Shadowfan here!

In case you all didn't know, today is my birthday. (Well, when i wrote this, it was still Aug 13th, now it's the 14th) 25 years ago today, I made my way into this fascinating, yet dark and mysterious world we call: Earth. Over the years, I have learned a lot about the world around me. I've learn that there is not only evil here, but also good--even when it seems so lost and buried. Now, although today was a pretty good birthday, I'd like to take a moment out of this day to talk about someone I know. Someone that left me too soon.

I don't talk about him much, but now I think it's time to. 25 years ago, my mother gave birth to twin boys--Me and Jeremy. He was born pretty healthy, while I was the one with a lot of health problems. We were born 3 months early, but somehow, Jeremy turned out OK for the most part. However, it seemed like one of us were just destined to leave rather quickly. 2 months after birth, my twin brother sadly passed away. Granted, he had problems, too, but not as bad as mine were. I basically got the crappy end of the stick....

And so, I grow up without a twin--and I often wonder what it would have been like, you know? Now, also granted, I have 3 other siblings (two bro's and a sis) and I'm grateful for them. But it still gets to me at times, especially since I was raised by my grandmother, practically being in an "only child environment" my whole life, which stunk most of the time.

Sometimes, I do actually wonder what it would have been like to have a twin--would we have been exactly alike? Extremely opposite? Guess I'll never know. For the past few years, I went through that depression phase I talked about in my other article, and at that time (and sometimes even now) I wonder why I couldn't have joined Jeremy. Why couldn't I die with him? Why was it that I had to stay here while he left before he could even understand what world he was born into? *sighs* I ask questions I may never know the answers to, but it's OK. As for my depression, I am trying my very best to move forward. I have a few days like I use to, but I manage. But one thing I know is that I do actually miss him. I mean, I can't really cry over him, because I never even knew him. But I wish I could have at least knew what it would have been like to have him around. Well, anyway, I have said all I wanted to say, so....

Jeremy, if you're out there anywhere, just know I'm thinking about ya. I may not have known you, but I hope to see you in Heaven. Love, your older twin, Joshua.