#26: Tenore Sax (Used by Billie Jean)
This guy was only there for ten seconds, and all his Stand did was make up an illusion… I know nothing about him… At least he’s named after a Michael Jackson song…. That’s pretty cool…. Yeah, I got nothing. NEXT!
#25: The Lovers (Used by Steely Dan)
Oh GOD, Steely Dan, that son of a bitch. The crap this bastard did is just unforgivable. He had Joseph nearly killed and had Jotaro suffer with it, and even threatened other people just to get to Jotaro. Hell, even his Stand sucks, and even he admits it is the weakest Stand ever. The Lovers is this little crab piece of crap that can’t even kill people without putting Dio’s Flesh Bud inside their head. I mean, the idea of him transferring the pain done on Steely Dan to the one The Lovers is attacking and increasing said pain onto the one The Lovers attacks is a pretty cool idea, but it doesn’t save The Lovers from being incredibly useless. And he is also so tiny, that Platinum Star could kill it just by squashing it… No joke. He just didn’t because OraOraOra-ing the hell out of Dan was so much more satisfying.
#24: Ebony Devil (Used by Soul Sacrifice)
When I first saw the first appearance of Ebony Devil, a Stand that is fueled by the hatred Soul Sacrifice has toward his enemy, I thought this would look cool. It was a large Native American wood carving that look like some with large discs and a dagger. It looked pretty cool…. Too bad it got canned for some annoying shouting doll. I mean, seriously. We went from large gray dagger Stand, to this Chucky wanna-be? What the hell? And he is so goddamn annoying, constantly shouting and running around, making constant noise. I hate him! I want to kick him like he was a football! Sure, the idea of how his anger makes him stronger was cool, but one small good thing can’t save one bad thing. At least he never got two episodes like much more deserving Stands. I mean even The Lovers had two episodes dedicated to it. This thing only had one… And I am not even mad.
#23: The Sun (Used by Arabia Fats)
Just like Ebony Devil, it was a cool idea, but just poorly done. Though, this one isn’t annoying. It’s just a bad case of “NOTHING HAPPENING!” The Sun is a Stand that allows it to imitate the actual sun, only to become a lot hotter and shoot fireballs. I mean, with something that could literally cook the Stardust Crusaders with thought alone, it sounded pretty cool, and only made more cool by being able to fire at them whenever the Crusaders were planning something. But sadly, all it did was sit back and do practically nothing after that. Even the Stand user sat back and did nothing. At least he and his Stand are a perfect match. And to add to just how dumb this Stand is, Jotaro claims that the idea of a mirror being used for the user to hide behind is just stupid… Oh yeah, the user hides behind a mirror…. Dumb, I know.
#22: Khnum (Used by Oingo)
This may be one of the most useless Stands imaginable. All this Stand is able to do is change the facial appearance of the user, and literally nothing else. Sure, Oingo is able to make himself look like Jotaro with ease, but will that help him in a fight against the Stardust Crusaders? No! Not at all! So then, if it is such a useless Stand, why is it that I put him above The Lovers and The Sun? Because the actions between Oingo and his brother Boingo make me laugh. Just seeing Oingo trying to avoid the fate meant for Jotaro because he made himself look like Jotaro makes me laugh. I couldn’t help but put it higher just because of the episode he was in. His Stand sucks, but damn, it sure does give me a good laugh when watching it.
#21: Emperor (Used by Hol Horse)
For a Stand that is a gun, I had quite high hopes for it. This Stand is able to fire bullets that can follow the target and home in on them, with the Stan having no recoil like other Stands, giving the user a much faster reaction time, and for a gun, it makes no noise at all, allowing it to be used very stealthily. I really liked the idea of this… So tell me why Hol Horse barely used it. As Hol Horse said himself, his Stand is a Stand that is only effective whenever he is working with another Stand user, such as J Giel or Boingo. Seriously, he can NOT do anything to save himself. Sure, he could fight someone at close range, but the only person he tried to do it too was Dio, and…. Well, that ended as well as you think it did. Still, Hol Horse is actually a pretty interest Stand user, being someone with SOME honor, even if he is kind of a coward… And his episode with Boingo did make me laugh a little. He has a pretty flawed Stand, but at least it’s SOMETHING
#20: Yellow Temperance (Used by Rubber Soul)
I have some sort of odd feelings toward this Stand. I mean… It’s got a pretty cool idea. A Stand that is able to hide it’s appearance by changing into other people, as well as being able to split apart and latch onto hit’s target, eating them alive, and can spread wider when attacked with fire, or grow spikes when it’s freezing. It’s got a some good ideas put into it… But for some reason… I don’t like it. It could be that the user is one of those handsome types that tries to let people know he’s handsome, or it could be that Yellow Temperance is just a yellow blob and nothing much with design. I don’t know, really. It’s one of those, “I want to like it, but can’t,” sort of things. Wish I knew why I didn’t like this Stand, but… I got nothing… Sorry.
