Song (Start at 0:08): link
Thomas: *Puffs out of his sheds* Ah, nice to be back from vacation.
People: *Getting pictures of Thomas*
Thomas: *Smiling* Well, time to work on my branchline. Before I leave however, I got our schedule for tonight's segment of the S.S.S.S.
8 PM - Now
Ponies On The Rails - Bak2Bak
8:30 PM - Later
Adventures of Thomas & Friends
The Nut House
Theme song: link
Seanthehedgehog presents
Ponies On The Rails
Starring
Peirce Hawkins "Hawkeye" From Seanthehedgehog
Coffee Creme From KarinaBrony
Snowflake & Orion From Alinah09
Metal Gloss From DragonAura15
Stylo From Jimmythedragon
NocturnalMirage from NochurnalMirage
Gordon, Percy, Jeff, Wilson, and Pete from Seanthehedgehog
Episode 46
Getting A Raise
July 27, 1955
It was 7 AM in Cheyenne Wyoming. Hawkeye, and Stylo were sitting at the station, waiting to take over for a passenger train. They were playing a board game called Mancala.
Hawkeye: Have you ever played this game before?
Stylo: No, but I think I know what to do. *Moves pebbles around board* There are fourteen holes on this board. Twelve of them are small, and two of them are bigger. Six of the small ones are mine, one of the bigger ones are mine, and you get the rest. Each of the small holes get four pebbles, and we want to get as many pebbles into the big hole as possible.
Hawkeye: Are you sure you never played this game before?
Stylo: I saw a few ponies play it before.
On Sherman Hill, Percy, and Jeff were fixing part of the line.
Percy: Hey Jeff, did you hear the news?
Jeff: News? What news?
Percy: Pete might get a raise.
Jeff: Oh, good for him.
Percy: But there's a catch.
Jeff: What is it Percy?
Percy: Pete has to pass a test if he wants that raise.
Jeff: On what subject?
Percy: On being a good boss.
Jeff: Well, he's been a very good boss for years. I know he'll pass that test.
Orion: *Driving freight train towards Jeff, and Percy*
Jeff: Get the yellow flag.
Percy: Right. *Grabs yellow flag*
Jeff: *Drives inspection car towards switch, and moves out of Orion's way*
Percy: *Waving yellow flag*
Orion: *Speeds up*
Percy: Oh dear.
Orion's train was going too fast because of the condition of the track. Then, it derailed.
Orion: *Climbs out of train* Haha! Now, I'm going to get fired!
Percy: Come on Orion! I thought you were going to dress up, and act like a gypsy.
Orion: I already tried that, but I thought it would be a good idea to drive too fast on tracks that were being repaired by you, and Jeff.
Jeff: Keep that behavior up, and our boss won't get his raise.
Orion: You mean our boss will get a raise if we act on our best behavior?
Percy: Yes.
Orion: But what if we're on our worst behavior?
Percy: I'd rather not answer that.
Jeff: Nor would I.
Orion: I'll get fired, won't I?
Jeff & Percy: *Remaining silent*
Orion: Ha, I knew it! I'm going to act on my worst behavior so Pete won't get that raise, then he'll fire me! *Running to station*
Percy: Is he really gonna get fired for acting on his worst behavior?
Jeff: Very doubtful. He could end up being arrested by the railroad police, or he might take over your job when you go on vacation.
Percy: Yeah, I'm looking forward to that vacation.
In Pete's office at the Cheyenne train station, he was studying for the test he had to pass in order to get his raise, while signing paperwork.
Mirage: *Knocking on door*
Pete: Come in.
Mirage: *Enters office* Hello sir. How's the studying going?
Pete: Terrific. Even though I have to sign these papers while studying, which is actually making things difficult, I'm having the time of my life!
Mirage: I want to let you know that Gordon, and Coffee Crème are arguing.
Pete: What for?
Mirage: It's best if you find out for yourself sir.
Pete: Great. *Stands up* First I have to study for a test, just to get a raise, and then I get hundreds of papers to sign, and now this! *Walks out of office*
Gordon: How could get engaged to somepony? We're dating!
Coffee Crème: He actually respects me, and doesn't act like an idiot.
Gordon: I don't act like an idiot.
Ponies: Uhmm. *Clearing throats*
Gordon: *Staring at everypony*
Pete: *Arrives* Alright, what's going on here?
Gordon: Frenchy is cheating on me.
Coffee Crème: I am not!
Gordon: Oh yes you are. You're dating me, and getting engaged to somepony that doesn't even work here!
Coffee Crème: But he still works on the same railroad that I do.
Gordon: Where is he?
Coffee Crème: Denver, but don't you dare try to fight him.
Gordon: Why not? I'm tough.
A small leaf lands on Gordon's head from a tree nearby.
Gordon: AAAAHH!! *Runs to corner, and hides* What was that? What was that?!!?
Pete: It was a leaf you fool.
Gordon: Oh. *Stands up* I knew that.
Coffee Crème: Sir, when is your test coming up?
Pete: My test is none of your business. But since you asked, I have to get to Laramie by 2 PM.
Mirage: How are you gonna get there?
Pete: Hawkeye is taking a train there, and it's supposed to arrive at 1:50. That'll give me enough time to find the place that I need to go to for my test, and maybe grab some lunch.
Mirage: His train is going to leave the yard soon if you wanna catch it.
Pete: Right. I'm going right now. *Runs to trainyard*
Hawkeye didn't leave yet. He was waiting for a caboose to be put on his freight train, and was making sure he had enough fuel for the trip.
Pete: *Arrives* Pierce, let me ride with you.
Hawkeye: Alright, get on.
Pete: *Climbs into locomotive* What are we waiting for?
Hawkeye: A caboose needs to be put on the back of our train.
Pete: Great. Someday, I hope they stop making cabooses mandatory for freight trains.
Hawkeye: Whatever you say Pete.
