Her heartbeat fast by the second. I watched her from the chair that I sat in next to the bed. It had been three days. She had not moved a muscle. My family stood at the wall behind me, saying nothing, not even breathing. I had not spoken to them. I hated them. They had gone behind my back, and turned Bella into...what? I did not know. A monster without a soul? I could not picture Bella as that, but the thought was excrusiating. It was almost over, almost all her human scent gone. She smelled amazing, the same yet differant. Sweeter, and I did not want to kill her, which was very odd for me. The only time I had ever seen her without my instincts telling me to hurt her, was the first time I had seen her in the cafeteria. Everytime after that I had either had her scent assaulting me, or the memory of it in my head. There had never been relief. Now, I was right next to her, very thirsty, and I felt nothing but pain for her pain. Her heart beat ever-faster, before stuttering, and stopping. I did not breathe. No one did, other than her. Her eyes opened wide, and through Jasper I could feel her wonder, cunfusion, and relief. She starred above her head, moving nothing but her eyes. She was seeing things she had never dreamed of. I wanted to pick her off the bed as fast as I could. I wanted to touch her, hold her, kiss her, without the restraint I alwasy felt. But what was she now? She felt the same as she always had. Mostly. But what did I know? I still could not read her mind, which was very frustrating. I had hoped that with her becoming more like me, I would be able to see her thoughts. That was obviously not the case. It was maddeing. I could not help it, I squeazed her hand lightly. Her eyes widened further, and-so fast it was hard for me to see-she was accross the room, crouched in the corner, a growl in her chest. I was not angry or hurt. It was her instincts. She was new to this life, and I had suprised her. Jasper was about to sooth her confusion, but suprise crossed her face and she straightened out of her crouch. She was starring at me, her face blank. I was about to move to her, but she got to me first. It hurt when she collided with me, but I did not care. When at first she had moved, Jasper thought she was attcking me. But her mode remained the same. She was not attcking me, she was embracing me. I was so relieved, I squeazed her tightly back. It felt amazing. So many times I had dreamt of holding her again. I felt like crying again, but out of joy this time. She was squeazing me too tightly, she was stronger than me, but I did not care. She was stronger than me. It would take some getting used to. I was so used to treating her like a soup bubble, the tiniest move and I would break her. Now she had to be careful with me. I wanted to laugh. She smelled amazing. All the great things about her scent still there, without the bad. Sweeter, but that only made it better. I pulled back to look at her. Jasper felt her confusion and hurt. She thought I wanted to let her go. I grabbed her face in my hand, pulling it closer, to let her know this was not the case.
"Bella," I whispered in awe. Shock went through her. My voice was the first she had ever really heard. I was very happy about that. I could not help myself. I pulled her lips to mine in the most ugent way. I had not kissed her in over a year, so it would have been amazing anyway, but on top of that I did not have to hold back. I did not have to worry about hurting her. I threw myself into the kiss the way she used to, recklessly. To my utter satisfaction, she reacted as she always did. She threw herself into the kiss with just as much passion as I did. It hurt. It felt like she was crushing me, but I did not care. I was kissing her. I could not believe it. And she was kissing me back. Could she really want me still after everything I had put her through? And I had seen what I had put her through. Though I would not speak to Alice, she thought about her time with Bella constantly. I was not happy about it. After a few moments of us kissing, my family grew uncomfortable. Emmett cleared his throat to hide his laughter. I pulled back part way, leaned in to touc my lips softly to hers once more, and then pulled back. She beamed up at me. Carlisle took a step forward.
"Bella?" he asked calmly. "How are you feeling?"
She hesitated a moment. A smile spread sccross her face, and I about went mad. What was she thinking? Another maddening mystery.
"Fine," she said, and smiled wider, showing her teeth. She was happy. I was overjoyed.
Carlisle was confused.
She seems so in control... he mused. I've never seen anything like it. She doesn't even seem thirsty. Edward should take her hunting. I'll ask Jasper about it while they're gone.
Hunting. With Bella. She had once wanted to see me hunt, and now she would get that wish. It went against everything I had ever thought of her to take her with me. But she was a vampire now. There was no turning back. This should have depressed me, but it did not. We were both happy, together, and I knew she had a soul. When I really thought about it, did I really think that Esme didn't have a soul? Carlisle? No, I did not believe that.
"Let's go, Bella," I said. She looked confused.
"Go where?" But she did not stop smiling. It was hard to believe this wasn't a dream.
"Hunting." I clarified with a grin. Her smile faded, and she first felt confusion, then thirst. Finally. Her hands flew up to her throat, and she was in pain again. My smile faded, too.
"Let's go, Bella," I said again. "I don't want you to be in pain." My voice was sad. She looked only further confused, and at first I did not understand why. Then, as I tuned back in to Jasper, I saw what she was feeling. Pain, sadness, confusion, thirst, and worthlessness. She felt unwanted. It acorded to me then, when I left my bubble of happiness, that she still believed the things I had told her when I left. At the very least that I had meant them then. I wanted to leave more than before, anxious to be away so I could explain. Even though I was sure she could run faster than me, I scooped her up into my arms and ran out the door.