#19: Tower of Gray (Used by Gray Fly)
This is probably the most forgettable Stand in the series. You could say that it’s only the first Stand that Crusaders face, but that is a load of crap, because I could easily love and even respect the Asylum Demon boss fight from Dark Souls, and that was just the tutorial. This Stand is just easily forgotten. I actually had to look up what his attacks were. Granted, he is pretty interested, as he is made to make all of his attacks look more like accidents, as he is responsible for dozens of plane and train accidents (But no automobile accidents). He is also incredibly fast, making him pretty dangerous. But, one fatal flaw with this Stand is that… Like I said, it’s terribly forgettable. His Stand user is forgettable, his name is forgettable. Even his design looks dull. It’s just a beetle with a long tongue… how creative.
#18: Tohth (Used by Boingo)
For the brother of a Stand user with a pretty dumb Stand, you’d expect his Stand to be pretty dumb as well. Well… your kinda right. But his is a lot more interested. Tohth is a Stand that is able to predict the future. So, of all the things he could be, like a clock, or a picture, or something, what does this Stand take the appearance of? A manga book… No joke. It even has different manga-style pictures used to predict the future. And the Stand is NEVER wrong. It predicted that Jotaro would be killed by an exploding orange, and that is exactly what happened. The downside? His brother, Oingo, turned his face to look like Jotaro’s, making him blow up instead. Like I said before, Tohth too is a pretty dumb Stand, but at least it works for something… And like I said, the episodes it comes in are pretty funny.
#17: Sethan (Used by Alessi)
We got a really weird Stand here. Granted, all of them are weird, but this one is a special case. And when I say that this is a weird one, when all of the other one’s are weird, something must be up. So, basically, this Stand is Alessi’s shadow. Makes sense so far. So, whenever Sethan touches somebody… It makes the person younger, to the point where they are a little kid… Yeah, that is his method of getting at someone. And this can turn the person from a seven year old to a freaking fetus. He can also use the shadow to use the same weapon he is holding. So, to give an example, if Alessi carries an axe, so will Sethan. And Sethan will be able to use that axe on someone as well, so basically, you get two axes. How interesting… I don’t know, this is just one weird Stand. Though, what should I expect from a series called Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure?
#16: Wheel of Fortune (Used by ZZ)
Oh boy, the first Stand based on an inanimate object. Wheel of Fortune is a Stand that takes over much smaller, crapper cars (In this case, what looks like a golf cart) and becomes a much more deadly car. Such as one that can turn from a typical hunk of junk to a device with powerful steel and tires covered in spikes. It can also shoot gasoline at its opponents so fast, that is hits them like bullets. While that does sound deadly on its own, it’s made even more deadly by the fact that Wheel of Fortune only uses such a thing in order to use it’s electricity to light his enemies on fire. As for the user, ZZ… Well… His arms are larger than his body… Not a lot to talk about there, really…. The Stand is obviously better.