Wilson: *Slowly pushing caboose onto train*
Snowflake: *Turns signal green*
Wilson: *Couples caboose to freight train*
Hawkeye: Okay, we are ready for departure. *Blows horn twice*
Pete: *Sits back*
Hawkeye: *Driving train out of yard* Laramie, here we come.
Pete: Raise in my paycheck, here we come.
When they arrived at Laramie, Hawkeye, and Pete got the freight train to the yards on time, and Pete went to a building nearby where he had to take his test. Before taking the test, he was talking to Hawkeye on the telephone.
Pete: Where are you now?
Hawkeye: Doing some yard work. When you're finished with the test, we have to take another freight train back to Cheyenne.
Pete: Okay. Wish me luck.
Hawkeye: Luck? For a test, you need intelligence. Luck is for gambling.
Pete: Then wish me luck when we start gambling back at Cheyenne. I wanna win money from you, and everypony else.
Hawkeye: Then, is it possible to wish yourself luck?
Pete: I think so.
Hawkeye: Good, because I'm wishing myself lots, and lots of luck.
Pete: Be careful what you wish for. *Checks clock* I gotta go take my test now. I'll see you soon. *Hangs up*
Hawkeye: *Puts phone away*
Engineer: Pierce, we need you over here right now.
Hawkeye: I'll be right there.
Meanwhile, in Cheyenne.
Stylo: How do you think Pete's doing with his test?
Orion: I don't know. As far as I'm concerned, I'm going to act like a gypsy to get fired.
Stylo: You'll have to do better then that if you want your behind out of here.
Orion: No, I've been doing a lot of research, and Pete hates gypsies. He literally despises them.
Gordon: *Arrives* What about gypsies?!
Orion: Our boss hates them.
Gordon: Good. Because if any of those were to show up here, they'd be a disgrace to the Union Pacific, and everypony working for it.
Orion: You're definitely right about that. *Whispers to Stylo* not.
Stylo: *Smiles*
Back at Laramie, the test was over, and Hawkeye was waiting for Pete to arrive. He was in a small freight train, being pulled by a GP9.
Pete: *Climbs in engine*
Hawkeye: Welcome to the Hawkeye Express, where everypony on our trains are important.
Engineer: Pierce, wait! *Runs to engine* A little present for you helping us out here. *Gives case of beer to Hawkeye* Enjoy.
Hawkeye: Thanks. *Drives train* So, how'd you do?
Pete: I passed the test, and now they'll pay me $1,500 an hour.
Hawkeye: That's great.
Pete: Let me have some of that booze. *Takes bottle of beer, and takes a zip* That was good.
Hawkeye: To money. *Takes zip of beer*
Pete: To a life of luxury. *Takes zip of beer*
Hawkeye: To the Union Pacific.
Pete: That's a double.
Hawkeye: *Takes two zips of beer*
Pete: To railroading.
Hawkeye: That's a double.
Pete: *Takes two zips of beer*
Hawkeye: To getting drunk. Thaz a double right?
Pete: Right.
Hawkeye: *Takes two zips of beer* Hey. Is it illegal to driving a train when you're intoxicated?
Pete: I don't know. They didn't ask me that on my test. To drunk driving! *Takes zip of beer*
Further up the line, a group of ponies in the mafia were waiting for a train to arrive.
Mafia Pony 64: Quick, get a grenade on those tracks.
Mafia Pony 41: *Throws grenade at tracks*
Suddenly, an explosion occurred. The tracks were destroyed.
Pete: *Sees explosion* Whoa. What was that?
Hawkeye: I don't know, it looks like- *drives over damaged part of tracks, and gets derailed* Aw man. Are you okay?
Pete: Yeah, I'm fine.
Mafia Pony 64: *Pointing Tommy gun at train*
Hawkeye: Mafia ponies. What do we do?
Pete: To that ditch over there!
Mafia Pony 64: *Shooting train*
Hawkeye & Pete: *Running to ditch*
Mafia Pony 41: *Shoots five bullets at Hawkeye, and Pete*
Eight other ponies arrived, and they were shooting at Hawkeye, and Pete. But they couldn't shoot them, and their bullets kept hitting the ground.
There's a website that plays the sound effects that the bullets are making when they hit the ground. Play the Cartoon Ricochet sound effects on this website: link
Pete: Well, this is great.
Hawkeye: Great? How is this great?! We're being shot at for no reason, and we're drunk!
Pete: Well, luckily for us, I have a gun of my own. *Pulls out .44 magnum* Smith & Wesson's newest gun.
Hawkeye: Oh, no we're not shooting them.
Pete: Oh yes we are. We're taking turns, and I'm not letting those gangsters take me to some warehouse, and make me sleep with the fishes. *Stands up, and shoots six bullets*
Four of the six bullets each hit a different pony.
Hawkeye: You missed a few.
Pete: Well, at least they stopped shooting at us.
But they started shooting again, and kept missing.
Pete: *Reloading gun* Okay, now it's your turn. *Gives gun to Hawkeye*
Hawkeye: Oh, no no no no no. I'm not shooting at them.
Pete: Pierce, it's us, or them. Who do you want to end up dead?
Hawkeye: Listen Peter, After I killed those three ponies in '47, I felt awful, and I promised myself I would never do anything like that again.
Pete: But that's how you got your nickname.
Hawkeye: No it isn't. My last name is how I got my nick name, and I will do anything for those ponies trying to kill us. I will let them ride on any train they want. I will let them have discounts for the tickets they buy, I'll even let them take what they want from the freight trains, but I will not kill them!
Pete: Pierce, I'm your boss, and I want you to fire that weapon!
Hawkeye: Okay. *Looks at gun* You're fired. *Drops gun* I did it as lightly as I could.
Pete: You won't even protect yourself from those gangsters?
Hawkeye: I hate guns that much.
Pete: Well, don't think of it as a gun. Think of it as a loud noise maker.
Hawkeye: Okay, it's a loud noise maker. *Pointing gun at the sky* Reach for the sky you wise guys! *Shoots bullet* HERE'S FOR VICTORY! *Shoots bullet* FOR JUSTICE *Shoots bullet* FOR THE UNION PACIFIC *Shoots bullet* FOR FREEDOM *Shoots bullet* AND NO MORE VIOLENCE!! *Shoots bullet*
Pete: You really scared those fuckers.
