wiki/It_Happened_One_Afternoon/Tr...ipt
"It Happened One Afternoon"
"The Penguins of Madagascar"
Season 4, Episode 5 (4X05)
Production Code: 405 Air date: ?
Previous: "I Smell A Rat" Next: "The Dolphin Who Hired Me" I
t Happened One Afternoon/Transcript
Scene I: Penguin HQ (Inside)
(Skipper is seated at the table, staring at his cup of coffee. Has bloodshot eyes)
Private: (Waddles in from Kowalski's lab) Oh! Good Morning, Skipper. You're up early!
Skipper: I don't see anything good about it, especially when I'm going through a crisis at the moment.
Private: Oh no! Do you need us to buy a convertible to make you feel young again?
Skipper: (Anguished cry) It's not that kind of crisis! I'm out of the fish I drink in my coffee!
Private: (Doesn't see a problem) Well, who don't we just get you a different kind of-
Skipper: (grabs him by the shoulders and stares him straight in the face. Says crazily) These are my special fish! (looks truly insane now) You don't understand! My special fish are all the way in (dramatic pause) Food Shed!
Private: Ok… So we'll just go in there and get those fish, and-
(Kowalski enters, stepping out of his lab, holding an invention covered by a small tarp in his flippers)
Kowalski: (Cautionary) Private… never argue with Skipper when he is deprived of his coffee. He gets-
(They both glance nervously over their shoulders and see Skipper rocking back and forth in a fetal position, muttering incoherently)
Kowalski: -Like that. (Shudders) So we have no choice but to wait it out while we get his fish before he starts foaming at the mouth…again.
Private: But why did he pause dramatically when he mentioned the Food Shed?
Kowalski: (Nonchalantly) Oh. Including the manual locks, and thumbprint scanner, they've added death traps, motion sensors, darts, land mines. The usual.
Skipper: (Rolls around on the floor wheezing) Ccccccofffffeeeeeeeeee! (Coughs and wheezes) Please tell me you're joking, Coffee-… I mean, Kowalski! I can't handle any Coffee-… I mean death traps in my coffee…condition…whatever! I need my cccofffeee!
Kowalski: I don't joke, sir. But (Giggles. Snorts a bit) I heard one that I liked. "I heard Oxygen and magnesium were going out, so I was all, 'OMg!'"! (Laughs hilariously) And- (gasps for air) And another! "Why was Six afraid of Seven?"
(Rico comes inside from up top)
Rico: Because Seven Ate Nine?
Kowalski: (Tearing up at his joke) N-no! "Numbers are not sentient and thus are incapable of fear"! It's hilarious, right, Skipper-…Oh. Right…your fish.
( Skipper gasps and wheezes once more)
Private: We need to find that fish, and fast!
Kowalski: Commence Operation: Fish Out of Water!
Rico: (Punches his flipper in the air triumphantly) Yeah! Fish out a' water!
Skipper: (Gets shakily to his feet) I'm well enough to say it! C-Commence Operation: Coooofffeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! (Collapses to the floor muttering to himself)
Kowalski: (pouts) I like my operation name better! "Operation: Coooffffeeee " sounds ridiculous.
Private: Kowalski? The mission?
Kowalski: (Sheepishly) Right…let's go!
(They assume fighting stances and flip off screen. Rico steps back on screen and drags Skipper along with them)
Rico: (Looks directly at the camera) Hehe…oopsies!
Scene II: Outside the Penguin Habitat
(The Penguins are making their way towards the Food Shed as the sun begins to rise)
Private: Kowalski, why are you still carrying around your yet-to-be-revealed-to-us invention? And what is it?
Kowalski: (Does a double take) Good Golly! I didn't even realize I was still holding it, what with all the chaos…And it's a personality switching device. I was planning on presenting it when I noticed Skipper acting all-
(Camera pans to Skipper, rocking back and forth on the ground)
Kowalski: -That. It's also highly unstable. It activates if you so much as look at it cross-eyed! It's gone off when I was testing it numerous times. Once, it switched my personality with a housefly. Do you know what it's like to have your personality switched with a housefly?
Private: (Backs away) Um….no?
Kowalski: Oh. I was hoping you could tell me. I don't remember a thing about it.
Private: Then how do you know you're back to normal?
Kowalski: I don't. I still have an overwhelming desire to taste things using my feet..
Private: We have Rico to do that. Now, let's get on with it. We /do/ have a mission to complete.
Scene III: The Lemur Habitat
(Julien sits on his throne. Sips a smoothie, bored)
Julien: Maurice, be making me another smoothie. I am not liking this one.
(Tosses the cup behind his throne where a large mountain of empty smoothie cups is piled up)
Maurice: (Exhaustedly) You sure, Your Majesty? That's the- (pauses to count) One hundred and fifty-third smoothie you've turned down. And the empties are starting to attract flies. Remember the last time that happened? Kowalski wouldn't leave us alone! Or…speak in normal sentences either! (Shudders)
Julien: Yes, I am remembering. He was all "Buzz, buzz." And it was creeping the Royal Eyes out! But I am not caring! I do not know how you are making these smoothies, but they are assaulting the Royal Taste- buds with nastiness and strange textures! And the last one was not even a smoothie! It was a lumpy!
