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Severing relationship with father even though he has financial authority over me? (advice needed)

I am 21 years old and just graduated from college. Long story short, my dad, while he loves me, is extremely controlling, condescending and emotionally manipulative. He completely changed 4 years ago after moving in with my stepmom (and is in denial about it), and every time I or someone else has tried to talk to him, he gets furious, or just devalues what we say and nothing changes. He has had financial authority over me all this time, and any time I say or do something that displeases him in the slightest (things that wouldn't even matter to a normal person), he goes ballistic and threatens to cut off all my funding, and takes me on guilt trips and makes me feel like a terrible person ("Do you have any idea how hard I work to provide for you all? This is the thanks I get for all I've done for you?" etc). My anxiety levels have been killing me because of him. He puts ridiculous rules in place like forcing me to call every night since I live in a different city otherwise he shuts my phone off, I have to get permission to do certain things despite being an adult, etc.
All this time I've just had to go along with it in order to survive and not end up on the streets. However, now that I've graduated, he has less control over my finances. I can afford housing and basic bills with the job I have, and if I had to pay my phone bill I could manage. He's mad at me once again right now because I went to my hometown to pick things up from my mom's house without his permission, and I'm at the point where I literally can't take it anymore and want to just call him and end the relationship. However, I know that in doing so I'll also have to find my own health insurance and I'm worried I won't get approved for anything or be able to afford it. I'm also worried that he might somehow have authority over something else that I'm not aware of.
Even if all goes okay in practical terms and if I don't have much to lose, he still has a way of making people terrified of him and in seemin
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(Cont.) seeming all wise, like he's always right in arguments (and is extremely convincing, as he is a very intelligent person). It could also mean he prevents me from having relationships with my siblings. I've been writing out scripts and rehearsing everything in my head, but can't work up the courage to actually do it. Sorry this was so long, but I really need some advice. Posted this in the advice spot too but figured I'd get faster answers here.
xWiildfiire posted over a year ago
 xWiildfiire posted over a year ago
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anaswill said:
If you haven't already, I would try coming clean with him and telling him everything that's bothering you. I would be polite about it, but direct, and if you don't think you can do that in person or over the phone try writing a letter. Maybe try reaching out to your siblings and seeing if they feel the same way as you-- if you all approached him on the matter, it would be harder for him to dismiss what you're saying. How are your mom's finances? Do you think, if you ever needed a little support with your health insurance, she would be able and willing to help you out?

I would also go over all the costs you would have to cover if you did go through with it (like really plan it out, call up some insurance companies, look up the cost of electricity/water where you live), and if it ends up that you can't afford to sever your relationship with him, I would put up with him for a couple more years, and save up some money until you can afford that independence.
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posted over a year ago 
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My mom's not exactly in the picture; just went to her house to get my things and that was it. We've tried having conversations with him before but it usually ends ugly, and it would be harder for my siblings since they're still under his roof and control more than I am, so he could easily make their lives more miserable.
xWiildfiire posted over a year ago
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Thanks for the advice :)
xWiildfiire posted over a year ago
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