What Being a Retard Online can do for You
Being a retard online will bring you riches beyond your wildest dreams, hot girls and above all - attention: you crave attention, you absorb it like a wet sponge...Ah yes, you may very suffer from ADHD but it doesn't matter: no my friend, because by being a retard online you can get all the attention you need for a small fee.
Poor Literacy is Kool!
If you want to be a retard you must learn to spell like one, remember kids - poor literacy is cool! First of all we must take a lesson from the Image comics of old and remember that everything must be EXTREME! - note how we must yell EXTREME! or write it in full capitals, this emphasizes our commitment to being retarded. Also, a use of hyperpunctuation is recommended, for example, instead of NO U! write NO U!!!!11!!111!1!!11!!11! Note the uses of 1's adds the effect of retardedness, as it looks like you can't even use a keyboard properly, without bursting into some kind of spastic fit. Now enough of that foolishness, once you have learnt that everything must be EXTREME! you must move on to the art-form of butchering the English language until it is nothing but a bunch of garbage: To do this you need to practice hard at being a retard and misspell as many words as you can, even simply words like "you" and "I" must be warped - we suggest using "U" or "joO" - note that phrases such as "yoou" or "ebil" are a little too advanced for you at this stage but with practice you can master these more advanced moves.
Practice Your 1337 Skillz
In order to practice your L33T Skillz, try going on a multiplayer FPS game, such as Team Fortress 2. Of course, being the retard that you are, you will fail epicly. (Epicily. What the hell?) and have a kill to death ratio of 1:9000.1. In spite of this, pretend you are good by making up pathetic excuses, such as 'This C0mput3r SUX!'
Learn to be Offensive
To be a retard online you must become one with the Force and master the ancient art of offence - in short you should always make a point of being an asshole to everyone, because its a well-known fact internet tough-guys get lots of friends and free sex. If you want to get serious on being offensive be sure to brush up on your knowledge of "yo momma" jokes and "yo so ugly" quotes - these could mean the difference between sounding like a true retard or actually being witty, if you find yourself in danger of actually being witty or somewhat humorous in your attempts at being a retard simply say something about Chuck Norris, Mr T or Rick Astley and you will become instant-retard.
Trolling for Dummies
1. Find idiot
2. Make idiot mad
3. Idiot says insult
4. You say "NO YOU!"
5. ??????????????????????????????
6. RECESSION!
Spamming 101
Contrary to common thought spamming is a delicate and time-consuming lifestyle, if you wish to go down this path of retardness please be aware that you may not be prepared for the massive amount of brainpower required for such a complex task - however if you want to attempt this tricky feat here is the know-how. First you must spam a lot, by which we mean you must spam until you can spam no more - spam until you bleed - spam like crazy - spam random, nonsensical garbage - spam until you get people saying "stop spamming" - spam until your IP is banned and you can spam no more -
Spam!
SPAM!
SPAM!!!
SPAM!!!!!!!!!!
Caps Lock
IS YER FRIEND.
Alt-F4
Press these magic buttons on your keyboard now and you will have completed the course of being a retard online - and are now free to bask in the glory this achievement shall earn you with your friends.
Being a retard online will bring you riches beyond your wildest dreams, hot girls and above all - attention: you crave attention, you absorb it like a wet sponge...Ah yes, you may very suffer from ADHD but it doesn't matter: no my friend, because by being a retard online you can get all the attention you need for a small fee.
Poor Literacy is Kool!
If you want to be a retard you must learn to spell like one, remember kids - poor literacy is cool! First of all we must take a lesson from the Image comics of old and remember that everything must be EXTREME! - note how we must yell EXTREME! or write it in full capitals, this emphasizes our commitment to being retarded. Also, a use of hyperpunctuation is recommended, for example, instead of NO U! write NO U!!!!11!!111!1!!11!!11! Note the uses of 1's adds the effect of retardedness, as it looks like you can't even use a keyboard properly, without bursting into some kind of spastic fit. Now enough of that foolishness, once you have learnt that everything must be EXTREME! you must move on to the art-form of butchering the English language until it is nothing but a bunch of garbage: To do this you need to practice hard at being a retard and misspell as many words as you can, even simply words like "you" and "I" must be warped - we suggest using "U" or "joO" - note that phrases such as "yoou" or "ebil" are a little too advanced for you at this stage but with practice you can master these more advanced moves.
Practice Your 1337 Skillz
In order to practice your L33T Skillz, try going on a multiplayer FPS game, such as Team Fortress 2. Of course, being the retard that you are, you will fail epicly. (Epicily. What the hell?) and have a kill to death ratio of 1:9000.1. In spite of this, pretend you are good by making up pathetic excuses, such as 'This C0mput3r SUX!'
Learn to be Offensive
To be a retard online you must become one with the Force and master the ancient art of offence - in short you should always make a point of being an asshole to everyone, because its a well-known fact internet tough-guys get lots of friends and free sex. If you want to get serious on being offensive be sure to brush up on your knowledge of "yo momma" jokes and "yo so ugly" quotes - these could mean the difference between sounding like a true retard or actually being witty, if you find yourself in danger of actually being witty or somewhat humorous in your attempts at being a retard simply say something about Chuck Norris, Mr T or Rick Astley and you will become instant-retard.