#15: Dark Blue Moon (Used by Imposter Captain Tennille)
Yes, Imposter Captain Tennille is his name. Is Imposter part of the birth certificate? Anyway, Dark Blue Moon is TERRIBLE at fighting… on land. So naturally, when it comes to fighting, he takes the fight to the ocean, since Dark Blue Moon is an aquatic Stand. And boy, he messes people up. While in the ocean, he is able to create whirlpool to trap people in the water, and to make sure no one else can stop him, he surrounds the whirlpool with razor sharp scales, so no one can get in. He also is able to surround his targets with barnacles, trapping them and even temporarily controlling them. And the user even gets some powers from the Stand, as thanks to Dark Blue Moon’s aquatic nature, the user is able to hold his breathe under water three times longer than the normal human. I got to say, I expected less from Dark Blue Moon. But this Stand managed to be so much better than I thought
#14: Osiris (Used by Daniel J. D’Arby)
This Stand is actually quite interesting. Unlike all of the other Stands, Osiris isn’t one who gets involved with fighting its enemies physically. Instead, what Osiris does is go against his enemies by having D’Arby battle them in a gambling game. They always have to bet their soul, and if they lose (Which they usually do), Osiris takes their soul and places them into poker chips. It’s interesting to see a Stand that does not get involved in fighting their enemies, and instead, trying to best them in a game of wits (Rather poker). However, the reason I put him a bit lower is because D’Arby, just like those kids call people who are better than them in Call of Duty, is a filthy cheater, weather it’s keeping a bottle of liquor tipped for him to win, or using others to give his opponents bad cards, he is always able to win because he cheats. Oh well, although D’Arby is a damn cheater, at least his Stand is pretty neat
#13: Atum (Used by Telence T. D’Arby)
There is not a whole lot I can say about Atum. He basically does the same thing as Osiris. He does not go against his enemies physically, and instead, bests them in a game. Instead of gambling, he tries to beat them in video games. And instead of putting their souls into poker chips, he keeps them inside puppets. However, this D’Arby is actually very fair. He does not try to cheat, and beats his opponents fairly. He doesn’t win from cheap tricks. The only reason he wins is because he is a pro, and all of his enemies are just filthy casuals. Though, one unique thing about Atum’s powers is that he is able to look into people's souls and see what the truth is. If a person is lying, he can see what it is… I mean, it doesn’t do much for him… But it’s a thing… He doesn’t cheat, therefore he is the better D’Arby. Enough said.
#12: Bastet (Used by Mariah)
When a Stand does very little fighting, yet does so much to the one it is attacking, it makes for a pretty interesting idea. Bastet… doesn’t do a whole lot as a Stand. In fact, he even looks pretty dumb. He’s just a power outlet. BORING! Thankfully, what this Stand lacks in appearance (And boy, does it lack), it makes up for in power. Whenever two people touch this Stand, they are instantly turned into magnets… Well, they aren’t just walking magnets, but their bodies are able to pull metallic objects toward them. This can range from a lot of things. From soda bottle caps, forks and knives, rings, cans, even cars. However, they are also able to connect to others affected by this Stand, which means that if a person comes in contact with another person who is now a magnet, they will be stuck together… The results range from life threatening, to being hilarious. Sure, it may be silly, especially when you think about it, but I still liked this Stand nonetheless.
#11: Geb (Used by N’Doul)
Funny, really. It’s named after an earth god, yet it’s made of water… How Bizarre (I did it again). Anyway, Geb is a Stand that, ironically, hides in the desert to attack its enemies… Yeah, I don’t know how he manages to stay in the desert, what with it being made of water, but whatever. Since it is made of water, it can not be physically harmed by anyone, even other Stands. The attack just goes right through Geb, without harming it or the user. However, unlike water, Geb is strong enough to cut through human flesh, being able to decapitate a man, and even temporarily blinding Kakyoin. That’s gotta be pretty dangerous if you ask me. And this is another Stand with some honor, being loyal to its master, and willing to die for him. You gotta respect Stands and Stand users for stuff like that.
#10: Strength (Used by Forever)
Would you believe me if I told you that this Stand was a giant freighter ship and that the user of said Stand was a perverted orangutan? No? Well, too bad, because that is exactly what Strength is. The Stand isn’t really much unless it takes over a smaller boat. So yeah, it’s basically like Wheel of Fortune, only more cool. Once the ship is created, Strength is able to turn the entire ship to his will, by controlling cranes, wires, and pipes to his will, such as killing others with hooks, and holding back people with the pipes. Strength can also allow Forever to travel across the ship by simply going through the walls and floor as it it was nothing, whereas others are unable to. However, if Strength needs to do such a thing, it can cause people to sink into the floors and walls, where he will begin to crush them with it once they’re inside. Sure, it’s probably the craziest a Stand user can get, but that’s the beauty of this series.