Mort: (His head pops out from the pile of empty smoothie cups) (giggles) I /like/ lumpies!
Julien: Well I am going to give you a lumpy on the head if you do not start helping Maurice make better smoothies immediately!
Mort: Ok, King Julien! I /like/ helping Maurice make better smoothies! Here! Let me push the blender buttons!
(He jumps on random button on the blender, causing it, and him along with it, to fly in the air and crash-land on the walkway)
Julien: (Delighted) Oh! And I did not even have to kick him out of here this time!
Maurice: What the…? How did that even-
Julien: This is Mort we are talking about! This happens all the time, after all.
Maurice: I'd better go see if he's ok. This is beginning to be a bad running gag!
Julien: Forget him! Check to be seeing if my blender survived the crash! And when Mort gets back here, I am kicking him out myself!
(Maurice grimaces, and slowly walks off screen)
Scene IV: Exterior of the Food Shed
(The Penguins are standing at the entrance of the shed, staring at it. It appears to loom over them menacingly. Kowalski, Rico and Private stand there, too frightened by loud clanking noises coming from behind the metal door to speak, while Skipper is in a lack-of-coffee-induced coma)
Private: (Scared) Um…since Skipper is incapacitated…can I say it?
Kowalski: Say what?
Private: (Quavers) "Kowalski. A-analysis".
Kowalski: G-Go ahead.
Private: Kowalski, a-analysis! (He breaks off, whimpering)
Kowalski: It would appear they've included the s-standard death traps since we were here last. (Gulps nervously) They've also installed…The Big One!
(Rico shrieks)
Rico: Wait…whas' The Big One? Kaboom?
Kowalski: No, Rico.. it isn't an explosion.
Rico: (Lowers his head sadly) Aww man! Dangflabbit! No kaboom!
Private: If this Big One isn't The Exploding Big One, then which Big One is it?
Kowalski: It's easily the most deadly trap I've ever come across in all my years as a scientist! The /Ultimate/ Mother-Of-All-Death-Traps!
Private: Well, yes… I gathered that from the title, but what exactly is it?
Kowalski: It's -
(He begins to explain, when a screaming is heard from off screen, followed by a crash. Mort lands at their feet)
Kowalski: Darn! He ruined a perfectly good dramatic moment!
Rico: Mort? Wha' are you doin' here?
Mort: Ooh! Yay! Flashback time!
(He looks at the upper right corner of the screen. Kowalski and Rico follow suit)
Private: I don't see it! Where-.. (Kowalski turns Private's head in the direction they're all looking) Oh! Now I see it!
Scene V: The Lemur Habitat
(Three minutes earlier)
Julien: (To Maurice) What do you mean that my blender is broken?!
Maurice: Well, when Mort flew off with that thing and crashed, the blender broke. Simple.
Julien: (Turns his back to Maurice, his arms crosses angrily) I am not understanding!
Maurice: (Slowly, as if explaining to a small child) Blender…go…boom.. when…Mort…went.. "Wheee!".
Julien: Why didn't you say that before? And did Mort get hurt, at least?
Maurice: Like I said, Your Majesty; it's like a running gag. Not a scratch on him. Strangest thing.
Julien: Darn Mort and his cartoonish ability to stay unharmed after falling from a great height! (Sobs) My blender! He broke my poor, poor little blender! (Still sobs as he takes a running start, and kicks Mort towards the Food Shed)
Maurice: Why'd you do that for?
Julien: (Sniffles) I said I would be kicking him out myself before you went to get him the first time, did I not? Now, go get him again!
(Maurice rolls his eyes and sighs)
Maurice: Right away, Your Highness.
Scene VI: Exterior of the Food Shed
(The flashback ends)
Mort: And then you said "Darn, He ruined a perfectly good dramatic moment!". And then-
Kowalski: We get the point, Mort. Now may we-
(Mort gets to his feet, but stumbles around. Accidentally knocks into Kowalski, who drops his personality-switching device)
Kowalski: (Shrieks) Oh no! My invention!
(Private and Rico quickly back away as the device activates. A green beam of light hits Skipper and Mort, blocking out the screen)
(The light slowly fades away)
Kowalski: (Worriedly. Rushes over to Skipper's side) Sir! Are you all right?
(Skipper slowly gets to his feet)
Skipper: (His pupils increase in size, giving him the appearance of having enormous eyes) In an annoyingly high-pitched voice) I-… I'm fine! I am needing Julien's feet, but then I will feel better! (giggles)
(Private and Rico swap confused glances)
(Rico shrugs)
(Mort stands next to them)
Mort: (Shadows fall across his face, giving it a hardened look of authority. In a deeper, more masculine voice) What in the name of King Julien is going on here? Kowalski, status report!
Private: Oh no! Your machine switched Skipper's and Mort's personalities!
Julien: (From off in the distance) Mort! Where are you, you stupidy little pest?
Mort: Here!
