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1)"Why, do you find me irresistible?"

2)"No, I just dress better than you"

3)"You're a double gay. No returnsies!"

4)"I love the second grade insults, *insert name here*. Honestly, isn't it strange how "gay" has come to replace "stupid"? And so what if I was gay? Insulting my sexual orientation is pointless.

NOW...if a girl says you're gay, and you actually are, I find the best burn is: "At least I can get a boyfriend."

5)Look them in the face with a deadpan expression. Simply say, "Yes. I'm gay," and walk away. Take their thunder away. It's such a juvenile thing to say in the first place.
Or just say, "Well, I guess you'd be the one to know."

6)I'd just say "Whoaaa. I know you have fantasies but keep them to yourself."

7)"why, you interested"? :) :)

8)That's not what your mom said last night.

9)'And...? This concerns you because...?'

Gay is not an offensive thing to be called. SO I would take it more as a statement than an offense.

10)At least I'm not a homophobe.

11)I was in this situation before and I turn to the person and looked him in the face and said “ well honey, I guess you would know better than anyone would since you were biting the pillow last night.”

12)What tipped you off, my great sense of style, biting wit or was it your GAYDAR honey?

13)"I'm not even going to acknowledge your stupidity and close mindedness.' and walk away. It's not worth getting into a pissing match over. Pick your battles.

14)"It takes one to know one" always worked well for me.

It belittles the homophobe within his own warped value-system, without belittling you. It's rather childish of course, and is not of course 100% literally true, but although I haven't actually used it in 30-odd years (not having been called gay for a while), I've often had cause to reflect on its essential wisdom. Many gay-bashers are hiding, I believe, something of a pink streak within themselves.

15)must admit the best reply i ever heard was to a real bit brute of a fella and he was totally shocked.

The big fella said "Oi are you bent"

Quick reply was " Why have you got a crooked cock"

That was the end of that.

16)"Is that a statement or a come-on?"

17)YES i am HAPPY have you got a problem with that?

18)"I wear glasses as well. Just in case you didn't notice."

19)"Usually when one accuses another of being homosexual, it is simply to cover up their own fears and insecurities and thoughts about being homosexual themselves"

20)o0o0o0o baby you would know, then blow a kiss at them.

21)"And why exactly would you want to know...?"

Then turn and walk casually away.
Don't even play their silly little game by trying to make a "Comeback".

22) "does the term get a life mean anything to you?"

Or there's always the classic- give him a pitying look and walk away.

23)No, I'm extatic!!!, say it with a massive grin on your face.

24)Say "Yea, so blow me"

25)"ooof, you find me cute, don't you ;)"

26)Just say, If you don't tell anyone that I have a wooden penis then I wont tell anyone that you have splinters in your mouth.

27)Thanks. And I'm an adult too."

And walk away.

Why bother staying near idiots like this?

28)''And you're cute!''
Don't forget a 'menacing smile' yo...

29)Don't hate Me because you aren't me!

30)And you're what? Sad?

31)"In your dreams"

32)Well, if you AREN'T gay or bi, and the person who's asking is the same sex you are, try, "If you're looking for a date, you're going to have to look somewhere else; I can't help you."

OR -- "I don't know what you need, but you're not going to find it here."

OR -- "What's bugging you? Something to hide? You pulling a Larry Craig on us?"

Larry Craig is the conservative Republican "pro-family" U.S. Senator from Idaho who has been hateful to gay people to try to cover up that he, himself, has sex with strange men in public washrooms (despite having a female spouse back home.)

You want to avoid answers that insult gay people. You want an answer that insults or at least deflects the person who is starting the anti-gay attack on you.

33)I deleted it, it was duplicate.

34)What kind of "cable" do you get. It looks like you have DSL.

35)Well, I prefer to be known as jolly or happy, but I appreciate you wanting to include me in your social group.

36)In my case, "No, only halfway." :)

37)Are you dropping hints .. and if you are .. sorry you're not my type .. that's what I'll say .. LOL .. hey not that I'm gay ..

38)You weren't complaining last night!

39)"I', sorry if I misled you. I prefer the opposite sex so I would not be a fun date, but we can still be friends."

40)You only say that because I turned down your boyfriend.

41)At least I know the difference between “you're” and “your”.

42)You may want to say so are many other people and that is not every nice!It is your choice what you want to be in your own ways!Many people are gay but that does not bother most people and it doesn't bother me!

43)And you're point is.....

44)I'm sorry I know you want me to be a homosexual so we can hook up but I'm really not gay so it just wouldn't work between us.

