*One week later : Friday*
I sat on the couch watching the newest movie I had made,"Queen of the Damned" and I played the sister of LeStat, Lillia. Michael had wanted to watch it but then left near the ending to get ready to pack for his flight. He had to leave the house by 5:30 and his flight leaves at 6:30 for his tour with his brothers. As I kept thinking about the fact Michael was leaving and I wasn't going to see him for three years, I started to cry but I tried to keep it in. It was hard for me to be without him before. Now since we're in love and engaged, I don't think I can go through that again. I started to debate whether I should help him or not. Might as well cherish the last moments I'm going to have with him before I send him off at the airport. I headed my way up to our room and wiped the tears off my face.
I entered into our bedroom finding Michael sitting on his side of the bed, crying. I crawled across the bed and sat behind him with me legs spread apart so I could be against his back and I wrapped my arms around him. "Michael, what's the matter? What's wrong?" He grabbed my thigh from behind him and said,"I don't want to do this. I can't leave you. I don't want to leave." I started to get teary-eyed feel terrible for Michael. "I know, baby. I don't want you to go either, but before you know it we'll be back together. I'll come home from my tour and we'll be together again." I started to kiss his shoulder and tried to comfort him in anyway I could.
He stood up and started to come ontop of me and kiss my lips hard and deep like never before. "But I don't *kiss* want to wait three *kiss* years to be able to *kiss* hold you or *kiss* hug you or *kiss* kiss you or touch you or *long kiss* make love to you. I need you." Michael never gave me a chance to speak. All he did was trap me with his sweet mouth. He tried so hard to remove my shirt while grinding and kissing me but I kept resisting. "Michael......ugh.....you have to *kiss* stop." Michael slowly slid his tongue into my mouth and kept putting it in there as he kissed me hard. He never kissed me like that. Hard and deep while French Kissing me? He never rammed his tongue down my throat until now. I can tell he was upset and he wanted this just one last time before he was to say "Goodbye" until 1987.
I needed him to listen. Michael wasn't focusing on my words. I put my hands on his chest and started to rub up and down. I let out moans whenever my mouth was somewhat free. Michael was also doing that while still grinding me and making me wrap my legs around his waist. He let go of my lips and was about to rip my shirt apart. He was now rougher than ever! I placed my hands on his, indicating I didn't want Michael to do it. "What?" he asked. "Michael, I know you love me and I know you don't want to leave me but you have no choice. And as much as I would like to make love with you one more time before we are separated, we can't. We don't have time. Good thing your bag is packed because we have to go now." I got off the bed and stood in front of Michael and grabbed his hand. He grabbed his last suitcase and we headed outside to the limo.
*At the airport*
Michael and his brothers all went to make sure everything was still ready for the jet. As they were all boarding the plane, Michael stayed off. He watched his brothers give their luggage and walk up the steps to the plane. Michael handed his own luggage and looked back at me. He said something to the pilot and started to walk back my way. I figured he wanted to say "Goodbye" one more time. I started walking towards him and cry. Michael came up to me and wrapped his arms across my back and I wrapped my arms around his neck. We hugged each other the same way we did then night we had our first kiss. I was trying to hold back the tears but they kept coming out. I rubbed the back of his head and held him tight to me. "I'm going to miss you, so much." I said. "I'll miss you, too. I'll call every single day while I'm tour. I promise."
We finally let go of our grip and looked at each other. "I love you." I said while beginning to really cry. Michael had tears coming out of his eyes but he wasn't crying. "I love you." Michael grabbed the sides of my face and pulled me in to kiss him one more time. I pulled him into me as much as I could as he put his arms back around me. Our tears went down to our lips and mixed with the kiss. I held the back of Michael's head and, this time, started to, once more, French Kiss him. I could feel his grip getting tighter on my back. Our fast pace finally started to slow down and we started to kiss more gently. We stop but our lips were still touching. I caressed the side of his face as we gave each other one more peck. Michael looked at me and cupped his hand on the side of my face. "Everything will be okay. I promise. I won't break my promise to marry you. I swear." he said.
Michael gave me one more quick peck on my mouth and slowly let go of my body and just held my left hand. As he slowly walked backwards, Michael let go of my hand. I saw him turn around to face the plane. I could feel my heart ache as I watched him leave. I wanted to do nothing but cry. I saw Michael turn back around to face me before he walked inside of the plane and wave to me. I waved back and watched him disappear. I was still crying even though I felt I was somewhat overreacting. I couldn't see any of the boys anymore. They all disappeared before my eyes. I heard the plane get ready to take off and saw Michael in one of the windows watching me. As the plane started to move away, I waved to Michael as he did to me. Next thing I knew, Michael was out of my sight and the plane was off the ground and in the air.
