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posted by karpach_13
Death Row in Women’s Prison
Three women are about to be executed. One’’s a brunette, one’’s a redhead, and one’’s a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, “Ready! Aim…”
Suddenly the brunette yells, “EARTHQUAKE!!!”
Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while [...]

Jamaica
A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn’t have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m smart, I have a good job, and I’m staying in [...]

Blonde at a strip mall
What did the blonde say after he went to the strip mall?
“I was disappointed. Everybody else had their clothes on.”

Car hangers
Why do blondes keep hangers in their cars?
In case they lock themselves out.

Blonde cop
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer (also a blonde). The cop asked to see the blonde’s driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. “What does it look like?” she finally asked. The [...]

Best kept secret
At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. ‘No woman,’ said one man, scornfully, ‘can keep a secret.’
‘I don’t know about that,’ answered a blonde woman guest. ‘I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one.’
‘You’ll let it out some day,’ the man insisted.
‘I [...]

Alligator shoes
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.After becoming very frustrated with the “no haggle” attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, “Maybe I’ll [...]

Hawaii
A blonde called in inquiring about a travel package to Hawaii. The agent explained their limited travel range. After going over all the agent’s information, she asked, “Well, could I fly to California, and THEN take your train to Hawaii?”

Game of Intelligence
A blonde chick found herself sitting next to a lawyer on an airplane. Bored, the lawyer kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence (lawyers like easy prey). Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions she owed [...]

Drivers Licence
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you.”
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posted by MineTurtle
This ain't mine. I twas originally written by xSHOCKYx, who said 'Pass this on if you love Jesus'. So here it is.


Science vs. God
"Let me explain the problem science has with Jesus Christ." The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand.

"You're a Christian, aren't you, son?"

"Yes sir," the student says.

"So you believe in God?"

"Absolutely."

"Is God good?"

"Sure! God's good."

"Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?"

"Yes."

"Are you good or evil?"

"The Bible says I'm evil."

The professor grins knowingly. "Aha! The Bible!" He considers for a...
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posted by eslisle4254
I found this poem and i felt i needed to post it


Month One

Mommy, I am only 8 inches long, but I have all my organs. I love the sound of your voice. Every time I hear it, I wave my arms and legs. The sound of your heart beat is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

Mommy, today I learned how to suck my thumb. If you could see me, you could definitely tell that I am a baby. I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though. It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy, I'm a girl !! I hope that makes you happy. I always want you to be happy. I don't like it when you cry. You sound...
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1. Turn to a stranger and sing a random song
2. When your on a floor someone wants to get off on make sure they don't get off
3. Say in a new jersey accent "I told my daughter not to give the dog coffee. What does she do? She gives the dog coffee! Now i've got a dead dog! A dumb daughter! And no coffee!"
4. If your with a friend, and there are more people start a annoying conversation. (I did this one time and all the people in the elevator turned to me, someone even said shut up XD)
5. Pretend your driving in a car, and make motor sounds
6. Whisper into a strangers ear "I am a parol officer! Respect...
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added by aromate
1.When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

2.Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

3.Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

4.Call a Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.

5.Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for a friend. After a while say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?", and let the doors close.

6.Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

7.Bring a camera and take pictures...
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