45)"Is there a problem with being happy?" (using gay as a derogative term, as I sense that this is..is nothing more than ignorance and tells a lot about the person saying it) Don't worry be gay!

46)say "I thought we were going to keep this quiet until we're both ready to come out"

47)..and you find me attractive?

48)'say'no I'm not gay, but hey but you don't need to take my word for it just ask your mom.

49)You're straight.Thanks for the observation.

50)'thank god, I didn't think you felt the same, come here lover!"

51)In fact i am gay. if you're intention is to insult me at least put some thought into it.

52)I may be happy (gay)but ,not desperate enough to want to go out with you....

53)Want my number?

54)Best comeback for guys when another guy says you're gay just look at him and point to you're Penis and when he looks just say who's gay now? and walk away.

55)If this is high-school- first, is there anything about that statement that hits closer to home than you would like? If there is, deal with this immediately, and then bite the bullet-
say yes.
whatever any foul idiot with no imagination calls you, say yes. After you agree with them, there is nothing more they can do. Turn it around, and throw it back in their face. I was tormented through high-school, middle-school, elementary school- you name it. Fat, ugly, a lesbian, a witch, whatever. Say yes. They stopped calling me everything after I agreed with them. When they called me a lesbian, I put the two fingered V up to my mouth and flicked my tongue, and the guys taunting me flipped out and ran away- no joke. These tormentors will not stop immediately, because they're testing you, but hold firm. When you do not react, they can not hurt you.

56)How about "if you have a problem with that, then you are the one with the problem"

57)Pucker up and say " Your place or mine?"

58)Like Jerry Seinfeld said "not that there is anything wrong with that"

59)'So is your face!'

Please note that the first reply doesn't work if the person is your brother or sister...

Seriously, though. If someone calls you gay with a genuine intention to hurt you based on your sexuality, let them. Tell them they're right, or wrong as the case may be. A person that crude and insensitive doesn't deserve your attention.

60)"Your mother (if you're a girl) didn't seem to mind."
"Your father (if you're a boy) didn't seem to mind."

61)You say "yes I do find myself to be a very happy person." or say "that's not my name at all, you should really try to keep your names/faces in order."

Gay has many different meanings and is also a name.

62)How about "Hey, ducky, you're the one whose dating me."

63)"Not without dinner and a movie first!"

64)Why? Are you looking for a date?

65)I'm sorry, but I just don't like you like that. Sorry things didn't turn out for you.

66)"I never noticed before but you have a great butt, honey" *blow kiss/wink and walk off*

"But I thought you liked it last night" *pout*

"No, but your girlfriend/mom/sister sure does love anal!"

67)Damn Skippy! Now dip me chocolate and throw me to the lesbians!

Haha!

68)Bend over and lets find out :P

69)You better believe it baby, now turn around and I'll show you how it's done.

70)"would you please excuse me, and walk away".

71)Well if the other person is of the same sex as you, you can always say something like " Just because I am hot does not mean I am yours!"

72)LOL...This has happened to me...Another female told everyone I was a lesbian. I confronted her...She of course played it up for her friends, and as she was walking away, I grabbed her and kissed her. Am I a lesbian? No. Did she ever say anything about me again? No. Muahahaha

73)OH darling, that coming from someone who gave me a good blow job last night.

74)Oh am I? Tell me about it.

75)I know you are but what am I? (I always find that so lame it just cracks me up)

76)"I'm not a lesbian, but my girlfriend is!"

77)if they don't like it tell the straighties to stop making gay babies.

78)Why! I didn't know YOU were gay? ..You're not?...Then why are you giving me a physical appraisal?

79)Jack: "Hello, are you Gay?"
Gay: "Yes Jack, Nice to meet you"

80)And you're about as straight as a circle.

81)So is your Dad, look how you turned out.

82)For a kid: "They say gays have the best gaydar!" (or equivalent "takes one to know one")
Showing you don't care ("I support gay people" "What, are you GAY?" "Um, yeah, because the fact I've just stuck up for gays means I'd be reeeeeeeeally insulted if a bigot thought I was one.")
If you're an adult, though? Seriously, who gives two shits? It's not an insult, and when people mean it as an insult it's just a quick way for you to find out they're not worth your time.

83)Yeah.... In your wet dreams .

84)Isn't it weird how we can always recognize another gay?

85)With a deadpan expression, and a flat toneless voice -

"gosh that really is a killer insult...."

followed by a big yawn.

