The threat of Mitchell appearing at any moment to kill us dangled over our heads for the next few weeks. My wedding was coming ever closer and although Rosalie, Alice, Esme and I all poured our hearts into preparing, we knew it probably wouldn’t ever happen. I really did want to marry Edward. I wanted to be his wife and with every day that passed I was getting closer to it but it felt as if I was being teased. As if Mitchell was watching me, letting me get nearer and nearer the date and then he was going to appear and kill me just as it was in reach.
Tess became unbearable. She never left Charlie’s side. I would turn to talk to Charlie and there she was, holding his hand as if they were fused together. I couldn’t say anything to Charlie about it because Edward was the exact same. I guess I now knew how Charlie felt. Tess even stayed overnight, lying next to Charlie in bed. Then again, my own vampire did that too. We just wouldn’t tell Charlie that.
Edward hadn’t mentioned or even thought about what I’d let slip in my mind the day we’d told Charlie about my vision. I thought he’d want to talk about how I wanted kids. I thought that he would at least say something. Maybe reassure me we could adopt later on in life or something but no. He just kept it confined in a little box somewhere inside that beautiful head of his. It made me feel bad about wanting children. Edward couldn’t have babies, he was a vampire. Did he feel bad that he couldn’t give me the one thing I wanted? Not that I wanted to have children, I just felt like I did because of Loretta. Oh Christ. I hadn’t even given her a single thought since Zach and Kyo had left. Was she really gone? I couldn’t tell, she was a spirit that I couldn’t see. Maybe she was. I would like to think that she had moved on, walked into the light and that but she just seemed so determined to stay. Maybe she was still here but with Kyo now. Watching over him just as she had wanted to do. I would hate to be only to watch over my child and not be able to hug him or kiss him goodnight. It would be torture. What had I done to her? I should have let her stay in my body. I should have given her another year or more with Kyo. I was an evil person. But her time was over, I told myself. She couldn’t be where she didn’t belong. I’d helped her rather than damned her. She needed to walk in to the light or whatever to be at peace. It was what was best for her.
It was at night, three weeks after the meeting with the wolves at the Cullens, when I confided in Edward my fear that he and I would never marry. I was sitting in his lap, my arms around his waist. Feeble rays on of moonlight shone into my room through my open window, casting everything a silverish colour.
It seemed inevitable that I would die in the next nine weeks before my wedding. He refused to accept that I was doomed to die at eighteen. He insisted that I was immortal now so nothing could kill me but I was a pessimist. I doubted everything he said. How could I not die? Alice had seen it and I had seen it. That was double proof.
“I am here,” he said, cradling my face in his hands. “Jacob is here. My family and the pack will protect you. You have nothing to fear.”
My eyes slid to the wall at the head of my bed. The wall where my blood had stained it red. Even though it had been cleaned off and the wall painted, it did not take away the memory. Edward knew where I was looking and his lips pursed together in an effort to contain his anger.
“He had the Shadow Hunters,” Edward said, quietly. “He’d drugged Charlie and the wolves were not expecting an attack. You cannot compare that to this.”
“But it is basically the same,” I said, looking down. “You did not save my life, Edward, you only postponed my death.”
“Don’t speak like this!” he snapped.
I jerked away from him. I crawled off his lap, off the bed and walked over to the window. Outside I could see two bright eyes glowing in the dark of the forest. It was Sam’s turn this night to watch the house. I knew he could see me so I waved at him. The eyes lowered down as he bowed his head, acknowledging my wave.
Don’t speak like this? How could I not? Everything seemed to be going down the toilet! I couldn’t help it! It was just like last year, when I was waiting for Loren to grab me and kill me. I knew Mitchell was coming and it scared me. It was more than fear though. I’d accepted it as my fate. I’d accepted that fact that I was going to die. It only made it worse though. If I hadn’t of known that I was going to die, if only Alice and I hadn’t have had the visions, then there would have been some hope inside me. I would be thinking I’d have a chance of survival. But I didn’t because my visions come true. They always do. It was only a matter of time.
No, wait. I’d seen two deaths for Charlie. Death by Mitchell and death by vampire. Which one was true? It could just be a simple mistake. Maybe before the threat of Mitchell, Charlie would have died at the hands of some ravenous vampire but now it had changed to Mitchell. That must be right. Either that or I still had a chance to save Charlie. But if I did save Charlie from Mitchell I would have to save him from the vampire? And who said I would be alive to do it? Maybe that was why he died, because I wasn’t there to protect him. Great. So Charlie was going to die even if he survived Mitchell’s attack.
“I’m sorry,” Edward murmured wrapping his arms around my waist. “I just hate to hear you speak about your death so casually.”
“What’s the point in avoiding it?” I asked him. “I know it’s going to happen, you know it’s going to happen. It’s only a matter of time.”