(Julien and Maurice walk towards them)
(Skipper rushes towards them)
Skipper: The feet! (He tackles Julien and latches on to his left foot. Starts cuddling it)
Julien: What is the fishy-penguin doing? Get him off!
Mort: (Bored) Ringtail, just leave this to us. We can handle it.
Maurice: (Rubs his eyes in amazement. Says incredulously) Mort?
Mort: (Annoyed) What? Can't you see I'm in the middle of thinking of a plan of action?
Kowalski: (Tried to pry Skipper off of Julien's feet) We had a little….accident with one of my inventions. It should…gah! You'll need a surgeon to get him off of your feet!
Julien: I am not understanding. Why is the fishy-penguin acting like Mort?
Kowalski: (Slowly, as if speaking to a small child) Skipper…act…like…Mort. Mort…act…like….Skipper. My…invention…go…kaboom…and…make… them...like…that.
Julien: Oh! Why didn't you say that before?
Mort: Ringtail, get your rear in gear and get out of here! We have a mission to finish!
Kowalski: We'll have them back to normal soon…I think. (Smiles awkwardly)
(Julien and Maurice exit, with Julien dragging Skipper behind him)
Mort: All right, boys! Resume Operation…. What operation were we doing?
Private: Operation: Coooffeeeeeeeeeee. Or Operation: Fish Out of Water. We haven't picked an official name.
Mort: Well, you can forget about that for now. We have to commence Operation: Blender, first!
Rico: Operation….Blender?
Mort: That's right! Operation: Blender! I broke Ringtail's blender, so we need to get him a new one!
Kowalski: Mort, but what about-
Mort: You're going to address me as "Sir", from this point on, Kowalski.
(Rico and Private just stare. Kowalski mouths "Play along" to them)
Mort: And after the blender is bought, we'll commence Operation: Whatever-you-guys-called-it. Now, what's the status of your latest thingamajiggy?
Kowalski: (Examines it sadly) (Sniffles) B-broken beyond repair. My beautiful new invention…broken!
Mort: Well, your inventions tend to do that, don't they? Now, stop your sniveling, and let's get that blender!
(He manages to belly-slide towards the Zoo's exit. The Penguins share bewildered glances and follow him) Scene
VII: The Lemur Habitat
(Skipper is holding on to Julien's foot for dear life, hanging from it as Julien is on his throne, attempting to shake him off)
Julien: Would (shake) you (shake) be getting (shake) off of my Royal Feet?
Skipper: B-but I like the feet!
Julien: Well, I am liking smoothies! But do I see one? No!
Skipper: I'll get you one, King Julien!
(He lets go of his foot, causing them both to tumble to the ground)
Julien: I have had enough of this! Maurice! Take him back to where he belongs!
(Maurice springs to attention from napping in his hammock. He leads Skipper who is screaming "No! I must not be separated from the feet!" towards the Penguin Habitat)
Maurice: Come on, you. You're headed home!
Skipper: I want the feet!
(Struggles out of Maurice's grip)
Julien: (Gets and idea, and picks up a banana from the ground) Hey, you. How about you get me a banana that I accidentally dropped in the…uh… ( he looks around, and finally tosses it inside the Kangaroo habitat) the Kangaroo habitat!
Skipper: Ok! (He rushes off to the Kangaroo Habitat) Banana! Hello? Where are you?
(His voice fades as he gets farther and farther away)
Julien: (Sighs in relief) Whew! Finally we are rigging ourselves of him!
Maurice: Aren't you the least bit concerned about where you're sending him, Your Majesty?
Julien: No. the fishy birds can keep him, for all I care!
Maurice: well, I just hope they can handle him. Regular Skipper is ok, but a Skipper who acts like Mort? (Shudders)
Scene VII: The Kangaroo Habitat
(Skipper slips in under the gate enclosing the habitat and drops down into it with a thump)
Skipper: (Calls loudly) Banana! Where are you!?
(Camera pans to Skipper's front, where Joey looms behind him, casting a shadow that blocks out the sun)
Skipper: (slowly turns around) Oh…Hello, Mr. Hoppy-Guy! Have you seen King Julien's banana that he left in here?
Joey: You sure sound different, birdie. Something wrong? Skipper: Where is the banana?
Joey: Erm.. either you're a whole new breed of idiot, mate, or you've got a death wish. Now, you're trespassing in Joey's habitat! And do you know what happens next?
Skipper: Free hugs?
Joey: No, mate! This!
(Picks him up and drop-kicks him. Skipper soars through the air, screaming)
Joey: (Calls out to him) And stay out, you li' weirdo!
Scene IX: Exterior of an Appliance Store
(The Penguins and Mort exit the store carrying a brand new blender)
Private: (Nervously) I can't believe we pulled that off in broad daylight.
Kowalski: (Nervously) I c-concur. And did you see how Mort knocked the cashier out?
Private: I didn't know people's elbows could bend that way! (Shudders)
Mort: Exactamente! And as far as I'm concerned, this mission was a success!
(Skipper crash-lands at their feet)
Skipper: Owie!
Rico: (Waves) Hi, Skipper!
