Snatchers Chase

1. Offer her flies. Tell her they're good with ketchup.

2. Ask her if she's related to Trevor.

3. Follow close behind her all day, making clip-clopping noises with your tongue.

4. Ask her if she's met the handsome new divination teacher.

5. Tell her that Cornelius Fudge only hired her to scare small children.

6. Dye all her clothes black. . . .

7. . . . When she acts horrified, say you were only trying to help her, and that "black is the new pink."

8. Send her love notes, signing them as if they were from Cornelius Fudge.

9. Perpetually use the word "umbrage."

10. Remind her constantly that her "Selwyn...

1. Make him take a shower.

2. Make him use shampoo in aforementioned shower.

3. Make him use clarifying shampoo.

4. Apparate next to him, hand him a tube of super-strong facial cleanser, then quickly Disapparate before he realizes what happened.

5. Enchant this cleanser to follow him around until he uses it.

6. ...enchant the cleanser to follow him around anyway.

7. Tell him you stole his teddy bear.

8. Tell him you won't give it back until he agrees to wash his hair.

9. When he washes his hair, tell him you were just kidding and said teddy bear has already been destroyed.

10. Sneak up on him while...