#9: The Empress (Used by Nena)
Damn it, it’s another one of those talking Stands the size of a baby. Except the Empress is actually very interesting and didn’t make me want to rip my ears off like Ebony Devil. The Empress is able to grow on a person’s body very slowly. It starts off as a boil on the arm of the victim (In this case, Joseph Joestar). It then begins to grow to the size of a large infections of sorts. By then, it’s become very dangerous. It’s able to have the strength of a usual man, and can even speak, fooling anyone else into believing that the one that The Empress is living off of is talking. After this, it will soon grow arms, allowing it to hold onto things and even attack its victims. And soon, it will grow into a full upper body. If the victim wasn’t already having a bad time before, it sure as hell is now once The Empress is at this state. Once here, it is able to attack its victim and kill them, allowing Nena to take the body and use it for herself. The Empress is quite a terrifying Stand, but that is what makes it so interesting.
#8: High Priestess (Used by Midler)
For a Stand that can turn into anything, you’d think it would be very threatening… And your right. High Priestess is a Stand the Crusaders run into right before entering Egypt, and it is no doubt hard to face. It even manages to enter their submarine by disguising herself as a coffee mug. And when I say the High Priestess can turn herself into anything, I mean ANYTHING! That includes razor blades, gears, and even an entire sea bed to trap her enemies inside her mouth. And when she gets them trapped inside her mouth, she will then try to eat them with her teeth, which are said to be as powerful as diamonds… Hey, wait a minute! If they are as strong as diamonds, how come Jotaro could break them. And how come Part Four is called Diamond is Unbreakable… Son of a bitch! Okay, maybe I’m thinking too much into this. Anyway, The High Priestess is a Stand that is very deadly, and being trapped inside the mouth of a Stand… No thank you.
#7: Cream (Used by Vanilla Ice)
Yes, I am not kidding you. This Stand user is actually named Vanilla Ice. At any rate, I expect him to sing Ice, Ice, Baby. Wait… Vanilla Ice… Cream… Vanilla Ice Cream… I see what they did there. Okay, getting way off topic here. Anyway, Cream is quite creepy to look at, and that’s just his appearance. What about his attack? Well… First, Cream can devour Vanilla Ice and teleport him to a different area, by moving around while it is invisible while keeping Vanilla Ice in his mouth, which holds a large void. And he can also turn into a deadly ball that disintegrates anything it touches, even stone. And this is the only Stand to kill the most protagonists (SPOILERS). He disintegrates Avdol, with Vanilla Ice beating Iggy to death. It’s quite brutal. You wouldn’t expect someone who is named after the whitest rapper on the block to be so deadly… Man, I need to stop questioning Jojo. If I do, I’ll lose my head.
#6: Horus (Used by Pet Shop)
Yep, it’s another Stand controlled by an animal. This time, it’s a falcon. And this falcon has something way more deadly than a Falcon Punch… maybe. It’s got giant pillars of icicles that it throws and impales its enemies with. Granted, icicles may not be much when it comes to attacking, but mix that with Pet Shop’s deadly hunting skills, and you got a Stand that is easily more deadly with the combination of a predator and a Stand. This Falcon, let me tell you, is persistent as hell. Once Iggy attacks him, he will go to full lengths to catch him, even flying underneath cars, and into sewers, and even diving underneath the ocean and digging a hole into the ground to surprise attack Iggy in the water. This Falcon does not stop at anything to get it’s target. And to think I couldn’t be more terrified of Falcons after playing Far Cry 4, and then Pet Shop comes along. Lovely.
#5: Judgement (Used by Cameo)
Here is another case of a Stand that is FAR more interesting than the user. I mean, the user doesn’t do much except hide in the ground and get urinated on by Polnareff and Avdol. But Judgement… OH, JUDGEMENT! This guy is one powerful Stand. It starts out by basically being all Aladdin and stuff and acts as a genie to anyone who finds a lamp washed up on a beach. When this happens, his target will usually ask for three wishes. Whenever they do, Judgement will gladly grant those wishes. However, these wishes will usually go against what the target really wanted, and the wish will pretty much try to kill the target. And it can even take as much damage as possible without any of the harm coming to the user. It’s quite a cool Stand, and it is also pretty threatening when you know just how deadly those wishes can be.