Mort: What in the name of Truman's Underwear are /you/ doing here?
Skipper: My. Hoppy-Guy kicked me out of his habitat when I was looking for the banana King Julien threw in there. And I didn't find it! The King will be mad! (he starts to cry loudly, blowing his beak on Mort's tail)
(Kowalski leads Private and Rico away where they can't be overheard)
Kowalski: Julien must be as sick of Skipper as we are of Mort! Mort with skipper's personality is a /very/ bad mix! He's gone overboard!
Private: And Skipper with Mort's personality is just…weird.But how can we fix it?
Kowalski: I have a plan, but I'm not sure if-
Mort: (Cuts him off) Come on, you nancycats! Break up your little quilting circle over there and let's get Sad Eyes over here back to where he belongs!
Kowalski: Yes sir…
(He picks up the blender and follows Mort and Skipper. The others follow him)
Scene X: The Lemur Habitat
(Julien hugs his blender and spins around with it)
Julien: (Happily) Thank you so much! I have my blender back! And it has an ice crushing feature! Mort, I am thanking you so much! May the Sky Spirits bless you!
Mort: No problem, Ringtail. Now-
Julien: (Interrupts him) As a reward, you may touch my Royal feet until you turn blue in the face. Hopefully literally.
(He dangles his left foot in Mort's face)
(Everything fades to black, only showing Julien's foot hovering in front of Mort. Mort's eyes widen. Something snaps in him)
Mort: (in his normal voice) The feet!
(He latches on to it tightly, tackling Julien)
Private: (Blinks) What…happened?
Rico: Weirdness!
Kowalski: No, Rico. Not weirdness. Science! Well, more specifically, psychology.
Rico: Aw man! I like weirdness!
Kowalski: it was just as I'd hoped! When confronted by the one thing Mort wants the most under his old personality, that part of his subconscious came back full force. Now if I'm right, we can fix Skipper the same way with-
Private: (Finishes his sentence)- With his fish!
Kowalski: Now all we need to do is get it!
Private: The Food Shed?
Kowalski: (Nods) The Food Shed!
(They exit, Private being the last, with Skipper in tow)
Scene XI: The Food Shed
Kowalski: Luckily, I pulled one of Maurice's prints off of Skipper's flippers. It should open the door, in addition to disarming the first several obstacles.
(The door opens with a loud clang)
Kowalski: Private, you stick with Skipper. Rico, you're with me. Now, let's move out, boys!
(They all belly slide in the Shed, past the deactivated traps, until they turn a corner. A loud clanking and crashing sounds, causing them all to jump and break formation)
Private: Is that what I think it is?
Kowalski: (Grimly) The Big One!
(He points to a large corridor with section of the ceiling and floor that rise up, down and crash from side to side)
(Rico gulps nervously)
Kowalski: I couldn't have said it better myself, Rico.
(A pause)
Kowalski: Well, isn't anyone going to go?
Private: Come on, Skipper! The feet are this way!
(Leads Skipper towards The Big One)
(They both jump through successfully, pausing in the narrow spaces in between each section of the trap. Kowalski and Rico follow, only to have Kowalski nearly get crushed. He scrambles to safety at the last minute)
Private: Kowalski, are you ok?
Kowalski: (shaken) I'm f-fine. Just a bit skittish! Oh, good golly, whose idea was it to put a bunch of chompy…pushy things in the middle of a hallway?! Whoever designed that probably pulls the wings off of butterflies and kicks kittens!
Rico: Heheh…splat!
Private: Let's just find that fish before anything else happens!
Skipper: You lied, you big meanie! The feet are /not/ over here!
(They follow Kowalski and Rico into a large cold-storage room filled with crates of fish)
(They search for several minutes, while Skipper stands there, stupidly)
Kowalski: (Holds one up) I found them! Quick, Rico! The coffee mug!
(Rico hacks up Skipper's coffee mug, full of steaming black coffee, and they put the fish in it, and let it steep for a few minutes. They make Skipper sip it. A long pause follows as Skipper's pupils dilate to their normal size, and he gets a relaxed look on his face)
Skipper: (slowly, in his normal voice) Tastes like…stomach acid, coffee…and… my favorite fish! It's Rico's Gut-Coffee! How did you guys find it? And more importantly, what the heck are we doing in here?
(They high five each other for several minutes)
Kowalski: Good to have you back, Skipper!
Skipper: Back? Did I go someplace?
Private: We'll explain some other time, sir.
Skipper: You can tell it to me on the way out. But first, we have to get some more coffee grinds. This isn't my usual brand. I mean, come on! It has to be here somewhere!
(Camera pans upward, showing the labyrinthine corridors of the Food Shed. Skipper's "Somewhere" echoes off the walls, as the clanking sound of The Big One starting up begins)
(Screen fades to black. The clanking echoes)
Voice Cast:
Skipper-Tom McGrath
Kowalski-Jeff Glenn Bennett
Private-James Patrick Stuart
Rico- John DiMaggio
Julien- Danny Jacobs
Mort- Andy Richter
Maurice- Kevin Michael Richardson
Joey- James Patrick Stuart
"It Happened One Afternoon"
"The Penguins of Madagascar"
Season 4, Episode 5 (4X05)
Production Code: 405 Air date: ?