Hawkeye: Yeah, I hope so. Wait a minute. Do you hear that?
Pete: I don't hear anything.
Hawkeye: Exactly. They stopped shooting at us. *Gets out of ditch*
Police Ponies: *Arresting mafia ponies*
Police Captain: Are you fellas alright?
Hawkeye: Yes, and we wanna thank you for your help.
Police Captain: Yeah. You might wanna get a crane to lift your train back on the rails.
Hawkeye: Don't worry. We're on it. Come on out Pete. The coast is clear.
Pete: *Comes out of ditch* Ah, Laramie's finest. And I thought only Cheyenne was crawling with gangsters on our line.
Police Captain: There's a lot of other places then just Cheyenne you know.
Pete: Right. Well, thanks for your help.
And with that, the police ponies got in their police cars, and took off with the gangsters.
A few hours later, Pete was back in his office, signing papers.
Orion: *Arrives in office, and is dressed as a gypsy* Mr. Reimer, good to see you again.
Pete: What in the name of Thomas Jefferson are you doing?
Orion: I'm a gypsy, and I heard you hated my kind, so you have to fire me.
Pete: You can't fool me Orion, now get back to work.
Orion: *Sighs* Yes sir. *Leaves office*
Gordon: *Arrives* Sir, I just wanna congratulate you on your promotion.
Pete: It wasn't a promotion Gordon, it was a raise.
Gordon: Oh, well anyway, I need to tell you something important.
Pete: What is it?
Gordon: Pierce, and Stylo did six things they weren't supposed to do. One of them, was showing a picture of the middle finger!
Pete: I don't need to hear the other five, I'll do the necessary thing any good boss would do.
Gordon: And what might that be sir?
Pete: Continue with more important work. Now, get out of here.
Gordon: But sir-
Pete: *Shows Gordon a picture of the middle finger* Now let me continue with my paper work!
Gordon: Aw, fine! *Leaves office*
The End
On the next episode of Ponies On The Rails
Gordon, and Coffee Crème continue to argue.
---
Theme song: link
Seanthehedgehog presents
Ponies On The Rails
Starring
Pierce Hawkins "Hawkeye" From Seanthehedgehog
Coffee Crème From KarinaBrony
Snowflake & Orion From Alinah09
Metal Gloss From DragonAura15
Stylo From Jimmythedragon
NocturnalMirage from NochurnalMirage
Gordon, Percy, Jeff, Wilson, and Pete from Seanthehedgehog
Episode 47
Gordon, Coffee Crème, And The Pizza Train
August 1, 1955
Percy was on vacation, and Orion was taking over for him.
Orion: *Hitting spikes into rails* Why does Pete need me to help you? You're perfect on your own.
Jeff: Actually, repairing track is very difficult on your own. I should know, I've done it before.
Orion: Well, I still think it's pointless.
Jeff: Would you prefer working on here by yourself?
Orion: No, I'd prefer doing what I'm supposed to do, and that is driving a train!
Jeff: Oh well. Hey, listen, this oughta cheer you up. Coffee Crème, and Gordon might be breaking up.
Orion: Why?
Jeff: You didn't hear? Coffee Crème got engaged to somepony else, and now Gordon is getting annoyed by it. She's thinking of breaking up with him.
Orion: It's about time she came to her senses. I don't know why those two started dating.
Jeff: You know how some mares are.
Orion: Yeah, like my sister.
Jeff: No, your sister is very kind.
Orion: If you were living with her for over twenty years, you'd be telling a completely different story.
Gordon: *Driving passenger train towards Jeff & Orion*
Jeff: Well, we better get out of the way. *Gets off tracks*
Orion: *Waving yellow flag*
Gordon: *Slows down, and gets pass safely*
Jeff: Surprising. I thought Gordon would speed up, to get the passengers to their destination on time.
Orion: Maybe he's depressed about the break up.
But Gordon was actually angry, and was too busy thinking about Coffee Crème to cause any havoc. He stopped at a red signal, just as Coffee Crème was arriving with a freight train. She also had to stop at a red signal, and the two ponies were able to talk to each other, because the cabs of their engines were close together.
Gordon: What are you doing here Frenchy?! You should be in Cheyenne by now!
Coffee Crème: It's not my fault. Somepony was trying to rush over a railroad crossing, and nearly hit me. It was a good thing I could see him, otherwise, I would've hit him.
Gordon: That's no excuse Frenchy. Ponies rushing over a railroad crossing shouldn't stop you. Pete wants up to deliver these trains on time, with no excuses. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be on my way! *Drives train*
Coffee Crème: *Checks signal* Oh great. He gets a green signal, and I have to wait here at a red signal. I hope it changes green soon.
Ten minutes later, the signal turned green.
Coffee Crème: It's about time. *Drives train*
After delivering the passengers to Denver, Gordon had a special job that he always enjoyed doing. Once a week, he had to take a freight train, where all the cars were refrigerated box cars, and had ingredients for making pizza. He takes the train from Denver, into Cheyenne, and everypony running Italian restaurants come to buy the ingredients they need.
Gordon: *Backs engine onto freight train* Okay everypony, you may load up the train now.
Workers: *Loading train with pizza ingredients*
Gordon: We need music for a working montage.
Workers: He's right. Get some music, now!
Random Ponies: *Playing music*
Song: link
Gordon: Ah, *Sits back in chair* That's more like it.
Ponies: *Loading pizza ingredients onto train*
Engineer: *Pushing caboose onto freight train slowly*
Gordon: *Checking fuel gauge*
Ponies: *Finish loading pizza ingredients onto train*
Other Pony: *Connecting airbrakes from train onto caboose*
Conductor: *Climbs into caboose*
Gordon: *Grabs walkie talkie* Everything is all good in my end. How are things going on your end?