I walked back to the limo, holding my cell phone, waiting for it to ring and it be Michael. I honestly didn't feel as much pain as I thought I would. My stomach ached and I wanted to cry but I didn't feel like my heart was ripped out again. Maybe it's because I knew I would see Michael again. I wasn't being torn away from him, I was just not going to see him for a while. I still missed him terribly. I rode in the far back by myself and put in my earbuds to listen to music. I turned my mP3 Player up to 15 and drowned myself in extremely loud heavy metal music. I never listen to mine or Michael's music when I'm upset about us. I could feel my ear vibrating from the hard guitar and drums and the loud screaming the singer was making. Even though the person was screaming, I still understood what they were saying and the chorus fit how I felt perfectly.
The lyrics were,"I see hell in your eyes/Take it in by surprise/Touching you makes me feel alive/Touching you makes me die inside/". When I did look into Michael's eyes, they were bright like the fires from hell and I was always surprised by some of his "naughty" actions. When I do feel him and touch, I do feel alive and when I do touch him, my darker side dies. Everything that is said in the chorus is what I feel. And I feel......loved but alone. I closed my eyes and listened to the music until I got to my big mansion "Never-Land".
After I came home and went upstairs, I took a shower and cleaned myself up and put on one of my shirts finding one of Michael's button-down shirts on the floor. I lifted it up and held it close, taking in the sweet smell Michael left on it. I decided to wear his shirt instead so I could feel like he was somewhat here. I looked at the clock and saw it was 9:00 pm. Michael still hasn't called but that probably because he is still on the plane flying to Italy.
I crawled into bed and layed there, thinking of all the memories Michael and I have created in this room. All the funny memories, sweet memories, "naughty" memories and passionate memories. I closed my eyes and remembered the first time I saw him again and remembered how I felt when I saw Michael again. I layed there with my eyes shut and never opened them again. I started to feel tears running down the side of my face. As I layed there, I ended up crying myself to sleep on Michael's side of the bed, praying I would feel his arms around me and his body against mine while hearing his sweet innocent voice saying,"I love you". But the weird thing is I DID feel a body against me and arms around me and I DID hear his voice but he didn't say "I love you" he said "I'm here for you". I slowly turned around to see. . . . .
To be continued............
I sat on the couch watching the newest movie I had made,"Queen of the Damned" and I played the sister of LeStat, Lillia. Michael had wanted to watch it but then left near the ending to get ready to pack for his flight. He had to leave the house by 5:30 and his flight leaves at 6:30 for his tour with his brothers. As I kept thinking about the fact Michael was leaving and I wasn't going to see him for three years, I started to cry but I tried to keep it in. It was hard for me to be without him before. Now since we're in love and engaged, I don't think I can go through that again. I started to debate whether I should help him or not. Might as well cherish the last moments I'm going to have with him before I send him off at the airport. I headed my way up to our room and wiped the tears off my face.
I entered into our bedroom finding Michael sitting on his side of the bed, crying. I crawled across the bed and sat behind him with me legs spread apart so I could be against his back and I wrapped my arms around him. "Michael, what's the matter? What's wrong?" He grabbed my thigh from behind him and said,"I don't want to do this. I can't leave you. I don't want to leave." I started to get teary-eyed feel terrible for Michael. "I know, baby. I don't want you to go either, but before you know it we'll be back together. I'll come home from my tour and we'll be together again." I started to kiss his shoulder and tried to comfort him in anyway I could.
He stood up and started to come ontop of me and kiss my lips hard and deep like never before. "But I don't *kiss* want to wait three *kiss* years to be able to *kiss* hold you or *kiss* hug you or *kiss* kiss you or touch you or *long kiss* make love to you. I need you." Michael never gave me a chance to speak. All he did was trap me with his sweet mouth. He tried so hard to remove my shirt while grinding and kissing me but I kept resisting. "Michael......ugh.....you have to *kiss* stop." Michael slowly slid his tongue into my mouth and kept putting it in there as he kissed me hard. He never kissed me like that. Hard and deep while French Kissing me? He never rammed his tongue down my throat until now. I can tell he was upset and he wanted this just one last time before he was to say "Goodbye" until 1987.
