•    Vary your vehicle’s speed inversely with the speed limit.

•    Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Attempt to head bang.

•    At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear, lock your doors.

•    Two words: Chicken suit.

•    Write the words “Help me” on your back window in red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better.

•    Stop at the green lights.

•    Go at the red ones.

•    Occasionally wave a stuffed animal/troll doll/Barbie out your window or sunroof. Feel free to make it dance.

•    Pass cars, then drive very slowly.

•    Sing without having the radio on.

•    Honk frequently without motivation.

•    Wave at people often. If they wave back, offer an angry look and an obscene gesture.

•    Look behind you frequently, with a very paranoid look.

•    Restart your car at every stop light.

•    Hang numerous car-fresheners in the rear-view mirror. Talk to them, stroking them lovingly.

•    While stopped at a light, piss out the window/sunroof onto other cars.

•    Keep at least five cats in the car.

•    Have some passengers in the back who are having wild, noisy sex.

•    Stop and collect road kill.

•    Stop and pray to road kill.

•    Get in the fast lane and gradually...slow...down... to a stop.

•    Then get out and watch the cars.