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posted by milorox18
1. When you get pulled over, say “What’s wrong, ossifer, there’s no blood in my alcohol?”

2. When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you wanted to race.

3. When he talks to you, pretend you are deaf.

4. If he asks if you knew how fast you were going, say no, my speedometer only goes to……

5. Ask if you can see his gun.

6. When he says you aren’t allowed, tell him I just wanted to see if mine was bigger.

7. Touch him.

8. When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you had to buy a hat.

9. Ask him where he bought his cool hat.

10. Refer to him by his first name.

11. Pretend you are gay...
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posted by Mallory101
" Watch out for the idiot behind me!"
Moooooove, I'm trying to speed!
If you're rich, I’m single!
0-60 in 15 minutes!
A clean car is a sign if sick mind.
100% Irony Free
Adrenalin is my drug of choice.
Adults are just kids with money.
Baby on bored
HOME SCHOOL. Smarter than ever.
I talk to strangers
I Think Feminists Are Cute!
Keep honking, I am reloading!
Pain is inevitable misery is optional.
To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing.
Tennis players have fuzzy balls.
Your honor student deals the best drugs.


The fastest way to a fisherman's heart is through his fly
Stupidity is not a crime so you’re...
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found this on the net:

18 Fun Things To Do In A Final That Does Not Matter (i.e. You are going to fail the class completely no matter what you get on the final exam)

1) Get the copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!"

2) Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

3) Bring cheerleaders.

4) Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the...
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posted by slytherin360
Found this on the net:

24 Fun Things To Do In An Elevator

1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"

2. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

3. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

4. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

5. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

6. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they...
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Check out this infected canker sore in my mouth!
I work for the IRS.
Have you ever tried cat meat?
I don't know why I ate it - liver and onions always gives me gas.
I just had a proctological exam - wow, worth every penny!
The last time my head rang like this I woke up with a dead man next to me!
I puked on the last person who flew next to me.
My butt reeeally itches!
Would you look at the size of the hair I just yanked out of my nose!
My psychiatrist says that flying helps offset my desire to mutilate small, defenseless, woodland creatures.
The last guy who ignored me is still on a respirator....
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David Cage, the creator of many famous games of the recent era. A man who is said to be one of the most creative minds in gaming right now. And yet, no matter who you ask, there is only two opinions on this guy. There’s the people who like David Cage and then there are the people who don’t. And I’m one of the people who don’t. Welcome to an episode of Content Cuck. And this is the David Cage and Quantic Dream rant article. I’m here to discuss all the flaws of every Quantic Dream game, yes, all five of them, and talk about the flaws of David Cage, from the self centered behavior to...
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added by BlindBandit92
It was the year 2009, a young couple of nobodies arrived on the scene and one of those nobodies was a man by the name of Mike "the Situation" Sorrentino. I knew when I first saw him that I WASN'T gonna like him and sure enough I didn't. He had a bad reputation from the moment they showed him and it just kept getting worse. Not only that but he's a selfish, self-centered, ego driven guy that cares to much about his abs then he does people. When he signed up for Dancing with the stars It made me hate him even more because he cared too much about his show to even get in a day of training done. To add even more fuel to the fire he SHOULD of been sent home first but u people saved him for basically no reason whatsoever.
added by taismo723
I made this video, and this is just what would happen when my brother ran across our yard. LOL
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