#4: Hanged Man (Used by J. Geil)
I think this may be one of the creepier designed Stands. Hanged Man is a Stand that is used by J. Geil, who is most known for being a man with two right arms, and responsible for killing Polnareff’s sister. Why, I don’t know. Anyway, Hanged Man is quite a deadly Stand, as it is always avoid its enemies attacks. And this is not because the Stand is good at avoiding said attacks. No, it is because this Stand is known for hiding inside of reflections. Any reflection, really. That includes mirrors, windows, metal of any kind, even the eyes of people. It will always hide in it, and once inside the reflection, it will attack said foes with a pair of blades coming from it’s wrists. He is also able to bounce from reflection to reflection at the speed of light. Is it any wonder why Hol Horse teamed up with someone with a Stand such as this? It’s because it’s so freaking cool.
#3: Justice (Used by Enyaba)
I guess being completely creepy Stand users run in the family. Enyaba, the mother of J. Geil, no doubt is out for the Stardust Crusaders as well, and is just as loyal to Dio as Vanilla Ice is, which is really saying something. She may seem like a sweet old woman, but trust me, she is incredibly sadistic and evil. Her Stand, known as Justice, is just like Geb. Since Justice is made of fog, it can not be harmed by people or Stands. It can also turn its enemies into puppets just by entering a simple wound in there body. Anyone with a papercut or who stepped on a nail is gonna have a real bad day with this Stand. And trust me, there’s more. Justice is also able to control the dead, and turn them into undead followers. And I thought the whole undead army thing died out after Phantom Pain, but Justice brought it back for Stardust Crusaders. She can also create illusions, simply by turning an entire graveyard into a small village to truck the Crusaders. It’s quite a dangerous Stand, really, being able to do all this stuff. And I love every bit of it.
#2: Anubis (Chaka, Khan)
What’s this? A Stand with two users? Well, not really. This Stand has no users. This is a Stand that has free will, which is actually surprising. The Stand is held inside of a sword, that decides who takes the sword out of its seal. Once the person has taken the sword out, Anubis is able to control the mind of that person. And this ranges from it controlling the minds of a farmer’s son, a barber, and even Polnareff at one point, making his Stand, Silver Chariot, more deadly with him using two swords at once. Another interesting thing about this Stand is that it is able to pass through any object it wants. If it’s target is hiding behind the pillar, it will have the sword move through it like a ghost and kill the target, without disrupting the pillar in any way. Anubis can also be a very deadly opponent. If it faces an enemy with a unique fighting ability once, it will quickly learn their move set. If he loses once, he will fight them again, and be more aware of their attacks, and will even be more faster and stronger than before, not showing many slipups as before. Man, Egypt had some pretty badass Stands back in the day… And yes, this Stand came from ancient Egypt… Crazy, I know.
#1: Death 13 (Used by Mannish Boy)
I think we may have found the Stewie of anime. Mannish Boy is not a man, or a woman, or even an animal. It’s a little baby. And he’s out for blood. Instead of fighting the Crusaders head on, like all other Stands, Mannish Boy waits for them all to sleep. Once they are asleep, that is when Death 13 attacks. He sends his targets into a world of dreams, which looks like a giant amusement park. It doesn’t look like much of a threat, but once Death 13 comes, everything turns horrible. He is able to manipulate the land by will alone, and even turn whatever his opponents have on them to tie them down. And the most threatening part is that, if a Stand user in the world of Death 13 didn’t have their Stand out when the went to sleep, there is no way they can bring their Stands into the dream world. And even attacking Death 13 is hard, as he is just a pair of heads and arms. There is no lower half, and it is all hidden by a large cloak. And if, by some miracle, his target wakes up before Death 13 can kill them, the target will have no memory of what happened, so they can not warn themselves of it later. Kakyoin only remembered because he carved “Baby Stand” into his arm, as wounds in the dream world will go onto the target in the real world, and they can be healed in the dream world as well. My god, they thought of everything for this Stand, and I love it so much. Who would have thought that all of this effort would have gone into a Stand that is used by a baby. It may sound like a crazy Stand, but that is what makes it so damn awesome.
Well, there you have it. Did you enjoy the list? Tell me what you thought of it. With that said, I will see you all next time.
WARNING: These songs will make you wish you were never born. Seriously, if you think you know bad songs, you haven't seen anything yet.