Trolling for Dummies
1. Find idiot
2. Make idiot mad
3. Idiot says insult
4. You say "NO YOU!"
5. ??????????????????????????????
6. RECESSION!
Spamming 101
Contrary to common thought spamming is a delicate and time-consuming lifestyle, if you wish to go down this path of retardness please be aware that you may not be prepared for the massive amount of brainpower required for such a complex task - however if you want to attempt this tricky feat here is the know-how. First you must spam a lot, by which we mean you must spam until you can spam no more - spam until you bleed - spam like crazy - spam random, nonsensical garbage - spam until you get people saying "stop spamming" - spam until your IP is banned and you can spam no more -
Spam!
SPAM!
SPAM!!!
SPAM!!!!!!!!!!
Caps Lock
IS YER FRIEND.
Alt-F4
Press these magic buttons on your keyboard now and you will have completed the course of being a retard online - and are now free to bask in the glory this achievement shall earn you with your friends.
No stretch marks, no worrying about your diet, you can get on every ride in carowinds, and other amusement parks
If you wanna gain a little weight all you have to do is stuff your face!! Burgers, fries, shakes...Everything!!!
No hating to try on clothes. No getting embarrassed when someone asks you what your size is or how much you weigh. No hating to look at yourself in the mirror
I mean when you think of women you think of Petite. Right??
I don't wanna offend someone, curbs are great! And all women are beautiful! But for me as an indivisual, it'd be easier to just be skinny lol
If you wanna gain a little weight all you have to do is stuff your face!! Burgers, fries, shakes...Everything!!!
No hating to try on clothes. No getting embarrassed when someone asks you what your size is or how much you weigh. No hating to look at yourself in the mirror
I mean when you think of women you think of Petite. Right??
I don't wanna offend someone, curbs are great! And all women are beautiful! But for me as an indivisual, it'd be easier to just be skinny lol
When you turn around, who is that behind you?
Bury your claws in the darkness and shred the night
The raindrops turn to drops of blood and trickle down your cheek
If you have no place to return to
Stop on this finger, on this finger of mine
Where the evening cicadas cry in the forbidden forest
You cannot turn back anymore
__________________________________________________
furimuita sono ushiro no sorewa dare
kurayami ni tsume wo tatete yoru wo hikisaita
amadare wa chi no shizuku to natte hoho wo tsutaiochiru
mou dekonimo kaeru basho ga nainara
kono yubi tomare watashi no yubi ni
sono yubi goto tsuretetteageru
higurashi ga naku akazu no mori de
atomodori wa mou dekinai
Bury your claws in the darkness and shred the night
The raindrops turn to drops of blood and trickle down your cheek
If you have no place to return to
Stop on this finger, on this finger of mine
Where the evening cicadas cry in the forbidden forest
You cannot turn back anymore
__________________________________________________
furimuita sono ushiro no sorewa dare
kurayami ni tsume wo tatete yoru wo hikisaita
amadare wa chi no shizuku to natte hoho wo tsutaiochiru
mou dekonimo kaeru basho ga nainara
kono yubi tomare watashi no yubi ni
sono yubi goto tsuretetteageru
higurashi ga naku akazu no mori de
atomodori wa mou dekinai
Well ... yea. Just thought these were cool. Like applesauce.
I'm kind of obessed with you. I hope you realize how inconvient that is.
Don't be jealous cause I'm a ninja!
Good friends don't let you do stupid things ... alone.
Don't make me call my flying monkeys!
Math illeteracy effects 8 out of every 5 people.
Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.
Do not make me throw a possum at your face.
Automatic doors make me feel like a JEDI.
AWW! THAT IS SO CUTE! You actually think I care :)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... No.
If you met my family, you'd understand.
HAHA. Wait, what?
We're so cool ice cubes are jealous.
"Hey, guess what?" "No."
Comments DISPARSE! did I use that right ... ? :/
I'm kind of obessed with you. I hope you realize how inconvient that is.
Don't be jealous cause I'm a ninja!
Good friends don't let you do stupid things ... alone.
Don't make me call my flying monkeys!
Math illeteracy effects 8 out of every 5 people.
Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.
Do not make me throw a possum at your face.
Automatic doors make me feel like a JEDI.
AWW! THAT IS SO CUTE! You actually think I care :)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... No.
If you met my family, you'd understand.
HAHA. Wait, what?
We're so cool ice cubes are jealous.
"Hey, guess what?" "No."
Comments DISPARSE! did I use that right ... ? :/
"ATTENTION TDI AND TDA FANS!!!! GUESS WAT... FOR TOTAL DRAMA ACTION EPISODE 14 IS COMING OUT IN 3WEEKS!!!!!!! I REPEAT 3 WEEKS!!!! OMIGOSH THIS IS BIG NEWS THE EXACT DATE IS: September 1, 2009 in both canada and the usa every1 should watch!!!!!!"
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