Previous: "I Smell A Rat" Next: "The Dolphin Who Hired Me" I
t Happened One Afternoon/Transcript
Scene I: Penguin HQ (Inside)
(Skipper is seated at the table, staring at his cup of coffee. Has bloodshot eyes)
Private: (Waddles in from Kowalski's lab) Oh! Good Morning, Skipper. You're up early!
Skipper: I don't see anything good about it, especially when I'm going through a crisis at the moment.
Private: Oh no! Do you need us to buy a convertible to make you feel young again?
Skipper: (Anguished cry) It's not that kind of crisis! I'm out of the fish I drink in my coffee!
Private: (Doesn't see a problem) Well, who don't we just get you a different kind of-
Skipper: (grabs him by the shoulders and stares him straight in the face. Says crazily) These are my special fish! (looks truly insane now) You don't understand! My special fish are all the way in (dramatic pause) Food Shed!
Private: Ok… So we'll just go in there and get those fish, and-
(Kowalski enters, stepping out of his lab, holding an invention covered by a small tarp in his flippers)
Kowalski: (Cautionary) Private… never argue with Skipper when he is deprived of his coffee. He gets-
(They both glance nervously over their shoulders and see Skipper rocking back and forth in a fetal position, muttering incoherently)
Kowalski: -Like that. (Shudders) So we have no choice but to wait it out while we get his fish before he starts foaming at the mouth…again.
Private: But why did he pause dramatically when he mentioned the Food Shed?
Kowalski: (Nonchalantly) Oh. Including the manual locks, and thumbprint scanner, they've added death traps, motion sensors, darts, land mines. The usual.
Skipper: (Rolls around on the floor wheezing) Ccccccofffffeeeeeeeeee! (Coughs and wheezes) Please tell me you're joking, Coffee-… I mean, Kowalski! I can't handle any Coffee-… I mean death traps in my coffee…condition…whatever! I need my cccofffeee!
Kowalski: I don't joke, sir. But (Giggles. Snorts a bit) I heard one that I liked. "I heard Oxygen and magnesium were going out, so I was all, 'OMg!'"! (Laughs hilariously) And- (gasps for air) And another! "Why was Six afraid of Seven?"
(Rico comes inside from up top)
Rico: Because Seven Ate Nine?
Kowalski: (Tearing up at his joke) N-no! "Numbers are not sentient and thus are incapable of fear"! It's hilarious, right, Skipper-…Oh. Right…your fish.
( Skipper gasps and wheezes once more)
Private: We need to find that fish, and fast!
Kowalski: Commence Operation: Fish Out of Water!
Rico: (Punches his flipper in the air triumphantly) Yeah! Fish out a' water!
Skipper: (Gets shakily to his feet) I'm well enough to say it! C-Commence Operation: Coooofffeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! (Collapses to the floor muttering to himself)
Kowalski: (pouts) I like my operation name better! "Operation: Coooffffeeee " sounds ridiculous.
Private: Kowalski? The mission?
Kowalski: (Sheepishly) Right…let's go!
(They assume fighting stances and flip off screen. Rico steps back on screen and drags Skipper along with them)
Rico: (Looks directly at the camera) Hehe…oopsies!
Scene II: Outside the Penguin Habitat
(The Penguins are making their way towards the Food Shed as the sun begins to rise)
Private: Kowalski, why are you still carrying around your yet-to-be-revealed-to-us invention? And what is it?
Kowalski: (Does a double take) Good Golly! I didn't even realize I was still holding it, what with all the chaos…And it's a personality switching device. I was planning on presenting it when I noticed Skipper acting all-
(Camera pans to Skipper, rocking back and forth on the ground)
Kowalski: -That. It's also highly unstable. It activates if you so much as look at it cross-eyed! It's gone off when I was testing it numerous times. Once, it switched my personality with a housefly. Do you know what it's like to have your personality switched with a housefly?
Private: (Backs away) Um….no?
Kowalski: Oh. I was hoping you could tell me. I don't remember a thing about it.
Private: Then how do you know you're back to normal?
Kowalski: I don't. I still have an overwhelming desire to taste things using my feet..
Private: We have Rico to do that. Now, let's get on with it. We /do/ have a mission to complete.
Scene III: The Lemur Habitat
(Julien sits on his throne. Sips a smoothie, bored)
Julien: Maurice, be making me another smoothie. I am not liking this one.
(Tosses the cup behind his throne where a large mountain of empty smoothie cups is piled up)
Maurice: (Exhaustedly) You sure, Your Majesty? That's the- (pauses to count) One hundred and fifty-third smoothie you've turned down. And the empties are starting to attract flies. Remember the last time that happened? Kowalski wouldn't leave us alone! Or…speak in normal sentences either! (Shudders)
Julien: Yes, I am remembering. He was all "Buzz, buzz." And it was creeping the Royal Eyes out! But I am not caring! I do not know how you are making these smoothies, but they are assaulting the Royal Taste- buds with nastiness and strange textures! And the last one was not even a smoothie! It was a lumpy!
