Sorry I haven't written one of these in a while. Forgive me. Just to be clear, Rose is the one that last talked about "the other one", meaning another baby. Neither Bella nor Alice are prego. :) Thanks for waiting!!
"Hello?" Rose waved her hand infront of our face. "Guys?"
"ANOTHER ONE?" Alice yelled making everyone within a ten mile radius jump.
Rose smiled. "Yeah. I haven't even told Emmett yet."
"Rose. That's awesome!" I leaned across the counter to hug her.
"I think so to." She smiled. "I really hope this one is a girl. Maybe she won't be as much of a handful as Jackson." She laughed.
"If Emmett's blood is in that child," Alice pointed to Rose's stomach "they will be a little bit of a handful."
"Don't worry." I told her. "You can handle it."
"Yeah." She huffed. "If Jackson doesn't kill me first."
"Momma." Emma tugged on my shirt.
"What is it, Baby?" I bent down to her eye level.
"I hungry. I un dat." She pointed to the top of the fridge.
"You want what?" I asked picking her up with me.
"I un dat." She pointed to the bread.
"Okay. Grilled cheese or turkey or bologna?" I set her on the counter and pulled the bread off the top.
"Okay. Go see what bubbie wants." I put her back down on the floor.
I turned around to see Alice and Rose staring at me with a goofy grin on each of their faces. "What?"
"You." Alice giggled. "You're like, the best mother ever."
I rolled my eyes. "Yeah. Such a good mother. A good mother wouldn't have let their 5 year old out of their sight, or wouldn't have gave up looking for her."
"Oh, Bella." Rose put Jackson down on the floor and walked over to envelope me in a hug. "Are you having nightmares again?"
I nodded. "Her birthday is next week. She would be seven. It's still hard to think about, you know."
"Of course Bella. We understand. I would die if I lost Alaigha." Alice came up behind me and joined in the hug.
"I know, that you know, that Ever is looking down at you right now, wondering why the hell you are crying when she is completely happy. She loves you Bells and doesn't want you to be sad....ever. No pun intended." Rose whispered in my ear.
I nodded and wiped the few tears that had fallen onto my cheeks. "You guys will be here for her memorial next week right?"
"We never miss her birthday Bells." Alice told me.
"Okay." I sucked in a breath and smiled. "I'm better."
"Good." Rose smiled. "Let's make those sandwhichs. We're starving."
~*~*~Later that afternoon~*~*~
I was sitting on the couch with Ella on my right and Evan on my left, both drinking chocolate milk out of ther sippy cups, watching Finding Nemo....after skipping the first scene.
Dory was demonstrating her whale talk and I felt his lips on my neck. "I'm home." His warm breath blew across my ear and neck.
"Hi." I smiled.
The kids were laughing belly laughs at Dory and didn't even notice Edward had walked in. He went to stand infront of the t.v.
"Moob Daddy!" Emma yelled at him.
"Daddy's home!" Evan jumped off the couch only for Emma to follow and hugged Edward.
"Hi! Guys!" Edward laughed.
"Annie Wosie and Aunt Awice came ober." Emma smiled at him.
"Yeah." Evan agreed. "And Jay swobbered on da floowa. Ewww."
"Yeah." Edward laughed. "That is ew."
"Mommy cwide today." Emma looked down and my eyes widened. Edward's head shot up to me.
"Why did Mommy cry?" He asked.
"Annie Wosie and Aunt Awice hugged her caus' Mommy stawted taukin bout sissy Eber." Evan looked down too.
I looked down at my hands. He set them down on the floor and sat beside me on the couch and pulled me into a hug.
"Why don't you two go play upstairs for a minute."
I didn't hear a reply just their footsteps run up the stairs and into their rooms.
"I miss her too." He told me. "I know it's hard for you right now."
"I'm so tired of hurting Edward." I cried into his shoulder. "We promised eachother we would stop crying over her because she would want us to be happy if she was but it hurts so bad."
I gripped his shirt.
