Okay so my brother and I were swimming in our pool and suddenly we start talking Twilight.Well, if you know us then you know that we stared role playing.Mason REALLY wanted to be Edward so I let him.And I was Emmett. And so I started thinking of a joke paragraph.I REALLY hope you guys like it.

Emmett's pov.

"Where is Edward?!?", I thought to myself. I had been searching our property for well around 5 minutes and I knew he could hear my thoughts.
" Up here Em.", he said chuckling from his room all the way upstairs. He knew I would hear.I was still in the forest.I was up and in his room in a record 4 seconds. Or at least record for a human. "jeese Edward!Couldn't have let that go on longer?",I said a bit sharply.

"No.I was getting bored.", he said.

"Okay well, let's get down to bussiness shall we? I thought up another way to annoy Alice.", I said.
" I'm all ears."
" Well, I figured out a way to fart!!!How totally awesome is THAT?", I said in a rush.
"Very awesome."
Man. Why was he keeping his anserws so short? " So you'll hurry up and tell me how to fart.", he said a little impatient. " Jeese.", I said again. He sighed. "Alright. So if you can gulp down enough air and concentrate really hard you can fart.", I said triumphently. "And how did you come across this?", he said chuckling, for he already knew the anserw. "Never mind that", I snapped. Was he doiing his best to irritate me in my moment of glory? " Yes.", he said fighting a smile. " Stop that!", I said sharply. "See watch.I'll demonstrate.", I said. I took a deep breath that no human could take and took two more just to be on the safe side. Now for the embarrassung part. The concentrating. I balled my hands in fists nd benter. I must have looked like a conctapated kid, because he was on the ground holding his sides and booming with laughter in half a second. "Hey cut it out or you won't hear it ", I said. " Oh.I WON'T?", he retorted clearly enjoying himself. But at least he cut it out.Then finally brpf( random letters =fart sounds, the more letters the longer the fart)."Of course I'll have to work on it, but...", I said clearly proud. "Oh that's for SURE!!", he said laughing again."Let's go practice.", he said eager to learn.


*********



"Oh Alice...", we chimed.
"What is it?", she stated obviously annoyed.
"We just wanted to show you something.", we said in unison once more. "Oh this aught to be good.", said rosalie ,nudging Jasper.We each sucked in a REEEEEEEEALY deep breath. For Alice, Jacob, Carlisle,Esme, Rosalie, and Jasper were there.(Bella and Renesmee were visiting Charlie and amazingly Jacob was visiting me.Or at least staying for the game. Flat screen you know.)We balled our fists knelt down and...........bfr dfr.And then a thunder storm broke out.Everyone was on the ground rolling, holding their sides and BOOMING with laughter. While we stood there gawking at them. It had taken weeks of hard core practice to get that far, and last time it lasted 20 seconds!!! Even Alice was laughing. "aren't you the least bit disgusted?!?", I asked. "That.. was... just.. too... funny.", she gasped."Nice one guys!!", joked Jacob. "Man it took 6 weeks to get that far!", I said irritatedly. HDSHGHEHRHGHRTGJHDFJGLDFHHTIHRIYTHDSFGHUER!!!!! "And that took about 2 seconds!", smiled Jacob."Well it's harder for vampires to fart okay Mr. Showoff!", I said."OH MY GOD! JACOB! WHAT DID YOU EAT?!?!?!?!", laughed Carlisle. By now everyone was outside at least 1 mile away from the house.
"Well, Jake. At least you can annoy Alice.", i laughed as we sprinted from the contaminated house.(Both holding our noses I might add) Just then Alice charges at us staring daggers at Jacob. "You, mutt. come here.", said Alice. "No way! I may be half dog but even I'm not that stupid.", said Jacob cautiously. "No come on. I'm not going to hurt you.", said Alice more alluringly now as she flashed one of her smiles that would make any man come to her." That doesn't work on me.", said Jake. "Then why are you coming closer?", said Alice still trying to lure him in. "Don't do it jake", I whispered. Jake was still walking closer.... And then he was right in front of Alice. "Oh no, I can't watch", I said still watching." You can't but I can.", said Edward chuckling. By now everyone was watching.(Even Bella and Nessie, they got back early)Then suddenly, WHACK!!!!! Alice got Jake right on the nose. He jumped and ran for his life. Alice right behind him screaming things like," I JUST WENT SHOPPING THOSE ARE BRAND NEW chanel dresses! NOT TO MENTION ALL OF THE LOUIS VUITTON PURSESAND DOLCE AND GABBANNA DRESSES!!!!!!! AND NOW THEY ARE ALL RUINED!!!!!"she screamed." How much are you willing to bet he is going to get his sorry ass knocked around?", said Edward. "50 bucks says Alice will beat him again in the next minute?", I said. "Your on.", said Edward."Edward aren't you going to go help him?", Bella said worriedly. "Emmett's tougher that I am he can take Alice when she's this mad I can't.", Said Edward getting a bit worried himself."Ahh. But you Eddie boy are much faster than I.", I said knowing I won. "Edward . Please for me I don't want him to get hurt and you're faster than Alice anyway.", begged Bella." Man how cruel is that making your wife beg. Pathetic.", I taunted."Shut. Up. Emmett.", he growled. and then he left to go rescue Jacob from Alice's wrath." You know he won't survive right?", I asked. "I kinda figured.", said Bella. "hey Bella can you go make some popcorn this is going to be good." " But we don't eat popcorn." "Get it anyway." I said and sat down to enjoy the show just as Edward got socked in the head."Luxury."