I found these on Tumblr ... thought they were funny (and pretty damn accurate).
This is a little graphic for those of you who shy away from this kinda stuff ;)
1. Bella is clumsy, shy and constantly bites her lower lip when she’s nervous
2. Edward finds her lip biting habits sexy
3. Edward is jealous, over protective and a bit controlling
4. Edward has a temper
5. Though there are no vampires and no werewolves, Human Edward can actually GROWL
6. Edward has the greenest eyes she’s ever seen and a panty dropping crooked smile
7. Edward always has velvety smooth, warm voice that turns to rough when he wants Bella
8. Bella has the deepest brown eyes and he can see to her soul through them
9. Edward has a monster cock that deserves an award and can put any other to shame ;)
10. Though some might think physically impossible, Edward can get hard in less than 3 seconds after seeing Bella only bite her lip
11. Tanya is a bitch
12. Rose is the coolest badass ever
13. Esme is always wiping tears from her eyes somewhere
14. Carlisle the kindest and most compassionate Doctor ever… unless you’re reading a SAVAGE story [Lorabell note: or Emancipation Proclamation where he’s a straight up badass]
15. Unless it’s a sex marathon story or a Dadward/Momella story, you’re gonna have to wait till they say “I love you” before sex
16. Edward always gets Bella to come only 2 seconds before him and both always happen explosively with white spots behind their eyelids
17. Alice is referred to as a pixie, loves Bella barbie and always takes her shopping against her will
18. No matter how long the story is or what genre but you’ll ALWAYS find Edward in a towel somewhere with Bella there to drool over the V between his hips
19. Bella hates wearing heels, calls them “death traps” and they’re usually forced on her by Alice or Rose
20. Edward has LONG fingers that can do wonders with music and Bella’s [*cough* and Lorabell’s *cough*] lady bits
21. Charlie is always always always fishing… I mean, dude get a life - no one fishes 24/7 not even in Canon
22. Jacob is bad. If he’s not bad, he’s gay. If he’s not gay, he’s a dog. Literally.
23. Mike is a douche. No matter what he does and how nice he is, he’s always a douche with a small dick
24. EVERY TIME Bella and Edward have sex, it’s better than the last and the best sex they have ever had. EVER.
25. Jake almost ALWAYS ends up with Leah
26. Rosalie always smacks Emmet on the back of his head… if she’s not around then it’s Esme
27. They always rip condoms with their teeth
28. At one time or another you’ll find that “she/he saw something unreadable flicker in his/her eyes but it disappeared before she/he could see what it was”
29. The author will almost always sneak in at least one book or movie quote
30. When most normal people would have reached for the telephone and dialed 911, Bella is NOT freaked out by Edward watching her sleep
This is a little graphic for those of you who shy away from this kinda stuff ;)
1. Bella is clumsy, shy and constantly bites her lower lip when she’s nervous
2. Edward finds her lip biting habits sexy
3. Edward is jealous, over protective and a bit controlling
4. Edward has a temper
5. Though there are no vampires and no werewolves, Human Edward can actually GROWL
6. Edward has the greenest eyes she’s ever seen and a panty dropping crooked smile
7. Edward always has velvety smooth, warm voice that turns to rough when he wants Bella
8. Bella has the deepest brown eyes and he can see to her soul through them
9. Edward has a monster cock that deserves an award and can put any other to shame ;)
10. Though some might think physically impossible, Edward can get hard in less than 3 seconds after seeing Bella only bite her lip
11. Tanya is a bitch
12. Rose is the coolest badass ever
13. Esme is always wiping tears from her eyes somewhere
14. Carlisle the kindest and most compassionate Doctor ever… unless you’re reading a SAVAGE story [Lorabell note: or Emancipation Proclamation where he’s a straight up badass]
15. Unless it’s a sex marathon story or a Dadward/Momella story, you’re gonna have to wait till they say “I love you” before sex
16. Edward always gets Bella to come only 2 seconds before him and both always happen explosively with white spots behind their eyelids
17. Alice is referred to as a pixie, loves Bella barbie and always takes her shopping against her will
18. No matter how long the story is or what genre but you’ll ALWAYS find Edward in a towel somewhere with Bella there to drool over the V between his hips
19. Bella hates wearing heels, calls them “death traps” and they’re usually forced on her by Alice or Rose
20. Edward has LONG fingers that can do wonders with music and Bella’s [*cough* and Lorabell’s *cough*] lady bits
21. Charlie is always always always fishing… I mean, dude get a life - no one fishes 24/7 not even in Canon
22. Jacob is bad. If he’s not bad, he’s gay. If he’s not gay, he’s a dog. Literally.
23. Mike is a douche. No matter what he does and how nice he is, he’s always a douche with a small dick
24. EVERY TIME Bella and Edward have sex, it’s better than the last and the best sex they have ever had. EVER.
25. Jake almost ALWAYS ends up with Leah
26. Rosalie always smacks Emmet on the back of his head… if she’s not around then it’s Esme
27. They always rip condoms with their teeth
28. At one time or another you’ll find that “she/he saw something unreadable flicker in his/her eyes but it disappeared before she/he could see what it was”
29. The author will almost always sneak in at least one book or movie quote
30. When most normal people would have reached for the telephone and dialed 911, Bella is NOT freaked out by Edward watching her sleep
Fans tried to save the school but in the end they couldn't get enough cash together.
A popular Twilight landmark has been demolished after a fan fundraiser to save the site failed to reach its target amount. They needed $287,000 to preserve the facade of Forks High School in Forks, Washington raised just a few thousand dollars.
The school, where Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson filmed scenes for the hit vampire movies, is one of a handful of locations in the sleepy town visited by devotees of the franchise to be destroyed.
The facade was bulldozed earlier this month as bosses make way to build a new school. So if you want to see it, see it now!
29th December 2010
Hi! I am Mary Alice Brandon Cullen, but i prefer to be called Alice! my family is:
me
Jasper
Bella
Edward
Rosalie
Emmet
carlisle
Esme
and Renesmee(Nessie!)
The reason i got this diary was because nessie forced me into it. " Look auntie Alice! i bought this for you!" That mean little angel! nessie bought me this diary, and you can't say no can you! so really this is annoying, and i probably won't even do a second entry!Nessie also bought me a blue jacket. there was 2 tickets that came with it. the tickets were to go to this beach place. " auntie Alice! do you like this coat? you won't like the tickets! i will take them! Jasper and me just looked at each other when she said that. Anyway she is growing up so fast i feel depressed. God, 200 years old tomorrow! Yay! I have to go now thought bye!
Hi! I am Mary Alice Brandon Cullen, but i prefer to be called Alice! my family is:
me
Jasper
Bella
Edward
Rosalie
Emmet
carlisle
Esme
and Renesmee(Nessie!)
The reason i got this diary was because nessie forced me into it. " Look auntie Alice! i bought this for you!" That mean little angel! nessie bought me this diary, and you can't say no can you! so really this is annoying, and i probably won't even do a second entry!Nessie also bought me a blue jacket. there was 2 tickets that came with it. the tickets were to go to this beach place. " auntie Alice! do you like this coat? you won't like the tickets! i will take them! Jasper and me just looked at each other when she said that. Anyway she is growing up so fast i feel depressed. God, 200 years old tomorrow! Yay! I have to go now thought bye!