I admit that in the past
I've been a nasty
They weren't kidding
When they called me kinda strange
But you'll find that nowadays
I've mended all my ways
Repented, seen the light,
And made a change
And I fortunately know a little secret
It's a talent
That I always have possessed
And here latley
Please don't laugh
I use it on behalf
Of the miserable the lonely and depressed
Pathetic

Poor unfortunate souls
In pain
In need
This one longing to be thinner
That one wants to get the girl
And do I help them
Yes indeed

Those poor unfortunate souls
So sad
So true
They come flocking to me crying
Will you help us
Pretty please
And I help them
Yes I do

The men up there
Don't like a lot of blabber
They think a girl
Who gossips is a bore
Yes on land it's much preferred
For ladies not to say a word
And after all dear
What is idle prattle for
They're not all that impressed
With conversation
True gentlemen avoid it when they can
But they dote and swoon and fawn
On ladies who withdrawn
It's she who holds her tongue
Who gets her man

Poor unfortunate souls
Go ahead
Make your choice
I'm a very busy person
And I haven't got all day
It won't cost much
Just your voice

Those poor unfortunate souls
So sad
So true

If you wanna cross the bridge
My sweet
You've got the pay the toll
Take a gulp
Take a breath
Go ahead
Sign the scroll
Nick and Kevin
Now I've got her boys
The boss is on a roll

You poor unfortunate souls
In pain
In need
This one longing to be thinner
That one wants to get the girl
And do I help them
Yes indeed

Those poor unfortunate souls
So sad
So true
They come flocking to me crying
Will you help us
Pretty please
And I help them
Yes I do

Those poor unfortunate souls