Conductor: Fine. We got all the ingredients, the caboose is on, and now we're waiting for a green signal.
Gordon: *Sees green signal* Signal is green, all aboard. *Blows horn twice, and drives train*
Conductor: I'm supposed to say that.
Gordon: Well, I made the job easier for you. *Continues driving train*
Along the way, he had to stop at a red signal. Nearby, was Hawkeye, and Metal Gloss.
Gordon: *Stopping train* Hm. Taking a little longer to slow down then last time. *Stops train*
Hawkeye: Hey look, it's Gordon.
Gordon: Guess what. I'm taking the Pizza Train to Cheyenne. See you losers later. *Drives train*
Metal Gloss: What was all that about?
Hawkeye: That was trouble. Trouble for Gordon. He think's he's doing a good job, but I noticed something was wrong with the brakes on his locomotive. It's a possibility they could get jammed.
Metal Gloss: That's not good. Doesn't he even notice?
Hawkeye: I don't think so. Let's get more coal in our engine, and we'll continue with our work.
Metal Gloss: Right. *Loading coal into tender*
Coffee Crème: *Passes by in a short freight train*
Hawkeye: I wonder what she's doing.
Metal Gloss: Most likely some switching. We got a full tender of coal, and we're ready to go.
Hawkeye: Fine. I wish I could see Gordon's reaction to his brakes getting jammed.
Metal Gloss: If they get jammed.
Hawkeye: Right. "If." I bet he'll get so mad.
Coffee Crème was switching some freight cars into a siding for another train to pick up.
Coffee Crème: *Stops train*
Mirage: *Drives passenger train pass Coffee Crème*
Coffee Crème: *Uncoupling engine from freight cars*
Signal Pony: *Walking down signal tower to Coffee Crème*
Coffee Crème: What's the matter?
Signal Pony: Gordon's engine broke down. The brakes are jammed, so he can't go anywhere. You have to take your engine over to where his train is, and take it the rest of the way into Cheyenne.
Coffee Crème: Right. *Sees passenger train* Well, Mirage's train is halfway through here. So I have to wait.
Mirage: *Gets entire train pass Coffee Crème*
Signal Pony: The line is clear. Now go.
Coffee Crème: *About to leave* Hey look, a record player. *Takes record player* And it's got a record in it. *Gets in engine, and drives away* And now, for le music. *Turns on record player*
Song: link
Coffee Crème: *Listening to music* Hey. I don't even like Rock & Roll, but this is a great song.
She soon saw Gordon's train in a siding, and Gordon was standing by his engine.
Coffee Crème: *Turns off music, and stops engine* Got yourself in a jam, eh Gordon? What you might call a sticky situation.
Gordon: Shut up! It's not funny having jammed brakes on your train.
Coffee Crème: But I thought you were always on time with this train. *Laughing*
Conductor: That's enough! Get your engine onto this train, and get us into Cheyenne.
Coffee Crème: You got it. *Backs up, and turns music on, which plays from the beginning again*
Conductor: *Gets in caboose*
Coffee Crème: *Couples up to back of train*
Gordon: *Uncouples engine from train*
Coffee Crème: *Backs up*
Gordon: Wait, shouldn't her engine be on the front of the train?
Coffee Crème: *Pushes train down mainline*
Conductor: *On walkie talkie* Be careful Coffee Crème! You're supposed to be on the front of the train.
Coffee Crème: Ah, forget that. I wanna prove to Gordon that I'm just at good as he is when it comes to driving a train.
What she didn't know was that her train was getting towards a railroad crossing. The red lights flashed, the gates were going down, but a pony driving a brand new blue, and white Fairlane decided to speed pass the crossing.
Coffee Crème: *Getting towards crossing*
Driving Pony: Ah, stupid train. It can wait for me to get pass. *Looking at train* Wait, it's gonna hit me. I better stop! *Puts on brakes*
Coffee Crème: *Hits car, then turns off music* What was that?
The first three cars on the train derailed, then suddenly, the entire train went off the tracks. One of the car doors flew open, and many of the pizza ingredients flew out.
Coffee Crème: *Gets out of engine* This can't be good. *Gets covered in tomato sauce, pepperoni, and cheese*
Conductor: Oh no! You derailed one of the most important trains ever!
Coffee Crème: But, it was Gordon's fault. He kept on-
Conductor: *Slams Coffee Crème into engine* Don't screw me with me loser.
Coffee Crème: *Begins to cry*
Conductor: Oh, great. You're crying. Well guess what? Grow up, and get used to it!
Pete: *Arrives* Ehem. I'll do the complaining here.
Conductor: Oh. My mistake sir. How'd you get here so fast anyway?
Pete: Don't worry about that.
Conductor: *Stays silent*
Pete: Frenchy, listen to me!
Coffee Crème: Uhmm, yes sir?
Pete: I do not like when my trains get derailed, and you of all ponies should know that. If this happens again, you will be fired!
Coffee Crème: Yes sir.
Pete: Good. Now, get that tomato sauce off of you.
After the crash, Coffee Crème, and Gordon were at the train station in Cheyenne. They were waiting for another train to arrive so that they could work together, but decided not to talk to each other.
Hawkeye: *Arrives* You know, I think you two could learn a very valuable lesson from all of this. Our first lesson is to not cheat on somepony that you're dating. We also learned to make sure that the brakes are working properly on an engine before you use it, and the most important thing we learned....
Gordon & Coffee Crème: What is it?
Hawkeye: It's not good to be covered up in tomato sauce, pepperoni, and cheese.
Coffee Crème: *Laughing*
Gordon: Why is that funny?
Coffee Crème: I don't know.. It's just.. It's just... *Continues laughing*
Gordon: Funny. *Laughing*
Hawkeye: *Laughing*
The end
On the next episode of Ponies On The Rails
Jeff learns something valuable from Metal Gloss.
Song (Start at 1:20): link
Thomas: I got another version of Shrek's theme song? I wonder what'll happen when I come back at 8:30. Guess you'll have to come back, and see for yourself.
