Dear Noah, We could've sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving until 5. Sincerely, the Unicorns.
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Airlines have banned passengers from taking tweezers on board... Anybody who can hijack a plane using a set of tweezers deserves the freakin plane.
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The guy who puts down dogs at animal shelters must not get alot of women. "And what do you do for a living?" "...I kill puppies."
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Do you know what happens to 100% of people who eat carrots? THEY DIE.
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The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
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You cannot bring sexy back without a receipt.
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"Want to play the rape game?"...
continue reading...
