HARRIET GUEST BLOG: HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN IT’S LOVE OR A CRUSH? 

Harriet Guest Blog: How Do You Know When It’s Love or a Crush?

Life Advice: How to Make Change Real for Yourself

Emma let me do today’s blog. She’s a bit busy and is currently spending a lot of time making financial spreadsheets. She didn’t even have time to edit this before I posted it! So I thought this was a good opportunity to discuss a topic that most of my friends have had to deal with  when it comes to relationships.

People seem to spend a lot of time wondering what kind of person they should be with. Sometimes you think you know, but then a friend points out something you’ve been missing in the relationship, or hadn’t thought you might want. Or your friends aren’t as supportive as you expected but you know in your heart that the person you like is worthy of your feelings. At least you think you know. It can get very confusing when your own heart and those you trust and rely on are telling you different things.

So I was wondering what exactly we all should be looking for in a relationship. Is it different for everybody or is there some kind of guideline? Specifically I was wondering how another person should make you feel. If they appreciate you and give you support and confidence, does anything else matter? Or is it all about how you feel when you think of them? Do you want to be with someone who makes you feel comfortable, or someone who makes you get butterflies in your stomach? What’s the difference between friendship and romance? What’s the difference between liking someone and a crush? So I thought I would look at it from both sides, do some research, and then you guys could tell me what you think.

I always imagined that love was when you thought more of someone then you did everyone else. You think they are smarter, nicer, more fun, more charming, and more caring than anyone else you’ve ever met. You think they are so amazing that you can’t quite believe they are real, and even if you are a confident person, you’re a little amazed that they like you back. They might have flaws but you are blind to them because you love them.  And you are always a little nervous and unsure around them because what they think matters so much to you. That’s what I always thought I was looking for.

Earlier in the year I thought I was falling for someone but it turned out it was just a crush. How did I know? I knew because I had this idea of who he was, which was wonderful, but turned out to be completely false. I realized I didn’t know him at all. I just had a crush on my image of him, the person I wanted him to be. A fantasy. Someone I thought so highly of that the idea of him choosing me made me feel better about myself. I learned a lesson from that and swore that the next time I was interested in someone it would be someone I knew much, much better. But is knowing someone well enough to avoid a crush?

So now I’m questioning all my previous ideas about love. Maybe love isn’t blind. Maybe when you love someone you see their faults, and it totally bothers you, and you will definitely encourage them to change things and argue about it in the future. Maybe they aren’t the smartest person you know, or the nicest, or the most charming. But they are the best person you know and you love them just the way they are. There are no butterflies after a while because with this person you feel one hundred percent comfortable. You can completely be yourself around them.. You don’t worry about what you wear or what they think of you because with them, you know who you are. You love them for their heart and perspective, and trust them as you trust no one else. Best of all you understand them. They aren’t some mystery to solve, or a prize, or an accomplishment. They are just the person who makes you smile no matter what. Oh, and you can’t stand the idea of them being with anyone else, so it’s definitely more than friendship!

That’s what I’ve come up with so far. I know there are other versions of relationships out there, and I want to say thank you to all the people online who have posted their own experiences and feelings on this subject. It was great to read about so many different ideas about love during my research, and I’m excited to share it with all of you in this post.  I would love to hear what you guys think or have been through, too.

Hope this has given you some food for thought!