Thomas: *Puffs out of his sheds* Ah, nice to be back from vacation.
People: *Getting pictures of Thomas*
Thomas: *Smiling* Well, time to work on my branchline. Before I leave however, I got our schedule for tonight's segment of the S.S.S.S.
8 PM - Now
Ponies On The Rails - Bak2Bak
8:30 PM - Later
Adventures of Thomas & Friends
The Nut House
Theme song: link
Seanthehedgehog presents
Ponies On The Rails
Starring
Peirce Hawkins "Hawkeye" From Seanthehedgehog
Coffee Creme From KarinaBrony
Snowflake & Orion From Alinah09
Metal Gloss From DragonAura15
Stylo From Jimmythedragon
NocturnalMirage from NochurnalMirage
Gordon, Percy, Jeff, Wilson, and Pete from Seanthehedgehog
Episode 46
Getting A Raise
July 27, 1955
It was 7 AM in Cheyenne Wyoming. Hawkeye, and Stylo were sitting at the station, waiting to take over for a passenger train. They were playing a board game called Mancala.
Hawkeye: Have you ever played this game before?
Stylo: No, but I think I know what to do. *Moves pebbles around board* There are fourteen holes on this board. Twelve of them are small, and two of them are bigger. Six of the small ones are mine, one of the bigger ones are mine, and you get the rest. Each of the small holes get four pebbles, and we want to get as many pebbles into the big hole as possible.
Hawkeye: Are you sure you never played this game before?
Stylo: I saw a few ponies play it before.
On Sherman Hill, Percy, and Jeff were fixing part of the line.
Percy: Hey Jeff, did you hear the news?
Jeff: News? What news?
Percy: Pete might get a raise.
Jeff: Oh, good for him.
Percy: But there's a catch.
Jeff: What is it Percy?
Percy: Pete has to pass a test if he wants that raise.
Jeff: On what subject?
Percy: On being a good boss.
Jeff: Well, he's been a very good boss for years. I know he'll pass that test.
Orion: *Driving freight train towards Jeff, and Percy*
Jeff: Get the yellow flag.
Percy: Right. *Grabs yellow flag*
Jeff: *Drives inspection car towards switch, and moves out of Orion's way*
Percy: *Waving yellow flag*
Orion: *Speeds up*
Percy: Oh dear.
Orion's train was going too fast because of the condition of the track. Then, it derailed.
Orion: *Climbs out of train* Haha! Now, I'm going to get fired!
Percy: Come on Orion! I thought you were going to dress up, and act like a gypsy.
Orion: I already tried that, but I thought it would be a good idea to drive too fast on tracks that were being repaired by you, and Jeff.
Jeff: Keep that behavior up, and our boss won't get his raise.
Orion: You mean our boss will get a raise if we act on our best behavior?
Percy: Yes.
Orion: But what if we're on our worst behavior?
Percy: I'd rather not answer that.
Jeff: Nor would I.
Orion: I'll get fired, won't I?
Jeff & Percy: *Remaining silent*
Orion: Ha, I knew it! I'm going to act on my worst behavior so Pete won't get that raise, then he'll fire me! *Running to station*
Percy: Is he really gonna get fired for acting on his worst behavior?
Jeff: Very doubtful. He could end up being arrested by the railroad police, or he might take over your job when you go on vacation.
Percy: Yeah, I'm looking forward to that vacation.
In Pete's office at the Cheyenne train station, he was studying for the test he had to pass in order to get his raise, while signing paperwork.
Mirage: *Knocking on door*
Pete: Come in.
Mirage: *Enters office* Hello sir. How's the studying going?
Pete: Terrific. Even though I have to sign these papers while studying, which is actually making things difficult, I'm having the time of my life!
Mirage: I want to let you know that Gordon, and Coffee Crème are arguing.
Pete: What for?
Mirage: It's best if you find out for yourself sir.
Pete: Great. *Stands up* First I have to study for a test, just to get a raise, and then I get hundreds of papers to sign, and now this! *Walks out of office*
Gordon: How could get engaged to somepony? We're dating!
Coffee Crème: He actually respects me, and doesn't act like an idiot.
Gordon: I don't act like an idiot.
Ponies: Uhmm. *Clearing throats*
Gordon: *Staring at everypony*
Pete: *Arrives* Alright, what's going on here?
Gordon: Frenchy is cheating on me.
Coffee Crème: I am not!
Gordon: Oh yes you are. You're dating me, and getting engaged to somepony that doesn't even work here!
Coffee Crème: But he still works on the same railroad that I do.
Gordon: Where is he?
Coffee Crème: Denver, but don't you dare try to fight him.
Gordon: Why not? I'm tough.
A small leaf lands on Gordon's head from a tree nearby.
Gordon: AAAAHH!! *Runs to corner, and hides* What was that? What was that?!!?
Pete: It was a leaf you fool.
Gordon: Oh. *Stands up* I knew that.
Coffee Crème: Sir, when is your test coming up?
Pete: My test is none of your business. But since you asked, I have to get to Laramie by 2 PM.
Mirage: How are you gonna get there?
Pete: Hawkeye is taking a train there, and it's supposed to arrive at 1:50. That'll give me enough time to find the place that I need to go to for my test, and maybe grab some lunch.
Mirage: His train is going to leave the yard soon if you wanna catch it.
Pete: Right. I'm going right now. *Runs to trainyard*
Hawkeye didn't leave yet. He was waiting for a caboose to be put on his freight train, and was making sure he had enough fuel for the trip.
Pete: *Arrives* Pierce, let me ride with you.
Hawkeye: Alright, get on.
Pete: *Climbs into locomotive* What are we waiting for?
Hawkeye: A caboose needs to be put on the back of our train.
Pete: Great. Someday, I hope they stop making cabooses mandatory for freight trains.
Hawkeye: Whatever you say Pete.