86)Would it significantly raise your IQ if I was?

87)At least when I look into a mirror, I don't break it!

88)Are you free Saturday night?

89)If it's a girl:
"Sorry to disappoint."

in general:
"You're right! I AM a happy person!"
"Did you find that in a trash can? It kinda stinks..."
"YOU'D wanna know."
"Sorry, bud. Not interested."
"is that your face, or did your neck throw up on you?"
"If you were looking in the mirror, I'd say the same."

90)"Why, are you interested?"
"Not for you."
What, do you like me?
Why'd you say that,are you fantasizing about me again?
"Only in your wildest dreams"
"AWW! Acting a whittle tough just cause you can't have me?"
"Get your pants off and we'll test that theory"
"Only for you, sexy!"
"your mom/dad sure found out"-OH by the way is he/she free this Saturday night?
"your mother/father tells me that all the time"

"I know that you are jealous but do try to understand sweetie that I am just not attracted to bitches/dickheads so go find another girl/guy to have a crush on" and if he/she says he/she doesn't have a crush on you say "that's funny you are giving me all this attention and not on the guys/girls why is that"

Or "I am not the one that's oppressing about it do you have something you want to tell us" and if he/she says that he/she is not oppressing about being a gay then say "hey I am not the one who has said the word gay "x" times there's nothing wrong with you being sexually attracted to women/men"

You know what? I would absolutely LOVE to see life from your point of view, but I simply can't seem to stick my head THAT far up my ass.

91)Is that an offer?

92)I no that's your sexual fantasy.

93)Give them a condescending look and say "Well, yeah, that's why I don't have time for small-minded fuckwits like yourself."

94)Yeah, Gay like a Fox!!

95)how about "no shit?!" :) congratulations you aren't so stupid after all.

Okay these are a lot,well I was bored. :)
posted by cute20k
Okay, I don't really cry a lot but these quotes are all a little sad. They're in no particular order.

1. "A million words wouldnt bring you back, I know because I tried. Neither would a million tears, I know because I've cried."

2. "When you're in love and you get hurt, it's like a cut, it will heal with time but the scars will never fade"

3. "What happens when he's your prince charming, but you're not his cinderella?"

4. "The worst feeling in the world is giving all the love you have and knowing it will never be returned"

5. "You probably won't remember me. I'm probably ancient history. I'm one...
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1. Pretend to fall down and wait till someone says "Are you OK?" Then say "I'M A MONSTER!!" And see what happens
2. Walk up to a complete stranger and say "Hey, I liked your video on youtube!"
3. If it's Halloween go to the costume section and grab a Halloween bag and go up to a random person and say "Trick or treat!"
3. Go to a crowded aisle and if you know it sing the song "Party like a rock star"
4. Follow a customer and put in items in hisher cart and say "Ready for checkout!"
5. When you see a old guy then point and say "Its Shakira!!"
6. Go up to an old man and say "MOMMY!! I HAVEN'T...
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posted by spunkyonyx
Hey guys, found some interesting and strange facts, some are just facts I have known a long time ago(school, wandering around websites), others are ones that I have found, I apply the source if available. Any others you may want to add up feel free to do so. Enjoy!

1) Coca-cola was once green.
It was green because it was accidentally carbonated when a clerk squirted syrup into the wrong glass.

2)Barbie doll measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33. Wow... she's cut from the team.

3)Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair. *Checks... Woot!

4)You blink about 84 million times...
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posted by KateKicksAss
Credit: I found these online, and they made me smile. As you can see, I clearly didn’t make them up. Thought of course, If I had, I wouldn’t be claiming they were someone elses…Never mind..

Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.
-A. Whitney Brown

When they asked George Washington for his ID, he just took out a quarter.
- Stephen Wright.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that’s how dogs spend their lives.
–Sue Murphy

I don’t kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak...
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posted by TVD_rocks
10. Sing “Bad Touch” by the Bloodhound Gang in your head whenever he is near.

9.Ask him if he thinks Robert Pattinson is hot. When he says no, tell him he has low self esteem issues

8. Tell him the relationship he is having with Bella is practically paedophilia and he could be sent to jail for it.

7.End every argument with “Bite me, Edward.”

