A Letter; To: Stephenie Meyer

Torture.

That is the best and only way I can describe the emotion I feel right now. I cannot describe the selfish elation I experienced when I discovered the link to “Midnight Sun” that you yourself had posted. How sad I felt while reading your version of what went down with your manuscript. In all honesty, I considered not reading it (though even as I read your anguish filled words I was simultaneously contemplating how and where I could find a copy on the internet, knowing it wouldn't be hard), but I couldn't resist. More like couldn't help myself.

I'm a late fan, at 35 years of age discovering the novels and your authoring only in the midst of the pre-release hype preceding the movie. Once I began reading "Twilight" (a borrowed copy from my 16yr old daughter), I was hooked. Addicted would be more accurate. Having a more than full-time 12 hr a day job, a family of 5, taking online college courses, and still managing to finish the entire four-novel series in under 2 weeks time couldn't be described as anything less than addiction. I devoured each word, each sentence, each page as if they somehow filled me, yet not quite. I was always looking forward to each and every spare moment I could find to get more. And I was happy.

That is, until I reached the last word on the final page of the final book.

“Forever.”

I was more than just a little sad, more than just a little upset, I was in withdrawal. I not only felt the dull ache for “more, more, more“, but I felt a longing to be with the characters again, already missing the fact that I would no longer get to meet with them in my off moments and catch up with what was going on with their lives. Knowing full well even before I had reached that final page that I would start again from the very beginning so that I could visit with them once again, as if I were reliving old, happy memories with close friends.

Months went by. I saw the movie. Wonderful. But it only reignited the desires to be close with those characters once again. My daughter, who has a busier schedule than I, was still in the process of reading the books so I had the pleasure of sharing in her familiar excitement and pain of the goings on of the inhabitants of Forks, bonding over their stories and our likes and dislikes of each.

Still not enough.

My husband, unbeknownst to me, decided to rent “Twilight, The Movie” the other day. Joy… And pain, again. After watching it three times and once with the commentary on, it finally had to be returned to the red box and I was once again left to my own devices, trying to find a way to fill the void and satisfy the ache.

I resigned myself to web searches happily coming across stepheniemeyer.com and reading everything I could. Funny how the last page I finally clicked on was the first page that began this whole thing. There was the story behind the story of the stolen manuscript. There too was the answer to what I was looking for. The only thing that would satisfy the ache. I found it!

More…more…MORE!

“Midnight Sun.”

Old friends, familiar times, and joy, joy, joy! How similar, yet how completely different the story is this time. It’s old (in the best way), yet completely new, just as enthralling as the first time around. All of the old feelings, the emotions that kept me on the edge of my seat with a smile on my face and often simultaneously on the verge of tears there for me to experience once again with new life breathed into them. Brilliant!

But your story and the comments accompanying the link to your manuscript, they stick with me too; “I'd rather my fans not read this version of Midnight Sun. It was only an incomplete draft; the writing is messy and flawed and full of mistakes”. How Bella-like this statement is. You don’t even realize the beauty of your own words in their raw, unaltered form. I can assure you with all professional considerations aside, there is no embarrassment to be felt for what you have shared, the way you have shared it. I know I can’t be the only one to have said this, so get ready ’cause here it comes again; thank you!

And now here I am, on page 263 of the 264 page manuscript and I refuse to read any further. I refuse to put myself in the position I was in before, wanting and aching for more. At least I know this time that there is more. At least one page more if there are never any more than that.

I will hold out forever, if forever is how long it takes…if you never complete “Midnight Sun”. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it. Knowing that this time the end is in my control. Wishing that one day you will find it in you to reignite the spark that ignited the flames that became “The Twilight Series”. Praying that with that spark comes forgiveness for whoever committed the offense and illegally distributed “Midnight Sun“. Hoping that maybe this letter from me to you will make you reach for the match.

Waiting…

Forever.