I needed him to listen. Michael wasn't focusing on my words. I put my hands on his chest and started to rub up and down. I let out moans whenever my mouth was somewhat free. Michael was also doing that while still grinding me and making me wrap my legs around his waist. He let go of my lips and was about to rip my shirt apart. He was now rougher than ever! I placed my hands on his, indicating I didn't want Michael to do it. "What?" he asked. "Michael, I know you love me and I know you don't want to leave me but you have no choice. And as much as I would like to make love with you one more time before we are separated, we can't. We don't have time. Good thing your bag is packed because we have to go now." I got off the bed and stood in front of Michael and grabbed his hand. He grabbed his last suitcase and we headed outside to the limo.
*At the airport*
Michael and his brothers all went to make sure everything was still ready for the jet. As they were all boarding the plane, Michael stayed off. He watched his brothers give their luggage and walk up the steps to the plane. Michael handed his own luggage and looked back at me. He said something to the pilot and started to walk back my way. I figured he wanted to say "Goodbye" one more time. I started walking towards him and cry. Michael came up to me and wrapped his arms across my back and I wrapped my arms around his neck. We hugged each other the same way we did then night we had our first kiss. I was trying to hold back the tears but they kept coming out. I rubbed the back of his head and held him tight to me. "I'm going to miss you, so much." I said. "I'll miss you, too. I'll call every single day while I'm tour. I promise."
We finally let go of our grip and looked at each other. "I love you." I said while beginning to really cry. Michael had tears coming out of his eyes but he wasn't crying. "I love you." Michael grabbed the sides of my face and pulled me in to kiss him one more time. I pulled him into me as much as I could as he put his arms back around me. Our tears went down to our lips and mixed with the kiss. I held the back of Michael's head and, this time, started to, once more, French Kiss him. I could feel his grip getting tighter on my back. Our fast pace finally started to slow down and we started to kiss more gently. We stop but our lips were still touching. I caressed the side of his face as we gave each other one more peck. Michael looked at me and cupped his hand on the side of my face. "Everything will be okay. I promise. I won't break my promise to marry you. I swear." he said.
Michael gave me one more quick peck on my mouth and slowly let go of my body and just held my left hand. As he slowly walked backwards, Michael let go of my hand. I saw him turn around to face the plane. I could feel my heart ache as I watched him leave. I wanted to do nothing but cry. I saw Michael turn back around to face me before he walked inside of the plane and wave to me. I waved back and watched him disappear. I was still crying even though I felt I was somewhat overreacting. I couldn't see any of the boys anymore. They all disappeared before my eyes. I heard the plane get ready to take off and saw Michael in one of the windows watching me. As the plane started to move away, I waved to Michael as he did to me. Next thing I knew, Michael was out of my sight and the plane was off the ground and in the air.
I walked back to the limo, holding my cell phone, waiting for it to ring and it be Michael. I honestly didn't feel as much pain as I thought I would. My stomach ached and I wanted to cry but I didn't feel like my heart was ripped out again. Maybe it's because I knew I would see Michael again. I wasn't being torn away from him, I was just not going to see him for a while. I still missed him terribly. I rode in the far back by myself and put in my earbuds to listen to music. I turned my mP3 Player up to 15 and drowned myself in extremely loud heavy metal music. I never listen to mine or Michael's music when I'm upset about us. I could feel my ear vibrating from the hard guitar and drums and the loud screaming the singer was making. Even though the person was screaming, I still understood what they were saying and the chorus fit how I felt perfectly.
The lyrics were,"I see hell in your eyes/Take it in by surprise/Touching you makes me feel alive/Touching you makes me die inside/". When I did look into Michael's eyes, they were bright like the fires from hell and I was always surprised by some of his "naughty" actions. When I do feel him and touch, I do feel alive and when I do touch him, my darker side dies. Everything that is said in the chorus is what I feel. And I feel......loved but alone. I closed my eyes and listened to the music until I got to my big mansion "Never-Land".
After I came home and went upstairs, I took a shower and cleaned myself up and put on one of my shirts finding one of Michael's button-down shirts on the floor. I lifted it up and held it close, taking in the sweet smell Michael left on it. I decided to wear his shirt instead so I could feel like he was somewhat here. I looked at the clock and saw it was 9:00 pm. Michael still hasn't called but that probably because he is still on the plane flying to Italy.
