Rumours have been swirling in the medical world of a new and extremely catching disease: Officeonitis. Cases are popping up around the globe, faster than would be believed possible. Scientists are working frantically for a cure, but so far, none has been found, and numbers of those willing to try are dwindling as more and more succomb to this sickness.

It presents itself in a mild to serious case of obsessive behaviour. Those infected are known to spend hours every day on web sites, trying to satisfy their hunger for more Office news. Withdrawal results in daydreaming, the inability to concentrate, and restless behaviour. Officeonitis can affect anyone, and there have been cases reported of Officeonitis in children as young as 2. Symptoms include, but are not limited to:

1. A squeal of delight whenever the date of April 10, 2008 is mentioned.

2. Beginning every question asked with the word "Question."

3. Shouting the words "That's what she said!" after any statement that could be considered a sexual innuendo.

4. Incessant giggles upon hearing any of the following words: "bears," "beets," or "Battlestar Galactica"

5. The attempt to master the art of putting a stapler in Jello.

6. The inability to eat jam without swooning and/or sighing with happiness.

If you or someone you know has displayed any of the symptoms, well, it's too late: you cannot be saved. However, doctors are begging everyone infected to keep to themselves and to avoid at all costs spreading Officeonitis to their friends, families, and random strangers on the street.

Please: beware. Because once you've caught it, there's no going back.