My Little Pony Friendship is Magic Question

My new Original Character.. Improvements?

Here is the back story so you know that I didn't just throw it in and make her special...

Moonlit Portrait, commonly called "Moon", was an outcast.

When she was younger, she remembered an earthquake early in San Franciscolt. The lights first have gone off, so her parents have put candles everywhere. She was scared, so she sat with her dog. As this happened, the chandelier trembled for a second. Her head shot up. At that moment, the entire house was shaking. An earthquake has begun. Her parents told her to crawl under the table and through the front door. She didn't have powerful magic, but her parents did. As they were lifting up cabinets so they wouldn't fall on her, the candles lit the wood... And her parents on fire.. She saw this and she was scared, shivering as she saw her parents. She tried very hard with her magic to lift them up to safety, but it was all too late.. All she can life up from them was their hoof. A teardrop shed from her eye, and she saw the glasses and plates falling. She tried going to the door, and she made it. The only thing that fell on her was a plate, and the only thing she could grab was her family's photo album and a flowers they have picked together. As she went outside, she saw the fire spreading through the windows... Even the roof was on fire because a power cable fell off. She cried, as she would never forget this moment.

She was an orphan, so she lived in an orphanage for about 9 years, until she was old enough to take care of herself.

She went with a campfire with her friend. As her friend left to go collect more sticks, Moon stared curiously at the fire. She heard the voices in her head saying things, such as when her parents had caught on fire... How bright the flames are and what would happen if she walks on fire. She wanted to feel what her parents did.. She walked slowly on the fire... And she didn't feel pain. About an hour later, she woke up sweating. Her eyes widened, as she saw, her hooves were turning black

She felt a burning sensation, as she clenched her teeth, not trying to wake up her friend. She saw that her legs were now black blended with gray. As the trip was over, she looked at herself in the mirror when she got back home. When she saw herself, she gasped. She saw her nose was black like coal, the same as her hooves. She held up her hooves as they were shaking. Weeks later, her friend informed her that she was moving from San Franciscolt to Las Pegasus. When she heard this heartbreaking news, she remembered to ask for her address so she can keep in touch with her. She was in high school, and living in an apartment. She worked at a coffee shop and a newspaper writing column, saving up for college. At High School, no one liked her. They would call her "Burned Portrait". She would hold back tears when they would say this, because it would bring back awful memories. She had bad vision, so she wore glasses. For a reason, she was always cold, so she would wear a scarf and a vest, even if it was summer time. Once she walked by a store, and she saw a burgundy flower that reminded her of the ones she has saved from the fire. She immediately bought it, and she wears it everyday. Teachers and other ponies were concerned why she would wear a scarf and vest all the time. Everyday, she would walk by her house that burned down on the way to work.. It has been turned into an animal shelter. She would volunteer at some times, too. The shelter even had a scent that reminded her of home. Moonlit Portrait has graduated from High School, although she didn't attend the graduation.. She didn't have no parents to see her... And no friends. The day she graduated, she sat on her chair, looking at the sky, thinking about her parents... Now, Moonlit Portrait is in College and is still working as her two jobs. She has a home and she doesn't have no social life, still... What do you think? I'm sorry if I wasn't creative enough...

Basket_Case posted over a year ago

Cool

Canada24 posted over a year ago

It's so... SAD!!!!!!

AquaMarine6663 posted over a year ago

Basket_Case posted over a year ago

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My Little Pony Friendship is Magic Answers

izfankirby said:

It's a great backstory, good that you were elaborate. The only thing is I think that you should try to connect the name to your OC's personality, traits, or special talent. Also for you to have a good, definite understanding of Moon's personality.

posted over a year ago

Thanks, I will do so.

Basket_Case posted over a year ago

NocturnalMirage said:

Hmm... pretty interesting backstory indeed. Although the reserved and introvert orphan is a commonly used trait in the world of OCs. But, the story itself is quite detailed and creative, have to give you credit for that. Very nice job! :3

Plus I like the design of your character too!

posted over a year ago

Thank you very much.

Basket_Case posted over a year ago