Wilson: *Slowly pushing caboose onto train*
Snowflake: *Turns signal green*
Wilson: *Couples caboose to freight train*
Hawkeye: Okay, we are ready for departure. *Blows horn twice*
Pete: *Sits back*
Hawkeye: *Driving train out of yard* Laramie, here we come.
Pete: Raise in my paycheck, here we come.
When they arrived at Laramie, Hawkeye, and Pete got the freight train to the yards on time, and Pete went to a building nearby where he had to take his test. Before taking the test, he was talking to Hawkeye on the telephone.
Pete: Where are you now?
Hawkeye: Doing some yard work. When you're finished with the test, we have to take another freight train back to Cheyenne.
Pete: Okay. Wish me luck.
Hawkeye: Luck? For a test, you need intelligence. Luck is for gambling.
Pete: Then wish me luck when we start gambling back at Cheyenne. I wanna win money from you, and everypony else.
Hawkeye: Then, is it possible to wish yourself luck?
Pete: I think so.
Hawkeye: Good, because I'm wishing myself lots, and lots of luck.
Pete: Be careful what you wish for. *Checks clock* I gotta go take my test now. I'll see you soon. *Hangs up*
Hawkeye: *Puts phone away*
Engineer: Pierce, we need you over here right now.
Hawkeye: I'll be right there.
Meanwhile, in Cheyenne.
Stylo: How do you think Pete's doing with his test?
Orion: I don't know. As far as I'm concerned, I'm going to act like a gypsy to get fired.
Stylo: You'll have to do better then that if you want your behind out of here.
Orion: No, I've been doing a lot of research, and Pete hates gypsies. He literally despises them.
Gordon: *Arrives* What about gypsies?!
Orion: Our boss hates them.
Gordon: Good. Because if any of those were to show up here, they'd be a disgrace to the Union Pacific, and everypony working for it.
Orion: You're definitely right about that. *Whispers to Stylo* not.
Stylo: *Smiles*
Back at Laramie, the test was over, and Hawkeye was waiting for Pete to arrive. He was in a small freight train, being pulled by a GP9.
Pete: *Climbs in engine*
Hawkeye: Welcome to the Hawkeye Express, where everypony on our trains are important.
Engineer: Pierce, wait! *Runs to engine* A little present for you helping us out here. *Gives case of beer to Hawkeye* Enjoy.
Hawkeye: Thanks. *Drives train* So, how'd you do?
Pete: I passed the test, and now they'll pay me $1,500 an hour.
Hawkeye: That's great.
Pete: Let me have some of that booze. *Takes bottle of beer, and takes a zip* That was good.
Hawkeye: To money. *Takes zip of beer*
Pete: To a life of luxury. *Takes zip of beer*
Hawkeye: To the Union Pacific.
Pete: That's a double.
Hawkeye: *Takes two zips of beer*
Pete: To railroading.
Hawkeye: That's a double.
Pete: *Takes two zips of beer*
Hawkeye: To getting drunk. Thaz a double right?
Pete: Right.
Hawkeye: *Takes two zips of beer* Hey. Is it illegal to driving a train when you're intoxicated?
Pete: I don't know. They didn't ask me that on my test. To drunk driving! *Takes zip of beer*
Further up the line, a group of ponies in the mafia were waiting for a train to arrive.
Mafia Pony 64: Quick, get a grenade on those tracks.
Mafia Pony 41: *Throws grenade at tracks*
Suddenly, an explosion occurred. The tracks were destroyed.
Pete: *Sees explosion* Whoa. What was that?
Hawkeye: I don't know, it looks like- *drives over damaged part of tracks, and gets derailed* Aw man. Are you okay?
Pete: Yeah, I'm fine.
Mafia Pony 64: *Pointing Tommy gun at train*
Hawkeye: Mafia ponies. What do we do?
Pete: To that ditch over there!
Mafia Pony 64: *Shooting train*
Hawkeye & Pete: *Running to ditch*
Mafia Pony 41: *Shoots five bullets at Hawkeye, and Pete*
Eight other ponies arrived, and they were shooting at Hawkeye, and Pete. But they couldn't shoot them, and their bullets kept hitting the ground.
There's a website that plays the sound effects that the bullets are making when they hit the ground. Play the Cartoon Ricochet sound effects on this website: link
Pete: Well, this is great.
Hawkeye: Great? How is this great?! We're being shot at for no reason, and we're drunk!
Pete: Well, luckily for us, I have a gun of my own. *Pulls out .44 magnum* Smith & Wesson's newest gun.
Hawkeye: Oh, no we're not shooting them.
Pete: Oh yes we are. We're taking turns, and I'm not letting those gangsters take me to some warehouse, and make me sleep with the fishes. *Stands up, and shoots six bullets*
Four of the six bullets each hit a different pony.
Hawkeye: You missed a few.
Pete: Well, at least they stopped shooting at us.
But they started shooting again, and kept missing.
Pete: *Reloading gun* Okay, now it's your turn. *Gives gun to Hawkeye*
Hawkeye: Oh, no no no no no. I'm not shooting at them.
Pete: Pierce, it's us, or them. Who do you want to end up dead?
Hawkeye: Listen Peter, After I killed those three ponies in '47, I felt awful, and I promised myself I would never do anything like that again.
Pete: But that's how you got your nickname.
Hawkeye: No it isn't. My last name is how I got my nick name, and I will do anything for those ponies trying to kill us. I will let them ride on any train they want. I will let them have discounts for the tickets they buy, I'll even let them take what they want from the freight trains, but I will not kill them!
Pete: Pierce, I'm your boss, and I want you to fire that weapon!
Hawkeye: Okay. *Looks at gun* You're fired. *Drops gun* I did it as lightly as I could.
Pete: You won't even protect yourself from those gangsters?
Hawkeye: I hate guns that much.
Pete: Well, don't think of it as a gun. Think of it as a loud noise maker.
Hawkeye: Okay, it's a loud noise maker. *Pointing gun at the sky* Reach for the sky you wise guys! *Shoots bullet* HERE'S FOR VICTORY! *Shoots bullet* FOR JUSTICE *Shoots bullet* FOR THE UNION PACIFIC *Shoots bullet* FOR FREEDOM *Shoots bullet* AND NO MORE VIOLENCE!! *Shoots bullet*
Pete: You really scared those fuckers.