6. Whenever he complains or argues, reply with “What are you gonna do Edward? Go to Italy?”

5.Ask him to be a gangsta with you for Halloween

4. Show him the twilight trailer. Ask him if he thinks that he looks like a pedophile or if it's just you.

3. Tell him his hair isn’t bronze, it’s ginger, and he should stop denying himself – he’s a ranga.

2. Whenever he leaves a room or says goodbye, get down on your knees and beg him not to go, not again.

1. Take his silver cell phone and change the ringtone to “Like a Virgin” by Madonna.
Do-do-oo-oo
Yeah-Yeah-Yeah-Yeah
(Intro Music)
We wonder, are you ready to join us now?
Hands in the air, we will show you how come and try caramell will be your guide (be your guide)
So come and move your hips,
sing
Oa-ah-ah!
Look at your two, do it
La,la,la!
You and me can sing this melody
Oa-oa-ao

Dance to the beat,
wave your hands together
Come feel the heat,
Forever and forever
Listen and learn,
It is time for prancing
Now we are here with Caramelldansen
Oo-oo-oo-oa-oa
Oo-oo-oo-oa-oa-ao
Oo-oo-oo-oa-oa
Oo-oo-oo-oa-oa-ao
Fron Sweden to UK we will bring our song Austrailia,USA,and people of Hong Kong They have herd...
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posted by ShiningsTar542
There is a topless photo of Sel going around, but it’s FAKE!O_O

Sources connected to Gomez told website TMZ that Selena and company ‘are furious that her reputation is being sullied by some perverts with Photoshop.’

"The alleged photo of Selena Gomez is absolutely not her. Selena’s family is pursuing all available remedies to deal with the offender.” said her reps.

Now they are going to go after the people responsible.

Awful, isn’t it, some of the weird things people do on the Internet!?
UGGHHHH...

source: TMZ

-Well these stuff don't happen only to famous people,But they also happen to normal fellows and This results in big problems which have no limits!
posted by ShiningsTar542
If you think you reading all the books, seeing all the movies, and buying all the stuff makes for a real fan Twilight fan, wait until you read this news.v
---- v
-----v
-----v
-----v

It turns out that there is a woman named Cathy Ward, 49, who is a mega fan of the series. She has her entire back tattooed with the characters from the series and plans to cover her whole body... WoW!

Cathy discovered the series a few years ago when a friend gave her the first movie and since then she has been love with all the mythology and characters.

Source: objetivofamosos
***Lol this was probably a lot funnier to the drunk people who wrote it at three in the morning but.... here you go xD

Or if you'd just rather check it out on youtube:
link

I wanna be a grizzly bear, so beary bad
Stealin' honey from bees just to make them mad
I wanna live in the forest with, Booboo and Yogi
So we can steal picnic baskets as three

Oh every time I close my eyes...
I see the back of my eyelids
And I bet you didn't know this
I swear, the world is unprepared for when I'm a Grizzly bear

Yeah I would climb trees like bears do
And probably attack you, not an every day
Hike in the forest
I'd probably...
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*If I had forgetten something else please let me know thanks :) :P*



So, long ago me and my brother Kyle here
We was hitch hiking down a long lone-some road
When all of a sudden, there shined the shining demon..
And he said!
"Play the best song in the world..or I'll eat your souls..."
So we each looked at each other and said "OK!"
So we played the song that just so happened to be! The best song in the world! It was the best song in the world! Look into my eyes and its easy to see when a one makes two and two and one makes destiny...
Once every thousand years or so,
Is when the sun dont shine and the...
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This is my list of movies from best to worst. Please take notice that this article is fully based on opinion and isn't meant to persuade readers to like or dislike any of the movies that are listed.

My Favorites: The Best
19. The Little Mermaid III: Ariel's Beginning-So cute and emotionally touching.

18. Alice in Wonderland (1951 Disney Version)-The movie is so imaginative and really brings back so many memories.

17. Kung Fu Panda-It's funny as hell!

16. Stitch The Movie-I just find the whole other experiments thing to be really cool.

15. Shrek Forever After-"Do The Roar!" haha.

14. The...
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(CREATED BY RAE RI, NOT ME)

Chuck Norris can make onions cry.


Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.


Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.


Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.


Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.


Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.


Chuck Norris doesn't turn the light on; he turns the dark off.


The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.


Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.


When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror, the mirror shatters; not even a mirror is stupid enough to get between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.


Chuck Norris's tears can cure aids, too bad he never cries. (silvaze9)
Christian quotes...

