pain

why is life like a rollercoaster that go's up & down. we all ask ourselves the same question "why me, what did i do to deserve this?", yet none of us have the answer for it.. is it my karma coming back to haunt, i thought i have forgiven myself of my past... a thought... maybe im not the one to do the forgiving, why is it my fault that others hurt me.. music blasting through my ears, tv on to distract my sight, reading a book so i dont have to remember the thoughts that re-play in my head... why is my mind so black, so cold, so un-wanting but the outerside of me is so bright, brighter then the sun.. is it a cover up, a cover to hide the black, the dark forest without a trail.. why is it so hard to leave the darkness, why does it over power me, like im drowning in the evil ocean, on a thunderous night... i cant breath in here, who will save me??? o'lord and savior of mine save my soul because in this world my mind/body is just a dirty rug on the floor......