Chapter 7: Broken Glass
I slowly opened my eyes my head was throbbing I was in Amore’s bed. Jacob was sitting with his head in his hands facing the wall. “Jake,” I croaked, “what happened”. He spoke with his head still in his hands, “you passed out Renesmee.” I tried to sit up but couldn't, and Jake finally looked at me. The look on his face took my breath away his eyes flashed with pain, anger and fear. “I cannot do this anymore,” he whispered. I felt my heart sink, “do what I?” I asked nervously. He looked at me clearly shaken. “Sam almost lost everything in there, his wife, his kids. I can't risk it Renesmee I'm sorry. We are not having a baby that's final.” I slowly lay back down and stared at the ceiling He brought his face closer to mine and stroked my hair. “Nessie? Do you understand that if something were to happen to you I couldn’t survive it? I’m really worried about you. You haven’t been yourself since the first night of our honeymoon it’s like someone else has taken you over.” I kept my eyes on the ceiling as I coldly whispered, “Get out.” “Nessie…” he pleaded. I looked at him and all I could see was red, “get out NOW.” I demanded he stood up and went to the doorway he turned to me his face looked so pained that I almost forgave him on the spot but my anger was all consuming. His voice abated, “I'm sorry… I guess that I just love you too much.” That infuriated me; he loved me so much that he was taking the right to make such an important decision away from me? I grabbed a picture frame from Amore’s night stand, ironically a picture of me and Jake from our wedding, and I flung it at him. He had already shut the door it shattered into a million pieces. I heard babies cry down the hall and I fell back into the bed sobbing at the sound.
I must have fallen back asleep when I woke next my mother was stroking my sweaty matted hair. I opened my eyes and looked into her ocher eyes that were ridden with concern, "Nessie?" I started crying and she pulled me up to her chest just like she did when I was a little girl. “What is it sweetheart?" she asked me. I breathed shakily, " Jake and I are supposed to have a little girl mom. She comes to me in my sleep, but he won't let me. He is scared that what happened to you and Emily will happen to me." she nodded wisely. "I understand why he is concerned," she admitted. I sighed and turned away "et tu brute" I muttered. She snorted, "stop being such a drama queen Renesmee,” she continued diplomatically, “I also know first hand how you feel. Your father was terrified that you would kill me. In the beginning, your Aunt Rose was my only ally in the battle to keep you alive." She looked at me compassionately, “Renesmee it will all work itself out in time. Please be easier on Jake he loves you unfathomably. His first concern has always been for your, he doesn’t’ know any other way to be with you. He is trying to look out for you." “Jake…” I thought to myself with a sigh. "I was so horrible to him where is he?" My mother smiled, “he is downstairs he's alright. Your theatrics have amused your father and your uncles to no end. They are teasing him mercilessly as we speak.” I looked at her beseechingly, “mom do you think I should listen to Jake and give up on my daughter?” She looked at me seriously, “as your mother yes I think you should; but it is for my own selfish reasons I can't lose you either Renesmee. You are still my baby.” She said as her voice wavered. “As a woman, as a mother amongst another mother to hopefully be, and as your friend no I don't think you should give up if this is what you truly want.” She chuckled at me and shook her head, “but believe me, and I am speaking from experience; throwing things at Jake is not how you are going to get your way with him.” I blushed, “You all know about that?” She snorted, “Why do you think your uncles and father are teasing him so much down there? Uncle Emmett keeps telling him that he is the only groom in history that managed to come home early on the honeymoon, and piss his wife off so badly as to have a wedding picture thrown at his head before there even any hung in your house.” I looked at her blankly, “We don’t have a house yet.” She looked away quickly. “Yea well, you know how your uncles are they never make sense.” She changed the subject I was going to question her as to what she was hiding but instead I secretly started plotting my revenge on my dimwitted uncle. She stood up and gave me another anxious look, “I'm going to bring you some blood. I heard that you haven't been eating or hunting,” she hissed accusingly. “After that you need to go talk to Emily she has been asking for you. I sat up a little too quickly and became dizzy again, “Is she alright, how are Sam and Levi?” My mother nodded, “They are all fine. Do me a favor and stop worrying about everyone else for five minutes and take care of yourself right now. You are scaring everyone.” I smiled at her feebly, “I’m sorry mom. I don’t know what is going on with me. I feel like someone or something has taken over my body.” She smiled at me tightly, “get some rest sweetheart, I will be back soon.” She kissed my forehead and slipped out of the door quietly. I settled back down and stared at the ceiling trying to figure out what was happening to me. My mother returned momentarily with a cup of blood that I had to force myself to drink. I couldn’t help it. I was not hungry or thirsty. My mother watched me with a raised eyebrow. “Nessie, it was human blood, that’s your favorite.” I looked at her miserably, “I drank it didn’t I?” I said in annoyance. I stood up, “I am going to go see Emily now, thanks mom.” She watched me warily, and for some reason it set me off, “Mom I’m fine…please.” She looked at me decisively and then slipped by me and disappeared downstairs. I walked slowly to my grandfather’s study to go and see Emily and the babies. The dizziness was a little better but my body just didn’t feel right. I was completely out of sorts. I knocked, and from behind the door I could hear Sam’s hushed voice and Emily’s peals of laughter. “Come in,” Emily said in her delicate voice. I opened the door a crack and peeked in Sam was sitting on the bed with Emily and they were each holding one of the boys. They were holding them up to each other and laughing at the little faces that they were making to one another. I felt like a voyeur as though I was watching a moment that wasn’t mine to witness. They both looked so happy, I was so envious. I felt tears springing to my eyes and I turned to leave. “Renesmee, stay I was just about to leave, I have to go talk to Jacob.” Sam said in his deep, authoritative voice. I looked down and nodded. “Do you want to hold Levi?” He asked. I nodded and headed to the sink to wash up. Then he slipped the sweet little infant who was secretly my favorite into my awaiting arms, I couldn’t help but to smile. I held him expertly as I sank down onto the bed next to Emily. Sam smiled at me and kissed his wife and each of the boys on the forehead. “I am going to run home to pick up some more clothes for you.” She kissed him back, “Thank you, hurry back to me.” “I always do,” he responded and then slipped out of the door closing it behind him. Emily looked at me sympathetically, “Renesmee you don’t look well. I have heard what has been happening with you. Would you like to talk about it?” I looked down at the sweet baby in my arms; I took in his deep clean smell. The picture of purity and innocence, I was staring at what I would never have. I blinked back the tears at this insight and shook my head. She brought her face close to mine so that all she had to do was whisper, “Renesmee, I think that I know what is wrong with you.”