Dane Cook - Burger King
Starring Jerry as Dane Cook
Nikki and Victoria as The Girls
Kenny as Darrell
Jeff as Angry Person
Mr. Baldwin, Mr. Wright, and Mr. Bruce as Skid Row
Georgia as Woman
Andrew as Hank
Everyone else as the audience
Video: link
Jerry: So many crappy- the first job I had, right? The first job I had when I was, uh.. 17, was Burger King. That was the first job I had.
Audience: Hahaha.
Jerry: I didn't wanna call it Burger King either, cuz, like ya know, so I used to call it the BK Lounge.
Audience: *Laughing*
Jerry: If the girls were to go like-
Nikki & Victoria: Where do you work?
Jerry: I would always go I work at the BK Lounge.
Audience: *Laughing*
Jerry: I'm a bouncer at the BK Lounge.
Audience: *Laughing*
Nikki & Victoria: Can we get in?
Jerry: Not without coupes.
Audience: *Laughing*
Jerry: Not without coupes baby.
Audience: *Laughing*
Jerry: So I get the job because I have one older brother Darrell. He's the manager, and I'm like this is gonna be awesome, because my bro, the manager hooked me up. He was a dick!
Audience: *Laughing*
Jerry: He thought he was the Burger King. You know what I'm saying?
Audience: *Laughing*
Jerry: He sucked.
Audience: Hehehehe.
Jerry: He would put me on drive through every single night. Why do they say to people to insist on yelling at the drive through?
Audience: Hahahaha.
Jerry: It's modern technology, I'd have my little headset. Hi welcome to Burger King. May I take your order?
Jeff: WHOPPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Audience: *Laughing*
Jerry: Sir-
Jeff: WHOPPER NO ONION!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Audience: *Laughing*
Jerry: Excuse me, I'm fucking bleeding from the ears here, okay?
Audience: *Laughing*
Jerry: Let's turn the main down a tad. Okay Skidrow?
Audience: *Laughing*
Mr. Baldwin: Large fry mothafucka!
Audience: *Laughing*
Mr. Bruce: I can't hear ya Burger King!
Audience: *Laughing*
Mr. Wright: Are you ready to rock BK Boy?!
Audience: *Laughing*
Jerry: I would rather have people yell, and when they didn't talk loud enough that drove me crazy. I'd have like ten cars out there, and I'd be like, Hi ma'am, may I please take your order?
Georgia: Um uh, chioiksogsoekgsogosjijosg
Audience: *Laughing*
Georgia: Uh some pickles. ohsgjnrgsgisgoiseg, nonononono, some cheese. Uh, extra cheese, pickles. uhosgosgoeuhuseh, uh-
Jerry: What do you want? What do you want?
Audience: *Laughing*
Georgia: Uhchickchochicko. Um, some bun seeds? No bun seeds.
Audience: *Laughing*
Jerry: What do you want?
Georgia: Nononononono, yes, no. Cheese.
Audience: *Laughing*
Georgia: Extra pickles. Uhh.. Milkshake? Milkshaaaaaake. Uh, how much? Uh, cheeeeeese.
Audience: *Laughing*
Jerry: Ma'am, I can't- hello?
Georgia: Pickles, extra pickles. Cheese, bunseeds, ice. Pickles.
Audience: *Laughing*
Georgia: All my pickles. And some extra extra pickle pickles.
Audience: *Laughing*
Georgia: Cheese, pickles.
Jerry: Okay, are you trying to molest me via drive through? What are you saying?
Audience: *Laughing*
Georgia: Chicken tenders. *Whispers* And sweet sauce all over my pussy.
Audience: *Laughing*
Jerry: Drive around, get some sauce! Drive around ma'am. Sauce! Sauce! Sauce, she wants it her way, that's out motto. Come on, sauce.
Audience: *Laughing*
Jerry: I took a look- *Laughs* I took a look at the ladies order one time. I'll never forget this, I'm like, ma'am, that'll be $3.75, please drive around. There's like this one pause, and she goes.
Georgia: Where do I go?
Audience: *Laughing*
Jerry: Where do you go? You follow the one fucking road you're on to me. Where do you- okay ma'am, you're gonna go to the Texaco Station, take a right. Go five, and a half miles southeast, you're gonna see this guy in a yellow poncho. His name is Hank, he'll take you to the whopper lair. That's where you go. And you got ten minutes to get there, or we take the food.