Mort: (His head pops out from the pile of empty smoothie cups) (giggles) I /like/ lumpies!
Julien: Well I am going to give you a lumpy on the head if you do not start helping Maurice make better smoothies immediately!
Mort: Ok, King Julien! I /like/ helping Maurice make better smoothies! Here! Let me push the blender buttons!
(He jumps on random button on the blender, causing it, and him along with it, to fly in the air and crash-land on the walkway)
Julien: (Delighted) Oh! And I did not even have to kick him out of here this time!
Maurice: What the…? How did that even-
Julien: This is Mort we are talking about! This happens all the time, after all.
Maurice: I'd better go see if he's ok. This is beginning to be a bad running gag!
Julien: Forget him! Check to be seeing if my blender survived the crash! And when Mort gets back here, I am kicking him out myself!
(Maurice grimaces, and slowly walks off screen)
Scene IV: Exterior of the Food Shed
(The Penguins are standing at the entrance of the shed, staring at it. It appears to loom over them menacingly. Kowalski, Rico and Private stand there, too frightened by loud clanking noises coming from behind the metal door to speak, while Skipper is in a lack-of-coffee-induced coma)
Private: (Scared) Um…since Skipper is incapacitated…can I say it?
Kowalski: Say what?
Private: (Quavers) "Kowalski. A-analysis".
Kowalski: G-Go ahead.
Private: Kowalski, a-analysis! (He breaks off, whimpering)
Kowalski: It would appear they've included the s-standard death traps since we were here last. (Gulps nervously) They've also installed…The Big One!
(Rico shrieks)
Rico: Wait…whas' The Big One? Kaboom?
Kowalski: No, Rico.. it isn't an explosion.
Rico: (Lowers his head sadly) Aww man! Dangflabbit! No kaboom!
Private: If this Big One isn't The Exploding Big One, then which Big One is it?
Kowalski: It's easily the most deadly trap I've ever come across in all my years as a scientist! The /Ultimate/ Mother-Of-All-Death-Traps!
Private: Well, yes… I gathered that from the title, but what exactly is it?
Kowalski: It's -
(He begins to explain, when a screaming is heard from off screen, followed by a crash. Mort lands at their feet)
Kowalski: Darn! He ruined a perfectly good dramatic moment!
Rico: Mort? Wha' are you doin' here?
Mort: Ooh! Yay! Flashback time!
(He looks at the upper right corner of the screen. Kowalski and Rico follow suit)
Private: I don't see it! Where-.. (Kowalski turns Private's head in the direction they're all looking) Oh! Now I see it!
Scene V: The Lemur Habitat
(Three minutes earlier)
Julien: (To Maurice) What do you mean that my blender is broken?!
Maurice: Well, when Mort flew off with that thing and crashed, the blender broke. Simple.
Julien: (Turns his back to Maurice, his arms crosses angrily) I am not understanding!
Maurice: (Slowly, as if explaining to a small child) Blender…go…boom.. when…Mort…went.. "Wheee!".
Julien: Why didn't you say that before? And did Mort get hurt, at least?
Maurice: Like I said, Your Majesty; it's like a running gag. Not a scratch on him. Strangest thing.
Julien: Darn Mort and his cartoonish ability to stay unharmed after falling from a great height! (Sobs) My blender! He broke my poor, poor little blender! (Still sobs as he takes a running start, and kicks Mort towards the Food Shed)
Maurice: Why'd you do that for?
Julien: (Sniffles) I said I would be kicking him out myself before you went to get him the first time, did I not? Now, go get him again!
(Maurice rolls his eyes and sighs)
Maurice: Right away, Your Highness.
Scene VI: Exterior of the Food Shed
(The flashback ends)
Mort: And then you said "Darn, He ruined a perfectly good dramatic moment!". And then-
Kowalski: We get the point, Mort. Now may we-
(Mort gets to his feet, but stumbles around. Accidentally knocks into Kowalski, who drops his personality-switching device)
Kowalski: (Shrieks) Oh no! My invention!
(Private and Rico quickly back away as the device activates. A green beam of light hits Skipper and Mort, blocking out the screen)
(The light slowly fades away)
Kowalski: (Worriedly. Rushes over to Skipper's side) Sir! Are you all right?
(Skipper slowly gets to his feet)
Skipper: (His pupils increase in size, giving him the appearance of having enormous eyes) In an annoyingly high-pitched voice) I-… I'm fine! I am needing Julien's feet, but then I will feel better! (giggles)
(Private and Rico swap confused glances)
(Rico shrugs)
(Mort stands next to them)
Mort: (Shadows fall across his face, giving it a hardened look of authority. In a deeper, more masculine voice) What in the name of King Julien is going on here? Kowalski, status report!
Private: Oh no! Your machine switched Skipper's and Mort's personalities!
Julien: (From off in the distance) Mort! Where are you, you stupidy little pest?
Mort: Here!