"No, I don't know that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered as patriots. This is one nation under God."
- George H.W. Bush

"ATHEISTS, AGNOSTICS AND NON BELIEVERS ARE THE TRUE CRIMINALS OF THE WORLD COMMUNITY" - tencommandments.org

"How can there be peace when drunkards, drug dealers, communists, atheists, New Age worshipers of Satan, secular humanists ... and homosexuals are on top?"
- Pat Robertson

"... atheism is none other than raw depravity - the diabolical principle at work in people who dishonor their parents, murder, lie and commit...
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posted by ShiningsTar542
The story we have for you today is one of love, friendship, and how to co-exist.

Salati is a leopard that was adopted by the Brooker family in South Africa. The family helps to rehabilitate animals that are injured. Salati came to the Brooker family when it was just a cub, and instantly became friends with Tommy, a golden retriever. Tommy was also a puppy at the time.

You would think that a friendship between this unlikely pair would be impossible. But no. The two animals connected from the first moment. Now the two animals are fully grown and they are still friends. They spend time together running, playing, sleeping, whatever!

They have left behind the stereotype of cat and dog and found friendship instead.
1)Devise a secret code with your friends then hand in the homework in that code
Continually ask questions so that the professor can’t give homework
Answer the teacher’s questions in slow motion 2)Answer questions only with one word
3)Scream random words without anybody noticing it’s you
4)Continuously yawn until everyone is yawning
5)Ask your professor personal questions
6)Every time the professor finishes talking clap
7)Eat paper
8)Talk very fast
9)Call the professor “Mom” or “Dad”
10)Count your hair
11)Talk with an accent
12)Answer questions in a different language
13)Fake spasms
14)Pretend...
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Hayley
Hayley
WARNING:The following article contains,inappropriate materiel and foreign swearing.


*One day at lunch*

Kara:Sigh.

Bell:What's the matter Kara?

Kara:Well a year ago,I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me with my so called best friend.Ungrateful bitch.

Johnathan:Well you don't have to worry about that here,I doubt anybody here wants Max.

Everybody:What?

Johnathan:Keep playing dumb Max,keep playing dumb.

Mellisa:I hate you.

Bell:Kara,how about I come over to your place and we do uhh...Girl stuff.

James:Yeah,let's do girl stuff.

Kara:Shut up James you creepy stalker.

James:W-What?

*Kara pushes James on...
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posted by deathchick9
Over the many years of pikachu,if you look closely pikachu has been getting thinner and thinner.When it started he was this cute,fat little chunk of Pokemon,but now he's a skinny little freak.Which can only me one thing....Ash has forced him to become bulimic!
*Dramatizations*
____________________________________
Ash:Jeez,Pikachu your so fat!

Pikachu:Pika?

________________________

Ash:Loose some weight you fat bastard!

Pikachu:Pika?!
_________________________________________

Ash:No stop eating!Your just gonna get fatter!

*Ash shoves his finger down pikachu's throat to make him vomit his food up.Pikachu...
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posted by gossipgirlxoxo
1. Shave one eyebrow.

2. Chain yourself to your roommate's bed. Get him/her to bring you food.

3. Spill a lot of beer on his/her bed. Swim.

4. Clip your fingernails and toenails and keep them in a baggie. Leave the baggie near your computer and snack from it while studying. If s/he walks by, grab the bag close and eye him/her suspiciously.

5. Stare at your roommate for five minutes out of every hour. Don't say anything, just stare.

6. Hang up pictures of chickens all over the room. If your roommate eats eggs, yell at him/her and call him/her a cannibal.

7. Keep a hamster as a pet. Buy a blender,...
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posted by thespikedturtle
Ugh...

Everywhere around me at school, I see smoking, fighting, and cursing, I think it's ridiculous. Of course, I don't do any of that, I'm the one you may think of as a nerd. Unfortunately, by today's standards, "being a nerd" actualy means "doing what's right."

I have musical talents, I can't be humble on that. I'm also pretty smart, I hardly ever study, but I've gotten honor roll all my life. When a lot of people think of me, they think of the talents I have, not my personality. And to me, personality is everything, and I think that's the way it was supposed to be. But all that matters today...
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User: I didn't know you could play Twister all by yourself.


Cleverbot: I didn't know you could play the cello online either.


User: Cat got your tongue, because there's an extra one here.


Cleverbot: No the dog actually. But close.


User: I for one feel bad for the chicken.


Cleverbot: You spelled fear wrong...

User: Would a redhead wear a red blouse? That's a rhetorical question.

Cleverbot: Probably, but he or she wouldn't want to admit it.

User: I don't know, I didn't write it down.

Cleverbot: I'm going to copy and paste it so that you can see that you di.

User: Too bad it wasn't a learn how to swim patch....
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