using raw eggs)
12 oz Icing Sugar (powdered sugar)
3 drops Peppermint Essence
Liquorice Laces

Instructions
Whisk egg white until frothy.
Beat in sugar and essence.
Knead well.
Shape into spheres by rolling between palms.
Wrap in liquorice laces.
Cool in fridge. :)

lollipops (Way-Sour Charms Blow Pops, Dum Dums, etc)
Pop Rocks (whatever flavor you choose)

Instructions
Remove the lollipops from their original wrappers.
Open the Pop Rocks and pour them in a shallow bowl.
If your lollipops are not sticky enough on their own, dip them quickly in plain water.
Roll the lollipops in the Pop Rocks until they are completely covered.
Wrap them in plain wax paper squares.
The Pop Rocks immediately start losing their "pop" when in contact with the moisture in the lollipops, so assemble these as close in time to serving as possible for the best effect

7

Lilly and Severus: Tangled. Chapter one.

posted by 11Anime_Fool

The pumpkin juice was spilled all over Severus Snape's face, and some managed to dribble into his jet black hair (which in Lilly's opionion, wasn't greasy but more silky). His clothes were too big, and hung over him, like drapery on a curtain rod. "Sev," Lilly Evans hissed across the table, "there's some juice in your hair." He flushed a shade of scarlet, embarassed at the thought of how rediculous he must look. He grabbed a cloth napkin off the table, and seemingly scrubbed his face, as if rubbing it harder would make James Potter's laughter stop. Lilly caught Severus's hand. "You shouldn't...

5

Daniel Radcliffe Tells:'Half-Blood' Could BeThe 'Funniest' Film taken by veritaserum.com

posted by gossipgirlstar2

Every year at Hogwarts seems to get darker and darker. But when Harry Potter starts his sixth year in "Half-Blood Prince," expect things to lighten up a bit.

"If we pull [it] off [right], it should be the funniest of the films so far," Daniel Radcliffe promised.

That's because, as director David Yates points out, it's the "sex, drugs, and rock and roll" of the Potter books, with massive making-out sessions to occur for several characters — Ron and Lavender, Harry and Ginny — as they come of age. "It's the 'American Graffiti' for this set," Yates said. "I'm looking forward to developing the...

6

Dombledore is not dead

posted by FloCircle

Well... maybe not. At least, I don't think he is.

I must admit, J.K. completely got me. I fell for it all, hook, line and sinker.

I waited on line at midnight on July 16 to be among the first to get a copy of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, like millions of others around the world, and I had it completely read by the afternoon of the next day.

Caught up in the roller coaster of J.K.'s marvelous and fantastic mysteries, Snape's betrayal and the death of Dumbledore caught me completely by surprise. Dumbledore was dead, and on top of that, Snape had done it.

My brand-new copy of Half-Blood...

Christmas time at Hogwarts🎄

added by rakshasa

Source: JStarrC / JSC tumblr