Eventually I'll write one of those articles that's a comprehensive list of everything, but for now this is an article I felt like writing. It's the easiest one for me and probably the most consistent.


11. Aladdin
While he can be endearing and generous, I can never forgive the way he acts towards Jasmine. I wrote a whole article about why I don't like him which you can read here, but I'll summarize it quickly for you. The fact is Aladdin constantly lies to Jasmine's face despite being handed several opportunities to tell the truth. The worst part is Jasmine made it clear in the beginning of the movie that she likes him even though he was poor and he completely ignored everything he learned about her, assumed she was shallow because she was royalty (despite the fact that they were about! to! kiss! when she was in disguise) and shows up at her front door going "Haha I will win the Princess" like she is being auctioned off and acting like the precise kind of douchebag he knows she doesn't like. I could sympathize with him thinking that's how he should except it's a) a totally misogynistic way to act and b) he met Jasmine EARLIER and KNOWS that's not the kind of girl she is. As someone with social anxiety, I know what it's like to overthink and second-guess the way someone feels about you, but even if he thought Jasmine thought he was stupid, why would he still being trying to win her over if he thought she was that shallow? I do think he genuinely loves her but he is so clouded by his own poor judgment that I just can't forgive him. And the fact that he is a repeat offender and treats his friends like crap too makes him really irk me. I just don't understand how, when Jasmine makes it clear on multiple occasions that she loves the boy in the marketplace, he continues to lie to her and ignore everything she says. (and I know we're not supposed to count sequels but boy is he just a giant dick there).

To make a long story short: liar, liar, plants for hire


10. Flynn Rider
Oh look, it's almost as if I don't like lying, scheming men. To be honest, Flynn's got a big jump from Aladdin-- I actually like the guy. He might even be the bravest Disney Prince. He does constantly try to trick Rapunzel but only to escape her violent clutches and to be honest who knows what his sanity is given that Rapunzel probably gave him like 8 concussions with the amount of times she smacked him with her frying pan. So why is he so low?
Well, to be honest, do we even know the guy? We know who he is as a thief, and we get that he was an orphan, but I sort of feel like I signed up for an internet dating site and Flynn was the dude who messaged me like "hey, i'm a real cool guy, I saw your pics and you seem nice, wanna meet up for a coffee, go on a romantic boat ride and set off some lanterns into the sky and then find your long lost parents?"


9. Prince Phillip
There is so much to say about Phillip. For one thing, he certainly is a prince, no doubt about that. His name is definitely Phillip, and he's in the movie. I could go on and on. To be honest I'm only giving him extra points for that whole "And marry the girl I love. Goodbye father!" Which always makes me laugh. He's your quintessential knight in shining armor dude. Oh, also there's that dungeon scene where he's tied up and struggling against the chains. Actually it's like 99% the dungeon scene the reason why he's higher than the other 2.


8. Kristoff
To be honest, Kristoff, Phillip, Flynn, and Prince Charming (yet to be mentioned) are all interchangable. Kristoff is gruff and awkward, but at least more dynamic and original than what I expected out of Disney. He certainly came out of left field, I think. But at least I feel like I get to know a little more about Kristoff and his backstory than I do Flynn or Prince Phillip- like the fact that he apparently smells terrible no matter how much he washes and uses his reindeer as a puppet.... has anyone done a background check on this guy?


7. Prince Charming
Prince Charming makes me laugh because he's such a giant dick. He straight up rolls his eyes right in the faces of the two ugly girls who approach him and keeps looking up to the balcony and giving his father reproachful looks. I have no doubt that he's very kind and sweet to Cinderella but when she's not around I'm guessing he's muttering a lot of sarcastic comments under his breath to himself. He's a romantic guy and he's also the only one who makes me crack up during the movie.