“Only if you go to that castle,” he said. “You’re not planning to go there are you?”
“Are you?”
“Why would I?”
“Look at it, Edward,” I said, turning in his arms to face him. “Why else would you be at that castle? Mitchell has no quarrel with you. He doesn’t want to kill you so the only other reasonable explanation as to why you are strapped to that god damn bonfire is because you have went there to kill Mitchell. You and Charlie probably.”
Edward’s eyes shifted away from my gaze and I knew I was right. He had been planning to go there. Moronic vampire. I would smack him hard around the face if I didn’t know it would only hurt me.
“I just want you safe,” he said, pouting.
“And you don’t think I won’t come after you and Charlie?” I hit him in the chest gently only to not injure myself. “I only want you and Charlie safe. That’s all that matters to me.”
“And your life doesn’t mean a thing?” I saw the anger rising in Edward’s tawny eyes.
“Not to me, no,” I said, sighing. “I have this need to protect people, Edward. It’s a part of me.”
“I want to protect you,” Edward said and he pulled me closer to his chest. He kissed my hair and I lay my head on his shoulder. I knew he would try. He would try his hardest and that was more than what I wanted. But if Mitchell somehow manages to get through Edward’s defences I wanted something to happen first. I wanted to be married to Edward. I wanted something happy to happen before I died. I didn’t want my last weeks to be marred with fear and sadness. I wanted everyone to have something happy to look forward to and I wanted them to be joyous and laughing and celebrating if only once before it all happened. But would Edward want the wedding so soon? Would he want to marry me knowing that I would die not long afterwards? Would it only increase the grief he suffers after my death?
“Edward?” I whispered.
“Yes?” he answered, his lips still on my hair so his breath tickled the top of my head.
“If I do die,” I said, quickly. “Just hypothetically. If I do die, I want to die being your wife.”
“What are you saying Kayla?” He already knew. He could see the plan forming in my mind.
“Our wedding is in nine weeks. Rosalie, Alice, Esme and I have planned almost everything now. I have my wedding dress, they have their bridesmaid dresses and you and your brothers bought your tuxes last week.”
I looked up at him and saw the smile in his eyes.
“I want to be Mrs Edward Cullen. I don’t know how much time we have left so I think we should make the most of it.”
“You want to get married now?”
“Not at this very second,” I said, laughing. “It’s Wednesday today. Tomorrow is Thursday. We could get everything organised by Friday.”
“Are you serious?” he asked me. He looked down at me, his eyes searching my mind. He didn’t know whether to believe me. My plan seemed so spontaneous and impulsive that he thought I would change my mind at the last minute. Well, I wasn’t.
“I am.” I took his face in my hands. “We will marry Friday in the vast back garden of your house.”
He smiled from ear to ear and pressed his lips against mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him as close as possible. I felt the vibration of the cell phone in the pocket on his shirt. I sighed and let him go, as he answered. I heard a high pitched squeal and knew the caller was Alice. I sat on the bed and listened to his half of the conversation.
“Yes Alice.....You have enough time.....Please do this for Kayla.....I’ll discuss it later when Jacob arrives in the morning.....bye.”
He sat down next to me and grinned.
“She’s not happy that you’ve chosen now to decide to have your wedding on Friday.”
“Well, screw her,” I said. “I’m getting married with or without her help.”
He pulled me onto his lap and stroked my hair.
“You know we cannot have the honeymoon we’d planned,” he told me, sadly. “Paris seemed like a lovely place to spend two weeks alone with you.”
Paris. It was my first choice for the honeymoon. Paris seemed so exotic and I’d missed my chance once to go to France because of an illness. I’d told Edward that we didn’t have to go to Paris, we could go somewhere else, wherever he wanted. I only wanted to be with him but he insisted I’d have my dream Paris honeymoon.
“We don’t have to have a honeymoon,” I said. “Marrying you is enough for me.”
“No,” he shook his head. “Our wedding day is a special day and it will not end with you coming back here. Maybe if I persuade my family to vacate the house for us on Friday. We’d have the place to ourselves, no interruptions.”
He nuzzled my neck and I could feel my head nodding at his suggestion. Our wedding night would be the night Edward and I would.... We’d come close, really close but something had always stopped us. But now there would be no interruptions. My heart beat faster at the thought of being alone with Edward, really alone with Edward. What would it feel like? Would he hurt me as he always feared he would? I’m sure he wouldn’t. I was stronger than a human and I was immortal now so he wouldn’t kill me. But he wouldn’t kill me because he would be gentle. This was our first time.
“I won’t hurt you,” he said, his breath tickling my neck. “I will be gentle. I won’t hurt you.”
“I know you won’t,” I whispered, turning my head to kiss his lips. “I trust you.”