"I know." He rubbed my back. "I hurt too."
"It's all my fault. If I hadn't had let her out of my sight she would still be here, in our arms, playing with Emma and Evan and smiling a toothless smile, reading to them and loving them and we would still be looking into her sparkling eyes everyday and it's my fault! I should have told her to stay with us! I should have my baby in my arms and in her room where she is supposed to be! Not in a box, rotting under a pile a dirt with only memories and a peice of stone reminding us that she was real and she was here and she was beautiful and she was our first baby. I hate myself for it!"
I could feel his tears run together with mine.
"I was supposed to die before she did. She was five years old damnit!" I pulled back and looked at his red rimmed eyes. "I'm the mother, it's my responceabilitly to keep her safe, and loved, and keep bandaids on her cuts. And look where I got her. Just walk down the road at look."
I stood up and walked to the door.
"Where are you going?" He asked.
"To see my baby." I grapped my jacket and pulled on my trainers. "Stay here with them. I wan't to go alone."
I pulled the door open and stepped out into the cool Autum air.
I walked down the block and rounded the corner, following the rod iron fence to the cemetary's entrence.
I walked and weaved through headstones and new flowers relpaced by old ones. My eyes were blury, unable to make out any of the names as I passed them. I didn't really care, I just needed to talk to my baby.
I slowed as I approced her stone. Her white marble stone with a picture of her, Edward and I printed on the front and her saying underneath it.
Don't let anyone see you cry
don't let anyone see you hurt.
We are Cullen's and we are strong.
I smiled through my pouring tears as I pictured her standing with her fists on her hips like she would do saying this.
Then I remembered just how much I missed her voice and I sobbed and fell to my knees.
"Ever. It's Mommy, Baby. I'm so sorry I let this happen. I love you, Baby, and I wish I could fell you and touch you and hear you again. Daddy misses you too. Everyone misses you. Your crazy uncle misses his Baby Bear. Nana Esme misses her little princess. Daddy and I miss our little girl. Our roudy, loving, clumsy, baby girl."
I shuddered a breath.
"I still remember when we brought you home. You were so quiet. So soft wrapped in your little pink fuzzy blanket. You loved your Daddy so much. You would cry untill he gave up and held you. Then you were a Mommy's girl when you got a little older. You loved having your curly hair brushed and your nails painted."
I shuttered a laughed and relized I was talking to a stone. A stone were the body of my Ever laid.
"Baby, I'm so sorry." I sobbed. "I miss you so much. I wish you could hear me, baby." I sobbed again.
The wind picked up and I wrapped myself with my jacket. Oh, how I wished I could hear her little voice one more time. I put my head in my hands to controll my breathing.
"I love you." Was whispered in my ear. I looked up and looked around only to find no one around.
I felt something on my cheek, something I haven't felt in two years. I felt Ever's little hand on my cheek. "Don't cry Mommy." Echoed through my head. "I miss you too Mommy. I miss Daddy and Uncle Emmett and everybody. But I love you Mommy and I don't want you to cry anymore."
Her little voice was stern, but sure. She was here, and she was talking to me. "I love you too, Baby."
"Don't cry Mommy. I'm very happy here. I still see you all and I see you cry. It makes me sad when you cry Mommy."
"I won't cry anymore Baby. Only happy crying now. I promise."
I felt her smile and kiss my cheek. I wish I could see her. Just see her! "Go home Mommy. Daddy misses you."
I stood up and sucked in a long breath. "I will be back on your birthday Baby. With new flowers. Pink ones. Bye, Baby. I love you."
I couldn't tell her enough.
"Bye, Mommy." It was just a whisper, but it was there.
I smiled and closed my eyes as the wind blew around me. I would no longer cry for her. She said she was happy and she wanted me to be happy. I would do that for her.
But right now, I needed to get back to my husband and beautiful daughter and son who love me just as much as I loved them. I turned on my heel and walked back the way I came, but with a new feeling. I felt....whole.
Okay, I cried writing this...who else cried???