Hawkeye: Yeah, I hope so. Wait a minute. Do you hear that?
Pete: I don't hear anything.
Hawkeye: Exactly. They stopped shooting at us. *Gets out of ditch*
Police Ponies: *Arresting mafia ponies*
Police Captain: Are you fellas alright?
Hawkeye: Yes, and we wanna thank you for your help.
Police Captain: Yeah. You might wanna get a crane to lift your train back on the rails.
Hawkeye: Don't worry. We're on it. Come on out Pete. The coast is clear.
Pete: *Comes out of ditch* Ah, Laramie's finest. And I thought only Cheyenne was crawling with gangsters on our line.
Police Captain: There's a lot of other places then just Cheyenne you know.
Pete: Right. Well, thanks for your help.
And with that, the police ponies got in their police cars, and took off with the gangsters.
A few hours later, Pete was back in his office, signing papers.
Orion: *Arrives in office, and is dressed as a gypsy* Mr. Reimer, good to see you again.
Pete: What in the name of Thomas Jefferson are you doing?
Orion: I'm a gypsy, and I heard you hated my kind, so you have to fire me.
Pete: You can't fool me Orion, now get back to work.
Orion: *Sighs* Yes sir. *Leaves office*
Gordon: *Arrives* Sir, I just wanna congratulate you on your promotion.
Pete: It wasn't a promotion Gordon, it was a raise.
Gordon: Oh, well anyway, I need to tell you something important.
Pete: What is it?
Gordon: Pierce, and Stylo did six things they weren't supposed to do. One of them, was showing a picture of the middle finger!
Pete: I don't need to hear the other five, I'll do the necessary thing any good boss would do.
Gordon: And what might that be sir?
Pete: Continue with more important work. Now, get out of here.
Gordon: But sir-
Pete: *Shows Gordon a picture of the middle finger* Now let me continue with my paper work!
Gordon: Aw, fine! *Leaves office*
The End
On the next episode of Ponies On The Rails
Gordon, and Coffee Crème continue to argue.
---
Theme song: link
Seanthehedgehog presents
Ponies On The Rails
Starring
Pierce Hawkins "Hawkeye" From Seanthehedgehog
Coffee Crème From KarinaBrony
Snowflake & Orion From Alinah09
Metal Gloss From DragonAura15
Stylo From Jimmythedragon
NocturnalMirage from NochurnalMirage
Gordon, Percy, Jeff, Wilson, and Pete from Seanthehedgehog
Episode 47
Gordon, Coffee Crème, And The Pizza Train
August 1, 1955
Percy was on vacation, and Orion was taking over for him.
Orion: *Hitting spikes into rails* Why does Pete need me to help you? You're perfect on your own.
Jeff: Actually, repairing track is very difficult on your own. I should know, I've done it before.
Orion: Well, I still think it's pointless.
Jeff: Would you prefer working on here by yourself?
Orion: No, I'd prefer doing what I'm supposed to do, and that is driving a train!
Jeff: Oh well. Hey, listen, this oughta cheer you up. Coffee Crème, and Gordon might be breaking up.
Orion: Why?
Jeff: You didn't hear? Coffee Crème got engaged to somepony else, and now Gordon is getting annoyed by it. She's thinking of breaking up with him.
Orion: It's about time she came to her senses. I don't know why those two started dating.
Jeff: You know how some mares are.
Orion: Yeah, like my sister.
Jeff: No, your sister is very kind.
Orion: If you were living with her for over twenty years, you'd be telling a completely different story.
Gordon: *Driving passenger train towards Jeff & Orion*
Jeff: Well, we better get out of the way. *Gets off tracks*
Orion: *Waving yellow flag*
Gordon: *Slows down, and gets pass safely*
Jeff: Surprising. I thought Gordon would speed up, to get the passengers to their destination on time.
Orion: Maybe he's depressed about the break up.
But Gordon was actually angry, and was too busy thinking about Coffee Crème to cause any havoc. He stopped at a red signal, just as Coffee Crème was arriving with a freight train. She also had to stop at a red signal, and the two ponies were able to talk to each other, because the cabs of their engines were close together.
Gordon: What are you doing here Frenchy?! You should be in Cheyenne by now!
Coffee Crème: It's not my fault. Somepony was trying to rush over a railroad crossing, and nearly hit me. It was a good thing I could see him, otherwise, I would've hit him.
Gordon: That's no excuse Frenchy. Ponies rushing over a railroad crossing shouldn't stop you. Pete wants up to deliver these trains on time, with no excuses. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be on my way! *Drives train*
Coffee Crème: *Checks signal* Oh great. He gets a green signal, and I have to wait here at a red signal. I hope it changes green soon.
Ten minutes later, the signal turned green.
Coffee Crème: It's about time. *Drives train*
After delivering the passengers to Denver, Gordon had a special job that he always enjoyed doing. Once a week, he had to take a freight train, where all the cars were refrigerated box cars, and had ingredients for making pizza. He takes the train from Denver, into Cheyenne, and everypony running Italian restaurants come to buy the ingredients they need.
Gordon: *Backs engine onto freight train* Okay everypony, you may load up the train now.
Workers: *Loading train with pizza ingredients*
Gordon: We need music for a working montage.
Workers: He's right. Get some music, now!
Random Ponies: *Playing music*
Song: link
Gordon: Ah, *Sits back in chair* That's more like it.
Ponies: *Loading pizza ingredients onto train*
Engineer: *Pushing caboose onto freight train slowly*
Gordon: *Checking fuel gauge*
Ponies: *Finish loading pizza ingredients onto train*
Other Pony: *Connecting airbrakes from train onto caboose*
Conductor: *Climbs into caboose*
Gordon: *Grabs walkie talkie* Everything is all good in my end. How are things going on your end?