I crawled into bed and layed there, thinking of all the memories Michael and I have created in this room. All the funny memories, sweet memories, "naughty" memories and passionate memories. I closed my eyes and remembered the first time I saw him again and remembered how I felt when I saw Michael again. I layed there with my eyes shut and never opened them again. I started to feel tears running down the side of my face. As I layed there, I ended up crying myself to sleep on Michael's side of the bed, praying I would feel his arms around me and his body against mine while hearing his sweet innocent voice saying,"I love you". But the weird thing is I DID feel a body against me and arms around me and I DID hear his voice but he didn't say "I love you" he said "I'm here for you". I slowly turned around to see. . . . .
To be continued............
You were there
Before we came
You took the hurt
You took the shame
They built the walls
To block your way
You beat them down
You won the day
It wasn't right
It wasn't fair
You taught them all
You made them care
Yes, you were there
And thanks to you
There's now a door
We all walk through
And we are here
For all to see
To be the best
That we can be
Yes, I am here
'Cause you were there
And we are here
For all to see
To be the best
That we can be
Yes, I am here
'Cause you were there
And we are here
For all to see
To be the best
That we can be
Yes, I am here
'Cause you were there
Before we came
You took the hurt
You took the shame
They built the walls
To block your way
You beat them down
You won the day
It wasn't right
It wasn't fair
You taught them all
You made them care
Yes, you were there
And thanks to you
There's now a door
We all walk through
And we are here
For all to see
To be the best
That we can be
Yes, I am here
'Cause you were there
And we are here
For all to see
To be the best
That we can be
Yes, I am here
'Cause you were there
And we are here
For all to see
To be the best
That we can be
Yes, I am here
'Cause you were there
Music and me
We've been together
For such a long time now
Music, music and me
Don't care whether all our songs rhyme now
Music, music and me
Only know wherever I go
We're as close as two friends can be
There have been others
But never two lovers
Like music, music and me
Grab a song and come along
You can sing your melody
In your mind you will find
A world of sweet harmony
Birds of a feather
We'll fly together
Now music, music and me
Music and me
Music and me
We've been together
For such a long time now
Music, music and me
Don't care whether all our songs rhyme now
Music, music and me
Only know wherever I go
We're as close as two friends can be
There have been others
But never two lovers
Like music, music and me
Grab a song and come along
You can sing your melody
In your mind you will find
A world of sweet harmony
Birds of a feather
We'll fly together
Now music, music and me
Music and me
We've been together
For such a long time now
Music, music and me
Don't care whether all our songs rhyme now
Music, music and me
Only know wherever I go
We're as close as two friends can be
There have been others
But never two lovers
Like music, music and me
Grab a song and come along
You can sing your melody
In your mind you will find
A world of sweet harmony
Birds of a feather
We'll fly together
Now music, music and me
Music and me
Music and me
We've been together
For such a long time now
Music, music and me
Don't care whether all our songs rhyme now
Music, music and me
Only know wherever I go
We're as close as two friends can be
There have been others
But never two lovers
Like music, music and me
Grab a song and come along
You can sing your melody
In your mind you will find
A world of sweet harmony
Birds of a feather
We'll fly together
Now music, music and me
Music and me
Ben, the two of us need look no more
We both found what we were looking for
With a friend to call my own
I'll never be alone
And you my friend will see
And you've got a friend in me
(You've got a friend in me)
Ben, you're always running here and there
(Here and there)
You feel you're not wanted anywhere
(Anywhere)
If you ever look behind
And don't like what you find
There's something you should know
You've got a place to go
(You've got a place to go)
I used to say 'I' and 'me'
Now it's 'us' now it's 'we'
(I used to say 'I' and 'me')
(Now it's 'us' now it's 'we')
Ben, most people would turn you away
I don't listen to a word they say
They don't see you as I do
I wish they would try to
I'm sure they'd think again
If they had a friend like Ben
(A friend)
Like Ben
(Like Ben)
Like Ben
We both found what we were looking for
With a friend to call my own
I'll never be alone
And you my friend will see
And you've got a friend in me
(You've got a friend in me)
Ben, you're always running here and there
(Here and there)
You feel you're not wanted anywhere
(Anywhere)
If you ever look behind
And don't like what you find
There's something you should know
You've got a place to go
(You've got a place to go)
I used to say 'I' and 'me'
Now it's 'us' now it's 'we'
(I used to say 'I' and 'me')
(Now it's 'us' now it's 'we')
Ben, most people would turn you away
I don't listen to a word they say
They don't see you as I do
I wish they would try to
I'm sure they'd think again