(Julien and Maurice walk towards them)
(Skipper rushes towards them)
Skipper: The feet! (He tackles Julien and latches on to his left foot. Starts cuddling it)
Julien: What is the fishy-penguin doing? Get him off!
Mort: (Bored) Ringtail, just leave this to us. We can handle it.
Maurice: (Rubs his eyes in amazement. Says incredulously) Mort?
Mort: (Annoyed) What? Can't you see I'm in the middle of thinking of a plan of action?
Kowalski: (Tried to pry Skipper off of Julien's feet) We had a little….accident with one of my inventions. It should…gah! You'll need a surgeon to get him off of your feet!
Julien: I am not understanding. Why is the fishy-penguin acting like Mort?
Kowalski: (Slowly, as if speaking to a small child) Skipper…act…like…Mort. Mort…act…like….Skipper. My…invention…go…kaboom…and…make… them...like…that.
Julien: Oh! Why didn't you say that before?
Mort: Ringtail, get your rear in gear and get out of here! We have a mission to finish!
Kowalski: We'll have them back to normal soon…I think. (Smiles awkwardly)
(Julien and Maurice exit, with Julien dragging Skipper behind him)
Mort: All right, boys! Resume Operation…. What operation were we doing?
Private: Operation: Coooffeeeeeeeeeee. Or Operation: Fish Out of Water. We haven't picked an official name.
Mort: Well, you can forget about that for now. We have to commence Operation: Blender, first!
Rico: Operation….Blender?
Mort: That's right! Operation: Blender! I broke Ringtail's blender, so we need to get him a new one!
Kowalski: Mort, but what about-
Mort: You're going to address me as "Sir", from this point on, Kowalski.
(Rico and Private just stare. Kowalski mouths "Play along" to them)
Mort: And after the blender is bought, we'll commence Operation: Whatever-you-guys-called-it. Now, what's the status of your latest thingamajiggy?
Kowalski: (Examines it sadly) (Sniffles) B-broken beyond repair. My beautiful new invention…broken!
Mort: Well, your inventions tend to do that, don't they? Now, stop your sniveling, and let's get that blender!
(He manages to belly-slide towards the Zoo's exit. The Penguins share bewildered glances and follow him) Scene
VII: The Lemur Habitat
(Skipper is holding on to Julien's foot for dear life, hanging from it as Julien is on his throne, attempting to shake him off)
Julien: Would (shake) you (shake) be getting (shake) off of my Royal Feet?
Skipper: B-but I like the feet!
Julien: Well, I am liking smoothies! But do I see one? No!
Skipper: I'll get you one, King Julien!
(He lets go of his foot, causing them both to tumble to the ground)
Julien: I have had enough of this! Maurice! Take him back to where he belongs!
(Maurice springs to attention from napping in his hammock. He leads Skipper who is screaming "No! I must not be separated from the feet!" towards the Penguin Habitat)
Maurice: Come on, you. You're headed home!
Skipper: I want the feet!
(Struggles out of Maurice's grip)
Julien: (Gets and idea, and picks up a banana from the ground) Hey, you. How about you get me a banana that I accidentally dropped in the…uh… ( he looks around, and finally tosses it inside the Kangaroo habitat) the Kangaroo habitat!
Skipper: Ok! (He rushes off to the Kangaroo Habitat) Banana! Hello? Where are you?
(His voice fades as he gets farther and farther away)
Julien: (Sighs in relief) Whew! Finally we are rigging ourselves of him!
Maurice: Aren't you the least bit concerned about where you're sending him, Your Majesty?
Julien: No. the fishy birds can keep him, for all I care!
Maurice: well, I just hope they can handle him. Regular Skipper is ok, but a Skipper who acts like Mort? (Shudders)
Scene VII: The Kangaroo Habitat
(Skipper slips in under the gate enclosing the habitat and drops down into it with a thump)
Skipper: (Calls loudly) Banana! Where are you!?
(Camera pans to Skipper's front, where Joey looms behind him, casting a shadow that blocks out the sun)
Skipper: (slowly turns around) Oh…Hello, Mr. Hoppy-Guy! Have you seen King Julien's banana that he left in here?
Joey: You sure sound different, birdie. Something wrong? Skipper: Where is the banana?
Joey: Erm.. either you're a whole new breed of idiot, mate, or you've got a death wish. Now, you're trespassing in Joey's habitat! And do you know what happens next?
Skipper: Free hugs?
Joey: No, mate! This!
(Picks him up and drop-kicks him. Skipper soars through the air, screaming)
Joey: (Calls out to him) And stay out, you li' weirdo!
Scene IX: Exterior of an Appliance Store
(The Penguins and Mort exit the store carrying a brand new blender)
Private: (Nervously) I can't believe we pulled that off in broad daylight.
Kowalski: (Nervously) I c-concur. And did you see how Mort knocked the cashier out?
Private: I didn't know people's elbows could bend that way! (Shudders)
Mort: Exactamente! And as far as I'm concerned, this mission was a success!
(Skipper crash-lands at their feet)
Skipper: Owie!
Rico: (Waves) Hi, Skipper!