Conductor: Fine. We got all the ingredients, the caboose is on, and now we're waiting for a green signal.
Gordon: *Sees green signal* Signal is green, all aboard. *Blows horn twice, and drives train*
Conductor: I'm supposed to say that.
Gordon: Well, I made the job easier for you. *Continues driving train*
Along the way, he had to stop at a red signal. Nearby, was Hawkeye, and Metal Gloss.
Gordon: *Stopping train* Hm. Taking a little longer to slow down then last time. *Stops train*
Hawkeye: Hey look, it's Gordon.
Gordon: Guess what. I'm taking the Pizza Train to Cheyenne. See you losers later. *Drives train*
Metal Gloss: What was all that about?
Hawkeye: That was trouble. Trouble for Gordon. He think's he's doing a good job, but I noticed something was wrong with the brakes on his locomotive. It's a possibility they could get jammed.
Metal Gloss: That's not good. Doesn't he even notice?
Hawkeye: I don't think so. Let's get more coal in our engine, and we'll continue with our work.
Metal Gloss: Right. *Loading coal into tender*
Coffee Crème: *Passes by in a short freight train*
Hawkeye: I wonder what she's doing.
Metal Gloss: Most likely some switching. We got a full tender of coal, and we're ready to go.
Hawkeye: Fine. I wish I could see Gordon's reaction to his brakes getting jammed.
Metal Gloss: If they get jammed.
Hawkeye: Right. "If." I bet he'll get so mad.
Coffee Crème was switching some freight cars into a siding for another train to pick up.
Coffee Crème: *Stops train*
Mirage: *Drives passenger train pass Coffee Crème*
Coffee Crème: *Uncoupling engine from freight cars*
Signal Pony: *Walking down signal tower to Coffee Crème*
Coffee Crème: What's the matter?
Signal Pony: Gordon's engine broke down. The brakes are jammed, so he can't go anywhere. You have to take your engine over to where his train is, and take it the rest of the way into Cheyenne.
Coffee Crème: Right. *Sees passenger train* Well, Mirage's train is halfway through here. So I have to wait.
Mirage: *Gets entire train pass Coffee Crème*
Signal Pony: The line is clear. Now go.
Coffee Crème: *About to leave* Hey look, a record player. *Takes record player* And it's got a record in it. *Gets in engine, and drives away* And now, for le music. *Turns on record player*
Song: link
Coffee Crème: *Listening to music* Hey. I don't even like Rock & Roll, but this is a great song.
She soon saw Gordon's train in a siding, and Gordon was standing by his engine.
Coffee Crème: *Turns off music, and stops engine* Got yourself in a jam, eh Gordon? What you might call a sticky situation.
Gordon: Shut up! It's not funny having jammed brakes on your train.
Coffee Crème: But I thought you were always on time with this train. *Laughing*
Conductor: That's enough! Get your engine onto this train, and get us into Cheyenne.
Coffee Crème: You got it. *Backs up, and turns music on, which plays from the beginning again*
Conductor: *Gets in caboose*
Coffee Crème: *Couples up to back of train*
Gordon: *Uncouples engine from train*
Coffee Crème: *Backs up*
Gordon: Wait, shouldn't her engine be on the front of the train?
Coffee Crème: *Pushes train down mainline*
Conductor: *On walkie talkie* Be careful Coffee Crème! You're supposed to be on the front of the train.
Coffee Crème: Ah, forget that. I wanna prove to Gordon that I'm just at good as he is when it comes to driving a train.
What she didn't know was that her train was getting towards a railroad crossing. The red lights flashed, the gates were going down, but a pony driving a brand new blue, and white Fairlane decided to speed pass the crossing.
Coffee Crème: *Getting towards crossing*
Driving Pony: Ah, stupid train. It can wait for me to get pass. *Looking at train* Wait, it's gonna hit me. I better stop! *Puts on brakes*
Coffee Crème: *Hits car, then turns off music* What was that?
The first three cars on the train derailed, then suddenly, the entire train went off the tracks. One of the car doors flew open, and many of the pizza ingredients flew out.
Coffee Crème: *Gets out of engine* This can't be good. *Gets covered in tomato sauce, pepperoni, and cheese*
Conductor: Oh no! You derailed one of the most important trains ever!
Coffee Crème: But, it was Gordon's fault. He kept on-
Conductor: *Slams Coffee Crème into engine* Don't screw me with me loser.
Coffee Crème: *Begins to cry*
Conductor: Oh, great. You're crying. Well guess what? Grow up, and get used to it!
Pete: *Arrives* Ehem. I'll do the complaining here.
Conductor: Oh. My mistake sir. How'd you get here so fast anyway?
Pete: Don't worry about that.
Conductor: *Stays silent*
Pete: Frenchy, listen to me!
Coffee Crème: Uhmm, yes sir?
Pete: I do not like when my trains get derailed, and you of all ponies should know that. If this happens again, you will be fired!
Coffee Crème: Yes sir.
Pete: Good. Now, get that tomato sauce off of you.
After the crash, Coffee Crème, and Gordon were at the train station in Cheyenne. They were waiting for another train to arrive so that they could work together, but decided not to talk to each other.
Hawkeye: *Arrives* You know, I think you two could learn a very valuable lesson from all of this. Our first lesson is to not cheat on somepony that you're dating. We also learned to make sure that the brakes are working properly on an engine before you use it, and the most important thing we learned....
Gordon & Coffee Crème: What is it?
Hawkeye: It's not good to be covered up in tomato sauce, pepperoni, and cheese.
Coffee Crème: *Laughing*
Gordon: Why is that funny?
Coffee Crème: I don't know.. It's just.. It's just... *Continues laughing*
Gordon: Funny. *Laughing*
Hawkeye: *Laughing*
The end
On the next episode of Ponies On The Rails
Jeff learns something valuable from Metal Gloss.
Song (Start at 1:20): link
Thomas: I got another version of Shrek's theme song? I wonder what'll happen when I come back at 8:30. Guess you'll have to come back, and see for yourself.