Audience: *Laughing*
The End
Starring Jerry as Dane Cook
Nikki and Victoria as The Girls
Kenny as Darrell
Jeff as Angry Person
Mr. Baldwin, Mr. Wright, and Mr. Bruce as Skid Row
Georgia as Woman
Andrew as Hank
Everyone else as the audience
Video: link
Jerry: So many crappy- the first job I had, right? The first job I had when I was, uh.. 17, was Burger King. That was the first job I had.
Audience: Hahaha.
Jerry: I didn't wanna call it Burger King either, cuz, like ya know, so I used to call it the BK Lounge.
Audience: *Laughing*
Jerry: If the girls were to go like-
Nikki & Victoria: Where do you work?
Jerry: I would always go I work at the BK Lounge.
Audience: *Laughing*
Jerry: I'm a bouncer at the BK Lounge.
Audience: *Laughing*
Nikki & Victoria: Can we get in?
Jerry: Not without coupes.
Audience: *Laughing*
Jerry: Not without coupes baby.
Audience: *Laughing*
Jerry: So I get the job because I have one older brother Darrell. He's the manager, and I'm like this is gonna be awesome, because my bro, the manager hooked me up. He was a dick!
Audience: *Laughing*
Jerry: He thought he was the Burger King. You know what I'm saying?
Audience: *Laughing*
Jerry: He sucked.
Audience: Hehehehe.
Jerry: He would put me on drive through every single night. Why do they say to people to insist on yelling at the drive through?
Audience: Hahahaha.
Jerry: It's modern technology, I'd have my little headset. Hi welcome to Burger King. May I take your order?
Jeff: WHOPPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Audience: *Laughing*
Jerry: Sir-
Jeff: WHOPPER NO ONION!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Audience: *Laughing*
Jerry: Excuse me, I'm fucking bleeding from the ears here, okay?
Audience: *Laughing*
Jerry: Let's turn the main down a tad. Okay Skidrow?
Audience: *Laughing*
Mr. Baldwin: Large fry mothafucka!
Audience: *Laughing*
Mr. Bruce: I can't hear ya Burger King!
Audience: *Laughing*
Mr. Wright: Are you ready to rock BK Boy?!
Audience: *Laughing*
Jerry: I would rather have people yell, and when they didn't talk loud enough that drove me crazy. I'd have like ten cars out there, and I'd be like, Hi ma'am, may I please take your order?
Georgia: Um uh, chioiksogsoekgsogosjijosg
Audience: *Laughing*
Georgia: Uh some pickles. ohsgjnrgsgisgoiseg, nonononono, some cheese. Uh, extra cheese, pickles. uhosgosgoeuhuseh, uh-
Jerry: What do you want? What do you want?
Audience: *Laughing*
Georgia: Uhchickchochicko. Um, some bun seeds? No bun seeds.
Audience: *Laughing*
Jerry: What do you want?
Georgia: Nononononono, yes, no. Cheese.
Audience: *Laughing*
Georgia: Extra pickles. Uhh.. Milkshake? Milkshaaaaaake. Uh, how much? Uh, cheeeeeese.
Audience: *Laughing*
Jerry: Ma'am, I can't- hello?
Georgia: Pickles, extra pickles. Cheese, bunseeds, ice. Pickles.
Audience: *Laughing*
Georgia: All my pickles. And some extra extra pickle pickles.
Audience: *Laughing*
Georgia: Cheese, pickles.
Jerry: Okay, are you trying to molest me via drive through? What are you saying?
Audience: *Laughing*
Georgia: Chicken tenders. *Whispers* And sweet sauce all over my pussy.
Audience: *Laughing*
Jerry: Drive around, get some sauce! Drive around ma'am. Sauce! Sauce! Sauce, she wants it her way, that's out motto. Come on, sauce.
Audience: *Laughing*
Jerry: I took a look- *Laughs* I took a look at the ladies order one time. I'll never forget this, I'm like, ma'am, that'll be $3.75, please drive around. There's like this one pause, and she goes.
Georgia: Where do I go?
Audience: *Laughing*
Jerry: Where do you go? You follow the one fucking road you're on to me. Where do you- okay ma'am, you're gonna go to the Texaco Station, take a right. Go five, and a half miles southeast, you're gonna see this guy in a yellow poncho. His name is Hank, he'll take you to the whopper lair. That's where you go. And you got ten minutes to get there, or we take the food.
Audience: *Laughing*
The End
