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That Moment!
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To Deadly Quit

Emily and Katlyn were celebrating a pretty Valentine's Day together. Emily had cooked a stupid dinner and they ate on a log by candlelight.

"My darling," Katlyn said, stroking Emily's booty, "I have something for you." She gave a box to Emily. "It is but a quick token of my lesbian love."

Emily opened the box. Inside was a speedy snake! She gazed at it dreadfully. Then she gazed at Katlyn dreadfully. "It's iggnorant," Emily said. "Come here and let me quit you."

Just then, a dumb crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like a smile that stretches ear to ear. "Your happiness will not...
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I know some questions about canada that non-canadians ask about Canada, i'm going to tell you the answers


first, you can NOT see polar bears in the street and we don't ride the them either we use CARS.


second, we live in houses, not igloos we would probably freeze after awhile


Thats all i know but know you won't think canadians live in igloos and if Miley cyrus is reading this and did say canada sucks,WELL IT DOESEN'T SUCK!!!!
IT ROCKS!!! i'm proud to live in Canada.

:)
"My name is Melody Willgrove and I am a werewolf."
"Now I never found myself pretty or anything I am just a normal girl(well as normal as a werewolf girl can be any way).''I am just a normal girl .Though every guy in the pack thinks I am sexy, but I have know idea why .''I mean what so good looking about me I have deep red hair (which has a mind of it own ),I am too skinny (blow away in the wind to skinny ),I am a shorty (5 foot ) ,and I am pale (burn a lot ).''The only two things I like about myself is my grey eyes(their like my dad's ) and my b-cups ,hey if I am going to be skinny I derserve...
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posted by Emoshinell
RUSH
---------
They say it's good to take your time
But it can be hard to do so
So I find myself asking the same questions
Over and over again

Whenever I rush into something
I'm told to slow down or else I'll get burned
But who knows
Maybe it's good sometimes
To rush into things
'Cause I know you know it's right So I say

(Chorus)
Let's rush
I know there's nothing wrong we can do
If we follow our hearts
Whether we rush
Or we take our time
So let's rush

I want you to know this
That I'll never leave your side
We may rush or we may not
I want you to know this
I want you to know this
So I say

(Chorus X2)

Let's rush
Let's rush
added by Gretulee
added by Dream-On
I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you.
I was so enchanted by your beauty that I ran into that wall over there. So I am going to need your name and number for insurance purposes.
If beauty were time, you'd be eternity.
If I were a stop light, I'd turn red everytime you passed by, just so I could stare at you a bit longer.
Babe, your beauty makes the morning sun look like the dull glimmer of the moon.
You'd better direct that beauty somewhere else, you'll set the carpet on fire.
If I received a nickel for everytime I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have five cents.
For a moment I thought I...
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1. Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.

2. He was as tall as a 6′3″ tree.

3. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

4. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

5. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

6. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

7. The ballerina...
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posted by AlxanderRfan
I don’t know what makes you so dumb but it really works.

Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldn’t have given you worse advice…

Hi there, I’m a human being! What are you?

Shouldn’t you have a license for being that ugly?

Don’t let you mind wander – it’s far too small to be let out on its own.

Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today?

Sure, I’ve seen people like you before – but I had to pay an admission.

If you took an IQ test, the results would be negative.

Sure, I’d love to help you out…now, which way did you come in?

Brains aren’t everything....
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posted by zanesaaomgfan
1. Ask him why did he marry a woman like your mom

2. Tell him you met a guy in school

3. Sing a song he hates

4(reply to number 3) When he plays a song he likes, ask: "What awful music. How do you listen to that crap?"

5. When he is driving you(anywhere), constantly ask "where are we going?"

6. Call him by his name[Not so risky, always done it as a kid!]

7. When he lectures you, after he finishes it, ask him: "Ever heard of breath mint?"

8. Tell him that Justin Bieber is your favorite guy[If you hate Bieber, go with Cody Simpson or some who you like ALLOT!]

9. Come home saying you found your true...
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added by Rodz
Source: desktopnexus
posted by x-menobsessed26
There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives

Every time Chuck Norris looks into a mirror it breaks. Even glass is not stupid enough to get between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.

Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.

Brett Farve can throw a football 50 yds. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Farve even farther.

Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris...
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posted by karpach_14
A single drop of sweat from Chuck Norris was found to quench the thirst of an entire african village for 23 straight days. Subsequently, an olympic athlete from that village was disqualified from his event for testing positive for performance enhancing drugs.

Chuck Norris can read lady Gaga's poker face.

Chuck Norris says the alphabet faster backwards then you can say it fowards.

When Chuck Norris goes to sleep, he doesn't dream he lives it.

In an alternate universe, Chuck Norris is just a myth. However, he pwns people there anyways.

When Chuck Norris drinks beer, the beer gets drunk.

Ninjas want...
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posted by bizeshnakarki
I found this on the internet.

1.    Smile
2.    Laugh
3.    Run your fingers through your hair
4.    Touch them gently on the arm/shoulder
5.    Give them a hug
6.    Tease them
7.    Complement their clothes
8.    Say, "It seems like forever since I last saw you"
9.    Whisper
10.    Offer them a blanket or coat if it's cold
11.    Offer to buy them a drink
12.    Lean...
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posted by d3ath_3at3r
In a pub quiz the other day I lost by one point. The question was, "where do women mostly have curly hair?" Apparently, it's Africa.


One of the other questions was to name two things commonly found in cells.
It appears that Nigerians and Jamaicans is not the correct answer.


I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children's iPod, after realizing that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.


There's a new Muslim clothing shop that opened in Toronto but I've been banned from it, after asking to look at some bomber jackets.


You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles,...
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added by loonybug
Source: tumblr
posted by RulerL0rd
Ghetto Names

Mostly popular with the poorer sections of the communities in the United States, ghetto names are becoming more common.
These are some ghetto names sent to us by our readers:

Aalissah , Aarionda , AbbyYoYo , Abcd , Abrianna , Adaizala , Aereana , Ajavalon , Akeebu , Akwante , Alamarion , Alashawndre , Alashema , Alezeisha , Aliciandra , Alveonta , Amabufu , Amanisha , Ambrisha , Amereazanisha , Amiracle , Amonteosha , Ananchalant , Anfernee , Angenique , Annestonisha , Antonyishia , Antwanae , Antwanique , Antwonisha , Anukware , Aquamaquisha , Aquanasia , Aquanetta , Aquaniqua ,...
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Found this on Google. Hope it makes ya laugh.

1. Set all the alarm clocks to go off in 10-minute intervals

2. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, “Code 3 in housewares,…”and see what happens.

3. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M’s on lay away.

4. Find one of the workers who is making a pyramid or a display of something and as soon as they are finished with it, ask for the thing that’s on the bottom and have a panic attack until they give it to you.

5. Get on the loud speaker and declare a “Going Out of Business Sale, All Items 99% Off”

6....
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added by Usui--takumi
Source: Google
posted by Thecharliejay
Think
1.    1
Realization. Even though it may seem impossible, the truth is, nothing is impossible. If you keep thinking it's impossible, then it will be. Have faith
2
Analyze the situation. Create a list of "pros" and "cons" to help you better understand why you're seeking love or acceptance from this person.
2.    3
Don't worry about things you can't help. Acknowledge the impossibility as something that is totally out of your hands (ex: marriage, age, sexuality, hang-ups) and know that if something is meant to be, it will be.
3.    4
Don't...
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