Mort: What in the name of Truman's Underwear are /you/ doing here?
Skipper: My. Hoppy-Guy kicked me out of his habitat when I was looking for the banana King Julien threw in there. And I didn't find it! The King will be mad! (he starts to cry loudly, blowing his beak on Mort's tail)
(Kowalski leads Private and Rico away where they can't be overheard)
Kowalski: Julien must be as sick of Skipper as we are of Mort! Mort with skipper's personality is a /very/ bad mix! He's gone overboard!
Private: And Skipper with Mort's personality is just…weird.But how can we fix it?
Kowalski: I have a plan, but I'm not sure if-
Mort: (Cuts him off) Come on, you nancycats! Break up your little quilting circle over there and let's get Sad Eyes over here back to where he belongs!
Kowalski: Yes sir…
(He picks up the blender and follows Mort and Skipper. The others follow him)
Scene X: The Lemur Habitat
(Julien hugs his blender and spins around with it)
Julien: (Happily) Thank you so much! I have my blender back! And it has an ice crushing feature! Mort, I am thanking you so much! May the Sky Spirits bless you!
Mort: No problem, Ringtail. Now-
Julien: (Interrupts him) As a reward, you may touch my Royal feet until you turn blue in the face. Hopefully literally.
(He dangles his left foot in Mort's face)
(Everything fades to black, only showing Julien's foot hovering in front of Mort. Mort's eyes widen. Something snaps in him)
Mort: (in his normal voice) The feet!
(He latches on to it tightly, tackling Julien)
Private: (Blinks) What…happened?
Rico: Weirdness!
Kowalski: No, Rico. Not weirdness. Science! Well, more specifically, psychology.
Rico: Aw man! I like weirdness!
Kowalski: it was just as I'd hoped! When confronted by the one thing Mort wants the most under his old personality, that part of his subconscious came back full force. Now if I'm right, we can fix Skipper the same way with-
Private: (Finishes his sentence)- With his fish!
Kowalski: Now all we need to do is get it!
Private: The Food Shed?
Kowalski: (Nods) The Food Shed!
(They exit, Private being the last, with Skipper in tow)
Scene XI: The Food Shed
Kowalski: Luckily, I pulled one of Maurice's prints off of Skipper's flippers. It should open the door, in addition to disarming the first several obstacles.
(The door opens with a loud clang)
Kowalski: Private, you stick with Skipper. Rico, you're with me. Now, let's move out, boys!
(They all belly slide in the Shed, past the deactivated traps, until they turn a corner. A loud clanking and crashing sounds, causing them all to jump and break formation)
Private: Is that what I think it is?
Kowalski: (Grimly) The Big One!
(He points to a large corridor with section of the ceiling and floor that rise up, down and crash from side to side)
(Rico gulps nervously)
Kowalski: I couldn't have said it better myself, Rico.
(A pause)
Kowalski: Well, isn't anyone going to go?
Private: Come on, Skipper! The feet are this way!
(Leads Skipper towards The Big One)
(They both jump through successfully, pausing in the narrow spaces in between each section of the trap. Kowalski and Rico follow, only to have Kowalski nearly get crushed. He scrambles to safety at the last minute)
Private: Kowalski, are you ok?
Kowalski: (shaken) I'm f-fine. Just a bit skittish! Oh, good golly, whose idea was it to put a bunch of chompy…pushy things in the middle of a hallway?! Whoever designed that probably pulls the wings off of butterflies and kicks kittens!
Rico: Heheh…splat!
Private: Let's just find that fish before anything else happens!
Skipper: You lied, you big meanie! The feet are /not/ over here!
(They follow Kowalski and Rico into a large cold-storage room filled with crates of fish)
(They search for several minutes, while Skipper stands there, stupidly)
Kowalski: (Holds one up) I found them! Quick, Rico! The coffee mug!
(Rico hacks up Skipper's coffee mug, full of steaming black coffee, and they put the fish in it, and let it steep for a few minutes. They make Skipper sip it. A long pause follows as Skipper's pupils dilate to their normal size, and he gets a relaxed look on his face)
Skipper: (slowly, in his normal voice) Tastes like…stomach acid, coffee…and… my favorite fish! It's Rico's Gut-Coffee! How did you guys find it? And more importantly, what the heck are we doing in here?
(They high five each other for several minutes)
Kowalski: Good to have you back, Skipper!
Skipper: Back? Did I go someplace?
Private: We'll explain some other time, sir.
Skipper: You can tell it to me on the way out. But first, we have to get some more coffee grinds. This isn't my usual brand. I mean, come on! It has to be here somewhere!
(Camera pans upward, showing the labyrinthine corridors of the Food Shed. Skipper's "Somewhere" echoes off the walls, as the clanking sound of The Big One starting up begins)
(Screen fades to black. The clanking echoes)
Voice Cast:
Skipper-Tom McGrath
Kowalski-Jeff Glenn Bennett
Private-James Patrick Stuart
Rico- John DiMaggio
Julien- Danny Jacobs
Mort- Andy Richter
Maurice- Kevin Michael Richardson
Joey- James Patrick Stuart