6. The Prince
He's just really sweet. I love how happy he is (have you ever seen the scene that was cut from the movie where he jumps into a puddle because he's so excited that Snow White likes him? Adorable.) And I'm willing to forgive the fact that he sneaks up on her because.... of no logical reason whatsover. I love his voice, I love his dedication to find her, and I love the shade of lipstick he wears. He's just an overall cute guy.


5. The Beast
The Beast (I REFUSE TO CALL HIM ADAM) is hands down the most multi-dimensional of all the princes. It's great having the anti-hero turn into the secondary protagonist; it makes the movie more interesting. He's very well developed character and you can really see his personality change and growth over time; but he's also likable, awkward, funny, and real. He acts like a real guy (well, hopefully not including the whole imprisoning stranger's family members part). I relate to him on multiple levels and what's also great about him is he appeals to furries. It's great to see Disney really reach out to even their most obscure fans.


4. Prince Naveen
What I find so endearing about Naveen (besides the fact that he's really freaking hot) is what people usually don't like about him- the fact that he has no talent to do anything. In a Disney universe where all the men seem to be able to do everything and anything, Naveen can't even cut a mushroom, doesn't know how to work, gets fooled easily and is a total lazy bum... and that's why I love him. In the end, he still tries his hardest for Tiana even though he messes up a few times (Remember their first date where he minces their ENTIRE MEAL and then proceeds to spill it all over the ground?). I love his carefree attitude and his whole "life is short, when you're done you're done, we're on this earth to have some fun, and that's the way things are" basically describes how I live my life. Don't copy me if you plan on succeeding though.


3. John Smith
I know he's not exactly the most popular of the Disney Princes but my top 3 are princes that just cannot be beat- I adore them so much. My sense of humor is very similar to John Smith's. He's this guy I see who's got this running monologue of hilarious inner commentary going through his head despite the craziness going on around him, his constant deadpan face at everything and his casual reaction to a creepy tree with hollow eyes calling him hot -"Oh, I like her"- is probably how I would react. He's also brave, loyal, faithful, and sticks up for what he believes in.


2. Prince Eric/Prince Porn
My friends and I nicknamed him Prince Porn because of how gorgeous he is. Jesus Christ, this man is the product of perfect genetics. I tend to like the princes that steer away from the wise-cracking pretty boy theme and break the Disney Prince mold in some sort of way, and although Eric certainly fits, he also doesn't in ways that are really important to me. In fact, he almost is a Disney Princess insetad- complaining that he wants true love, falling in love with some girl who sang to him and vowing to find her, he's the pursuee in the relationship instead of pursuing the girl, letting his fantasies overtake reality. He's also super humble and modest- something I can claim about none of the rest of the Disney Princes. Kind, gentle, and HE CARES ABOUT HIS DOG SO MUCH THAT HE SAVED HIM FROM A BURNING SHIP. Besides the usual traits that I find appealing in a guy, what I like most about Eric is that he's so genuine and nonjudgmental; he falls for a girl who used a fork to brush her hair, blew a pipe in Grimsby's face, rips the puppets off of performer's hands and nearly drove them off a cliff. He genuinely likes a clearly very flawed girl and it gives me hope that someone like me can be loved so unconditionally like that. It's just so rare to meet someone so instantly genuine and dedicated. I could go on and on with reasons but the most important thing you should take away from this is that I mainly like him for his butt.


1. Shang
Tough, serious, but not without a sense of humor and clearly an intelligent guy, Shang is my favorite Disney Prince. Although starting out the movie slightly misogynistic, his views eventually shift and I like that they show a guy who's able to appreciate what a woman can do-even if she does it better than him- without feeling like his ego's been bruised. But mostly what gets me is the scene where Shang has discovered his father dies. In the moment of his greatest emotional low- finding out his father had been brutally murdered by the Huns- Shang composes himself and manages to continue on leading his troops, putting his country's needs before his own. That kind of dedication, sense of honor, and fighting for something or someone he believes in regardless of his own personal safety or emotional state is something that truly sends Shang to the top of my list. He's a very admirable guy, and I admire his abs almost as much.