If they had a friend like Ben
(A friend)
Like Ben
(Like Ben)
Like Ben
Looking in my mirror
Took me by surprise
I can't help but see you
Running often through my mind
Helpless like a baby
Sensual disguise
I can't help but love you
It gets better all the time
I can't help it if I wanted to
I wouldn't help it even if I could
I can't help it if I wanted to
I wouldn't help it, no
I can't help it if I wanted to
I wouldn't help it even if I could
I can't help it if I wanted to
I wouldn't help it, no
Love to run my fingers
Softly while you sigh
Love came and possessed you
Bringing sparkles to your evey
Like a trip to heaven
Heaven is the prize
I'm so glad I found you
You're an angel in disguise
I van't help it if I wanted to
I wouldn't help it even if I could
I can't help it if I wanted to
I wouldn't help it, no
Took me by surprise
I can't help but see you
Running often through my mind
Helpless like a baby
Sensual disguise
I can't help but love you
It gets better all the time
I can't help it if I wanted to
I wouldn't help it even if I could
I can't help it if I wanted to
I wouldn't help it, no
I can't help it if I wanted to
I wouldn't help it even if I could
I can't help it if I wanted to
I wouldn't help it, no
Love to run my fingers
Softly while you sigh
Love came and possessed you
Bringing sparkles to your evey
Like a trip to heaven
Heaven is the prize
I'm so glad I found you
You're an angel in disguise
I van't help it if I wanted to
I wouldn't help it even if I could
I can't help it if I wanted to
I wouldn't help it, no
Once all alone
I was lost in a world of strangers
No one to trust
On my own, I was lonely
You suddenly appeared
It was cloudy before but now it's clear
You took away the fear
You brought me back to life
Chorus
You are the sun
You make me shine
Or more like the stars
That twinkle at night
You are the moon
That glows in my heart
You're my daytime my nighttime
My world
You're my life
Now I wake up everyday
With this smile upon my face
No more tears, no more pain
Cause you love me
You help me understand
That love is the answer to all that I am
And I'am a better man
You taught me by sharing your life
Chorus
You are the sun
You make me shine
Or more like the stars
That twinkle at night
You are the moon
That glows in my heart
You're my daytime my nighttime
My world
You're my life
You gave me strength
When I wasn't strong
You gave me hope when all hope is lost
You opened my eyes when I couldn'tt see
Love was always here waiting for me
I was lost in a world of strangers
No one to trust
On my own, I was lonely
You suddenly appeared
It was cloudy before but now it's clear
You took away the fear
You brought me back to life
Chorus
You are the sun
You make me shine
Or more like the stars
That twinkle at night
You are the moon
That glows in my heart
You're my daytime my nighttime
My world
You're my life
Now I wake up everyday
With this smile upon my face
No more tears, no more pain
Cause you love me
You help me understand
That love is the answer to all that I am
And I'am a better man
You taught me by sharing your life
Chorus
You are the sun
You make me shine
Or more like the stars
That twinkle at night
You are the moon
That glows in my heart
You're my daytime my nighttime
My world
You're my life
You gave me strength
When I wasn't strong
You gave me hope when all hope is lost
You opened my eyes when I couldn'tt see
Love was always here waiting for me
Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by...
If you smile With your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll find that life is still worthwhile if you'll just...
Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you'll just...
Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by...
If you smile
Through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you'll just Smile...
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you'll just Smile
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by...
If you smile With your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll find that life is still worthwhile if you'll just...
Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you'll just...
Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by...
If you smile
Through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you'll just Smile...
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you'll just Smile
Sung to our hearts
Removed evil from our worlds with your sweet loving nature.
But behind your smile was both happiness and pain.
You carried the pain,
While we, oblivious, stole the happiness.
A ray of sunshine and in a class of your own.
This world ever trying to destroy your light, not worthy of any part of your life.
Yet you never saw it that way and gave us everything till nothing was left.
How could we have placed hatred on someone completely incapable of it.
In heaven now, you have been set free to live eternally where you belong. No pain will reach you up there, of that I’m sure.
You entered this world loved, left loved, and forever will be loved - what happened in between is unforgivable on our part but I pray that home at last it can be dealt with.
- you said you saw the face of God in children, we saw it in you.
R.I.P Michael.
king of pop.
x