Harry Potter Vs. Twilight Club
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Before I begin, I’d like to set one thing straight: I’m not against Twilight fans. I respect you and your opinions. I just have different ones. These reasons are opinion and fact mixed together. Please don't disrespect me for my opinions. Also, warning: This will be long.

After completely the Harry Potter series, I looked for the next “big thing.” Being in middle school, the next “big thing” was the Twilight Saga. Sure, why not. I read them through once. I didn’t love it. I didn’t hate it. It was just another book. I never laughed, or cried. It never pulled any emotion out of me in the way Harry Potter did.

After a little break, I decided to reread the books. Maybe this time I would cry when Edward left Bella. Maybe I would laugh when she broke her fist punching Jacob. Maybe I would really think that it was just as good as Harry Potter.

Rereading the books, I did laugh. I wanted to cry. Because I had realized what a literary failure this was. I had realized just why Hermione is so much better than Bella, discovered the reasons that Harry Potter was so much better. I realized the absence of a plot and the fact that characters are all static and unlovable.

And I decided that I really, really hated Bella Swan.

As a whole, the Twilight Saga is just a pesky fad. I don’t particularly loathe or hate it. It’s a book I read that I thought that it was badly written, the plot nonexistent, and the characters poorly constructed. The one thing I hated about the series, that I really couldn’t stand, was Bella.

The main reason I couldn’t stand her was because of her complete and utter crap role model, as well as a very poor character. Here are some of the many, many reasons.

1.)    Her first day of school. I have also been a new girl in a small town (yes, just as small as Forks) and trust me, you don’t have guys falling over to help you, trying to get your attention, and you absolutely don’t have friends on the first day of school. (I will admit, however, that it’s not only Twilight that has this problem. Many books series unrealistically have new-girl heroines with instant friends. Not true!)

2.)    Oh, my life just stinks! I have a boyfriend who’s obsessed with me, loving parents, friends who I completely ignore, and oh, woe-is-me! Bella is constantly whining about everything she can’t have, when she already has so much! “I love Edward! Edward won’t let me kiss him! I love Edward! Edward won’t let me see Jacob! I love Edward! Oh my gosh, I love Jacob but I love Edward more! I love Edward!” That, my friends, is the summary of four books.

3.)    Bella is completely and utterly male-dependent. Oh my life just stinks, oh wait, there’s a hot guy! All better! The hot guy left me? Here’s another one! All better! Uh-oh, now I have to choose! When she doesn’t have Edward or Jacob by her side, she is a zombie. She is never shown as fighting or being strong, only hiding in the background while Jacob and Edward do her work for her.

4.)    The Break-Up. How pathetic can you get? This is where the role-model part comes in. If you’ll forgive me, I’m going to do a little Bella-Hermione comparison. Bella: “Okay girls, if your boyfriend leaves you, you are nothing. Go jump off a cliff.” Hermione: “Okay girls, if your boyfriend leaves you, it’s okay to cry for a while, but you have to pull yourself together and keep on going.”

5.)    The Shield. Mary Sue alert! Of course they wouldn’t have won the battle without Bella! Her shield is oh so super important! One of the main signs of a Mary Sue is that the “good guys” couldn’t win the battle against the “bad guys” without the Mary Sue. Hmm. Sound familiar? Breaking Dawn, page 742, “So, it was a combination of things there at the end, but what it really boiled down to was…Bella.”

6.)    Skipping the newborn bloodthirstiness. Another Mary Sue alert! Bella is too perfect to go through the bloodthirstiness of being a newborn, of course. Incredibly annoying and unrealistic.

7.)    Bella is a terrible friend. She has friends, and then completely ignores them to spend all her time with her boyfriend. When her boyfriend is gone, she expects her friends to love and hug her and accept her back! If they don’t, they are the terrible friends. But oh, when Edward gets back, good-bye amigos. She completely uses her friends, barely paying attention to them when Edward is around.

8.)    Despite the fact that Bella is a personality devoid, whiny brat, everybody adores her. Mary Sue much? If you don’t adore Bella, you are portrayed as a shallow bitch or an enemy.

9.)    Bella just isn’t very intelligent. Sure, she reads classics and gets good grades so that she seems smart, but when she finds out that a guy has been watching her sleep for two months, oh, it’s just so gosh darn romantic! I’d bet that if he hadn’t been an incredibly hot vampire, she would have screamed and called for her dad. Shallow much?

10.)    All she cares about is Edward’s looks. The only thing she can do is moon on about his eyes, his hair, those eyes. And how perfect he is. The piano? Expert. Smart? Of course! The relationship doesn’t move beyond Edward’s looks and his supposed perfection. Does she care that he controls who she sees, who her friends are, and follows her (or has Alice follow her) wherever she goes, the exact traits of an abusive boyfriend? Nope, because he has those gorgeous eyes…

All in all, Bella is a Mary Sue self insertion, similar to those found in fan fiction by 14 year olds. I apologize if I got my facts wrong or exaggerated. Please let me know if I made a technical error and/or a mistake. No, telling me, “Bella does have personality!” is not a mistake I made. It is your opinion. I have mine, and you have yours.

Thanks for reading!
Me, Myself, and I

By Rita Skeeter

Exclusive interview with notorious Death Eater Bellatrix Lestrange

Here I am, sitting in the private dungeon of the notorious Bellatrix Lestrange, most feared follower of the Dark Lord, and having a completely normal interview. Read on to see if there’s more to Bellatrix than just madness and a nasty reputation!

RS: Hello!

BL: *growls*

RS: Do you mind if I use a quick-quotes quill?

BL: What’s that?

*fingers wand handle threateningly*

RS: Oh, nothing, erm, moving on…Can I call you Bella?

BL: No.

RS: How would you describe your relationship with the man known as...
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I would like to start by quoting Susanna Laitala, who wrote a review of Breaking Dawn for a Finnish newspaper: "... by Stephenie Meyer, who, in my opinion, is a very talented writer." I disagree: I do not think Meyer could write even a decent children's book, with a plot culminating in a giraffe finding his lost scarf. She would probably decide that the giraffe is suddenly carnivore who has green stripes instead of brown spots - she has already done so to the beloved villains of literature, vampires. Meyer's vampires are in fact 'vegetarian': they drink only animal blood. In addition, they...
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posted by HaleyDewit
1.A lot of trees have been sacrificed for Twishit
2.It's deathly boring
3.Sparkling vampires?Really?
4.Edward is a pedophile and a stalker.To every girl who thinks Edward's the perfect boyfriend: a guy who watches you when you sleep,is not romantic,but creepy.
5.There are a lot of plotholes
6.Bella has as much personality as the spoon I'm looking at right now.
7.Quotations like 'liquid topaz eyes' (since when are eyes liquid???)and 'it's an optional choice'(Where does Smeyer live,because it's obvious they don't have a dictionary there)
8.Bella is the stereotype of the woman before feminism.She's completely...
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Publishers Weekly-"After her transformation into a vampire, it's almost impossible to identify with her in Breaking Dawn"

Lilah Lohr of the Chicago Tribune-"Bella's character, compared to the Quileute wolves, is less satisfying"

Kirkus Reviews-"Bella's appeal is based on magic rather than character, but her and Edward's portrayal of dangerous lovers hits the spot"
"Bella's personality is flat and obsessive"

Laura Miller of salon.com-"In regards of Edward and Bella, neither of them has much personality to speak of"

Jennifer Reese of Entertainment Weekly-"You may wish she had loftier goals and a mind...
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Ron just wouldn't can it. We were all at the table, while Ron was blabbing about how Professor Snape had gave him detention. For crying out loud, if he just payed attention in class he wouldn't have!
"'Mione, can you pass the butter?" he said with mouth full of chicken. I scowled at him and passed him some. "'Mione, you don't look so good are you ok?" Harry whispered in my ear. I shook my head. After riding a broom and falling off because of stupid Malfoy hadn't done wonders on the headache i already had. "You want to go to the infarmery, im pretty sure the med-witch has." he began but Ron...
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posted by GoodPunchMione
I honestly don't hate, dislike, like or love Twilight. It's just neutral with me. I never really had any problem with it until I saw an article saying that Harry Potter copied Twilight. The person who wrote it also went so far as to say that J.K. Rowling is ugly and that Stephenie Meyer is the pretty one. It just irked me, because the looks don't even matter (they're both equal too) and it's not a valid point.

She said something about Sirius Black being copied from Jacob Black - who is commonly described as a big wolf in his werewolf form. And Sirius (she spelled it as 'Serious'. I laughed...
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